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Riches to rags (solo)
Topic Started: Dec 11 2016, 01:17 PM (86 Views)
TonyTheFish
Wastelander
[ *  *  *  * ]
She had become too relaxed. Too comfortable. Let her guard down. Somewhere along the way she lost a step. She got sloppy. Dulled her edge. She had committed the worst crime of all, becoming civilized. Now she was going to pay for it.

The butt of the gun smacked Victoria in the face, sending her sprawling to the marble floor. They were in her restored house near Houston, a beautiful property with curtains, delicate furniture's and art in every room. Standing two stories tall with a large collection of stables and caravans waiting outside to ferry her wares across Texas. Her company was once the pride of the country, and now it was on fire. The stables were being pulled down and all her valued items were looted from the vaults, her once loyal traders fighting over her property. Her guards had fled when the rioting started, well paid and sworn protectors all had left her to the wrath of the working man. Her clothes were torn and her face bloody. Her own husband was now beating her into the floor, having destroyed her life and secured his own future in the best of their traders he was taking north. He had been her salvation once, the first man not a raider she had ever met and had saved her from the clutches of dehydration. She should have seen him changing, blinded by her wealth and achievement, too busy covering up her own underhand dealings to keep an eye on his.

He grabbed her hair, pulling her up onto her feet and exposing her throat. He threw his gun to the side and pulled his switchblade out of his pocket, pressing it to her jugular and leering into her face.

"Never saw this coming did you bitch? No, too busy buried in your own work and blinded by your shiny trinkets to see what was right under your nose."

She whimpered "No...no....wh-why"

"Why? This country is tapped out, you could feel it couldn't you, the country is poor, dying, the wastes are too wide for a proper business and you settled down in the asshole of nowhere. It was your own arrogance that brought this about."

The beams above them creaked, his head snapped up as the burning ceiling fell towards them, he dived backwards but she grabbed his arm. The blade sliced up her arm making her gasp and stumble backwards. Her husband wrenched his broken arm away, stuck in the gap by his knife. She could hear him screaming over the fire, dropping the knife and sprinting out of the door. She snatched it up, using it to slice off a part of her tight black dress and wrap it around her arm. Darting into the next room as the wall collapsed on her wardrobe, she stumbled backwards cursing. She was getting real tired of stumbling at this point. Thinking fast she dived under her bed, the linen was on fire but this was the last of her clothes available so they would have to do. Slipping on the old pre-war army fatigues she had stored under here for rare sentimental reasons. She cast her dress onto the fire and sprinted out of the room, folding up the switchblade and tucking it into her left jacket pocket while moving. The house started collapsing behind her as she ran for the window at the back of the house, picking up a chair as she ran and throwing it through the glass, following quickly behind it.

She landed in a roll and ran, she had not run this fast since all those years ago when she escaped the raiders she grew up with. The water well sat at the back of the house, grabbing the largest waterskin there and hurriedly filling it for the journey ahead. She knew they would have left nothing for her, most likely assuming she was dead and almost definitely not caring either way. She could see them from here, a long caravan packed with her belongings, fabrics, weapons, food and collectibles. Her entire life so far, walking slowly away right before her eyes and nothing she could do about it. She shed no tear, turning from it and started her own walk north. She knew this country like the back of her hand, having traded with nearly every town on it and approached those that had refused to. So she knew where those with nothing left could go, where a girl could make some money with nothing but the clothes on her back. However, it involved taking said clothes off.

The first problem she came across was the wildlife, within the first day she was tired from running. The various radiated creatures chasing her most of the day, her body was not used to this amount of effort, she did not have the stamina for it. Victora knew she needed to pace herself, it was at least three days journey by foot and her waterskin would be empty by tomorrow at the most. Her only hope was there was a lake or travelling trader who she could barter with or play the pity card in exchange for water. A lake would come with all kinds of danger, the least of those being the radiation and potential illness from the water alone. Then there was the possibility of mirelurks which she had only heard about by the survivors. This meant that she was going to die less than half the distance there, trying to avoid the roads due to her own caravans turning against her meant she had to travel the untrodden lands. She learnt very quickly why these were the untrodden lands. Radscorpians, large flies in swarms and mole rats being but a few things that plagued her journey. She took a lot of damage over this distance, nothing that would scar but enough to further distance her from her comfort zone.

