Welcome Guest
[Log In]
[Register]
| Welcome to The Wastes. We hope you enjoy your visit. You're currently viewing our forum as a guest. This means you are limited to certain areas of the board and there are some features you can't use. If you join our community, you'll be able to access member-only sections, and use many member-only features such as customizing your profile, sending personal messages, and voting in polls. Registration is simple, fast, and completely free. Join our community! If you're already a member please log in to your account to access all of our features: |
- Pages:
- 1
- 2
| liquor and dogs; Open for all to join | |
|---|---|
| Tweet Topic Started: Feb 10 2018, 05:04 PM (173 Views) | |
| Everqueen944 | Feb 15 2018, 01:53 PM Post #16 |
|
Wastelander
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
Bones looked up at the blurred figures and heard the priest's shouts. His entire face when taunt. "Mat..." All of a sudden he rolled onto his back and kicked to where he hoped the thing in the mask was. He felt his feet connect solidly to the monster's chest, sending him slamming into his own cell, dropping their gun in the process due to the surprise attack. The musician then scrambled for the pistol, barely able to see in the haze. "What the fuck are you waiting for! Shoot it!" He shouted. |
| http://z3.invisionfree.com/The_wastes/inde...?showtopic=2708 | |
![]() |
|
| Blue Collins | Feb 15 2018, 02:00 PM Post #17 |
|
Head raider
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
Eleanora didn't need to be told twice; she shot the madman and emptied a full clip of her pistol into his chest. Flame snapped out of his overawed state a moment later, and shot the madman with his revolver as well, even as Tom, Dick, and Harry, released Nuka and Cola so that they can hop up to where Matthew/Bones was and begin licking him. Then, once they were sure the madman was a bloody mess on the ground, Eleanora would go to the corpse and begin searching for valuables; not that she expected much. Allen, meanwhile, would walk towards Matthew and Bones with an understanding expression, saying: "You two...are you all right?" |
|
Endymion 'Endy' Soap - Level 1 Flame Collins - Temporarily Seperate from Blue - Level 3 Shintaro Kanzaki - Level 1 | |
![]() |
|
| Everqueen944 | Feb 15 2018, 02:09 PM Post #18 |
|
Wastelander
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
"Give me a drink and ask again later." Bones groaned, going limp on the ground and his heart going a mile a minute. "I can't see for shit so let me know if you're a bounty hunter before you shoot me." he rubbed his face, not making the stain of ink any better and sighed. "Just wanted to go east. Go to a place where people don't want use dead." Tears began to mix with the black. "Mary why'd you have to do this?" Mathew moaned. "I just wanna go back to my ma and family. This isn't how it was supposed to be." Nuka and Cola barked at the sight of their master and rushed over, giving him licks and nuzzles. He half heartily petted them. "Well? You gonna kill me now or what?" |
| http://z3.invisionfree.com/The_wastes/inde...?showtopic=2708 | |
![]() |
|
| Blue Collins | Feb 15 2018, 02:13 PM Post #19 |
|
Head raider
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
Eleanora was livid but hid it. "We came to rescue you. For Flame's sake. As well as your fans in Bucket Town. So don't be ungrateful." Okay, perhaps she didn't hide it perfectly. "Now either be useful or go." Flame glared at her. "Mrs. Eleanora! You can't say that to my friend!" Eleanora ignored her pawn's complaints; she had almost had it with this rescue mission. |
|
Endymion 'Endy' Soap - Level 1 Flame Collins - Temporarily Seperate from Blue - Level 3 Shintaro Kanzaki - Level 1 | |
![]() |
|
| Everqueen944 | Feb 15 2018, 02:16 PM Post #20 |
|
Wastelander
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
"Flame?" He squinted. "Holy Mother of Jesus, is that you?" He rolled over and shakily got up. "If you're here....Ah shit is this about me running out because of that freeing slave thing? Where's Blue?" He wiped at his eyes. "Well if your here I guess you aren't here to kill. Fuck where am I? I can't see a damn thing." |
| http://z3.invisionfree.com/The_wastes/inde...?showtopic=2708 | |
![]() |
|
| Blue Collins | Feb 15 2018, 02:30 PM Post #21 |
|
Head raider
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
"It's me," Flame said compassionately. "As for Blue...well, he's missing, but Eleanora here is helping me find him. Also, yeah, you ran out on us, but it's no big deal; I was more concerned you were putting yourself in danger." Allen then introduced himself. "My name is Allen De Braan, the banished Priest of Sulphur Springs. I am glad to meet a fellow pious man." OOC: Sorry about the increasing shortness of my posts; running out of steam. |
