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The Bounty Of Kyle Stanford, Sheffield; A Story on how Finn Kingsley took down Kyle Stanford
Topic Started: Mar 11 2018, 12:20 PM (54 Views)
MooseRouse
Waste
[ *  * ]
Kyle Stanford’s Bounty, And Head.


Shefffield Bounty
Finn strolled through the town of Sheffield. He had just woken up from his sleep at the local saloon, when he heard two men talking about “Crazy Kyle”
He wouldn’t have cared if he didn’t hear that name 100 more times by the time he got out the door of the saloon. He kicked the dirt as he thought on it. Running his finger along the nub of his other ones. He looked around the town, deep in thought. He started walking again. He was in the Town Proper part of Sheffield, walking past the markets. He’d only been here once another time, and he almost got ripped to shreds by that turret. But second time around and he was more confident. He didn’t like the town, as hunting animals made him uneasy. But a town was a town, and it was closest to that excuse for a town back there. But he thought back again to this Kyle guy. Hopefully it wasn’t another crime boss, he couldn’t go back to that again. He almost walked past the wanted poster.
[Perception Six]
He stopped and studied the poster, it was of Kyle Stanford, insane hunter. Finn guessed this was the Crazy Kyle man. He was studying the picture when a man stepped up to him,
“ That’s Crazy Kyle. See your admiring his mugshot. “
Finn shook his head and said,
“ No.... just wanted to look. I was interested in him. Heard just about everyone say his name. “
“ Yea, S’cause everyone knows him. Big menace for the town. Lookin for someone to take care of him. Interested? “
Finn opened his mouth to refuse, but stopped himself. Why not? He didn’t have anything else to do. And wandering around didn’t get him any caps.
“ You know what, Yea. Yea I’ll put this guy down. “
The man smiled and nodded.
“ Perfect! Well we heard he’s in the hunting grounds, so it’s a good as place as ever to look son. “
Finn nodded and ripped the poster down. He trusted himself to take down one crazy man. Nobody would need the poster but him. He picked up his pace and ran his fingers along his left hand. It was becoming a habit. The Sun beat down on him, only stopping when the rare cloud passed over. Sweat ran down his face but it didn’t bother him. He saw the many hunters heading in the direction he was heading. Finally he reached the edge of the hunting grounds, and realized his problem. The hunting grounds were massive, it could take days, even weeks to find this man. He sighed deeply but kept walking, sticking to the paths rather then venturing out. The poster said that Kyle entered town more often then the hunting grounds, so maybe Finn could just lay low at the edge until Kyle came wandering out. He nodded to himself and retraced his steps out of the grounds,
[Luck Three]
He got lost pretty quick, it took him atleast two hours to get out. He got up on one of the barrels lining he street and shifted into a comfortable spot. And waited. He fell asleep after 30 minuets, but that didn’t matter, because the gun shots woke him up easily enough. Finn woke with to the crack of a gunshot and fell off the barrel, onto his side. He pulled himself up to shouting
“ Down foul beast! You will perish at my hands! “
Finn saw that it was Kyle, shooting at a man hunched on the ground, holding his arm. Finn unholstered his pistol and aimed at Kyle. He should have let instinct guide his shot,
[Perception Six] [Revolving Killer] [One Armed Bandit]
But he didn’t, and the shot instead thudded into the dirt besides Kyles Foot. Kyle turned towards him and Finn dived out of the way as he fired his shotgun at the barrel where Finn Just was. Finn let his skills guide his shot this time and fired off two shots.
[ Fast Shot ] [ Revolving Killer ] [ One Armed Bandit ]
One of the bullets traveled over Kyles Head but the other hit right above his left knee. He cried out and fired his shotgun again,
[ P:6 ] [E:8]
But he misses as the pain in his leg hinders him. But being a strong man, he clenches his jaw and pushes the pain deep into himself. He turns around and runs/limps into the hunting grounds. Finn runs over to the man but only looks him over once. He’s not the medical type,
[Intelligent four]
he pats the man and gets up and runs towards the hunting ground. His left hand hurt, a phantom pain he told himself. It hurt ever since eight days ago, when that bastard blew up his own building and a piece of fragmentation cut them off. He laughed to himself while still taking the path. Just over a week ago he was on the war path for someone, and now he was here? He never stopped. He skidded to a haunt as the tracks abruptly stopped.
[Perception Six]
He stooped to the ground and studied it closer, the pale moonlight only offered little help. He wasn’t ever good at tracking, but maybe he could pick it up. He noticed they stopped at the base of a large withered tree. He carried his eyes up the trunk and on the branch’s. But still Kyle wasn’t there. He climbed the tree
[Strength 10]
And studies the branch’s more. One of them is slinky broken from weight, he shimmy’s onto it and saw that another branch, from another tree, was broken too. The crazy fucker was climbing through the trees!
[I: 7] [A: 7]
He looked up from the branch’s and saw him, jumping from tree to tree. Suddenly he dropped from sight. Did he fall? Finn didn’t quite have the skills to monkey around so he dropped to the ground and ran to where he saw the man drop. Low branch’s whipped his face and animal growls sounded in the distance, a little close... he approached the spot and found broken branch’s and a cave entrance. Finn didn’t like the idea of going into a damp cave, but he reloaded his revolver and hyped himself up. The first step he took almost got his leg chopped off. He tripped a wire and fell forward on his face,