Sleeping overnight in a collapsed post office, the back area where the supplies were stored had a working door which she blocked up with boxes and tried to get some sleep. The wastes had no intention of allowing this to happen. Things she could only imagine scratched at the door, buzzing, growling and roars in the distance she had never heard before. But she hated to think of the size or monstrosity of something capable of such a roar. The things that had been chasing her had caught up and knew she was in there, dripping blood from her arm or her scent she was not sure led them to her door. Slowly and surely, the worked through it, all she could do was clutch her knife and tremble in the corner. There was no way out that she could see, and no hope for survival, it was only a matter of time before they got to her. But again, the wastes had no intention of allowing this to happen. As the first claw was seen through the door, a molerat shredding the wood like confetti with its sharp claws, the roar was heard again. Right outside.

The molerat was gone, the growls had stopped and the buzzing was nowhere to be heard. It had been this way for the last ten minutes. It had been a whirlwind of claws and teeth, something so large that it blocked the meagre light that had been casting shadows before. Thinking quickly, Victoria grabbed whatever bottle she could feel first and sprayed it towards the door, trying to mask her scent. Whatever was in it had seemed to have worked, the monster had gorged itself on the bodies on what had chased her for a few minutes, then some scraping and heavy footsteps leading away. A while passed before the noises completely stopped. There was nothing. Not a bird, not a mouse. Even the wind seemed to have stopped, whatever that thing had been, it had killed the wastes. Another hour passed before she realised she had pissed herself, but was too scared to move, too scared to make a noise in case it came back for her. But it never did.

In the morning, a sleep deprived Victoria cautiously pried open the door, and threw up upon the sight outside. The shredded carcasses of every creature she had ever seen were strewed around, giant radscorpians had been torn apart with apparent ease. Molerats had giant bites out of their backs and of some of them, only the tail remained. She fell against a wall, stinking of piss and covered in blood she knew that everything from now on would be able to find her. She would never be that lucky again. Pressing against the entrance to the post office, she realised that the other half of the building had been taken down as well. The creature had smashed through the brick wall in order to get the smaller creatures inside, perhaps it had been too large to reach her at the back. Perhaps she had been hidden by the stench of the dozens of dead animals or perhaps it did not eat humans. She had no idea, but she knew she should move quickly. It had left a lot of them in one piece which suggested it would be back to finish its meal, and she did not want to be the desert. Choosing to ignore the fact that with her new eau de toilette, essence of piss fragrance she would be too easy to follow.

Before afternoon the next day she was out of water, and incredibly thirsty. She had torn some fabric from a postman uniform to rebandage her arm but with nothing to clean or stitch it up with, she knew it was only a matter of time before an infection appeared. She plodded on, less than a day to BT but her wounds and emotional state led her back to the road. The caravans would have travelled the night in case anyone from Houston had followed them, this much she knew and so she was safe from now to BT. This road she had travelled many times, knowing which ways to turn and grateful for the reasonably uncracked tarmac. She made good progress now, her mind slowly degrading as the heat and her thirst worked together to try bring her down. The wastes had tried to kill her, it had saved her, and now it put things into her own hands. It delivered this choice in the form of a raider camp or a lake. A plan swiftly formed in her head, using the rest of the day to wash her clothes in the lake, then leave them on a rock to dry as much as they could before the next phase. She then washed herself, keeping to the shoreline in case anything came out of the water and she had to run. She could only run one place from here, and seeing how she was completely naked, it did not take a genius to figure out what a raider camp would do to her. Finishing up and slipping back into the mostly dry clothes, she walked up to the camp.

She paused momentarily to check their clan, when satisfied she approached the camp. Victoria had sworn to never trade with raiders or work with them, but if it was a choice between dying and breaking a moral, there was no choice. They saw her coming and the shouting started, guns were raised and scowls on faces. Typical raiders, so suspicious. The thing with civilised people was they trusted everyone, they were friendly and nice and they did things by the book. Given their places in life and content to go with them. The annoying thing was that Victoria was more like a raider herself, or...she used to be. Recent events made it obvious that she had become a pathetic shadow of her former self. But this was the chance to turn that around, to prove to herself that she was capable of being that sharp edge again. Fixing a smile on her face she walked into the camp, barrels aimed at her and the occasional smirk on their faces. She knew exactly what they were thinking but if she could help it then she would not resort to such trade. She knew plenty of that was to come, so for now she hoped charm could buy a meal. Waiting patiently in the midst of them until the tent at the end parted and a large man walked towards her. He was a tribal, that much was obvious, the tattoos, the large naked chest, the spear in his hand, all trademark tribal.

