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| Scouting for the Law; Raiders and Redskulls and Signbacks ohmy | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Nov 30 2016, 09:11 PM (131 Views) | |
| Mixtli | Nov 30 2016, 09:11 PM Post #1 |
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Resident Canadian
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Thomas stepped outside the Sheriff’s office and grinned at Elizabeth. “Looks like we finally have a proper job for once.” He patted her on the head, and laughed when she made an annoyed swipe at his hand. “Aren’t you interested in what it is we’ve been hired to do?” She offered a noncommittal grunt towards his general direction, still mad at him over the sudden show of affection. He took that as a yes, and started his explanation as they walked towards the outer limits of Bucket Town. “The Sheriff wants us to scout out the area for two raider gangs and mark any hot locations on this map. He doesn’t want us to contact them though. No fighting or shooting allowed! I guess he doesn’t want to stir up trouble before we have a proper plan for clearing some of them out.” Elizabeth scowled at his back as they continued on their way. The two of them were supposed to be stealthy? She knew that she had the light step and small frame to get around unseen even during the day, provided that there was cover to use. The big guy was another story altogether. He was six feet if he was an inch, and it wasn’t much of a exaggeration to say that he couldn’t take a step without people hearing it for a mile in each direction. He might be able to fight his way through a brick wall, but he couldn’t sneak across a carpeted floor with a pair of fuzzy slippers and a radio blasting music in another room. She sighed and rolled her eyes. She wasn’t enamoured with the idea of tangling with raiders already, and the fact that they couldn’t even kill a few made the whole ordeal look like it was going to be more trouble than it was worth. “Do you even know the groups in the area?” He looked back at her with a puzzled look on his face. “Did you think that there weren’t actual groups of raiders around here?” She shook her head. “Honestly you have a lot of learning to do if you’re going to manage with this job.” She held out her hand for the map with a wry look on her face. He handed it to her, and they looked at it together as she pointed at a spot on the map that was somewhere east of Bucket Town. “Listen up big guy. Somewhere east of town is where you’ll run into the Redskulls. They’re not exactly a friendly bunch. Last I’d heard there aren’t too many of them, but that could have changed. They were never the biggest group around, but the members that manage to survive being part of the group are mean as hell. I’d be especially careful around their turf because you’re likely to end up as dinner if they catch you.” Thomas scowled at her, and she continued on. “They aren’t as dangerous as you might be thinking though. They mostly use simple clubs and blades made out of bone, and they dress in hides so they’re pretty much covered in money if you kill a few.” She laughed at her little joke, but he didn’t say anything so she rolled her eyes at him again and pointed at another spot southwest of Bucket Town. |
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Thomas Grey, level 5, Ranger Rep +10, BT Rep +118, Brick Rep +15 SPECIAL: 6, 7, 7, 4, 7, 6, 3 Equipment Weaponry: Colt Army revolver, pocket revolver, 1x smoke/stun/baseball grenades. Armor: Pack rat clothing, leather greaves, reinforced chaps. Appearance: Caucasian. Tall, strong build, short thick curly brown hair. Dark eyes, a frown, and a cleanshaven face. Grey shirt with 3/4 sleeves and leather bracers. Jeans with reinforced leather chaps, and a tool belt. Companion: Elizabeth Sharpe - 4, 8, 4, 3, 5, 10, 6 - Small stature, but makes up for it with knives, a crossbow, and attitude. Level 5. +5 BT Rep. John Slater: SPECIAL 8(+1).4.10.5.5.4.5. One bad hombre | |
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| Mixtli | Nov 30 2016, 09:12 PM Post #2 |
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Resident Canadian
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“And over here is where you might run into the Signbacks. They’re a huge group, and violent as hell. I heard that they’re always checking out settlements to look for weaknesses they can use to rush in and take everything, and they’re armed with everything from rocks to rifles. The Redskulls may live in some ruins a few days east of town, but there are so many of these guys that they don’t really have a single spot. There are camps of them everywhere once you get a week or so southwest of town. If you were to ask for my advice, not that you thought to, I’d say we should head east first to check out the Redskulls and then come back through town before heading to Signback territory. All we can do down there is mark out where and large groups are gathering, and maybe any buildings that they’re reinforcing into a base of operations.” She folded the map up, handed it back to Thomas, and looked at him with her hands in her hoodie pocket. “Anything else you want to know or can we get going? This is going to take at least three weeks to get through so we better get started.” He still looked like he was processing the information, but he shook his head. He put the folded-up map into a pocket and groaned. “Man we’re going to have to be careful around these assholes. I’m glad you know a little bit around the area though, because we would have been screwed otherwise.” They checked to make sure that their water was filled, and they set off to the east to find out what the Redskulls were up to. The day passed without anything of note happening, and they found a spot that was out of sight from the road that they were walking on to sleep for the night. Thomas lay back and