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Do I Know You?; A Jack Davis Solo
Topic Started: Nov 28 2017, 05:37 PM (167 Views)
Smike
Glowing one!
[ *  *  *  * ]
Hunger was great motivator, that much Jack had to admit. He didn't exactly enjoy crawling around the dust and grime of Texas, but here he was anyway. Why? Because he was damn hungry. It was a feeling that all but the most well-off wastelanders were more or less used to.

That didn't mean he enjoyed it. It had been more than a day since he had last eaten and he could feel the empty pangs spark up seemingly at random. Luckily he had the skills and tools to do something about it. The wastes had game if one was willing to wait and perceptive, and Jack was both. Lying out on a hill with a rifle was second nature by now.

He took a moment to admire the rifle in question. It was powerful and certainly a step up from the pipe rifle he had been using before, but it was beat up and still grimy despite Jack's constant attempts at cleaning it. The bolt was rusted and stuck sometimes and the gun had an annoying habit of refusing to eject a clip thanks to the previous owners lack of care. For a sniper, the Bucket Town Kidd had an amazing lack of knowledge of weapon care.

It's not like you know how to fix it either, moron.

Jack fought the urge to stiffen at his own rebuke. Why the voice in his mind always ridiculed or insulted him, he never knew.

But I'm usually right, aren't I Jack?

That was true.

Good boy. Now shut up and kill. Lord knows that's all you're good for.

Jack obeyed and went back to scanning the dusty horizon, the cruel taunts driven from his head by the joy of using a real scope. The ability to see what he was shooting at would prove itself useful. A sound to his left caused him to aim at a thicket of brambly bushes. He would be rewarded for his patience.
Jack Davis

S:5 P:9 E:7 C:1 I:5 A:8 (+1) L:5

Traits
Creep, Perfectionist, Small Frame

Equipment

Pipe Rifle, Rudimentary Revolver, Tin Can Breastplate, Metal Lighter, Cigarettes, Binoculars, Sunglasses, Bandanna, Kidd’s Rifle

Currency: 4 Large Hides

Character profile
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Smike
Glowing one!
[ *  *  *  * ]
Jack slowed his breathing and moved his finger to the trigger. He aimed his crosshairs at the center of the quivering bushes, eager to send a bullet through whatever animal wandered into view. He was disappointed when it turned out be not a creature but a woman.

An old woman, specifically. A rare specimen indeed. Usually the wasteland devoured a person and spit out their bones to be bleached by harsh sunlight long before they could really qualify as elderly. But this lady looked positively ancient! Jack could see her wrinkled skin and straw like white hair through his scope, wincing at the sight of her shuffling along slowly in her rough hewn dress with the assistance of a wooden cane.

As is she could sense his pitying thoughts, the woman snapped her head toward Jack with a speed he hadn't thought possible at her age. "You up there with the rifle!" she called out, her thin voice cutting through the silent morning like a knife. "I'd appreciate it if you'd just kill me already, if that's what you're planning. I'm old enough already."

Jack was stunned that she had seen him. He had been pressed flat against the dirt and camouflaged by his trusty blanket. He was hard for an animal to sense, nearly impossible for an old woman to see. Perhaps there was a glint from his scope?

It didn't matter. He had no business with her and any critters nearby would've been scared off by her call. He lifted himself up and walked off toward new hunting ground.
Jack Davis

S:5 P:9 E:7 C:1 I:5 A:8 (+1) L:5

Traits
Creep, Perfectionist, Small Frame

Equipment

Pipe Rifle, Rudimentary Revolver, Tin Can Breastplate, Metal Lighter, Cigarettes, Binoculars, Sunglasses, Bandanna, Kidd’s Rifle

Currency: 4 Large Hides

Character profile
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Smike
Glowing one!
[ *  *  *  * ]
He hadn't been walking for more than three minutes when a bony finger tapped his shoulder. He whipped his whole body around toward the newcomer, rifle whipping into his arms in one smooth move. Finger on the trigger, he was about to shoot when he saw it was the old woman from earlier.

"Jumpy, aren't we Jack?" she asked, sounding entirely unimpressed by the gun aiming at her skull.

"How you know name?" Jack barked in his peculiarly clipped speech. His finger tightened on the trigger, preparing to send a bullet into the mysterious woman.

"I know a lot of things, like how you got that rifle from a boy you killed, or how you got those scars from a Yao Guai. You damn near worship the Texas Rangers because it was one of them that saved you from said Yao Guai. And you argue with yourself constantly."