"You have an awful lot of balls for a girl."

She smiled at him slowly, trying to stop her lips from cracking and keep her voice as strong as her parched throat would allow.

"I am could not hope to have the courage of a man, I was simply wondering if I could be allowed a drink and perhaps some food?"

Her mind was scrambled, simply trying to maintain consciousness and hold the gaze. The man smiled back at her, eyeing her up and down and she knew her convincing would have to be a lot better if she was walking out of here alive.

"And what-" he stepped closer to her and ran his hand down her arm.

"-Will you give me in return for this kindness?"

She looked up at him, running her eyes slowly down his arms and making it obvious she was admiring his muscles.

"My-" she stepped into him, looking up into his eyes and tracing a finger along his six pack. "-gratitude?" batting her eyes at him and smiling as warmly as she could manage.

She could see him melting in his eyes, his gaze softened and his body relaxed a little. Both telling her that he had fallen for the gambit, she had to stop herself from grinning. Even in her weak state she could walk all over men. A toy she would never tire of. He nodded his head, moving his hand to her back and guiding her towards the tent he had come from. The men scowled at her as she walked past, sticking her tongue out at one just to rub their noses in the fact that she had so easily tamed their boss.

"It would be such a shame for the world to lose such a pretty face, very well, I will not touch you" he promised, parting the curtains in, making her pass under his arm. She could see him flexing a little which was a good sign, it meant that he was still just trying to impress her. The right side of the tent had one armour stand with heavy metal armour on it, the left was a large double bed which seemed strange to her. It was strange because they were in a tent, used for travelling and practicality, and he slept on a large double bed made of heavy wood. She let the thought slide from her mind, there were many reasons or possibilities for it being there but it really had no impact on the situation. He led her over to a table by the armour and poured her out a glass of water, dragging a chair from behind the table she had not seen before. She smiled at him gratefully and sat on the chair with her back to him, allowing him a view of her ass and knowing that he would have looked. He moved around her, his eyes staying on her and her eyes staying on him as she drank slowly. The water tasted slightly coppery in her mouth, most probably from the copper tin it was given to her in, passed as yet another strange thing in the tent.

The curtain parted, a raider walking in with a plate of meats and bread. Her eyes widened, the water in her system allowing her to salivate. The boss was still staring at her, even when she thanked the raider with a kiss on the cheek and he walked away with a slight skip in his step. She had a bad feeling that the boss was changing his mind and would demand her in the bed as payment for the hospitality. She thanked him, gesturing to the table where he could lean against and relief his legs. He took a second, then nodded and walked in front of her, heaving himself up onto the top. The legs creaked under his body but he seemed unworried by it. She reached for the water tin, but before she reached it the man grabbed it, pouring more water in and then handing it to her. His fingers brushing her hand as they did so. His face slackened on contact with her smooth skin, she wondered how long it had been since he touched a girl. Or even slept with one. He was not a bad looking man, he did not smell, did not seem like a rude man or even a mean one. She was not a fool, he was a raider boss and you don't get there through being well read or etiquette.

The food tasted amazing, her body relaxing immediately on contact with some nutrition. The meats were a little dry, probably cooked a day or two ago but the bread was fresh which meant they had stolen it or made it recently. Probably the latter. They did not seem like the farmer types, some raiders were, stay in one place, do a little of their own work but steal the bulk. When she had finished all of the food she set the plate down on the table and brushed any crumbs from her mouth, then brushing down her clothes. The boss was still staring at her, as soon as her hands were on her own laps she realised she had lost him during the eating. The lapse in conversation had allowed him to slip from her words, and scoffing down food was not exactly an enchanting experience to view. He grabbed her by the shoulder and threw her to the bed, she gasped as she hit the wood, her knee smacking into the post and the man stepping up behind her. He grabbed her waist and threw her on the bed.

"I said I would not touch you, but I never said the others couldn't." he grinned and she flushed, knowing what was to come. He stomped over to the entrance to the tent and yelled for everyone to come in, the stampede of footprints made the tent shake. Jangling of weapons being thrown down in the rush, the hiss of steam as water was hurriedly thrown over the fires. They stormed through the entrance, rushing through and spreading through the tent. But all they found was a Victoria shaped hole cut out of the back wall of the tent.

