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| The Stories of AA. | |
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| Topic Started: Apr 26 2011, 01:14 PM (587 Views) | |
| Assassin | Apr 26 2011, 01:14 PM Post #1 |
Field Marshal
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Its been a long time since I've been here. And even longer since I've told a story about the things I do and see daily. So, I plan on posting some of them. Some will be... edited... to keep it more or less PG-13. At no point should anyone try to do what I do. But if you do, post that shit. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I ever tell you gents what I do for a living now? I work at a plant in New York. We make pumps, and special jobs. Basically, if it moves anything liquid, we can build a pump for it. I work in the stock area. Specifically the recieving department. I basically open boxes from UPS all day and put the parts in them into the stock shelves. On average I get about 120 UPS boxes a day. Usually between 75-150 pounds each. Sometimes larger. Now, I work hard. Honest. I also listen to music on the radio very loudly. I also dance on occasion which earns me some giggles from the ladies in the offices above me. Apparently they like it when I air hump and air guitar with a broom handle. ANYWAYS, some of the higher ups assume this means I waste time too much during my day. Which resulted in the following. I was approached by my bosses boss. Long story short, he more or less told me that I don't take my job very seriously. We argued back and forth, and our union had to seperate us before I started swinging boxes around like a pro. Boss: "You need to take your job more seriously! Starting tomorrow I'm going to be down here watching you!" I can't help myself sometimes. Its a sickness. So I went home and plotted my super serious day. I knew I would end up getting a write up at work, but hey... it was worth it. So anyways, the next day I show up in a pirate hat, music loud, and had pirate/sailing type music on. I worked as hard as I always do. He was less than amused. I still have the pirate hat and write up. Both are hanging on the wall less than 5 feet from me. On occasion, other workers will see me in the plant and shout a classic "YARRR!". This naturally pisses off the boss when he hears it. One of these days I'll end up getting fired for the things I do. But until then, go big or go home. |
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| flumes | Apr 26 2011, 01:20 PM Post #2 |
CLEVELAND ROCKS!
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We are not worthy. |
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| New Harumf | Apr 26 2011, 01:30 PM Post #3 |
Bloodthirsty Unicorn
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Totally genius! Pirates rule, you swashbuckler, you! |
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| Al Araam | Apr 26 2011, 01:38 PM Post #4 |
Demigod of Death & Inactivity
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Excellently done. I'd expect nothing less. |
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| Deleted User | Apr 26 2011, 07:59 PM Post #5 |
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Deleted User
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Damn you, where were you these past two years I've been active? |
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| Al Araam | Apr 26 2011, 09:19 PM Post #6 |
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Demigod of Death & Inactivity
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Drinking? Dressing as a pirate regularly? Both? You decide. |
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| Porcu | Apr 26 2011, 09:46 PM Post #7 |
"Work is the curse of the drinking classes."
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Ditto. |
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| Assassin | Apr 26 2011, 10:12 PM Post #8 |
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Field Marshal
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Confirming this. |
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| Assassin | Apr 27 2011, 04:46 PM Post #9 |
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Field Marshal
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So. At work there has been two giant boxes of tattoo ink just sitting there for 6 months. We've called the delivery people, the distributor, etc for months trying to see what they wanted us to do with it. Not one person responded back. That said, the boxes have since vanished from the face of the earth. I'm guessing they were thrown out as junk on accident. Darn janitors. On a completely unrelated note, my boss and I found 2 boxes of tattoo ink which we've given to our artist. Free tattoos incoming. |
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| New Harumf | Apr 27 2011, 04:58 PM Post #10 |
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Bloodthirsty Unicorn
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Wow. What a coincidence! |
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| Assassin | Apr 27 2011, 05:15 PM Post #11 |
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Field Marshal
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It funny how things work out sometimes. :phear: |
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| Assassin | May 21 2011, 08:13 AM Post #12 |
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Field Marshal
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So. Hows everyones weekend going? Mines going fabulously. Theres this girl Amy. Good girl. I've mentioned her before. I think we had a poll going on which girl I should go for at the time. But, I digress. Amy and I have been hanging out a lot recently. She broke up with her boyfriend a while ago, and I've been keeping her mind of things. She's nearly done with school, but in the mean time she still lives with her parents. So, this weekend they are out of town. And Amy doesn't like being in the house alone. She has a wild imagination and the house creaks at night. For whatever reason she has this fear that some dude is going to rush her from the basement with a bow and arrow. For the love of god, I don't know. I dont understand that one either. Anyways. Being the fearful little thing she is, she mentioned her little fear of being home alone. The convo between us went something like this: "So. My parents are out of town and I'm home alone. I'm scared." Me: "Wow. That sucks. Anything I can do?" Amy: "Want to come stay with me for the weekend? I can make you breakfast everyday and get some beer." Me: "BE THERE IN 5!" Lets just say the weekend thus far has been awesome. I'm a little exhausted from being up until 3am. But breakfast in bed was pretty awesome. So, hows your weekend going? :smoking: |
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| Al Araam | May 21 2011, 09:23 AM Post #13 |
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Demigod of Death & Inactivity
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That's always a plus. Last weekend the first of two girls flew up to spend time in my completely empty house. We had a good time. Beard magnetism, baby. Beard magnetism. Now looking forward to number two. That will be after my friend's bachelor party in early June, from which I expect to be hungover from for a month. On the inside. |
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| Porcu | May 21 2011, 12:25 PM Post #14 |
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"Work is the curse of the drinking classes."