She stated all these things about him as causally as one would state the weather. The fact that she apparently knew his whole life story did nothing to ease Jack's panic. He adjusted his aim, ready to splatter her brains across the rocky ground.

"The bolt's going to stick." she said with a smile.

"You sure?" Jack challenged. In response, she grabbed the barrel.

Shoot her! Kill her now!

Jack knew he should, but was simply to stunned to do it. Still smiling, she lifted the barrel of the rifle and set the cold metal against her forehead. Her wrinkled hand clawed the young man in front of her. Jack jerked backward, pulling the trigger with all his strength.

Nothing happened.

"Told you. Now will you listen to me?"
Jack Davis

S:5 P:9 E:7 C:1 I:5 A:8 (+1) L:5

Traits
Creep, Perfectionist, Small Frame

Equipment

Pipe Rifle, Rudimentary Revolver, Tin Can Breastplate, Metal Lighter, Cigarettes, Binoculars, Sunglasses, Bandanna, Kidd’s Rifle

Currency: 4 Large Hides

Character profile
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Smike
Glowing one!
[ *  *  *  * ]
Jack was never much of a talker, using the shortest possible sentences and slipping out of conversations at the earliest possible moment. That was just his nature. But he had never been shocked into silence like he had just now. How had she known that it wouldn't go off?

Easy there, stupid. She probably saw the rust and crap you couldn't bother to clean out.

Jack was thankful for the cantankerous voice. Of course that's how she knew it wouldn't fire. She had seen how poor of a condition the gun was in and guessed that it wouldn't work. Simple.

Except for the fact that her eyes were a milky white, clouded over completely by cataracts. The ancient woman was blind, her sight as well as her movement robbed from her by time. She shouldn't have even been able to see Jack, let alone his rifle.

"Don't worry so much all the time." the mysterious woman cooed. "Not everyone out here is evil. You keep this up, and you're gonna have a heart attack before I do!"

She laughed at her own joke, wheezing and coughing. Jack managed to catch a glimpse of her tobacco stained teeth, running his tongue over his own. They hadn't yet reached the brown shade of hers, but they were more yellow than white.

"Yeah, it'd be best for you to quit when you've still got most of your years left, unless you want to end looking like me."

"How do you know what I think?" Jack growled. This old woman knew too much about him already, and her little mind reading trick was not putting Jack at ease.

"Hmph! It was just a piece of advice, boy. You'd do well not to take things personally."

"Enough!" Jack screamed, birds fluttering to the air in a panic. "Enough." he repeated in a near whisper. His throat hurt from the yell. He rarely used his vocal cords, and never before so loudly.
Jack Davis

S:5 P:9 E:7 C:1 I:5 A:8 (+1) L:5

Traits
Creep, Perfectionist, Small Frame

Equipment

Pipe Rifle, Rudimentary Revolver, Tin Can Breastplate, Metal Lighter, Cigarettes, Binoculars, Sunglasses, Bandanna, Kidd’s Rifle

Currency: 4 Large Hides

Character profile
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Smike
Glowing one!
[ *  *  *  * ]
The annoyed look slipped from the woman's face, scrunched up mouth and crinkled eyes relaxing. She leaned forward on her cane and tilted her head toward the young man. Jack felt like the blind woman was staring straight through him.

"Listen to me, Jack." she muttered. "I hold no grudge against you. Just the opposite in fact. I know what you're trying to do and I want to help."

"How?"

"By giving you information that you might find valuable one day. Or you might not. It doesn't matter to me. It's not often I get to meet someone trying to do good out here, and I'm interested to see how you turn out.

"What want to tell?"

"Not here. I have a camp set up not too far away."

Jack considered it carefully. A complete stranger somehow knew all about him and his goals, and was offering advice if he''d follow her to a camp somewhere.

It's an obvious trap. She's probably a front for some raiders. Who knows how many people she's pulled this trick on? Kill her and move on.

But Jack wasn't so sure. Despite his conscious being, quite frankly, an asshole, it was usually right. But not this time. Maybe he was deluded by the hope of there being someone else who wanted to change things for the better. Or maybe he just couldn't imagine a frail old woman ever being a threat. No matter the reason, he slung his rifle back over his shoulder.

And if nothing else, it was nice to not have to hold something. His hands were still roughly bandaged from his adventure in the abandoned store, and it still hurt to grab things.

"Fine. Lead way."

