Anticitizen

Aug 18 2008, 03:27 AM

Comfort her. Do it.

Toussaint

Aug 18 2008, 01:42 AM

As many of you may have seen in the absences thread, I may be taking a voluntary leave of absence to help a friend. I hope none of you see me as a big bitch for bringing this here :P A couple of you already know a bit about my situation, but most don't. So, here goes. :(

Now, the problem is with someone else (not me, just to be clear). However, this girl is severely different. I liked her quite a while back- she was cute enough, though a bit spacey. So, I got tied into the process of "perusing her," so to speak. This however soon went out the window. Her friend discouraged me, and for whatever reason I gave up. I guess deep down I just knew it wouldn't work.

In recent weeks, however, I've just been becoming particularly friendly with her. Not because I was re-interested in her- I just wanted to be her friend. It worked, and I quickly became one of her friends. Now, I'm realizing I may be in over my head. In the process of becoming a friend, I've sort of fallen for her once again.

Here's the complications. She's got issues. None of them are her fault, and she's still nice as can be. Like seriously, saintly nice. However, she's mildly paranoid, a hemophiliac, has anemia, has issues with blood sugar, passes out randomly from time to time (due to blood sugar issues), and, I've just recently learned, suffers from chronic depression. Needless to say, her being a bit spacey is justified.

Now, despite knowing all this, I think that by getting to know her better I've fallen for her again. I think it really amazes me that any human being could be so happy (at least on the surface) and religiously devout with those kinds of problems. But this couldn't have come at a worse time. (continue).

As her friend, I feel a great responsibility. She compels me to make a better person out of myself. (Yes, I know, I'm corny as hell, but do see above). I've become her best guy friend, and I see that as a weight of responsibility as well. As such, I've become a bit protective- when people talk about her negatively, I instantly snap into fighting mode. I don't put up with that shit. In fact, I almost kicked a strangers ass the other day for basically attempting to assault her (he slammed into me instead, due to my quick reaction).

Her own personality also comes as a stark contrast to myself. I'm known as a fairly laid back, cool guy. Much higher on the "social ladder" than she would be. ((Not that I see myself as superior. Friends have told me this, and it pisses me off, and I've almost busted a few of their heads over it, but I suppose I can see where they are coming from)). She however is seen as an outcast (and, to the average stranger, they may mistake her as emo). Despite us being a world apart in personality terms, we still connect. Not that I really give a shit about what society thinks here. I'm going to stick to my guns and my morals on this one. I think she needs me right now, and I need to do what I can.

Now, she's entered a bout of depression. And, feeling a responsibility to her, I'm quite a wreck right now. I want to be there for her no matter what. I wish I could make her feel better. But, I know depression doesn't work like that. People with depression, however, do sometimes seek alternative lifestyles- as such, she becomes more and more distant by the day. In addition, the depression is really taking a toll on her psyche. She's definitely not in her right mind when certain topics (such as death) come up. (NOTE: She's NOT suicidal- just disturbingly blunt to death). I'm at the point that when I'm with her, I'm fearful of other people's ignorant, stupid heads judging her.

I just want to know what everyone else thinks. Am I doing the right thing by standing by her? Should I give up? If you were in my shoes, what would you do?

Thanks for listening to my monologue :P I really hope y'all don't see me as a bitch now, but this is giving me a lot of grief.

New Harumf

Aug 18 2008, 08:35 AM

First read about "enabling." Better yet, read a book about "Enabling". It is a dangerous trap people who care fall into and the last thing you want to do is enable her current mess.

Second, medications are available to help with her depression and blood sugar issues - is she seeing a doctor? Is she under medical supervision? If not, tell her she needs to be, otherwise you can't hang with her (see paragraph above). You are not trained to advise her medically, clinically or emotionally.

Blood sugar: if low it can set you into a rage! if high it can make you comatose. If just perfect it can still mess you up, and if she doesn't begin controlling it SOON (note emphesis) she will die, period. She will need help with that which you can easily provide AFTER she gets medical care.

I don't know enough about hemophelia, so I don't know what to tell you.

Keep us abreast.

Scythirus

Aug 19 2008, 07:47 PM

Dump her. Seriously.

I've been through a scenario like this. For close to eight years in fact.

It's not going to work. Bail out now, as it's all eventually going to bite you in the ass.

Being dependent on you won't be enough for her. She'll find others to latch onto, even imaginary gay boys from the Internet that lie to her for four years straight and turn out to be heterosexual girls. Despite the lies, she'll have become far more dependent, unhealthily so, on this person and start ignoring all the thoughtful, special things you've done for her. She'll start letting the lying bitch control her life decisions and eventually cut off all contact with you. Soon she'll become nothing but a mockery of what you once loved.

Bail out now.

Don't make the same mistake I did by pursuing a relationship.

flumes

Jan 26 2009, 12:42 AM

It's tough now... And it may take time to realize, but at least now you know it wouldn't have ever worked for the long term.... That versus going through your entire life wondering.

A unknown internet poster with a dog on his avatar once said...
"Pain goes away over time, regrets on the other hand leave you with a painful curiosity for all of eternity."