looked up at the stars. “I don’t think I thanked you for telling me all of that stuff about the raiders. I was thinking that we should stick to the proper scouting near their ruins at night, because they might see us if the sun is up. It’ll be easy to tell where they are by any fires that they keep lit at night.” He wadded up his shabby leather jacked and handed it to Elizabeth to use as a pillow. She didn’t say anything in thanks, but as she squirmed around on the ground trying to get comfortable she was grateful for the generosity he continued to show her. They both woke up as soon as the sun started to rise in the horizon, and after just a few minutes of being awake they were back on the road towards the ruins that Elizabeth thought the Redskulls called home. Clouds dimmed the sky today, and as they headed east they were happy that the heat wasn’t as oppressive as it usually was. They stopped to share a meal of the leftover boiled potatoes from the meal that Elizabeth had made earlier, and shortly after they started walking again they started to see signs of raider activity in the area. There were piles of human skulls that seemed carefully positioned to show who was in control of the area. The piles were three skulls by three on the bottom layer, two by two for the middle, and they were always crowned by a single skull on top that had been turned to face the road. It was like the skulls were watching anyone that was on the most common road through the area, and Thomas and Elizabeth decided that it would be safer if they weren’t moving on the most obvious road through town. |
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Thomas Grey, level 5, Ranger Rep +10, BT Rep +118, Brick Rep +15 SPECIAL: 6, 7, 7, 4, 7, 6, 3 Equipment Weaponry: Colt Army revolver, pocket revolver, 1x smoke/stun/baseball grenades. Armor: Pack rat clothing, leather greaves, reinforced chaps. Appearance: Caucasian. Tall, strong build, short thick curly brown hair. Dark eyes, a frown, and a cleanshaven face. Grey shirt with 3/4 sleeves and leather bracers. Jeans with reinforced leather chaps, and a tool belt. Companion: Elizabeth Sharpe - 4, 8, 4, 3, 5, 10, 6 - Small stature, but makes up for it with knives, a crossbow, and attitude. Level 5. +5 BT Rep. John Slater: SPECIAL 8(+1).4.10.5.5.4.5. One bad hombre | |
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| Mixtli | Nov 30 2016, 09:13 PM Post #3 |
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Resident Canadian
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They took a detour to get out of the way, and a half-hour later they were yet again heading towards the ruins on the horizon. They could see that the piles of skulls were growing more frequent as they got closer to the ruins, but they took the fact that none were “looking” in their direction as a good sign. Maybe there aren’t enough of them to cover the whole area, so they use the piles of skulls to scare people into moving forward faster rather than leave the road? If the skulls aren’t just a way of marking territory then these guys might be smarter than we’re giving them credit for. They grew closer to the ruins, and couldn’t hear anything so they stopped in the ruins of what looked like a general store. The front had completely come off, but the other walls were solid and there was enough of a roof above their heads that it was an attractive place to rest. Elizabeth held up one finger to her lips, and motioned for Thomas to stay back. She wanted to check the building out and the last thing she wanted was to have Thomas alert anyone that was inside and waiting to ambush any travelers that were coming by. She was only in for a minute or two before she came back out, and she jerked her head to tell Thomas that it was safe to come inside. As soon as they were both under the roof the sky seemed to open up, and it started to rain heavily outside. They sat inside where it was still warm. Thomas looked at Elizabeth. “You nap and I’ll keep watch so nobody gets the drop on us. When it gets dark we’ll get as close as we can to see if there’s anyone we should be scared of in those buildings.” She nodded in tired thanks, and lay down on the floor with her hood pulled up to shield her eyes from the remaining daylight. She hadn’t said anything to Thomas, but the long walk of the last day or two had taken a lot out of her so she was happy to get a chance to rest up. Thomas watched her sleep. He was amazed that all of the lines and emotion present on her face while awake faded when she fell asleep. When she was asleep she looked like any other teenage girl, and his determination to protect her and show her that she could live a different life was renewed. He let her sleep for hours, and didn’t wake her up until it had been dark for a few hours. The rain had slowed without stopping completely, and they stepped back outside as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes. “Any tracks that we leave won’t last long in the rain Elizabeth, so that’s one thing we don’t have to worry about.” She shook her head. If they were going to have to check things out without being noticed she was going to have to do most of the work herself. |
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Thomas Grey, level 5, Ranger Rep +10, BT Rep +118, Brick Rep +15 SPECIAL: 6, 7, 7, 4, 7, 6, 3 Equipment Weaponry: Colt Army revolver, pocket revolver, 1x smoke/stun/baseball grenades. Armor: Pack rat clothing, leather greaves, reinforced chaps. Appearance: Caucasian. Tall, strong build, short thick curly brown hair. Dark eyes, a frown, and a cleanshaven face. Grey shirt with 3/4 sleeves and leather bracers. Jeans with reinforced leather chaps, and a tool belt. Companion: Elizabeth Sharpe - 4, 8, 4, 3, 5, 10, 6 - Small stature, but makes up for it with knives, a crossbow, and attitude. Level 5. +5 BT Rep. John Slater: SPECIAL 8(+1).4.10.5.5.4.5. One bad hombre | |