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Posted Image To reference Seinfeld, you, my friend, have the Kavorka. :P |
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| New Harumf | May 21 2011, 03:46 PM Post #15 |
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Bloodthirsty Unicorn
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Hubris will be your undoing! :angry: |
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| Assassin | May 21 2011, 07:49 PM Post #16 |
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Field Marshal
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Oh, I'm sure it will be. Until then... :evil: |
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| Sedulius | May 22 2011, 05:33 AM Post #17 |
Field Marshal
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I need to regrow my beard... but now is not the time. Fall, gentlemen. Now is the time I must work and gain funds. Fall is playtime. |
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| Nag Ehgoeg | May 23 2011, 04:05 PM Post #18 |
The Devil's Advocate
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And I thought I was doing good! |
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| Assassin | Dec 10 2011, 05:49 AM Post #19 |
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Field Marshal
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This just happened tonight. So, I work nights. Put in a easy 8 hour shift, and was getting ready to leave work when my phone starts blowing up. Bunch of people are out at the bars and want me to come out. The girls want me to dance, the guys want to do shots and play darts, and frankly... its friday. It was a long week and I felt I had earned a few beers at the very least. So, i agree to go out. I head home, and shower. Grab my old ratty hoody, my hat, and throw on some shorts. Its winter, I know, but fuck it. Bars are usually crowded and hot, plus if I'm going to dance I know I'll work up a sweat. So i wanted to stay cool and comfy, plus its what I like to wear when I'm relaxing. Not very classy, but hey. Its how I roll. So I'm at the first bar and its packed. Tons of people I know, and a band is playing. Band kind of blows as its playing country music which i don't really care for, and the dart board is surrounded by fuckwads. So, I have one beer and we all decide to hit another bar in town. Everyone piles into their cars and starts to head out. Sadly, since I'm the last one to arrive, I take an extra minute to finish my beer, and walk halfway down the block to my truck and head on over myself. Alone. I pull into bar #2, hop out, and start walking to the front door. I see a small group of guys and a chick all chilling by the front door. Look pretty classy, suits and ties, so I assume its a wedding party of some sort and pay no attention. Being polite, I give them a wide berth (as I'm smoking) and walk along the side of the road. Pretty much minding my own business and keeping my eyes on the road so I don't get smoked by a drunk driver. Get by the group and reach for the door, and see all my friends inside, and a few of the girls get a super excited look on their face. Cause I'm all that is man. Before I can open the door however, I hear one of the classy group 'Dude, don't' and then suddenly a forceful hand on my shoulder spins me around. Random jackoff has a problem. Oh goody... "Hey faggot. Why don't you take your ugly ass and get out of here." This of course strikes me as goddamn hilarious, so I smirk and turn slightly to go inside. Why bother, not worth it, be the better man, etc. Nope. Mr. Jackoff wont have it. Grabs me again and shoves me into the door. "Got a problem, faggot?" At this point, I laugh a little. Clearly I'm not the one with the problem. He's so silly... It's at this point that I'm going to remind everyone that I'm 6 foot tall, wide in the shoulders, former military, and this dude is about 6 inches shorter than I am and by no means sober. However, I'm not looking to make a scene outside the bar before I even get in. So, I tell the guy "Listen, I don't know what your problem is but I'm not looking for a fight." So he spits on my hoody. So I clock him in the jaw. His two friends don't like that, so they clock ME in the jaw. My friends don't like that, so they all charge out the door and proceed to throw people on their heads. Their nice cloths don't like that, so their ties come off. I like ties, so now I have a new headband. Stay Classy. Edited by Assassin, Dec 10 2011, 05:57 AM.
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| Al Araam | Dec 10 2011, 07:18 AM Post #20 |
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Demigod of Death & Inactivity
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It is my ambition to relive this story in an abundance of countries including, but not limited to, Australia, South Africa, Norway, Germany, and Turkey. I'll keep everyone apprised when the time comes. Also, I'll probably rock this in Denver as well. Sooner rather than later. Thank you, AA. |
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| New Harumf | Dec 10 2011, 11:27 AM Post #21 |
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Bloodthirsty Unicorn
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This is why we all love you, AA! |
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| Rhadamanthus | Dec 10 2011, 12:50 PM Post #22 |
Legitimist
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Great story AA! Was the guy who attacked you from the wedding party, or was he just someone else? |
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| Assassin | Dec 10 2011, 03:25 PM Post #23 |
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Field Marshal
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The wedding party. I still have no idea what his problem was. |
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| Rhadamanthus | Dec 10 2011, 04:25 PM Post #24 |
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Legitimist
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Sounds like a douche. But, FWIW, whoever organized their little event probably thinks he's a douche too. :lol: |
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| Assassin | Dec 16 2011, 07:59 PM Post #25 |
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Field Marshal
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Went to the bar for lunch. Saw my boss. We now understand each others work ethics. |
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11:34 AM Jul 13