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WIMMEN!; Can't live with 'em...
Topic Started: Jul 4 2006, 05:29 PM (151 Views)
Nag Ehgoeg
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The Devil's Advocate

Can't kill 'em!

GARG!

Ok I'm tired. It's been a long day.

I really don't need this kind of crap right now.

A Hymn To Him
 
What in all of heaven could've promted her to go,
After such a triumph as the ball?
What could've depressed her;
What could've possessed her?

I cannot understand the wretch at all.

Women are irrational, that's all there is to that!
There heads are full of cotton, hay, and rags!
They're nothing but exasperating, irritating,
vacillating, calculating, agitating,
Maddening and infuriating hags!
[To Pickering]
Pickering, why can't a woman be more like a man?
PICKERING
Hmm?
HIGGINS
Yes...
Why can't a woman be more like a man?
Men are so honest, so thoroughly square;
Eternally noble, historic'ly fair;
Who, when you win, will always give your back a pat.
Well, why can't a woman be like that?

Why does ev'ryone do what the others do?
Can't a woman learn to use her head?
Why do they do ev'rything their mothers do?
Why don't they grow up- well, like their father instead?
Why can't a woman take after a man?
Men are so pleasant, so easy to please;
Whenever you are with them, you're always at ease.
Would you be slighted if I didn't speak for hours?
PICKERING
Of course not!
HIGGINS
Would you be livid if I had a drink or two?
PICKERING
Nonsense.
HIGGINS
Would you be wounded if I never sent you flowers?
PICKERING
Never.
HIGGINS
Well, why can't a woman be like you?
One man in a million may shout a bit.
Now and then there's one with slight defects;
One, perhaps, whose truthfulness you doubt a bit.
But by and large we are a marvelous sex!
Why can't a woman take after like a man?
Cause men are so friendly, good natured and kind.
A better companion you never will find.
If I were hours late for dinner, would you bellow?
PICKERING
Of course not!
HIGGINS
If I forgot your silly birthday, would you fuss?
PICKERING
Nonsense.
HIGGINS
Would you complain if I took out another fellow?
PICKERING
Never.
HIGGINS
Well, why can't a woman be like us?
[To Mrs. Pearce]
Mrs. Pearce, you're a woman...
Why can't a woman be more like a man?
Men are so decent, such regular chaps.
Ready to help you through any mishaps.
Ready to buck you up whenever you are glum.
Why can't a woman be a chum?
Why is thinking something women never do?
Why is logic never even tried?
Straight'ning up their hair is all they ever do.
Why don't they straighten up the mess that's inside?
Why can't a woman behave like a man?
If I was a woman who'd been to a ball,
Been hailed as a princess by one and by all;
Would I start weeping like a bathtub overflowing?
And carry on as if my home were in a tree?
Would I run off and never tell me where I'm going?
Why can't a woman be like me?


Now I love her. Completely, maddeningly. And yet also subtley and pervasively. She drives me to the peak of ectasty and, even when everything is going against us, I find comfort in my feelings for her.

But she's such a little girl!

Scrap that, she's such a WOMAN!

That second sylable is a a cruel play on words - I swear they're completely alien to me.

Why are they so illogical!
Why are they so emotional!

GARFARGHAGAGA!

Or if you prefere: BARRAH! Mrh?

*Headdesk*

Ok, I'm calmed down.

She starts a playful "arguement" - a test of wills.

I have an unfair advantage here (which I won't go into, but surfice to say I'm used to self denial) but I don't feel morally right using it against her. This time, however, I took exception because she said I was a pushover.

This frustrated her endlessly. And rather than fight fair and use her own will power, she tries to seduce me.

Now to be fair, I'm a pushover when it comes to sex appeal. Unless I'm completely switched off and in my nigh Zen-like trance state, the slightest pout is enough to wrap me arround her little finger. But as I said, I was annoyed she thought I was a pushover and thought I'd gently remind her 'who wears the trousers' so to speak by beating her at her own game and winning this arguement.

So she's pulling out the stops (nothing that wouldn't be shown at 8 PM on TV - pretty tame but very seductive stuff). And I'm ignoring her - just to remind her that I can. Eventually she gets frustrated and licks my face. As I said, Zen-like, I don't flinch. I just wipe off my face and restate my case.

Eventually she caves and says we're as stuborn as each other. I think "ok, fair play" and I meet her halfway - she's said we're equally matched, the "arguement" is over, so there's no harm in tossing her a bone and doing what she wanted me to do.

Now bear in mind please, that this is a thing that ONE OF US would have had to do anyway. And while doing it I said it was good we were equals who were equally matched.

I'm halfway through and she says "But I am a little more stubborn than you".