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| Mixtli | Nov 30 2016, 09:15 PM Post #4 |
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Resident Canadian
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In the darkness and the rain they were able to see a glow in the distance. She made sure that Thomas was staying well behind her as she carefully moved forward, and soon they passed by an old sign that said LEAGUEVILLE AHEAD. They started to hear noise coming from somewhere in front of them. A few hundred yards away they could hear screaming and laughter. As they gradually crept closer that could see a huge gathering of people. They were all dressed in hides and covered in blood. Thomas couldn’t make out how many of them there were, but he knew that he couldn’t take on dozens of raiders so he told himself to play it safe. Elizabeth stopped him from getting any closer. She whispered to him that she was going to get closer by herself since she made a smaller target. He wasn’t happy with her decision, but he knew he wasn’t even close to her in terms of sneaking skills. As he watched her inch forward, his heart sank lower and lower. If anything happened to her because of his carelessness he wasn’t sure if he could live with himself. If they kill her I’ll take as many of them with me as I can before they overwhelm me. His grim line of thought continued for what felt like hours, when in fact an hour passed at most before Elizabeth slowly crept back in view. She made it over to him, and together they went back to the ruined store where she updated him on what she saw. She was pale, and looked like she was fighting to not be sick. “They’re killing people and cutting them up for a big bonfire. I don’t know how many there were, but this sure as hell is at least two dozen people that like to eat anyone they find.” She swallowed before she continued. “They’re putting up a large building. I don’t know it’s called but it looks weird. It has four sides and the walls are all coming in the higher it goes.” Thomas put a hand on her shoulder in a supportive gesture for a moment before he spoke. “Thanks for going ahead alone. Let’s mark where we are on the map and get the hell out of here while it’s dark out.” They marked their rough location on the map with a muddy dot before Thomas folded the map up again, and with many looks over their shoulders they put the chaos behind them and started to walk back to Bucket Town. Elizabeth was so disturbed by what she’d seen that she didn’t even realize how tired she was getting until hours later when her knees gave out and she fell to the ground under the heat of the midday sun. Thomas helped her back to her feet with his good hand. “Here I’ll give you a chance to rest while we get closer to town.” The fact that she didn’t even say anything as she climbed on his back showed how exhausted she really was, and with Elizabeth on his back Thomas kept walking until a few hours before sundown. By then his exhaustion was catching up with him as well, and he found a patch of brush that they could hide within for the night and fell asleep almost before his head touched the ground. |
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Thomas Grey, level 5, Ranger Rep +10, BT Rep +118, Brick Rep +15 SPECIAL: 6, 7, 7, 4, 7, 6, 3 Equipment Weaponry: Colt Army revolver, pocket revolver, 1x smoke/stun/baseball grenades. Armor: Pack rat clothing, leather greaves, reinforced chaps. Appearance: Caucasian. Tall, strong build, short thick curly brown hair. Dark eyes, a frown, and a cleanshaven face. Grey shirt with 3/4 sleeves and leather bracers. Jeans with reinforced leather chaps, and a tool belt. Companion: Elizabeth Sharpe - 4, 8, 4, 3, 5, 10, 6 - Small stature, but makes up for it with knives, a crossbow, and attitude. Level 5. +5 BT Rep. John Slater: SPECIAL 8(+1).4.10.5.5.4.5. One bad hombre | |
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| Mixtli | Nov 30 2016, 09:17 PM Post #5 |
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Resident Canadian
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He woke up the next morning to the sound of screaming. He wildly looked around, and saw Elizabeth grabbling with two ragged men. “Quick lets take this bitch out before the other guy wakes up!” Thomas stumbled to his feet and fought to draw his gun. “Let go of her or I’ll shoot both of you!” The men were startled by his voice, and while one took a step away the other wrapped an arm around her neck and stood behind her to shield himself from any bullets. The one that stepped away had his hands up. “I swear we thought you two were dead and had been ditched back here. A-and then she woke up and we didn’t know what to do. Please don’t shoot us!” On a closer look the two of them weren’t even armed. Thomas couldn’t even see a knife on either of them. They were dressed in little more than rags, and both of them had sunken eyes and chapped lips. Thomas shook his head. “I’ll put a bullet in each of you if he doesn’t let her go right now.” He jerked the barrel of the gun towards to one using Elizabeth as a human shield. His face was screwed up with fear, but when his brother shot him a pleading look he let go of her and stood next to his brother with a mix of fear and shame on his face. Thomas scowled at them for a moment before pointing with his gun. “If you two aren’t aware, Bucket Town is that way. We’re heading there right now, and should be there before tonight. You can come with us if you’d like to get a chance at work, but if you do come with us you’ll be walking in front of us with your hands in sight.” The two men nodded hurriedly. “We aren’t from around here. We came from the south, but we got help up a few days ago by bandits and lost all of our gear. If you show us where to go we’ll happily walk in front of you guys.” They were so apologetic that Thomas felt sorry for them. Anyone in the wasteland could find themselves in the same situation as these two, and he thought back to when he’d gotten by on charity after he’d been freed from the farm where he’d been a slave. Elizabeth didn’t seem too happy about it, but they found themselves back on the road west with the two ragged men walking in front of them whispering excitedly to each other. Thomas shouted ahead to them. “I’ll let you know if we have to turn, but we should be there in a few hours.” And to the pleasure of all four of them they saw the settlement in the distance just a few hours later. Thomas shook the proffered hands of the two men as they said their thanks, and the two groups parted ways. Thomas and Elizabeth drank their fill before setting out on a southwest path to the Signbacks. |
