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| Perception and Luck (Finally!); Are big ears unlucky? | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jul 28 2016, 02:54 PM (78 Views) | |
| Mixtli | Jul 28 2016, 02:54 PM Post #1 |
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Resident Canadian
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Perception Thomas scratched the top of his head, trying to think of the next story he could tell. “Well, I guess the next lesson I learned was when I learned how to properly listen and use my eyes to stay aware of my surroundings. In fact, this happened just a few days after we left Bartertown. Ripple transition to the past [It’s just a few days after the caravan left Buckettown. Thomas is enjoying being back on the road and working as a caravan guard again. It’s late. The sun is setting, but they have fallen behind schedule because a broken wheel on the wagon has forced them to stop and make repairs.] Thomas watched Marcus glaring at the setting sun. His boss was furious that the wagon had hit a pothole and broken a wheel. They were hours behind schedule and nowhere near a safe zone that they could spend the night in. Thomas was worried. Even though Doc and Marcus hadn’t said anything he knew that they weren’t out of bandit territory yet. They were a few days west of Bartertown, and making the trip through a number of small settlements all the way to Buckettown. They hadn’t run into any trouble so far, but they were in dangerous territory and it was quickly getting dark. As the last few minutes of daylight ran out Marcus turned to Thomas. “Boy it’s going to get dangerous out here once the sun’s gone. We’re lucky enough to have a full moon tonight, but with all of the trees and uneven ground around us there will be plenty of chances for bandits to ambush us.” Thomas nodded at his employer. He could feel the adrenaline in his blood start to flow. He’d been in gunfights before, and even an ambush or two with the caravan, but never an ambush at night. As the sun set he drew his revolver and rotated the cylinder so there was a round in the chamber. He didn’t cock the hammer, but he’d be able to do that and fire in no time should the need arise. An hour passed, and another, until eventually it was past midnight. It was getting cold out without the sun to warm the earth, and a mist started to rise from the ground. It obscured everything past a dozen feet, and Thomas started to get jumpy. As the wagon crested a hill, a gunshot rang out from the shadows. The Brahmin pulling the wagon spooked, and ran straight down the slope and continued on down the road at a frantic speed. The terrified animal wasn’t responding to Marcus’s commands, and in a matter of seconds the wagon was out of sight. As soon as Thomas had heard the shot he had thrown himself into the brush. Since he was the rear guard he had been behind the wagon, and Brian, the front guard, hadn’t been run over so he must have jumped on the wagon to stay with Marcus and Doc. |
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Thomas Grey, level 5, Ranger Rep +10, BT Rep +118, Brick Rep +15 SPECIAL: 6, 7, 7, 4, 7, 6, 3 Equipment Weaponry: Colt Army revolver, pocket revolver, 1x smoke/stun/baseball grenades. Armor: Pack rat clothing, leather greaves, reinforced chaps. Appearance: Caucasian. Tall, strong build, short thick curly brown hair. Dark eyes, a frown, and a cleanshaven face. Grey shirt with 3/4 sleeves and leather bracers. Jeans with reinforced leather chaps, and a tool belt. Companion: Elizabeth Sharpe - 4, 8, 4, 3, 5, 10, 6 - Small stature, but makes up for it with knives, a crossbow, and attitude. Level 5. +5 BT Rep. John Slater: SPECIAL 8(+1).4.10.5.5.4.5. One bad hombre | |
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| Mixtli | Jul 28 2016, 02:55 PM Post #2 |
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Resident Canadian
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He lay in the brush, as still as he could be. He heard two or three unfamiliar voices yelling at each other. That must be the bandits! He stayed on the ground and listened to the voices fade. The bandits were furious that the wagon had gotten away, and they quickly gave chase. Thomas was terrified. Did only three men ambush the wagon? If more had then maybe one or two was sitting around waiting to see if anyone had fallen off of the wagon. He waited for a minute, and stood back up in a crouch. He decided that he had to regroup with the others as soon as possible. While staying in the crouch, he started moving down the road while making as little noise as possible. He looked wildly from side to side, trying his best to detect any hidden assailants. He felt too visible on the road, so he moved about a dozen feet into the rough terrain on the side of the road. In the distance he could hear the sound of gunshots ringing out. As long as there are people shooting there will be someone from the caravan