[Luck Three]
And a long blade shot out and cut his arm. He cursed and held his arm, it wasn’t that deep but it would probably leave a nasty scar. He kept his eyes open for more traps.
[Perception Six]
He spotted about 10 more trips, which he carefully stepped over
[Agility Six]
The flowing mushrooms shed little light inside, but there was a very bright light further in. He came upon the man, sitting on a makeshift bed. Apparently the man was living here? Well Finn didn’t care. He took aim with his pistol, determined to fire off the killing shot this time.
[P: 6] [A:7]
The man suddenly looked up and shouted out something Finn didn’t hear, and threw a fist sized rock at Finn. It hit Finn on the head and he fired blindly and fell backwards,
“ Shit! “
He said as Kyle pumped his double barrel,
“ It’s hunting time Darcy! “
He said as Finn scrambled behind a boulder. A chunk of rock exploded as Kyle fired his gun. Finn shook his shoulders and jumped up, and fired off two shots.
[Revolving Killer, One Armed Bandit, Fast Shot]
Kyle fell backwards onto the ground, Finn guessed only one hit, because there was a bullet sized hole in the wall. But Kyle pushed himself up, huffing with effort but still moving. He pulled himself up and grabbed his shotgun. His wild eyes filled with fear and panic.
He fired off another shot after reloading and Finn ducked beneath his increaseingly small boulder. When he looked up again, he saw Kyle pushing himself out of the tunnel. Finn reloaded his revolver and ran after him. Kyle knew how to evade his own traps and Finn already evaded them once, they both got out of the tunnel into the pale moon. Finn stepped out of the tunnel and saw Kyle. He was laying on his side, his breathing labored. His eyes closed from pain. He held his torso where apperntly the second shot entered. The bowls of the hunting grounds echoed louder, now that they were outside. Or maybe, it’s because they were closer? Finn let his hands fall to his side, he was still holding his revolver, but the blade wound hurt like hell.
“ It’s over Stanford. We can make it to town, I’m turning you in. “
The man called Stanford opened his eyes and looked at Finn.
“ The beast... he’ll kill you all.... With.... without me to hunt it. “
Finn looked at him grimly.
“ The beast doesn’t exist Stanford. It’s a fable from some crazy mans darkest dreams. “
At this he laughed.
“ Fable? Hehe... no. It exists. And it’s coming, for all of us. Go ahead and take me... “
Finn stepped forward, but was interrupted by an animals howl that chilled his blood. Stanford started laughing.
“ What was that? “
Finn asked as Stanford pushed himself up into a sitting position.
“ You know what that was.... “
he paused as the howls abruptly stopped.
“ Chupacabra... “
suddenly the tiny clearing was filled with sound as the biggest mutated monkey Finn ever saw appeared and ripped Kyle Stanford apart. He turned to Finn and started walking towards him. Finn, with his fast instincts for shooting, emptied his gun into the beast. One shot. Three shots. Four shots. Six shots. Not even hurt.
[ Fast Shot ] [ Revolving Killer ] [ One Armed Bandit ]
The beast backhanded Finn and he flew back into the cave, hitting the wall with a savage crack. He fell onto the ground held his left arm. Broken without a doubt. He went to reload his gun, but he could barely do it one handed. He only managed three bullets in his gun before the beast roared at him and picked him up with one hand. Finns body screamed with pain as the beast held his left arm and torso. Finn barley registered himself pointing the gun at the side of the beasts head, or him rapidly pulling the trigger. The beast dropped him onto his left arm, ow, and grabbed its head. It howled once again and raked its claws against Finns lower torso. Finn flew back with the force and hit the ground rolling.
[Endurance Eight]
Finn pushed himself against the wall, his torso and arm aflame with such pain no man should feel. He looked up at the sky, or where it would be if the cave ceiling wasn’t there, and for the third time in his life, prayed. But the beast kept coming, and Finn knew that his life was at an end. But then, like a gift from that damned God above, one of Kyles traps went off. Forced to stoop in the cave, the beast was at the height of a normal man. A long rusted blade shot out and stuck into its neck. He stopped in its tracks. The blade withdrew and the beast fell forward with a loud echoed thud. Finn took an hour to get himself up and go to the beast. It resembled a super mutant, and an ape. Finn had never seen an ape actually, but a traveling caravan had a Prewar picture book. He dreamed of those haunting Hippos a lot... but what was the most interesting thing, was that the ape, although still with most of its hair, kinda looked like a Ghoul with long teeth. Finn laughed and picked up its decapitated head. Wrapping it in Stanford’s destroyed clothing. He then picked up Darcy and put it back down. He then cut off Stanford’s head too. Finn tied the two heads together and sling them over his back. He then picked up the shotgun and headed back to town. He somehow managed to stay upright the whole time, but he collapsed onto the ground as the sun peaked over the night sky. He heard shouting and tried to hold up the heads but he face planted onto the ground.

