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| Existensial Rant. | |
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| Topic Started: Jan 6 2012, 01:17 AM (318 Views) | |
| Aelius | Jan 6 2012, 01:17 AM Post #1 |
Norman Warlord
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I'm a bit distraught at the moment, so I'm writing for catharsis more than anything else at the moment. If you've got any thoughts, though, I'm willing to read them. Got in an accident today. Rear ended someone because they stopped to turn left and I didn't see them early enough. They're fine, they were driving one of those old Mercury Marquis cars from the '80s, cars were about like tanks back then, so they didn't take much damage. I'm physically fine, save for a skinned knee, but my car, a 2001 Hyundai Accent, is pretty much fucked. Front bumper fell completely off when I opened the hood, and something's leaking now, can't tell if it's oil or transmission fluid yet, I'll check again in the morning. So probably going to have to buy another car, on top of a $160 "failure to maintain control" ticket from the local PD (who were at least pretty even-handed) and however much my insurance company decides to jack up my rates. Probably an irrational reaction, but when I got the car back home, I broke down mentally/emotionally. I started to wonder how I let this happen, how I single-handedly fucked myself over financially on top of the student loans I've got to pay off, why I have to live in a society where driving is an absolute necessity, and how even after I'd finally made some headway in my life, got out of Walmart, got a semi-real, full-time job, and was actually bringing in enough money to get ahead, get my loans paid off and even put more money back in savings on top of that, I basically threw a wrench into all of that because I was lost in thought for two or three seconds. I started thinking, what's the point of any of this crap, when one mistake not related to anything else in your life causes such chaos that renders moot all of the hard work you put in to trying to fix your own life? Why should I bother continuing to drive and work and do any of this shit if something is just going to happen that ruins it all and sets me back almost as far as I were before? My dad tried to keep me off the proverbial ledge, telling me we'd make it through this okay, shit happens, he'll help out any way he can, yada yada yada. And for the most part, I'm sure he's right, but it really doesn't make me feel any better. He's going on straight logic, which is probably the best way to look at things like this, but I think what I really wanted, for whatever reason, was more of a reason to put this in perspective, that there are more important things for me to consider than the financial burden this incident caused. The health of myself and of the lady in the other vehicle is one such thing, but, and this probably makes me sound selfish, that isn't sufficient to put my mind at ease, the only thing it assures me of is that it could have been far worse. To say I've been lonely lately is an understatement, I barely get any social contact in the real world anymore outside of work, with this past New Year's Eve being a pleasant exception. I really wish I could say for a fact that I had true friends in my general vicinity that I could call brothers and sisters, and that we would be able to make realistic efforts to spend time with one another, but I barely ever get to see my friends, and my social skills are actually pretty lacking, so I have a lot of difficulty trying to meet new people that I know would accept me. The loneliness and the apparent futility of it all make me ask myself, what exactly am I putting myself through all this shit for? Am I really ever going to have a better life for all this work, or am I just doing it because of a lack of any other options or alternatives? Am I just living for the sake of living, or is anything ever going to come out of this? Am I actually going to advance in the real world and have real adult friendships with people, and eventually find a woman that wants to be with me and have a good life with me, or is this the extent of my advancement? And even if any or all of these things do happen, how do I know that something stupid or terrible won't happen that just puts me back in a hole? Blah. End rant. I do feel a little better now that I've gotten my laments all down on paper and forced myself to think about them coherently. Still have to figure out how to fix the financial issues, and hopefully the car can still work for a while, but I guess I'll be alright eventually. Probably. Thanks for reading if you did. |
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| New Harumf | Jan 6 2012, 09:25 AM Post #2 |
Bloodthirsty Unicorn
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A rule of life - shit happens. Second rule of life - shit doesn't matter. Setbacks are what life is all about, trust me, I've had my share. Don't concentrate on your goals for the future, just enjoy the journey - that is where real life happens every day - and little acts of kindness along the way will lift your spirits so high, trust me, and will be returned ten-fold. I know this sounds like a greeting card, sorry. But if I told you every time I flew into a rage after a financial setback when I was in my 20's and 30's you would think I was a madman! I would just be getting ahead, and then, BAM! Something hits and that money vaporizes, along with having to borrow more - over and over again; but slowly, one step at a time, the pieces fall in place - so slow you will barely notice them. They do, however, accumulate, and after time you will turn around and notice how different your life has become! You will ask, "where did these friends come from?? how do I have a savings account?? is this really my house?? how come I have time to enjoy my time off from work??" Just try to enjoy the journey - the future will sort itself out! |
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| Porcu | Jan 6 2012, 11:47 AM Post #3 |
"Work is the curse of the drinking classes."