GOOD GOD WOMAN! When you lose, lose with grace! I'm being a considerate winner here, I'm meeting you halfway and not making you look like a fool! I'm saying how great it is we're evenly matched, and you go and say that.

Well after that, it's on. I stop, wreck what I've done and we're back to square one.

I trance up. She's already tried everything and knows she's lost - so instead of just doing this thing she gets weepy and moody with me. In the end, she caves - she lost the fight ages ago but hey.

I tell her how much I love her, and how I hate ignoring her. I go to kiss her and explain why she shouldn't mess with me using these kinds of games - and she's still throwing a strop!

So I appologise for playing her game and I say sorry for hurting her feelings - and I am sorry for both. I check she's ok. I validate her feelings.

We talk. She gets moody again.

I tell her how much I love her, she goes on about how much of a cow she is to treat me so badly.

I tell her that's not true.

She asks what I can see in her that she can't.

I explain how wonderful she is - because she is - and she gets mad at me for no reason!

She realises she's getting mad for no reason (I didn't say anything here), appologises and goes to bed!

WTF!

GARH!

WIMMEN!

Now a man, first off, wouldn't be playing these little stubborness games.
A man, after losing, would take it like a man(!) and when the victor meets him halfway, he would remain quietly grateful.

A man would not restart a pointless arguement, then get upset that the arguement hadn't finished.

A man would not get moody for no reason, lose all his self esteem when told he's loved then rage irrationally - knowing full well he's being irrational!

It boggles the mind and destroys the soul!
The fair sex confuse me so confound it all, I love it though!

Memo to self:

Women = Always right = Less mind numbing frustration

Less frustration -> ? -> Profit Happiness
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Catholic Europe
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Spammer
Go with a man....
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Nag Ehgoeg
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The Devil's Advocate

I'm not in love with a man.

Or anyone else other than her for that matter.
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Catholic Europe
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Spammer
I didn't say love them.
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Nag Ehgoeg
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The Devil's Advocate

So you want me to have casual relationships with guys while maintaining my relationship with my girl friend?

While not as crazy as I imagine that would sound to most people - no.

Damn it man, have you no heart? You're all cock and Id!

Look for love my friend. Look for a stable relationship.

Then come bitch about it :D

Anyway thanks for showing me how good I've got it - better to be with the head case than be the head case :rolleyes:
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Quaon
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A Prince Amoung Men-Shoot First and Ask Questions Later
Just wondering, is she an athiest too?
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Nag Ehgoeg
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The Devil's Advocate

Christian. And fairly devout.

But as I said - love Jesus, follow his teachings, don't try to convert me or infringe on other people's liberties and I have no problem with you.
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Quaon
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A Prince Amoung Men-Shoot First and Ask Questions Later
Nag Ehgoeg
Jul 4 2006, 06:16 PM
Christian. And fairly devout.

But as I said - love Jesus, follow his teachings, don't try to convert me or infringe on other people's liberties and I have no problem with you.

And she has no problem with you being a Satanist? Interesting.
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Rhadamanthus
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Legitimist

Maybe, she realizes that Satanists don't actually worship Satan?
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New Harumf
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Bloodthirsty Unicorn
I am so happy to be in a long term relationship with A MAN! Women have always confused the hell out of me (ask me about my prom date, and our 10th reunion some time).

You have the joy and frustration of loving a woman. Good luck, and may the force be with you, and, for god sake's, quit playing games!!

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NRE
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Map Tsar and Southern Gentleman

Woman are as confusing to me as trying to figure out what the hell Meat loaf won't do for love. That said, if you put on the other's shoes it about the same view. Of course their are those among both who think they've got the other "all figured out" but I personally believe it's a bad delusion. However,mathmatically speaking Nag I'd say you've got it right with:

Nag Ehgoeg
Jul 4 2006, 03:29 PM
Women = Always right = Less mind numbing frustration


However that said, I would have probably taking the same stance as you but what can I say I'm a taurus. Though when I'm wrong, I'll be the first to admit it.
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NeoRomanEmpire
Jul 4 2006, 09:52 PM
Woman are as confusing to me as trying to figure out what the hell Meat loaf won't do for love. That said, if you put on the other's shoes it about the same view. Of course their are those among both who think they've got the other "all figured out" but I personally believe it's a bad delusion. However,mathmatically speaking Nag I'd say you've got it right with:

Nag Ehgoeg
Jul 4 2006, 03:29 PM
Women = Always right = Less mind numbing frustration


However that said, I would have probably taking the same stance as you but what can I say I'm a taurus. Though when I'm wrong, I'll be the first to admit it.

taurus here too. same same.
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Nag Ehgoeg
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The Devil's Advocate

New Harumf
Jul 4 2006, 10:43 PM
NeoRomanEmpire
Jul 4 2006, 09:52 PM
Woman are as confusing to me as trying to figure out what the hell Meat loaf won't do for love. That said, if you put on the other's shoes it about the same view. Of course their are those among both who think they've got the other "all figured out" but I personally believe it's a bad delusion. However,mathmatically speaking Nag I'd say you've got it right with:

Nag Ehgoeg
Jul 4 2006, 03:29 PM
Women = Always right = Less mind numbing frustration


However that said, I would have probably taking the same stance as you but what can I say I'm a taurus. Though when I'm wrong, I'll be the first to admit it.

taurus here too. same same.