that’s still alive and fighting. He moved as quickly as he could without stomping through the brush. The yelling and gunshots gradually grew closer. After what felt like an eternity he thought that he could almost make out the wagon through the fog. It was about a hundred feet down the road. On one side of the wagon his friends were taking cover, and on the other the bandits were also hiding behind some trees and rocks for cover. Thomas dropped to his hands and knees, and with his eyes opened wide he started to crawl through the brush towards the wagon at a snail’s pace. Why weren’t the bandits just circling around to kill the caravan employees? He froze in place with his stomach pressed against the dirt. Was that a voice he’d just heard? It was much closer to him than he thought the wagon was, so it didn’t make sense. He realized that it meant that there were at least two men waiting to ambush him as he approached the wagon to help the others. One of the bandits must have noticed him before they had run after the wagon and decided to kill him before he could return to the wagon and help fight the thieves. His blood ran cold, and he struggled to figure out where they were. After a few seconds he heart some muttering from a ditch that had been eroded next to the road. It was on the same side that he was, so he inched closer to take a closer look. It took a minute or so, but eventually he made it past where the men were hiding and turned around to attack them from behind. There was two men huddled in the ditch, and they were both facing away from Thomas since they weren’t expecting him to get past them without them noticing him. One of the men had what looked like a muzzle loaded gun, and the other had what may have once been a baseball bat before it had splintered into a broken chunk of wood with a handle. As Thomas grew closer to the two bandits that were trying to ambush him he pulled his revolver back out of his belt. What was the best way to do this? If he shot the man with the gun then he’d have to deal with the guy with the club. But if he shot the man with the club then he’d have to contend with the gunman. He wasn’t sure that he could manually rotate the cylinder of his revolver fast enough to shoot both of the men, and he realized something. If he shot from further away he’d get more time to reload and fire again. He stood up in a crouch and cocked the hammer back. He took careful aim, and shot the man with the rifle in the back. The gunman dropped to the ground like a bag of rocks, and in his panic the other man actually dropped his club. Thomas rotated the cylinder and cocked the hammer again. He waited for the bandit to pop his head back into view |
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Thomas Grey, level 5, Ranger Rep +10, BT Rep +118, Brick Rep +15 SPECIAL: 6, 7, 7, 4, 7, 6, 3 Equipment Weaponry: Colt Army revolver, pocket revolver, 1x smoke/stun/baseball grenades. Armor: Pack rat clothing, leather greaves, reinforced chaps. Appearance: Caucasian. Tall, strong build, short thick curly brown hair. Dark eyes, a frown, and a cleanshaven face. Grey shirt with 3/4 sleeves and leather bracers. Jeans with reinforced leather chaps, and a tool belt. Companion: Elizabeth Sharpe - 4, 8, 4, 3, 5, 10, 6 - Small stature, but makes up for it with knives, a crossbow, and attitude. Level 5. +5 BT Rep. John Slater: SPECIAL 8(+1).4.10.5.5.4.5. One bad hombre | |
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| Mixtli | Jul 28 2016, 02:57 PM Post #3 |
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Resident Canadian
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All of a sudden, the barrel of the muzzleloader poked out above the edge of the ditch, and the bandit that was holding onto the gun shouted out. “Guys, one of them got the drop on us. He killed Rick!” Thomas drew his hatchet from his belt with his left hand and threw it at the bush on the other side of the ditch. The man in the ditch jumped up and aimed his gun towards the sound while looking for something to shoot. He must have realized what had happened, and he spun around to face where Thomas actually was. He was too late, and Thomas shot him in the side before he’d turned all the way, and then jumped in the ditch to finish the job. He bludgeoned the fallen man in the head with the butt of his gun until he stopped moving. He grabbed the fallen rifle and was relieved to see that it hadn’t been fired in the confusion. He reloaded his revolver and started towards the wagon to see what had happened to his friends. He heard all three of them yelling to each other, and saw why the bandits hadn’t just circled around to kill them. There was one man a few feet out of cover, and apparently Doc had separated most of his head from his shoulders with his shotgun. Another man lay bleeding out on the dirt, and one final bandit was panicking from where he was hiding behind his cover. Unfortunately for him, he was in sight from