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Thomas Grey, level 5, Ranger Rep +10, BT Rep +118, Brick Rep +15 SPECIAL: 6, 7, 7, 4, 7, 6, 3 Equipment Weaponry: Colt Army revolver, pocket revolver, 1x smoke/stun/baseball grenades. Armor: Pack rat clothing, leather greaves, reinforced chaps. Appearance: Caucasian. Tall, strong build, short thick curly brown hair. Dark eyes, a frown, and a cleanshaven face. Grey shirt with 3/4 sleeves and leather bracers. Jeans with reinforced leather chaps, and a tool belt. Companion: Elizabeth Sharpe - 4, 8, 4, 3, 5, 10, 6 - Small stature, but makes up for it with knives, a crossbow, and attitude. Level 5. +5 BT Rep. John Slater: SPECIAL 8(+1).4.10.5.5.4.5. One bad hombre | |
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| Mixtli | Nov 30 2016, 09:18 PM Post #6 |
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Resident Canadian
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The road southwest was in worse shape than the one they’re walked to find the Redskulls. Thomas pointed at the torn up ground. “I’ll bet that there’s less traffic coming this way if the territory ahead belongs to the Signbacks.” He sighed as they once again left Bucket Town behind them. “After this I promise we’re going to get a minute to hunt down something that’s good eating and actually have a nice night.” She looked back at him and shrugged. She was used to having to steal food to survive, so as far as she cared hunting and all that was too much trouble to be any good. She couldn’t even shoot a gun without flinching, but she was loath to admit to anyone that she wanted to learn how to shoot properly. Thomas saw Elizabeth looking at his revolver and it only took a few seconds to figure out what she was thinking. “Have you ever shot a gun before? Not just pulled the trigger, but really put thought and care into what you were doing?” She scowled at him, and he grinned at her. “Well let’s take a minute and see how good of a shot you are girlie.” She bristled at the use of “girlie” but managed to relax a little bit when she realized that he meant no harm in it. Thomas kept walking as he searched for something in particular by the side of the road. “Ah here we go!” He picked up an old and rusted can, walked over to the roadside barrier, and placed the can on a post that was still mostly upright. He gestured with one hand for Elizabeth to follow him, and he took a number of steps to move away from the positioned can. Once they were a reasonable distance away, he stopped and turned to face the can. She turned as well and seemed to wait for some sort of cue. Thomas looked at the crude shotgun that she had slung over her shoulder. “Well? Hand that to me so I can see what you’re working with.” She grabbed it and passed it to him, and he looked at the shotgun. “Alright it’s not in great shape.” He cracked it open and saw that it was unloaded. “If it doesn’t have a shell in it then you can only use it as a club, but to be honest maybe you should keep it unloaded until you’re more comfortable with it.” He continued the quick inspection. “The trigger isn’t loose or anything, but there a lot of dirt and all that shit in the mechanism.” He handed her the shotgun, and she looked at it. “Thomas what the hell do you want me to do with this fu- oh I guess I should load the stupid thing right?” She fumbled with a pocket on her shorts, and pulled out a grimy shell. “I have a couple of these, but I’ve only shot this thing once or twice. I’m more of a “stabby” kind of girl so this isn’t really what I’d call my first choice.” With the shell in place she closed the mechanism and aimed down the sights. |
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Thomas Grey, level 5, Ranger Rep +10, BT Rep +118, Brick Rep +15 SPECIAL: 6, 7, 7, 4, 7, 6, 3 Equipment Weaponry: Colt Army revolver, pocket revolver, 1x smoke/stun/baseball grenades. Armor: Pack rat clothing, leather greaves, reinforced chaps. Appearance: Caucasian. Tall, strong build, short thick curly brown hair. Dark eyes, a frown, and a cleanshaven face. Grey shirt with 3/4 sleeves and leather bracers. Jeans with reinforced leather chaps, and a tool belt. Companion: Elizabeth Sharpe - 4, 8, 4, 3, 5, 10, 6 - Small stature, but makes up for it with knives, a crossbow, and attitude. Level 5. +5 BT Rep. John Slater: SPECIAL 8(+1).4.10.5.5.4.5. One bad hombre | |
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| Mixtli | Nov 30 2016, 09:19 PM Post #7 |
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Resident Canadian