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No problem, man. The ability to write down/get out what you're feeling is an important one and can be quite therapeutic on its own. |
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| Catholic Europe | Jan 6 2012, 12:46 PM Post #4 |
Spammer
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I can kind of relate to you....in a way. I graduated from university and ended stuck in dead-end retail jobs....with no prospects and a shit wage. I turned to clubbing, drinking and drugs to forget about the fact that I thought my life was going nowhere and that I would always be poor with £2,000 overdraft, £1,500 credit card debt and £16,000 in student loans (which I worked out that at the rate I was paying it would take me until I was about 60 before I would pay the last payment). And just at the point when I really became fed up with it all, I met my boyfriend in the street haha! Then, with him working and helping me, I paid off my overdraft and my credit card in 7 months. And then moved to Brazil. As for my student loan, they can go fuck themselves. I've not told them I've left the country and when I go back to England I will plead ignorance and the fact that I wasn't able to work in Brazil (legally anyway), so they can't fine me or anything (which is apparently what can happen). But, my point is, you never know what's around the corner and there is light at the end of the tunnel. Furthermore, may I ask where do you live? I know America has a love obsession with the car but I'm sure there are places where you don't need a car to get around (say New York, Chicago or Los Angeles)...have you thought about moving to a big city (if you don't already live in one) and starting a new chapter in your life? |
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| New Harumf | Jan 6 2012, 01:08 PM Post #5 |
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Bloodthirsty Unicorn
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Los Angeles - :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: |
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| Catholic Europe | Jan 6 2012, 01:18 PM Post #6 |
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Spammer
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Los Angeles doesn't have a good public transport system?! But it's the second biggest city in America! Well, anyway, forget Los Angeles! NYC is the way to go. Go and move there! |
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| New Harumf | Jan 6 2012, 03:15 PM Post #7 |
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Bloodthirsty Unicorn
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LA is THE largest traffic jam in the US, followed by the No. 4 largest city, Houston. In order to have good public transportation in the U.S. it has to be a city that grew big before the 1920's when it was still affordable to put in public rails (Boston, NYC, Philadelphia, Chicago). Cities that boomed in the 1920's and after grew too fast, and the depression, then the War, then suburban sprawl made light rail systems impossible. Cars became the ONLY mode of transportation in those large cities (Atlanta, Houston, LA, Detroit, Cleveland, etc). The only exception was San Fran (which isn't that big), and they are a very unusual exception. Now you know why the price of gas is such a big deal here in the states! |
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| Catholic Europe | Jan 6 2012, 04:21 PM Post #8 |
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Spammer
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Haha, cool. Thanks for the history lesson on the development of public transport systems in American cities (or lack thereof)! So, like I said, NYC wins! |
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| Rhadamanthus | Jan 6 2012, 05:01 PM Post #9 |
Legitimist
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LA was really built around the car. It was supposed to represent a new wave of American cities. Instead it represents traffic jams and an overabundance of parking lots. Of course, many major American cities are more pedestrian friendly as Harumf has explained ^^ .
Edited by Rhadamanthus, Jan 6 2012, 05:02 PM.
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| Aelius | Jan 6 2012, 06:09 PM Post #10 |
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Norman Warlord
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Throw OKC in that list, definitely. Largest city in the US by land area outside of Alaska, and the total metro area barely has over one million people. Not well designed at all. Thanks for the well wishes, guys. Anyone want to sell me a good, cheap car? :dry: |
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| Abnar | Jan 6 2012, 06:31 PM Post #11 |
Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the lurkiest of them all?
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I am known to say that human beings have two basic qualities that override the others: selfishness and stupidity. That's a lie. There's a third quality that's a hell of a lot less visible day-to-day. Above all else, we humans are resilient motherfuckers. You don't have to shrug off every sucker punch life throws at you, because the only way to do that is to repress it all and die of an aneurysm at age 25. You just have to take every experience and somehow make yourself better. You don't have to get richer, or less lonely - those things will happen eventually. You just need to realize that you got hit, but you're still here, and resolve that you'll damn well be here tomorrow. You need to realize that the simple fact you have the mental fortitude to do that makes you a certified public badass. There are a whole hell of a lot of things worse than living for the sake of living. Living is awesome! I had a really shit time around my sophomore year of college. I got frustrated because I was having difficulty with my classes, which is something I hadn't ever experienced before, and I had no support system, either internally or from the people I was hanging out with. Spring semester, I failed all four of my classes because I spent my days sleeping and my nights narcotizing myself with video games and/or alcohol - there was a world out there and I did not fucking want to deal with it. I went home for the summer, where I got emotionally bitch-slapped back into shape by my mother. I started seeing a counselor every other week, and at first it was just nice to have someone to vent to, but as we walked through all the crap that had led up to that point, he was having me rank how bad each thing was, on a scale of 1-10. After a while, I came to the very simple realization that nothing is a 10. There is nothing that you, or anyone else, or life in general could do to me that I would decline to get up from. I bounced back, managed to keep my scholarship, got an internship, got kept on through my senior year part-time at said internship, got recruited by GE Aviation, and