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"Shadows" Feedback
Topic Started: Jun 9 2010, 03:05 PM (335 Views)
Jps101
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Supreme Pokemon Champion!
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Hey guys.
Here's a thread for all feedback on my story, so we can keep the story thread, strictly to the story :)
Also, feel free to submit ideas for characters, or plot ideas.
But try and keep them a bit more sensible :)




Name:
Gender:
Age:
Description:
Information:
Edited by Jps101, Jun 9 2010, 04:55 PM.
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Jimmy
Mayor
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good story :) i want more!
PM Me if you need help!
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Bacon Boy
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A True Innovator
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You repeat the main character's name too much without using pronouns. It sounds unprofessional and repetitive when you do that.

Other than that, it sounds cool.
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Jps101
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Supreme Pokemon Champion!
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Thanks bacon boy :) I edited it to suit what you said a bit more, tell me if you think it works a bit better now.
Also remember guys, feel free to submit a character.
I've added an example form to the first post. so....
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Jimmy
Mayor
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Name: Jimmy
Gender: Male
Age: 14
Description: Owns a website
Information: Owns a website
PM Me if you need help!
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Jps101
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Supreme Pokemon Champion!
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... Jimmy by description I mean what he looks like. And I need more information than "Owns a website"
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