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Thomas knew he’d have to be cautious about what came next. She didn’t quite treat him like she treated other people, but if she thought he was getting fresh she’d probably stick a knife in his eye before he could explain what he was doing. “Alright Elizabeth, now I need to look over your shoulder from behind to see how you’re aiming. And keep your finger off the trigger until I say so ok?” She looked back at him and narrowed her eyes for a moment before appearing to make up her mind. She nodded curtly and went back to looking down the sights at the can. He moved closer to her back, until he bumped her gently with his chest. “Shit sorry about that.” He peered over her shoulder, and after looking for a moment he walked to her side. He put the tip of his index finger on the butt of the shotgun right in front of where her cheek was resting and gently tapped on it. “Move this down a little bit more. You want it to be firmly against your shoulder.” She shifted her weight and complied with his request. She didn’t really want to talk about it, but she wasn’t comfortable using guns. They were loud, they could kill you from farther that you could see, and most of all they reminded her of her father. He’d been loud and dangerous as well, and every now and then when she was a girl he’d shoot in her direction and if anyone in town bothered to pretend enough to care he would just say that there was a molerat or radroach causing a fuss outside. Maybe it would be a smart idea if I didn’t drift off in thought while I was holding a fucking gun? She snapped back to the present, but from the look on Thomas’ face she had probably only drifted off for a few seconds. Nervous about trying to shoot, and embarrassed that she’d lost her train of thought, she pulled the trigger before really preparing herself. The blast wasn’t anywhere near enough to knock her over, but the loud noise made her flinch and she dropped the shotgun on the ground before she knew what she was doing. “God dammit fucking gun. More like shitgun this stupid goddamn thing.” She rubbed at her shoulder before squatting down to pick the shotgun back up. Thomas held his hands up. “We don’t have enough shells to be using them when we don’t have to.” He shrugged as she slung the shotgun over her shoulder again. “Your posture was alright but you missed the shot. My advice would be stick with your knives and use the shotgun if things ever go bad.” He looked around. “Alright we should really get back on the road. If we get a chance to get some more shells to practice with I’ll give you all of the advice you want. Elizabeth scowled at him. “Don’t be an asshole Thomas I know I should stick with my knives. I bet I’ve stabbed more assholes than you’re shot.” He looked sad for a moment, and tried to find words for what he was feeling. “And that’s a goddamn shame Elizabeth.” They approached the road, and he patted her on the head. “And I have to say, you might not have much if any real experience with guns but you took the recoil like a champ.” Even as she swiped at his hand to smack it away she smiled at the unexpected praise. As they started to walk again she stopped for a moment, and then turned and ran over to where the can was sitting on the post. She hit it off of the post before running to catch up to Thomas. “I thought for a minute that I was going to have to leave you behind kiddo. Now let’s put some of the road behind us.” |
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Thomas Grey, level 5, Ranger Rep +10, BT Rep +118, Brick Rep +15 SPECIAL: 6, 7, 7, 4, 7, 6, 3 Equipment Weaponry: Colt Army revolver, pocket revolver, 1x smoke/stun/baseball grenades. Armor: Pack rat clothing, leather greaves, reinforced chaps. Appearance: Caucasian. Tall, strong build, short thick curly brown hair. Dark eyes, a frown, and a cleanshaven face. Grey shirt with 3/4 sleeves and leather bracers. Jeans with reinforced leather chaps, and a tool belt. Companion: Elizabeth Sharpe - 4, 8, 4, 3, 5, 10, 6 - Small stature, but makes up for it with knives, a crossbow, and attitude. Level 5. +5 BT Rep. John Slater: SPECIAL 8(+1).4.10.5.5.4.5. One bad hombre | |
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| Mixtli | Nov 30 2016, 09:20 PM Post #8 |
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Resident Canadian
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The next few days were rather uneventful. They managed to actually find a small body of running water that had some plant life around it that an eternal optimist would call greenish in colour, so they decided it was probably safe enough to drink from. After a few minutes they were still alive and kicking so they topped off their water bottles and after Thomas made a mental note of where the little stream was they went back on the road. After five days of walking all day and sleeping on the most comfortable patch of dirt they could find that wasn’t visible from the road, they realized that things had really started to change around them. There were bones by the side of the road every now and then, and Thomas realized that more often than not they were human bones. He also realized that some time ago they’d stopped seeing road signs. Alright so I guess Signbacks really do have a thing for road signs. He stopped and turned to face Elizabeth, who was in her traditional spot that was roughly two feet behind him at all times. She’d clued in on the fact that they were in dangerous territory; her nerves were singing and she couldn’t stop scanning the area around them for potential hiding places that would be great to launch an ambush from. Thomas gently touched her shoulder to get her attention, and she flinched at the contact but looked at him waiting for him to say something. “Elizabeth I think we should try and hide in the day and move out at night. The trees have been thinning out for a day or so and I don’t want us out in the open when we can be spotted from a distance.” They walked until the sun was overhead, and then Thomas looked for a place that had enough cover that they wouldn’t be seen unless one of them stood up or someone that was walking by managed to step on them. Elizabeth displayed the ability to sleep lightly but almost on command, and in minutes she was oblivious to the world while Thomas was still straining his ears for the sound of footsteps. He eventually fell asleep and had a fitful three or four hours of rest