where Thomas was crouched behind a bush, so all the cover between the bandit and the wagon wouldn’t help him at all. Thomas took aim with the rifle. Once he shot the bandit he would have almost single-handedly beaten the ambush back! He’d probably get a raise, or a bonus for his bravery! As he was taking aim he heard a footstep close behind him. He turned around and swung the rifle like a club. Apparently the first person he’d shot Rick? hadn’t actually been killed. He’d tried to sneak up behind Thomas, probably intending to stab him in the back with the wicked little knife that was in his hand. He didn’t get close enough before Thomas had heard his footsteps though, and the end of the gun barrel caught him right in the temple. Thomas watched the bandit drop unconscious from the blow, and this time he stepped on his throat with all of his weight. If he was faking death again, he wouldn’t be faking it for long with a crushed windpipe. He returned his attention to the last bandit and took aim. He fired, and the man jumped straight into the air and turned around with a surprised look on his face. Huh I guess I missed. Looks like it’s my turn to get shot, he thought to himself as he tried to dive to the ground. A shotgun blast boomed out, and after a moment of silence Thomas gingerly moved on the ground to try and get behind cover. |
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Thomas Grey, level 5, Ranger Rep +10, BT Rep +118, Brick Rep +15 SPECIAL: 6, 7, 7, 4, 7, 6, 3 Equipment Weaponry: Colt Army revolver, pocket revolver, 1x smoke/stun/baseball grenades. Armor: Pack rat clothing, leather greaves, reinforced chaps. Appearance: Caucasian. Tall, strong build, short thick curly brown hair. Dark eyes, a frown, and a cleanshaven face. Grey shirt with 3/4 sleeves and leather bracers. Jeans with reinforced leather chaps, and a tool belt. Companion: Elizabeth Sharpe - 4, 8, 4, 3, 5, 10, 6 - Small stature, but makes up for it with knives, a crossbow, and attitude. Level 5. +5 BT Rep. John Slater: SPECIAL 8(+1).4.10.5.5.4.5. One bad hombre | |
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| Mixtli | Jul 28 2016, 02:59 PM Post #4 |
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Resident Canadian
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He cocked his revolver again, and before he could even sit up a voice rang out. “Thomas is that you? If it is then they’re dead and we ain’t it’s safe to come out. If it isn’t Thomas, then I’m going to take whoever is moving around over there and burn them alive!” That was Marcus! Thomas thumbed the hammer down on his gun, and called back to his boss. “I’m still alive Marcus, and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t shoot me when I stand up!” And with that he put his hands above his head and got back on his feet. Once Doc looked them over and patched everyone all up, Thomas told Marcus what had happened. Marcus whistled. “You crawled through the dirt and brush to get back to us? Well that explains all of the dirt on your front! The Brahmin isn’t hurt more than a few scrapes, so let’s get going and get the hell out of bandit territory.” And after going over all of the bandits for anything valuable enough to keep they set started to get back on the move. Ripple transition to the present Caleb looked impressed. “Thomas I’ve known men twice your age that wouldn’t have been thinking as clearly in an ambush like that. Now what’s the last story you’ve got to share?” Luck Thomas looked at the man that he was speaking to, and had to remind himself that once he finished the stories he’d be fighting for his life. “Well I hate to disappoint you, but this last one is pretty short. I’d made it all the way to Buckettown with the caravan, and we went our separate ways. What happened there was the final lesson I learned, and the lesson was that I am not a lucky person and that I should plan ahead to try and stay ahead of the curve.” Ripple transition to the past [Thomas has been in Buckettown for a few days. His caravan had finally made it to the end of the route, and as he had suspected, Marcus took the opportunity to cash in and try to settle down. With everyone going his own way, he had to find some way to provide for himself. With only a few days left for his booked room, a final gift from Marcus, he had to find some work if he wanted to sleep with a roof over his head.] Thomas was walking around Buckettown looking for a job. He just needed a lead. A poster. A flier. A damn person shouting from the top of a crate. Anything! After a few more hours of searching in what was looking like another fruitless day of searching, someone sitting against a wall caught his eye. The man bounded to his feet and ran over to Thomas to shake his hand. “Hey stranger! The name’s Will. Are you interested in doing a job for me?” He stood there waiting for Thomas to answer with an almost frantic energy surrounding him. Thomas looked at the man that had introduced himself in such a direct way. A job? This seemed almost too good to be true. “I’m looking for a job right now. What’s the work and how are you going to pay me?” Will grinned from ear to ear when Thomas said he was willing to work. “Well I uh, I need you to deliver a package and a note to a friend of mine. He’s a day or two north of here in a camp by the road, but I can’t go out to see him. I need him to get this as soon as possible. Would you be willing to deliver it to him? I can pay you in hides or gear if you’d rather.” Thomas hardly thought about it for a second. “I’ll do it! Where exactly do I have to go?” The man gave him some rudimentary directions, and a few minutes later Thomas was on his way. |