[One Day Later]

Finn woke up in a comfortable bed, the Sherif watching over him. His arm was being held straight with two pieces of wood tied together. The it was silent until the sherif spoke up.
“ Mighty fine work there son. Saw Crazy Kyles Head in that sack. We’ll let you stay until you can recover yea? “
Finn nodded and sighed deeply. This was not worth it. And he’d never forget that monsters face. Not till the day he died.
=================================================


[A rough sketch of below average quality is provided, showing a middle-aged man with a long beard]

SUMMARY: An eccentric man named Kyle Stanford came into Sheffield around one week ago, claiming his reason for visiting was to hunt down the Chupacabra (Note to any Outsiders: The Chupabera and Chupacabra are not the same entity. At least it is believed it is not). One of the legends about the Chupacabra(s) say that they look like ghouls with long fangs, so when he nearly shot Jorge Hernandez (the town’s sole ghoul inhabitant) when the latter was out hunting, it was declared an accident, and Mr. Stanford was asked to come forward to be given a fine for reckless gun use. But then, another hunter, this one looking quite human, came into the healer’s home the next day with a bullet wound in her arm, saying a ranting madman she stumbled upon began cursing her at a distance for several minutes before deliberately shooting her. Clearly this man has gone insane and must be stopped.

REWARD FOR CAPTURING KYLE STANFORD: 2 Small Hides, Medium Sheffield Reputation
REWARD FOR KILLING KYLE STANFORD: 1 Small Hide, Medium Sheffield Reputation, Unique Weapon “Darcy”

NOTES: (Tier 2 Double-Barrel Shotgun) “Darcy” is a well-kept double-barreled shotgun that Kyle Stanford has been using for years. It has a longer than usual barrel for increased range, and is chambered for the powerful 10 gauge shells.
Traits: Marksman, Revolving Killer
[S: 6] [P: 6] [E: 8] [C: 2] [I: 7] [A: 7] [L: 4]

BOUNTY ISSUED BY ORDER OF SHERIFF ALLISON HAWKINS
Finn Kingsley

S: 10 P: 6 E: 8 C: 3 I: 4 A: 6 L: 3


One armed bandit! (Previously One Hander)

Fast Shot

Revolving killer


He has a Rudimentary Revolver and baseball bat. Wasteland Rags, Metal Scrap Armor.

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Cewebwalz
Member Avatar
Henshin a go-go baby
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
I'm a little tired and I know you were in a rush to get this graded, so if this isn't as extensive or helpful as it could be I apologize.