Edited by Smike, Apr 2 2018, 05:46 PM.
Jack Davis

S:5 P:9 E:7 C:1 I:5 A:8 (+1) L:5

Traits
Creep, Perfectionist, Small Frame

Equipment

Pipe Rifle, Rudimentary Revolver, Tin Can Breastplate, Metal Lighter, Cigarettes, Binoculars, Sunglasses, Bandanna, Kidd’s Rifle

Currency: 4 Large Hides

Character profile
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Smike
Glowing one!
[ *  *  *  * ]
Jack tailed the old woman, his almost silent footfalls easily drowned out by her cracked leather moccasins shuffling slowly through the dirt and dead twigs. Despite the fact that it had only taken the mysterious lady under five minutes to catch up with him, Jack could've sworn that they had been walking for a quarter of an hour.

Run now! Or shoot her while her back is turned! his internal monologue scream at him.

No.

Do it! Protect yourself!

Shut. Up.

For once, the voice obeyed. Jack made for his pocket, but was stopped by that hoarse voice.

"Could you give me one as well?"

Jack's wounded hand clumsily dug in his pocket for the few remaining cigarettes he had, nearly dropping all of them. His quick reflexes swept his palm under them, scooping them neatly out of the air. Placing all but two back into his pocket, he clamped one into his mouth and lit it. He gently guided one of her shaky hands to the remaining one before lighting it for her.

"Thank you kindly Jack!"

"Give name."

"Pardon me?"

"You know my name. Give yours." Jack clarified. "Please." he added as an afterthought.

"Well, most people I know call me Granny," the woman answered, start up her slow shuffle. "because of my age."

"That's not name. Real name."

"Patricia. Patricia Wilson."

Jack just grunted in response.

An awkward silence fell as they continued onward, until finally a small tent appeared. Gesturing toward it, Patrcia nodded in Jack's general direction.

"After you."
Edited by Smike, Apr 2 2018, 07:06 PM.
Jack Davis

S:5 P:9 E:7 C:1 I:5 A:8 (+1) L:5

Traits
Creep, Perfectionist, Small Frame

Equipment

Pipe Rifle, Rudimentary Revolver, Tin Can Breastplate, Metal Lighter, Cigarettes, Binoculars, Sunglasses, Bandanna, Kidd’s Rifle

Currency: 4 Large Hides

Character profile
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Smike
Glowing one!
[ *  *  *  * ]
Jack entered the tent curiously. It was a bit small, but the miraculously well preserved nylon and polyester probably did a good job of keeping out the elements. He had no doubt the Morrigan Crow sleeping in the corner enjoyed that.

The what now?

For the second time in an hour Jack panicked and swung his rifle into his bandaged hands. He knew enough about Morrigan Crows to know that he had best not miss.

"Calm down Jack!" Patricia chided gently as she followed him in. "Charlie here wouldn't hurt a fly. Unless I tell him to."

The Morrigan woke up, regarding the newcomer with beady eyes. It squawked once in complete disregard of Jack before going back to sleep. Shaking his head incredulously, Jack turned toward Patricia.

"What want say?"

"Sit down first, get comfortable."

Jack obeyed, dropping himself to the ground and crossing his legs. Almost immediately he moved to get up again as Patricia struggled to sit. His offer of assistance died on his lips when the ancient lady shooed him away.

"I'm not a complete invalid yet!" she chuckled, finally lowering to the ground. She took a moment to settle herself before patting her lap.

"C'mere Charlie!"

The Crow squawked in resignation and hopped over to it's master. Jack suppressed a gag as Patricia cooed over and ran her veiny hands through the creature's feathers. It wasn't like he was a germophobe. If he had to guess, his most recent bath had been the last time it had rained. But the thought of willing keeping an irradiated bag of greasy feathers around made him want to vomit. However, he had to admit that the single white feather on each wing was very striking.

Still toying with her pet, the blind woman turned her head toward Jack. Her cloudy eyes and wrinkled mouth were fixed in a much more serious look than the mischievous one she had on the way to the tent. Jack shifted uncomfortably as Patricia spoke again.

"You walk a dangerous path, Jack. A noble one to be sure, but a dangerous one." she intoned. Jack snickered in response.

"No shit." he muttered.