Me three!

The Resplendent Dawn
Jul 4 2006, 08:07 PM
Maybe, she realizes that Satanists don't actually worship Satan?

B-I-N-G-O!
B-I-N-G-O!
B-I-N-G-O!
And Bingo was his name-o!
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Bloodthirsty Unicorn
You are certainly in a Tommy Tuneish mood with all this singing on line. First, My Fair Lady, then the B-I- -G-O song? You sure you aren't gay? I mean, showtunes?

Quote:
 
CHORUS
Fie on goodness, fie
Fie on goodness, fie
Eight years of kindness to your neighbor
Making sure that the meek are treated well
Eight years of philanthropic labor
Derry down dell
Damn, but it's hell
Oh, fie on goodness, fie
Fie, fie, fie

It's been depressing all the way (derry down, derry down)
And getting glummer every day (derry down, derry down)

KNIGHT 1
Ah, but to burn a little town or slay a dozen men
Anything to laugh again

ALL
Oh, fie on goodness, fie
Fie, fie, fie, fie, fie

KNIGHT 1
When I think of the rollicking pleasures that earlier filled my life
Lolly lo, lolly lo
Like the time I beheaded a man who was beating his naked wife

ALL
Lolly lo, lolly lo

KNIGHT 1
I can still hear his widow say
Never moving from where she lay
"Tell me what can I do, I beg, sir, of you
Your kindness to repay"

ALL
Fie on goodness, fie
Fie on goodness, fie

KNIGHT 2
Lechery and vice have been arrested

KNIGHT 3
Arrested!

KNIGHT 2
Not a maiden is evermore in threat
Virgins may wander unmolested

KNIGHT 4
Unmolested!

ALL
Lolly lo let
Gad, it's a sweat
Oh, fie on goodness, fie
Fie, fie, fie, fie, fie

KNIGHT 5
How we roared and brawled in Scotland
Not a law was e'er obeyed
And when wooing called in Scotland
We'd grab any pasing maid
Ah, my heart is still in Scotland
Where the lasses woo the best
On some bonny hill in Scotland
Stroking someone's bonny...

CHORUS
Fie on Scotland, fie
Fie on Scotland, fie

No one repents for any sin now
Every soul is immaculate and trim

SOME KNIGHTS
Immaculate!

CHORUS
No one is covered with chagrin now
Lolly lo lim
Gad, but it's grim
Oh, fie on goodness, fie
Fie, fie, fie

There's not a folly to deplore
Derry down, derry down
Confession Sunday is a bore
Derry down, derry down

KNIGHT 1
Ah, but to spend a tortured evening staring at the floor
Guilty and alive once more

CHORUS
Oh, fie on virtue, fie
Fie on mercy, fie
Fie on justice
Fie on goodness

Fie, fie, fie, fie, fie
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Catholic Europe
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Nag Ehgoeg
Jul 4 2006, 05:57 PM
So you want me to have casual relationships with guys while maintaining my relationship with my girl friend?

While not as crazy as I imagine that would sound to most people - no.

Damn it man, have you no heart? You're all cock and Id!

Look for love my friend. Look for a stable relationship.

Then come bitch about it :D

Anyway thanks for showing me how good I've got it - better to be with the head case than be the head case :rolleyes:

Well, I thought you was going to break up with her. :unsure: :wacko:
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Nag Ehgoeg
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The Devil's Advocate

I was. I didn't.

And I would have thought you knew I liked showtunes when someone posted the Finale to HMS Pinafore!
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Bloodthirsty Unicorn
Nag Ehgoeg
Jul 5 2006, 01:06 PM
I was. I didn't.

And I would have thought you knew I liked showtunes when someone posted the Finale to HMS Pinafore!

That's an operetta, not a showtune!!

No, I knew you liked showtunes because of your collerme profile! :P
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Nag Ehgoeg
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The Devil's Advocate

What did I put in that?
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Bloodthirsty Unicorn
Nag Ehgoeg
Jul 5 2006, 01:19 PM
What did I put in that?

You listed musical theatre as one of your likes!!
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Nag Ehgoeg
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The Devil's Advocate

Oh yeah :D

Yeah I love musical theatre.
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