before he was woken up by the buzz of nocturnal insects. The moon was out, but it wasn’t a full moon so there wasn’t too much illumination for them to make use of as they continued on their way. He reached over to wake up Elizabeth, but she let him know that she was already awake and ready to go by slapping his hand and getting to her feet. He stood up right after, but by the time he was looking around for her she’d already managed to slip away without even rustling any of the dried out leaves of the bushes around them. He made his was back to the road and stopped to look around for her. “Elizabeth,” he hissed in a low whisper, “where the hell are you?” A tap on his back made him jump, and he spun to face whatever had touched him while trying to pull his hatchet from his belt only to come face to face with Elizabeth’s smug face. She rolled her eyes at him and pressed a finger to her lips before she started down the road without a glance back to him to see if he was following her. He wasn’t surprised that she was enjoying the night-time skulking. She had only given up on being a nocturnal creature after joining up with him, and clearly she still preferred to do her thing at night. |
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Thomas Grey, level 5, Ranger Rep +10, BT Rep +118, Brick Rep +15 SPECIAL: 6, 7, 7, 4, 7, 6, 3 Equipment Weaponry: Colt Army revolver, pocket revolver, 1x smoke/stun/baseball grenades. Armor: Pack rat clothing, leather greaves, reinforced chaps. Appearance: Caucasian. Tall, strong build, short thick curly brown hair. Dark eyes, a frown, and a cleanshaven face. Grey shirt with 3/4 sleeves and leather bracers. Jeans with reinforced leather chaps, and a tool belt. Companion: Elizabeth Sharpe - 4, 8, 4, 3, 5, 10, 6 - Small stature, but makes up for it with knives, a crossbow, and attitude. Level 5. +5 BT Rep. John Slater: SPECIAL 8(+1).4.10.5.5.4.5. One bad hombre | |
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| Mixtli | Nov 30 2016, 09:21 PM Post #9 |
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Resident Canadian
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Elizabeth was beyond happy that the heavy-stepper had finally decided that they should be walking at night and sleeping during the day. He might be able to do dumb shit like shoot a gun, but when it came to avoiding unwanted attention she was the king. Or queen? Fuck it she was the king of sneaking and if anyone didn’t like that then they better sleep behind a locked door because she had a sharp point that she would be willing to use to prove how much better she was at moving around without making any noise. She could hear him walking behind her and she shook her head at the noise. It wasn’t that he was actually being loud, it was just that there was a hell of a difference between quiet-ish and silent. She kept her eyes and ears wide open to catch any sign that there was an enemy laying in wait, but a couple hours after they had passed the tree line and found themselves on the open road once again she heard some loud noises in the distance. She looked at Thomas and pointed to a bush by the side of the road. When he didn’t move she pointed at it again with a much more emphatic motion. He might have scowled, but the dim moonlight didn’t reveal the facial expression nearly as well as it revealed her grin as he settled down in the dirt. Keeping her head down, she quickly dashed forward to see what the source of the commotion was. She went off-road when she got closer, and when she crested a small hill to avoid a lookout that was snoring in the dirt she started to see light from some large fires, and when she was close enough to make out what was going on her blood ran cold. It was a prewar building that looked like it hadn’t started to fall apart, and now that what looked like eighty or more Signbacks were working to fortify both the building and a crude wall around it the chance that the building would crumble was probably zero. She could make out a tall man with a helmet that was constructed out of a folded stop sign as he paced back and forth along the grounds and shouted at the working men and women. Even from how far away Elizabeth was she could hear his powerful voice, so she figured he was even bigger than he seemed from where she could see him. “We’re running behind! I expect the west doors completely blocked off and the southern wall to be solid before any of you get to lie down for sleep. This is going to be an important point in holding the territory around here and-“ He seemed to look in Elizabeth’s direction. He couldn’t possibly see her from so far while she was in the dark, could he? Her heart started to race, and then she heard him shout again. “Where is the lookout in that area? I know I ordered one to go over there and fucking LOOK OUT.” He pointed at two burly figures that were carrying a load of scrap wood to the wall. “You two go over there. If my lookout is asleep instead of just having a quick walk to take a look around then I want you to wake him up, break his legs, and then drag him over here so I can cut his damn head off. I won’t tolerate any more fucking around! We don’t have much time before more of us come to start working out of here and I won’t let some slackers be the reason I don’t have a strong outpost ready and waiting for them!” The two figures he had pointed to dropped the load of wood that they were carrying and started to lumber in Elizabeth’s direction, and she decided that it was a good idea to get going and find Thomas so they could get back to Bucket Town, where they would at least feel safe from all of these fucking raiders. |
