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Report from the Pastoral Search Committee
Topic Started: Feb 17 2009, 08:59 AM (742 Views)
zeilfanaat
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Admin, Tracy's Lil Sis
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We do not have a happy report to give. We've not been able to find a suitable candidate for this church, though we have one promising prospect. We do appreciate all the suggestions from the church members, and we've followed up each one with interviews or by calling at least three of their references.
The following is our confidential report on the present candidates.

  • Adam: Good man but problems with his wife. Also one reference told of how his wife and he enjoy walking nude in the woods.

  • Noah: Former pastorate of 120 years with no converts. Prone to unrealistic building projects.

  • Abraham: Though the references reported wife-swapping, the facts seem to show he never slept with another man's wife but did offer to share his own with another man.

  • Joseph: A big thinker but a braggart, believes in dream-interpreting and has a prison record.

  • Moses: A modest and meek man but poor communicator, even stuttering at times. Sometimes blows his stack and acts rashly. Some say he left an earlier ministry over a murder charge.

  • David: The most promising leader of all until we discovered he was a 'peeping Tom' and had an affair with his neighbor's wife.

  • Solomon: Great preacher but our parsonage would never hold all those wives.

  • Elijah: Prone to depression - collapses under pressure.

  • Elisha: Reported to have lived with a single widow while at his former church.

  • Hosea: A tender and loving pastor but our people could never handle his wife's occupation.

  • Deborah: Female.

  • Jeremiah: Emotionally unstable, alarmist, negative, always lamenting things and reported to have taken a long trip to bury his underwear on the bank of a foreign river.

  • Isaiah: On the fringe? Claims to have seen angels in church. Has trouble with his language.

  • Jonah: Refused God's call into ministry until he was forced to obey by getting swallowed up by a great fish. He told us the fish later spit him out on the shore near here. We hung up.

  • Amos: Too backward and unpolished. With some seminary training, he might have promise but has a hang-up against wealthy people - might fit in better in a poor congregation.

  • John: Says he is a Baptist but definitely doesn't dress like one. Has slept in the outdoors for months on end, has a weird diet and provokes denominational leaders.

  • Peter: Too blue collar. Has a bad temper - has even been known to curse. Had a big run-in with Paul in Antioch. Aggressive but a loose cannon.

  • Paul: Powerful CEO-type leader and fascinating preacher. However, short on tact, unforgiving with younger ministers, harsh and has been known to preach all night.

  • Timothy: Too young.

  • Jesus: Has had popular times but once when His church grew to 5,000, He managed to offend them all and His church dwindled down to twelve people. Seldom stays in one place very long. And, of course, He's single.

  • Judas: His references are solid. A steady plodder. Conservative. Good connections. Knows how to handle money. We're inviting him to preach this Sunday. Possibilities here.
Source:
Mark Lowry Ramblings
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tis*me!
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:lol: Just goes to show you - can't always hinge everything on a person's resume/references...

Thanks for sharing, Zeilfanaat!

Tracy
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zeilfanaat
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:lol: You got that right.

You're welcome! :)

zeilfanaat
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frwdgranny

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Zeilfanaat - I loved this. Thanks for posting.

Had a great mission trip to Africa. The people were awesome! God is awesome!

Lynn
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zeilfanaat
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You're welcome, Lynn! Glad you enjoyed!! :goofy_grin:

Glad to hear the mission trip went well!!
I agree, God is absolutely awesome!! :yes:

zeilfanaat
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tis*me!
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Hey, Lynn! Happy the mission trip went well!
I agree God is awesome!

Tracy
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