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Thomas Grey, level 5, Ranger Rep +10, BT Rep +118, Brick Rep +15 SPECIAL: 6, 7, 7, 4, 7, 6, 3 Equipment Weaponry: Colt Army revolver, pocket revolver, 1x smoke/stun/baseball grenades. Armor: Pack rat clothing, leather greaves, reinforced chaps. Appearance: Caucasian. Tall, strong build, short thick curly brown hair. Dark eyes, a frown, and a cleanshaven face. Grey shirt with 3/4 sleeves and leather bracers. Jeans with reinforced leather chaps, and a tool belt. Companion: Elizabeth Sharpe - 4, 8, 4, 3, 5, 10, 6 - Small stature, but makes up for it with knives, a crossbow, and attitude. Level 5. +5 BT Rep. John Slater: SPECIAL 8(+1).4.10.5.5.4.5. One bad hombre | |
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| Mixtli | Jul 28 2016, 03:00 PM Post #5 |
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Resident Canadian
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The road north of Buckettown was safe for travelers. Bandits weren’t too comfortable with coming so close to a settlement where there were guards and people willing to kill to protect what little they had. He slept for a few hours, and then after a small meal he was back on the move. After a few more hours of walking he came to what was probably the camp that Will had told him about. Instead of open ground with a tent or two it actually had a sturdy looking shack. He walked up to the door and knocked to see if there was anyone inside. After a few moments, a surly looking man with a scruffy beard and a wide-brimmed hat opened the door and looked at Thomas. “Who the fuck are you?” he said to Thomas, looking him up and down. Thomas held up the package that he had been asked to deliver. “I’ve been hired by a man named Will to deliver this to you.” The scruffy man stepped out of the shack and grabbed the package. He tore it open, and uncovered a note and a small club. The man laboured to read the note out loud. “I’m sorry for the wait, now I’ve covered my debt,” he said, looking between the note and Thomas. He waved Thomas away. “Thanks for bringing this. You’re out of luck if you expect a tip, so get the fuck out of here.” Thomas shrugged and turned around and started to walk away. He heard rapid footsteps behind him, and before he could turn around and see what was happening something hit him on the back of his head and everything went black. Ripple transition to the present Thomas looked at Caleb. “And that’s how I learned that I’m an unlucky bastard. I think you know where I woke up after that, and it isn’t a mystery about what happened between then and now.” Caleb winced. “Look Thomas Will owed me a great deal, and I didn’t know that Driver,” he paused at the look on Thomas’ face, “yeah I know it’s a simple name but he’s as dumb as a bag of rocks so it helps him remember his job. Anyway, Driver wouldn’t bring a man back that didn’t want to fight unless he owed me enough that the choice wasn’t up to him. I’ve reprimanded him severely, but I can’t let you go because Will had a spot reserved and I need someone to fill it.” Thomas could almost believe that Caleb was being sincere. “Well Caleb I think that now that all of my stories have been told I should probably rest up for tomorrow.” Caleb stood up. “Thomas, if it’s any consolation the first one isn’t to the death. It’s a bare-knuckles fight to see who gets knocked out. The second is with melee weapons, so you’ll get that hatchet of yours back. And the final one is a secret event that we won’t reveal until the day of, but I’ll tell you that you’ll get your gun back for it.” Thomas didn’t like the idea of having to fight three times, but he was confident that if the others were just junkies in debt or the desperate poor that he would be able to hold his own. “I’ll fight for you but I better get my freedom when this is all over, and I certainly hope that I get something out of this for my troubles. Cash, gear, whatever. It just has to make up for all of this,” he waved his hands angrily at the walls of his cell. Caleb shrugged slightly. “Look Thomas I don’t know what I’ll be able to give you. Maybe you can get something from someone that you kill, or maybe I’ll have a little extra cash or something for you, but there’s no