am working on my master's degree. Bring the world on. It sounds like you have a very supportive family. They're going to be your best asset right now. If you don't want their help buying a car, maybe they would help you out paying for counseling, and maybe you would feel less beholden if you weren't effectively driving their money around every day. There is no shame whatsoever in getting help from someone who knows how. I saw a developmental psychologist who works primarily with children. I'm not ashamed to say that. I was having trouble developing as an adult, and he was the right guy to see, I have no doubts about that. But, this isn't a one-size fits all thing. If you don't think counseling would be of any use, I'm not going to urge you to go. Sorry to ramble, I know this has been less than coherent, but I want to share one last thing my counselor showed me. He had two pieces of paper, one with a big "X" printed on it, and another with two parallel lines. He stuck the one with the X on it to the wall, and told me to focus on it and hold my arms out straight, and hold them up as best I could while he pressed down on them. They went down pretty easily. Then he stuck the one with the parallel lines on it up, and told me the same thing. I was able to hold up a lot better. He told me that the crossing lines confuse your brain, which affects everything else you do. That may be bullshit pseudoscience, but to be honest, I don't care, and I haven't looked it up. I do, however, have a sheet of paper with a big, bold equals sign taped to my wall at the foot of my bed. My point is, if you get your head straight, you're bulletproof. |
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| Sedulius | Jan 7 2012, 03:10 AM Post #12 |
Field Marshal
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Tom, Aelius. Tom. I'm pretty sure he's gotta have something good for $1000. Of course, you'd have to wait until my car is fixed so I can come up and get you. But seriously, Tom. |
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| Al Araam | Jan 10 2012, 03:04 AM Post #13 |
Demigod of Death & Inactivity
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Abnar's post was great. I agree with most everything he said. In the end, though, it comes down to figuring out what you want out of life. If it sounds obvious, I'm almost certain you haven't thought about it enough. Between thinking about what you've been told society wants you to do, what your parents want you to do, etc, what you want to do may well have been subsumed a long time ago. It seems to me that the most important thing in life is steering your life toward something you enjoy. If you don't enjoy it, don't get stuck doing it forever. Stepping stones towards what you really want to be doing aren't really stepping stones if you're still there when you retire. If you can figure that out, you'll be better off than a damn lot of the people I've met. As far as I can tell, money is worthless. There's no correlation between money and happiness. I've met really, really rich people who like their life and I've met dirt poor people who like their life. Happiness comes from another factor, and if you can figure out what that factor is for you, you're golden. Edited by Al Araam, Jan 10 2012, 03:08 AM.
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| Abnar | Jan 13 2012, 08:13 PM Post #14 |
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Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the lurkiest of them all?
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I love how the only candidates for my ego sig come from OT. =) |
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| Aelius | Jan 16 2012, 10:10 PM Post #15 |
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Norman Warlord
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So apparently Geico found out about the accident. Apparently the people I ran into claim to be hurt now (even though they told the police and paramedics at the scene that they were fine) and they're hiring a lawyer. I only have liability coverage, which means if that claim ends up going over $25,000/$50,000, we get sued. Yep, my life is over. :( |
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| Rhadamanthus | Jan 16 2012, 10:22 PM Post #16 |
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Legitimist
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That sucks, but stay calm. If you can get a lawyer, please do. |
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| Aelius | Jan 17 2012, 11:59 AM Post #17 |
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Norman Warlord
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At this point, I'm less panicky and more indignant. I can almost guarantee they're exaggerating; if they actually needed medical attention, they would have gotten it at the scene, and their car isn't worth anything near $25,000, it's a 1989 Grand Marquis and it looked old and junky to begin with. I will fight this to the fucking end. I won't have the capability to pay anything beyond what Geico will pay them anyway. EDIT: Spoke with the claims adjuster this morning. She told me because of the age of the car, the vehicle damage would have been less than $2500 anyway, and that if the injuries are legitimate and caused by the accident, the medical claim is unlikely to be above $25k/$50k. So I've progressed from being distraught to indignant to cautiously optimistic. We'll have to see, and it will take a while for the claim to run its course, but the adjuster didn't advise me that I would need an attorney. I'll just have to keep watch and be careful with my finances just in case. Edited by Aelius, Jan 17 2012, 01:23 PM.
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| Rhadamanthus | Jan 17 2012, 05:14 PM Post #18 |
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Legitimist
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I would still suggest talking to attorney because the other party has retained one - even just consulting with an attorney about your options and potential liability would be useful. Still, I think your attitude is a good one, and your claims adjustor seems knowledgeable. I am keeping my fingers crossed. |
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| Sedulius | Jan 17 2012, 05:34 PM Post #19 |
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Field Marshal
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Would it cost money for him to consult an attorney, or would he be able to get legal advice from one on the matter easily enough? |
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| Rhadamanthus | Jan 17 2012, 05:49 PM Post #20 |
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Legitimist
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I'm not sure what the situation is in his area. I know that, generally speaking, there are attorneys/firms/organizations that offer free initial legal consultations. |
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