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An Epistolary Tale
Topic Started: May 9 2010, 09:15 PM (439 Views)
Quaon
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A Prince Amoung Men-Shoot First and Ask Questions Later
Dear Terry,

Would you believe, that when I was born, we still had the Inquisition in Chirondom? Yes, a mere sixty years ago, Emperor Arthur of House Sanctus was knee-deep in shit and piss, fording the Jordan River or somesuch, dressed up in full crusader regalia, fulfilling some mediaeval rite of passage, or perhaps it was Freudian, proving to some imagined woman that he was worthy to breed with, I don’t know. But yes, back when I emerged from my mother’s birth canal, the Pope in Genesis all but required fellatio of all the kings and queens of the great Catholic powers – and they gave it to him, too. The great Assassin Emperor himself, Hicks (what kind of name is that for an emperor, anyway?), was the big priest’s manservant for a year, and you know there must have been something going on there, in that city that time and progress forgot.

Oh, that’s another thing which I suppose makes me an old man, though I’m not even old enough to retire – when I was a little boy, we called that city between the Mediterranean and the Black Sea Genesis, not Constantinople – that’s Greek for the city of Constantine, as in Constantine Monomachus, or perhaps Caesar Flavius Valerius Aurelius Constantinus Augustus, take your pick. Whatever – whether or not the Emperor of the Romans was stroking his own ego or honoring the great, ancient emperor when he rechristened the city, what’s pertinent to remember is that if you’ve a date in Genesis, that gal will be awaiting you in Constantinople.

Speaking of the womenfolk, I understand that you, my grandson, have a steady girlfriend for the first time in your life, at the tender age of sixteen. And to think, I remember when you were in diapers! But anyway, your father has told me that you and Madame Juliette de Gaulle have been stepping out. How things have changed – when I was a young man, the scandal that would have been caused by a relationship between a member of the nobility and a mere commoner (even a commoner who was the son, and grandson, of Members of Parliament!) would have made that ridiculous battleship, the Valhalla, of Gassel’s look small.

Speaking of Gassel, that sorry bastard is responsible for so much of the change we have in the world today. Remember that, my boy, when those fools in your nice secondary school try and teach you history, especially modern history. They’ll tell you that Chiron modernization came about because the good Empress Julia, who guides us with a wise and fair hand, saw fit to devolve power down to an elected parliament for the first time in Chiron history. They’ll say good and noble Julia, who could have ruled like her predecessors, that is, absolutely, was so humble that she gave her people freedom out of the goodness of her heart. Sure, Julia was good enough to give old man von Koenig the reigns, but what brought about real change in our country was the Dominion War, a war where we realized that the white fellow needed the Chinese fellow and the Indonesian fellow if he wanted to beat the Kasnyian fellow. It was a war where we realized that it wasn’t the Empress’s beautiful face (sexy as it might have been, in her younger days) that won wars, nor the great Catholic Church (Colognian or Genesian), nor even the great Lord Admiral’s navy. It was the common foot soldier who fought against all odds, who stood his ground even when the world collapsed around him, who won the war.

So, Terry, you might be wondering why I’m giving you a little history lesson, and I’ll tell you why: because you need to be able to put your time into perspective. You need to realize the historical context in which I give you this news, this very happy news:

The Republican Labour Party and the Union Party have agreed to a coalition government, a historic government, one in which we will have a new constitution or something to that effect, a constitution that will propel this nation further a hundred years, a constitution that will give the Indonesians representation at last, a constitution which we all can be proud of. The Conservatives, and Luke Roland in particular, can go fuck themselves.

Of perhaps greater interest to you is the fct that the Republican Labour–Union coalition have invited me to assume the post of Prime Minister of Chirondom, an invitation that I happily accepted, because it is a strange yet beautiful world in which a man like myself, the foul mouthed “godfather of modern Chiron letters”, can lead this fair nation.

So, my boy, be proud. We have at last won this country.

With love,
Your Grandfather
(In two days time the Rt. Honourable Prime Minister George Henderson of the New British Empire)
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Tristan da Cunha
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Science and Industry
OOC: Haha excellent thread. Geo Henderson is the Voltaire of our (NSWR) time.
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Quaon
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A Prince Amoung Men-Shoot First and Ask Questions Later
To the Rt. Honourable Prime Minister Luke Roland,

Sir, the worst of our fears have been realized. My sources inside both parties are telling me that the malcontent Unionists and their radical ilk, the Labour Republicans, have agreed to a coalition, one that I am sure will bring years of misery and bad government to Her Majesty’s government.

I am loath to be the man to break the news to you, my most respected friend and colleague, the man who has faithfully served the empire for so many years. While today is a sad day for all right thinking people in this nation, I am sure it is a more melancholy day for you – the pain of losing a most deserved office is a pain that I am most familiar with, as you well know. Nonetheless, it is time to think both of the party, and the future of our great empire.