Right off the bat I would start by using your enter key. In official writing authors have the use of a tab key to space out writing and clearly differentiate when a new paragraph starts. On stupid forum sites like this we don't have that option, so we have to use line breaks or the enter key. I recommend the enter key.

You clearly grasp writing well, but the scope and scale of this roleplay weren't really fit for a tier two weapon. I'm not sure if a proper warning is possible, and we really don't try to incorporate word count into how good rewards are, but a first roleplay almost never would receive rewards like a high level shotgun that many PC's struggle to receive in their first couple roleplays. I really think this is a sensical and well thought out roleplay, it's just that the story and the goods don't match up.

You don't need to include [perception 6] or [luck 3] into your roleplays, this is a stylistic preference, but you should be able to rationalize and implement your chars strengths, weaknesses, and SPECIAL without reminding the grader via numerics. Especially considering something like a wanted poster (your first usage) where it's something very clearly put out to see. I would save these for very important segments where it's clear that your SPECIAL alters or dramatizes the roleplay, keeping them for key sections gives them a stronger impact when you do run into that high strength or low luck [MOMENT].

The rest of my critique isn't all that substantial, like I said earlier, you CLEARLY grasp writing well, the characters dialogue when they speak isn't abhorrent by any means. I wouldn't use 'but' at the start of sentences so much, it's traditionally seen as sloppy. I would add more descriptive backing to character speech, show more movement and your characters thoughts. Remember that people look at every part of someone in a conversation when they read body language, and that goes for everyone, even if it's subconscious.

I would describe anything of interest much more. Use elaborative language obviously, some people hate purple prose but at least it gets a reaction out of someone. As of right now your writing lacks much of either blatant disdain or phenomenal description, it's somewhat better to make something ugly and described than just a blank space in lieu of anything. You and I could point out all the best parts of this roleplay, and they pretty much would start and end at different sections of Kyle's mental monologue. You know where your strengths lie, balance out the rest of your writing (character and setting description, dialogue, pacing, all the that jazz) and you'll become a really strong writer so fast you barely realize it as it happens.

I'll admit I wasn't the most detail oriented here, if you want specifics or suggestions for any of this roleplay, PM me and I'll explain anything in full.

Onto rewards.

Quote:
 
Darcy (Tier 2 Shotgun, Broken) - A well-kept double-barreled shotgun that Kyle Stanford had been using for years. It has a longer than usual barrel for increased range, and is chambered for the powerful 10 gauge shells. Great news, the mentally insane don't do a great job at weapon upkeep. Even better news, whatever monster that parlayed with Kyle did a smashjob on the barrel and the receiver, while bending the lever. Don't load it till it's fixed or sold.
+50 Stanfield Reputation - The town of Sheffield doesn't know you by name, but they notice you wincing around town with your arm in a sling for sure. They seem to recognize Finn as the one who put down that nutter-butter Kyle though, and that lasts longer than a name.
Small Hide - This poor hunting town can't even find a bigger piece of animal skin for you? What a shame!
Jesse Winters - Penitentiary Pugilist
8(+2).5.7.5.5.8.4, Level: 4 -HC-

Grace Van Vliet - Indie Incinerator
5.7.7.5.5.4.7, Level: 3 -HC-
Quote:
 
Lmgthev:� Like tbh I agree CP is not the golden boy at all
Lmgthev:� You're like John Candy from Cool Runnings
Lmgthev:� Washed up has been who teaches the newcomers the trade� :D

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"What is Adderal, anyhow?" - Funky Fan
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MooseRouse
Waste
[ *  * ]
Thanks for the grade, and the feedback is great. I know I make writing mistakes a lot, and I was trying to keep it interesting with Kyle. And regarding the shotgun, I’ll be honest, I like the idea of a gunslinging Wastelander, wielding a magnum revolver more then a Wastelander wielding a double barrel shotgun. If I can, I might try to find a way to trade it in for a level two revolver. Thanks again
Finn Kingsley

S: 10 P: 6 E: 8 C: 3 I: 4 A: 6 L: 3


One armed bandit! (Previously One Hander)

Fast Shot

Revolving killer


He has a Rudimentary Revolver and baseball bat. Wasteland Rags, Metal Scrap Armor.

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