Jack Davis

S:5 P:9 E:7 C:1 I:5 A:8 (+1) L:5

Traits
Creep, Perfectionist, Small Frame

Equipment

Pipe Rifle, Rudimentary Revolver, Tin Can Breastplate, Metal Lighter, Cigarettes, Binoculars, Sunglasses, Bandanna, Kidd’s Rifle

Currency: 4 Large Hides

Character profile
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Smike
Glowing one!
[ *  *  *  * ]
The old woman's wrinkled hand whipped forward almost faster than the eye could see and smacked Jack directly on the three raised scars of his cheek. The much younger man was sent reeling from the blow, clutching at the marks in pain. "What the fuck?" he barked, the exclamation serving as a question and expression of anger. Jack could hear two sources of laughter, one being the voice that always enjoyed his suffering. The other was that stupid fucking crow. Charlie was imitating a human laugh, a bizarre mixture of a squawk and hearty guffaw that quickly devolved into choked croaking. Jack flipped him the bird. Hopefully it was smart enough to understand that.

"You should know better than to speak to your elders like that!" Patrica scolded. Despite her seeming omniscience it didn't seem like she noticed Jack insulting her pet. "I didn't mean just physical danger. Sonny, we're stuck in irradiated desert hell. We're all walking a dangerous path physically. But you're putting your soul at risk."

Jack managed to contain his scoff at the notion of his "soul", not wanting to get hit again. "What mean?" he asked neutrally.

"You have a history of battling wrongdoers, which is commendable. But your methods could be accurately described as excessive, even cruel."

Jack opened his mouth and then closed it, not sure whether he wanted to demand how Patrica knew about his past or defend his actions. He decided to simply grunt in acknowledgment of the crone's words.

"I'm not saying they were good people, or even that they didn't deserve it. But doing what you did marks the soul indelibly."

"And what I do?" Jack challenged. He was almost never this combative but Patricia's cross between armchair psychoanalysis and palm reader's bullshit was starting to piss him off.

"You mean besides the thirteen year old you tortured before executing?" the woman asked rhetorically, milky eyes rolling. "What about the trader that stopped at your house when you were a boy?"
Jack Davis

S:5 P:9 E:7 C:1 I:5 A:8 (+1) L:5

Traits
Creep, Perfectionist, Small Frame

Equipment

Pipe Rifle, Rudimentary Revolver, Tin Can Breastplate, Metal Lighter, Cigarettes, Binoculars, Sunglasses, Bandanna, Kidd’s Rifle

Currency: 4 Large Hides

Character profile
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Smike
Glowing one!
[ *  *  *  * ]
Jack knew immediately knew which trader Patricia was talking about. The family farm was the last stop for more than a weeks travel on a stretch of road leading out from Texas and into Louisiana, eventually ending all the way in Georgia. Many a caravan and traveler had stopped at the farm for trade or simple conversation. This particular trader was headed to Confederate territory. He had talked openly after a few drinks with Jack's parents about heading over to purchase a slave to help on the homestead. His parents were no friend of slavery, but they weren't about to start a fight over it.

Jack on the other hand had been listening to the conversation from outside the family shack and was determined to punish the bastard. He was only thirteen at the time, nowhere near able to take a full-grown adult. Outright shooting him wasn't an option either. He wasn't sure how he was going to do it, but he simply couldn't let the would be slave owner live. So when he heard his parents offer to draw a map of the dangerous places to avoid in the area and give the man a place to sleep for the night in exchange for some more booze and ammo he got pretty excited.

It was a simple matter to wait until everyone had fallen asleep and grab the map. A few quick changes and it went from pointing out the location of a gang of raiders to showing where a working water pump could be found. After the trader left the next morning they never saw him again.

"Was justified." Jack hissed through clenched teeth. "Motherfucker was buy person. Hope raiders skinned him alive."

"And what about his family? You think they felt the same way?" Patricia asked rhetorically, producing a scrap of dried meat from a hidden pocket and feeding it to Charlie. Jack merely shrugged in response.

"I don't touch family, did I?"
Jack Davis

S:5 P:9 E:7 C:1 I:5 A:8 (+1) L:5

Traits
Creep, Perfectionist, Small Frame

Equipment

Pipe Rifle, Rudimentary Revolver, Tin Can Breastplate, Metal Lighter, Cigarettes, Binoculars, Sunglasses, Bandanna, Kidd’s Rifle

Currency: 4 Large Hides

Character profile
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Smike
Glowing one!
[ *  *  *  * ]
"You knew that those those particular raiders were rumored to be cannibals right? And that their leader was known to enjoy flaying her victims with a whip covered in broken glass?" Patricia asked.