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Thomas Grey, level 5, Ranger Rep +10, BT Rep +118, Brick Rep +15 SPECIAL: 6, 7, 7, 4, 7, 6, 3 Equipment Weaponry: Colt Army revolver, pocket revolver, 1x smoke/stun/baseball grenades. Armor: Pack rat clothing, leather greaves, reinforced chaps. Appearance: Caucasian. Tall, strong build, short thick curly brown hair. Dark eyes, a frown, and a cleanshaven face. Grey shirt with 3/4 sleeves and leather bracers. Jeans with reinforced leather chaps, and a tool belt. Companion: Elizabeth Sharpe - 4, 8, 4, 3, 5, 10, 6 - Small stature, but makes up for it with knives, a crossbow, and attitude. Level 5. +5 BT Rep. John Slater: SPECIAL 8(+1).4.10.5.5.4.5. One bad hombre | |
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| Mixtli | Nov 30 2016, 09:22 PM Post #10 |
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Resident Canadian
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She found Thomas where she had ordered him heheh to wait for her. He had hardly shifted his weight around, and when he saw her he was slow in standing back up. “There’s a fucking school or something down there. It’s two floors with a rough wooden wall that’s going to surround it when they’re done building it. It’s full of Signbacks, I’d say at least seventy-five or eighty and I heard the one in charge say that more were on their way. Let’s get the fuck out of here I want to leave these maniacs far behind us.” As they turned and started to make their way back down the road they had just came from, she could hear the faint sound of begging in the distance, followed closely by a scream of agony. She put a little spring in her step and a rare genuine smile crossed her face. She had no love for raiders, and one as useless as the sleeping lookout deserved whatever he got. They marked the school/Signback base on the map and headed on their way. They chose to travel back at night for a day longer than they had on their way to the Signbacks, if for no other reason than just because they wanted to make sure that they weren’t being followed back to town. Other than making another stop at the little stream, the only event that stood out during their return was when Thomas stepped out of sight and started a few wild dogs. He kicked the closest one as they circled him and prepared to jump on him, and managed to scare them away. When he heard Elizabeth running over to see if everything was ok he yelped and hurriedly sorted himself out and tried to zip his short back up before she saw him, and she was quick to let hi know that his modesty was safe even though she’d heard him squeak from where she was. He was embarrassed, but then he realized that she was just giving him a hard time to try to get a reaction out of him so he slung her over a shoulder for a few minutes until she threatened to cut her way to the ground. After days of walking they finally made it back to Bucket Town. Their feet were sore, and they were both ready to kill for a full night’s sleep, and as soon as they were walking around the usual listless wanderers in the dusty streets Thomas headed back to the Sheriff’s office to turn in the map and finish the job |
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Thomas Grey, level 5, Ranger Rep +10, BT Rep +118, Brick Rep +15 SPECIAL: 6, 7, 7, 4, 7, 6, 3 Equipment Weaponry: Colt Army revolver, pocket revolver, 1x smoke/stun/baseball grenades. Armor: Pack rat clothing, leather greaves, reinforced chaps. Appearance: Caucasian. Tall, strong build, short thick curly brown hair. Dark eyes, a frown, and a cleanshaven face. Grey shirt with 3/4 sleeves and leather bracers. Jeans with reinforced leather chaps, and a tool belt. Companion: Elizabeth Sharpe - 4, 8, 4, 3, 5, 10, 6 - Small stature, but makes up for it with knives, a crossbow, and attitude. Level 5. +5 BT Rep. John Slater: SPECIAL 8(+1).4.10.5.5.4.5. One bad hombre | |
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| azstarael | Dec 4 2016, 04:52 PM Post #11 |
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"Got a light?"
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Newly-appointed Jr Mod AZ reporting for duty, fam. Lube up and let’s get to it q: I’ve always enjoyed your writing, but there are definitely some things you can improve on. Your biggest issue is the run-on sentences. One that really made me cringe was “Fuck it she was the king of sneaking and if anyone didn’t like that then they better sleep behind a locked door because she had a sharp point that she would be willing to use to prove how much better she was at moving around without making any noise.” If we break that up, it turns into “Fuck it; she was the king of sneaking, and if anyone didn’t like that, then they better sleep behind a locked door. She had a sharp point that she was willing to use to prove how much better she was at moving around without making any noise.” This is consistent through your writing, so make sure to give your future work a more thorough combing before considering it finished. Watch out when switching from third person to first person. I do internal monologue myself, so I know what you’re doing there, but you need to portray that switch more cleanly. This one- “ if anyone in town bothered to pretend enough to care he would just say that there was a molerat or radroach causing a fuss outside. Maybe it would be a smart idea if I didn’t drift off in thought while I was holding a fucking gun? She snapped back to the present…” I’d either start a new line and use italics, or put it in a single quotation ‘like so’. It only happened once, but for the sake of good flow, this- “Do you even know the groups in the area?” He looked back at her with a puzzled look on his face. “Did you think that there weren’t actual groups of raiders around here?” should have somehow been prefaced to specify that it was Liz speaking. For instance: Elizabeth raised an eyebrow at Thomas. “Do you even know the groups in the area?” Content-wise, I didn’t have any issues, apart from the pace being pretty slow. I understand your reasoning; it was a scouting mission, so the goal was NOT to get into trouble, but