Victoria laughed as she ran away, it had not gone as she expected but the second she had stepped into that tent she had escape plans A-Z to get out should things go south. She was glad that it had gone well, when tested, her old self had come out and nothing was out of her reach. She laughed until her throat hurt again, then she had a drink of her waterskin. She had filled it with the water left from the tent and was far away by the time they realised she had taken it. Collapsing under an outcrop as the night settled in, food in her stomach was on the verge of a cramp and despite getting away, her nerves were shaken. But she could not sleep. She tried, she cried because she tried so hard. But the harder she tried, the harder it was to sleep, every noise making her twitch. Every whisper in the wind set her nerves on edge, the creatures of the wastes and the monster had taken her ability to sleep in the wild. And so all she could do was cry until morning broke.

She made it to Bucket Town just as it broke into the evening, the darkness spreading behind her and her pace increasing. People stared as she passed, she pulled all of her white hair to the left and fixed a polite smile on her face. Adopting a sway to her walk and a seductive wink every few minutes, she knew exactly where she was heading(with occasional directions from a blushing stranger). Eventually arriving at her destination, even in this town full of people she still felt alone, still felt cold. Her smile was a mask and her personality from now on would be a façade that even the most perceptive of people could not see through(just an expression). She breathed in and out, drinking the last vestiges of water and discarding the waterskin. From where she had come from to where she was going to go was a massive change in lifestyle, but she had made the plan and she was unable to stop it. This was a life that promised food, a place to live and warmth for as long as she stayed attractive to any percent. Resolved, Victoria stepped confidently through the door, the bartender looking up at her with an eyebrow raised. "I would like to speak with Madame Rose please."
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HenchmenF
Wasteland leader
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Posted Imagevia Imgflip Meme Generator

Now with the 21 Savage reference out of the way, onto the grade!

Ok!

So the hardest thing about this piece was kind of following through everything. There was alot of stuff that happened in a relatively short piece and sometimes it was hard for me to follow exactly what was going on without a re-read or a re-re-read. It took the air that you were rushing to get it done, which happens to everybody and the patience to take your time with the craft will come. I know I'm still struggling with it myself!

One big tip is to start learning to use the forum layout of our RP site to your advantage. I like to use each post as a way to break up scenes in a solo as it provides a nice clear structure to your RP. You'll develop your own style to how you want to do it as time progresses.

I think the best part of the RP came in the small scenes. I really enjoyed the scene in the post office, but, it was held back by the aforementioned fact that I had to keep rereading it a couple of times to actually figure out what's going on. But I still think it goes to show that I was still intrigued in the story even though that was going on.

Also! I was a little worried that Victoria was going to get gang raped in the Raider camp but didn't! Instead she showed off what a tough, resourceful person she is and I really think that went a LONG way to not just telling us what kind of character she is but showing us. I fist pumped a little bit at that in real life because it's awesome to see that kind of writing. It's easier to be like "yeah she's tough" rather than "she's tough, HERE'S AN EXAMPLE OF IT WITHOUT ME EXPRESSLY TELLING YOU."

As for spelling, grammar and punctuation: I'm not the best at any of those three but just remember that commas are supposed to come during any natural pause in a conversation. I'm comma happy myself so I like to take a moment and reread what I wrote. If I pause, I put a comma. If I don't, I remove the comma. Other than that there were a few minor moments where you forgot to end a sentence with a period but it's alright.

It boils down to the following couple of big takeaways I had on the RP:

Good overall, need to slow down and air out your thoughts, good at the small scenes.

Onto the rewards!

Quote:
 
x1 Bottle of Merde de Toliet: A pre war bottle of knock off cologne you used in the post office to mask your own scent, you decided to keep it around. Although it's a fairly plain smell it's enough to mask whatever body odors you've collected since your last spray.

x2 bandages: You made several bandages over the course of your journey. These are a couple of extra pieces of rags from the postman's uniform that you stuffed away in case of a dark day in the future where you might need them again.

Jimmy Ronan
Karmichael Sandoval - HC -
Karmichael's current inventory

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CP: homie you a rauccous college student why you need a bed time
LMG: Hench is the real enemy of Democracy
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