Indonesia, a land blighted by alien Muslims and unindustrious rascals who are very content to spend their days collecting welfare checks from the imperial treasury, will most certainly be given the vote all but immediately upon the ascension of the chinaman coalition. If this happens, the Conservative Party will be reduced to impotence, unable to stem the socialist tide, which is not content to merely destroy the Christian Church and government that we hold so dear, but remove Her Majesty from government entirely; they have declared war on the basic and just composition of our society. I am sure you do not need to be reminded.

I have recently been speaking to Andrew Putnam about a possible solution to our party’s problem, and he, in his capacity as Legal Secretary of the party, has proposed to me what I believe is a most excellent course of action, one which I hope you will communicate to the Lord Advocate with utmost haste. It is common knowledge that Indonesia was never annexed as such, rather adopted as a protectorate of the Empire. What Mr. Putnam pointed out to me was that Indonesia has never been properly integrated legally into Chirondom; while it has been ruled by the crown, it has held a status similar to that of Zolony and Cuba, in those days when the New British flag flew proudly besides the Atlantic: it was a constituent nation of the New British Empire, but it was not a part of Chirondom, solely over which parliament has power.

Mr. Putnam and myself thus both urge your government to issue a clarifying statement, declaring that it has never considered itself to have direct jurisdiction over the Protectorate of Indonesia, and that rather that region has always been a separate territory of Her Majesty. I am sure that the Empress will have no objections to this state of affairs, and if she needs any convincing, Prince Phillip will undoubtedly perform that role admirably.

You have my condolences in these trying days, Luke, but time is of the essence. We must act immediately to preserve the future of this noble empire, which God, in his infinite wisdom, has placed upon the Earth to bring civilization, justice, and Christianity to the eastern savages.

Forever your friend,
Sir John Elder,
General Secretary of the Conservative Party
Edited by Quaon, May 18 2010, 08:37 PM.
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Quaon
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A Prince Amoung Men-Shoot First and Ask Questions Later
A letter published on the front page of the Shanghai Times:

To the people of Chirondom,

The reign of Her Majesty, the Empress Julia, has been a very eventful one in the history of our nation: first, almost immediately upon the ascension of the Faerie Queen to the throne, our nation saw its first democratic election since the reign of John II. Our good lady has nobly led us through war against the forces of Gassel, a monster who surpassed both Hitler and Roose Bolton in his depravity. She gave us all hope when we were at the brink: when nobody believed that freedom and democracy could triumph in Asia, when von Koenig’s policies and doctrines had utterly failed us, she stood as a veritable Lady Liberty against Zapht’s hordes. Whatever may be said of me, let it be known that I love the monarchy, and that I love the monarch.

But a greater question is what can be said of me? My works may be familiar to some of the more literate among you (and really, not to self-aggrandize in the slightest, but I strongly encourage you all to read them) and others may know me as the Union MP from New Malton, and still others might not know my name. Regardless of my fame, I have been named the Prime Minister of Chirondom by a coalition of the Republican Labor Party and the Labour Party. The Conservative Party, for the first time in the history of democratic Chirondom, has been unseated, and I can’t help but feel a it of glee in the face of this turn of events.

My personal feelings, however, are not what are relevant to the average Chiron, nor are the machinations of parliamentary politics. In these years since the end of the Dominion, Chirondom has rebuilt itself from nothing; after all the catastrophes of the occupation, we have recovered our economy to prewar levels. We have reached this point through the hard work of the common Chiron – where we were once a nation dominated by privilege and aristocracy, we are now a nation of the everyman. Where once our nation was all but feudalistic, we now live in an age where a man’s merits are valued as much as his pedigree.

But in this epoch of the common man we are still ruled by the aristocrat’s laws. The Chiron state has been run, frankly, in an utterly backwards way for decades. Our bureaucracy is labyrinthine, our legal system archaic. We invest untold pounds into the maintenance of the aristocracy and state church while we allow so many to live in squalor, their livelihoods still devastated by the war that ended all those decades ago. We are a nation of nearly ninety million, and yet we deny the vote to scores of citizens due to merely an accident of birth.

The foremost goal of my government and the Republican Labour-Union coalition will be to modernize this nation’s laws, infrastructure, and economy. We will be realist in all our doings: we will acknowledge that we live in a world different from that of past generations. We will push for progress in all things – we will enfranchise all adult Chiron citizens. No longer will the mad whispers of colonialism and interventionism be heeded – we will pursue abroad a policy of international cooperation, coupled with a firm defense of our interests and sovereignty. The deficit will be eliminated and we will push for full employment. We will accomplish all these goals with love of country on our hearts, loyalty to Her Majesty on our minds, and fealty to God singing from our soul.

The Rt. Honourable George Henderson
Prime Minister of Chirondom

Posted Image
A picture from the dustjacket of Henderson’s latest novel Sunny Days Out West.
Edited by Quaon, Jun 30 2010, 08:36 PM.
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