still. It’s a big, dangerous Wasteland, and a few more points of conflict wouldn’t have gone amiss. Nearly spotted by a scouting party, the raiders could have left traps off-road to snag unsuspecting plebs and Liz has to save Thomas from a snare or something, all kinds of possibilities. Related, I didn’t like how they made it to shelter just before the rain started. Let the suckers have some misfortune, get soggy and miserable, give Liz a few more good reasons to complain and call Thomas an idiot. I had to re-read the bit with the two roadside goons to decide if I liked the way you played it out. The verdict was, yes I did. One thing you need to consider, though- you describe Thomas as a surly gunslinger, and only one of those things is true. This isn’t a bad thing for the character; frankly, I like him better as a kind-hearted guy who’s a lot smarter than he knows, just wants to protect what little good is left in the world. It’s especially cool given his background, there would definitely be motivation to look out for those who can’t protect themselves. On the other hand, I feel like Elizabeth would have made a lot more fuss over the whole “not murdering them dead” thing. She doesn’t seem like the kind of girl who’d take kindly to being grappled (you’d put grabbled, watch that spelling, babe) by two strange men, and would probably at least try to give them a few scars to remember her by. Proofread, then proofread again, then again for good measure. There are some minor typos and misplaced words, I saw an open quotation once, little things that can be avoided by a good nit-picking, or letting someone else read it over first. A few more notes on the kids. It might just be those run-ons, but the dialogue has a very wooden feel to it. I do appreciate the characterization. They both have a very distinctive tone, which can be hard to pull off. You also do a good job highlighting the way Thom and Liz compliment each other in terms of strengths and weaknesses. One thing that irked me badly, though, was when they first enter Redskull territory. While switching the sleep schedule was a good idea, you have them both sleeping at the same time, which, given that you noted Elizabeth’s nervousness in the same paragraph, simply wouldn’t happen. One of them should have been on watch at all times, giving the other an hour or two to sleep and switching off. They’re in hostile territory, definitely not the time to let their guard down. One of the rare times I felt Liz was kind of OOC was this- She bristled at the use of “girlie” but managed to relax a little bit when she realized that he meant no harm in it. Like, duh, of course Thom doesn’t mean anything bad by it, but I would think she’d still be pissy about the demeaning, no matter how good natured. Also, they shake their heads a lot. Try to switch up the motions when you need a buffer between or after dialogue. The rest of this is less analytical and more personal opinion, so do with it what you will. Your narrative as a whole is fairly flat, a lot of redundancies to watch out for; “I was thinking that we should stick to the proper scouting near their ruins at night, because they might see us if the sun is up. It’ll be easy to tell where they are by any fires that they keep lit at night.” You don’t need that second “at night”, just another example of proofing carefully. Similar- “He let her sleep for hours, and didn’t wake her up until it had been dark for a few hours.” And remember, I’m always happy to beta for you, too ![]() This one is less common, but you use some weird phrasing sometimes, and it can be a bit jarring. One example- “Members that manage to survive being part of the group are mean as hell.” I don’t like ‘being part of the group’. Either you’re talking about an initiation, or inferring that the lifestyle is very violent. If it’s the former, you’ve got a solid word, use it. If it’s the latter, specify that in another sentence. Another one- ‘There were piles of human skulls that seemed carefully positioned to show who was in control of the area.‘ This is a great visual, but blandly executed. Now, I do very much appreciate you keeping your writing concise. One of my biggest pet peeves is purple prose, and that’s never been an issue. I think, in fact, you could stand to get just very, very slightly more flowery. ‘Thomas heard Elizabeth take a sharp breath the first time they came across a pile of human skulls. The gristly remains leered at them, several of them sporting a hole or two more than usual. They were all pointed at the road, empty eye sockets seeming to stare at them accusingly.’ Also, the gang is called the Redskulls. I think it would have been fun to do something with that in terms of them being splattered with paint or something. The Signbacks trip was definitely superior in terms of interest and enjoyment. I especially liked the leader and his almost-over-the-top brutality. The bit where he turns and stares in Liz’s direction was well done; gave me a mild jolt in my stomach. Overall, a solid piece. The only real issues were punctuation and a need for further proofing. Well done, my friend- now on to what you really wanted to see.
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Spike, level 5 (Hardcore Mode) S:4 P:9(-1) E:7 C:2 I:4(-1) A:10(+1) L:5 Perks Finesse | Small Frame | Chem Reliant Equipment: Switchblade | Rudimentary revolver | x5 Throwing Knives (GC) | Scary Terry Knife Gauntlet Armor: Duster coat (Poor Condition) Reputation Bucket Town (-30) Claw (Companion) S:2 P:7 E:9 C:3 I:9 A:8 L:2 Perks Jinxed | Hunter| Marksman Equipment Junk flinger | Kitchen knife (Poor Condition) Armor Desert Clothing (Poor Condition) Nicholas Stahley, level 1 S.4 P.8 E.3 C.6 I.8 A.4 L.7 Perks Improv Artist | Perfectionist | Fast Learner Equipment Homemade Shotgun | Zip Gun Armor Dirty Pre-war Clothes | |
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