"Yep. Still don't know how you know." Jack responded without a hint of repentance. Patricia shrugged, her old shoulders barely able to lift themselves.

"Just try and make sure the punishment fits the crime, alright?" The woman's cloudy eyes closed as she took a final puff of her dying cigarette, putting it out in a ashtray made out of flattened tin. She held it out with a shaky arm for the dangerous young man to do the same.

"You could with a companion as well. Everybody needs a friend and you can find allies nearly anywhere you look."

"You offering?" Jack replied snarkily, immediately moving out of range of the woman's wrinkly arms. To his surprise Patricia started laughing, a wheezy gurgling noise that sounded more like the choking of a dying animal.

"I'm much too old to go gallivanting the wastes with you! Just keep an eye out for anyone that needs help. I'm sure that if you do them a good deed they'll respond in kind."

"I'll consider it." Jack said hastily, standing up and scooting past the blind lady and her Morrigan. "Excuse me. Have to leave." he explained half-halfheartedly as he nudged past.

"Watch yourself out there!" Patricia told him cheerily. "Say goodbye Charlie."

"Goodbye Charlie." the wise-ass bird remarked in a surprisingly good mimicry, peering at the exiting wanderer with its beady little eyes. Jack made his way out of the tent and into the sunlight and started jogging. The faster he got away from the weird mind reader and her bird, the happier he'd be. He only made it ten feet when he realized that he couldn't feel his lighter. It must've dropped out of his pocket back in the tent.

Cursing bitterly he turned around and prepared to face Patricia and her weird bird again only to find the tent missing. In it's place was his lighter, the shiny steel standing out against the dusty soil and dead plant life. Jack grabbed it and took off, this time at a run. Hopefully he'd never have to think about this again.

Jack Davis

S:5 P:9 E:7 C:1 I:5 A:8 (+1) L:5

Traits
Creep, Perfectionist, Small Frame

Equipment

Pipe Rifle, Rudimentary Revolver, Tin Can Breastplate, Metal Lighter, Cigarettes, Binoculars, Sunglasses, Bandanna, Kidd’s Rifle

Currency: 4 Large Hides

Character profile
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TheTyrantOfTyrus
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What is YOUR meat agenda?
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Critique Time

Its an alright RP.









You want more? Alright

To get the minor stuff out of the way, I've noticed that you sometimes leave quotation marks and misspell words. Its all good just double check them in your word processor.

I honestly have no problems with the story mostly. Its serviceable and is clearly a part of a larger arc.

Now then, take this next few paragraphs with a grain of salt. Its all opinion.

[Dialogue]

Im kinda annoyed at how all the dialogue seems very choppy and weird. Maybe its just me but the way that Davis talks doesn't speak to me as "oh wow this guy is curt and doesn't like to waste time" but rather "oh this guy is a monosyllabic ape who doesn't understand language" Maybe that was your intention but yeah it seems to give him this stilted voice.

You really could've conveyed the idea better with better word choice ya know. "Talk." "Stop." "Shut it." "Hold." These sound really blunt and curt and to the point if used well.

Additionally I feel like you could use descriptive language and movements with Davis and that would really free up your writing. Maybe instead of using "want talk now" it could easily be "Jack snapped twice and called the old woman's attention and pointed to his mouth."

[ideas]

The Old Woman character is pretty interesting. But its lazy writing.

I get that its a start of a new arc and I might come to regret this later but since Im grading this rp in its lonesomeness. As a promontory of your writing, I dislike the idea of a omniscient woman whose whole damn purpose is to stir character development.

Development should be driven by character and not coincidence. I do enjoy Jack talking about his past but why is it through the vessel of a telepathic old witch of the wilds who for some reason wants Jack to be a better person.

Jacks character shouldn't even be defanged of his most interesting parts in the first place. Harsh justice in the wild wastes is probably common law and theres a lot of character possibilities for a vigilante who knows no diplomacy. (Though we probably have too many of those people)

Imagine if you watching the Godfather Part 2 and you see Micheal Corleone talking with Fredo. And a character walks up to Mike and says "Hey ya know youre too greedy. Youre so greedy you might end up killing your brother." "Huh."

Prizes:

Quote:
 

x3 Morrigan Crow Feathers - Large, long, and black. Oh boy.

Marshel Vic HC
7 4 8 6 6 4 5

Aryanna Leatherback
9 2 7 2 4 8 5

Charlie Klams
5 4 5 6 8 8 3
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