guarantee that you’ll get anything.” He leaned against the bars of the cell. “If you give me your word that you won’t report me or my operation to some feel-good assholes that think they know best then maybe I’ll be more inclined to toss something your way. Don’t forget, you’re the only fighter here that’s ever been forced to fight without owing me a huge amount of money. And either way, I’ll tell you where Will likes to hide after he’s done something stupid.” Thomas’s eyes glittered, his anger at being used as some sort of payment, like a piece of fucking property, bubbled back to the surface. “Caleb if you give me your own word that you’ll never make an innocent fight in here again you have a deal.” He paused and clenched his fists. “As long as you tell me exactly where I can find that piece of shit and get some payback for this.” Caleb hardly had to think about it for more than a second or two. He was downplaying how much he was going to make off of Thomas even if he died in the fights, and he didn’t give two shits about Will. “Thomas, you’ve got a deal.” FIN |
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Thomas Grey, level 5, Ranger Rep +10, BT Rep +118, Brick Rep +15 SPECIAL: 6, 7, 7, 4, 7, 6, 3 Equipment Weaponry: Colt Army revolver, pocket revolver, 1x smoke/stun/baseball grenades. Armor: Pack rat clothing, leather greaves, reinforced chaps. Appearance: Caucasian. Tall, strong build, short thick curly brown hair. Dark eyes, a frown, and a cleanshaven face. Grey shirt with 3/4 sleeves and leather bracers. Jeans with reinforced leather chaps, and a tool belt. Companion: Elizabeth Sharpe - 4, 8, 4, 3, 5, 10, 6 - Small stature, but makes up for it with knives, a crossbow, and attitude. Level 5. +5 BT Rep. John Slater: SPECIAL 8(+1).4.10.5.5.4.5. One bad hombre | |
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| Midnight Rider | Aug 2 2016, 06:35 PM Post #6 |
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The Super Cereal
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So I've read you story and I found it to be an enjoyable romp. I appreciate that you're trying a non conventional approach to story telling, it really helps when reading this. I can't tell you how many raider encounters I've read about, but your non linear approach but a fresh spin on it. So let's wrap a bit about a couple simple things to make your stories better from an audience perspective and deeper writing fundamentals. Its not that your story has a particular need for these things, its just that this is where I'm focusing personally on my own writing so I'm acutely aware of it in other pieces. The first thing that would be helpful is to add a brief summary of your character's situation at the beginning. Coming into this piece, I had read the previous one, but it was jarring because it picks right up where the last one left off. It took me a moment to remember what had happened, to the uninitiated it would be quite a barrier to entry. When you have them broke up like this, put in the information so that a fresh person could read this story and understand the situation. You don't have to restate everything previous by any means, just a nice little paragraph getting everyone caught up on the important points. The second minor thing, when you have time transitions, bold or italics them so the audience knows that its an OOC notification of a setting change. This is really minor stuff but it'll pay dividends in accessibility. Fundamentally I feel like the full story arc is there. Seeing as this is a short story and a piece of a greater narrative it makes sense that the tale does not have a full story arc. Even with that inherent limitation in the story telling medium I felt as though this existed as a moment within a complete arc. This is not at all a trivial accomplishment and I hope you keep it up going forward. One thing I would challenge you to do going forward, especially with these matches is to give the villains an identity. Right now you're killing faceless raiders which works because we have an attachment to your character. It could be much more powerful though, think about setting up your antagonist as a complete person. It will help establish the stakes in the central conflict and give a richer story. Rewards time.
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![]() Gordon "Stone" Hennigan, SPECIAL: 5.6.9.3.5.10.3. Level: 6 HC Peter McCullough SPECIAL: 4, 4, 4, 10, 10, 4 , 4, Level 3 HC THE CURSE OF THE MUMMY The spirits have taken an interest in you for all the wrong reasons! Unexpected challenges will come to you during your RPs but the rewards doled out will be much juicier. It is possible to live with such a curse, but if you would rather live curse free, you could simply sell the corpse and wash your hands of the whole situation. Lmgthev: MBP is handsome LonesomeDrifter23: Sometimes I think MBP is a being made entirely of satire. | |
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