|
Endymion 'Endy' Soap - Level 1 Flame Collins - Temporarily Seperate from Blue - Level 3 Shintaro Kanzaki - Level 1 | |
![]() |
|
| Everqueen944 | Feb 15 2018, 02:33 PM Post #22 |
|
Wastelander
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
Bones put his face in his hands. "Ugh I didn't want to say this. I fucking ran okay. Those bastards that kept hitting me with bats that you killed...They are after my bounty okay." "The short of it is, the mayor of where I grew up is convinced I killed his daughter, they almost hanged me and now people are after my blood after my mom saved my ass." |
| http://z3.invisionfree.com/The_wastes/inde...?showtopic=2708 | |
![]() |
|
| Blue Collins | Feb 15 2018, 02:41 PM Post #23 |
|
Head raider
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
"Well," Eleanora said, "You showed some skill a few minutes ago, at least in surviving. And I have my own weapons and...employees. So perhaps I, Flame, and Allen can protect you? Or if not, well, you can just go on your way." Both offers were actually sincere; the female mercenary profited either way. If Matt agreed to sign up with them, she got a new pawn. If he went on his way, she can focus more on Flame and Allen and Bucket Town and eventually...Callichoke." |
|
Endymion 'Endy' Soap - Level 1 Flame Collins - Temporarily Seperate from Blue - Level 3 Shintaro Kanzaki - Level 1 | |
![]() |
|
| Everqueen944 | Feb 15 2018, 02:44 PM Post #24 |
|
Wastelander
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
"I don't got much...but fine." |
| http://z3.invisionfree.com/The_wastes/inde...?showtopic=2708 | |
![]() |
|
| Blue Collins | Feb 15 2018, 02:47 PM Post #25 |
|
Head raider
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
"Let's come back to Bucket Town for a while, then," Eleanora said kindly. "Or just set up camp here. And no, you don't have much yet, but that ought to change soon." A smile. "But for now, let's get away from this cursed place." OOC: Can we end the thread here, and have the new one set tomorrow? |
|
Endymion 'Endy' Soap - Level 1 Flame Collins - Temporarily Seperate from Blue - Level 3 Shintaro Kanzaki - Level 1 | |
![]() |
|
| Everqueen944 | Feb 15 2018, 02:53 PM Post #26 |
|
Wastelander
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
"...Please...." |
| http://z3.invisionfree.com/The_wastes/inde...?showtopic=2708 | |
![]() |
|
| Blue Collins | Feb 15 2018, 03:47 PM Post #27 |
|
Head raider
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
They would then walk out of the hotel... OOC: Thread end; can you be the one to submit it for judging? |
|
Endymion 'Endy' Soap - Level 1 Flame Collins - Temporarily Seperate from Blue - Level 3 Shintaro Kanzaki - Level 1 | |
![]() |
|
| Everqueen944 | Feb 15 2018, 06:14 PM Post #28 |
|
Wastelander
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
(Yes we can.) |
| http://z3.invisionfree.com/The_wastes/inde...?showtopic=2708 | |
![]() |
|
| lonesomedrifter | Feb 17 2018, 07:34 PM Post #29 |
|
Sexual Magneto
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
Okay guys this was an interesting one. You had a decent premise, and I liked the structure of the tag, having one character being on a rescue mission of sorts for the other. It shows a lot of promise and I feel like you two make a good tagging duo, but they were some problems to address. Instead of rehashing stuff you’ve already heard, I’ll just refer you back to FPs grade on Puppies and Posses, a lot of his critique applies here. I didn’t really enjoy the short snippy posts, I felt like it would’ve been a lot more interesting if there was some meat on the bones, so to speak. There were a few grammatical errors, but nothing that can’t be fixed with some proofreading, and the Matt/Bones thing can be a little confusing at times when written so sparsely. Also for a tag, there was very little interaction between your characters, and character interaction is the blood of a good tag. And the lack of it really let this down to me. There was a lot of telling and not enough showing in this for me. For example, instead of telling us ‘oh Greg was angry’ show us that he’s angry like ‘Greg balled up his fists, his cheeks burning bright red’. I feel like you’re both very fast paced writers but sometimes you need to slow it down and let each moment breathe and make your rp feel more alive. Although you’re both improving, there’s still a lot more to learn. My main advice for EQ, try fleshing out your posts more, give us some time with your characters and let them become people. BC you’ve improved so much since I last graded you, but you had some poor posts in this one and I know you can do much better. Onto the rewards:
|
|
Edward Fairfax The III Level: 2 SPECIAL: 3.7.3.9.7.8.3. Armour:Crude Post-War formal outfit, Breaking Bad Chem Suit Weapons: The Phazer, Lead Pipe, Golden Glory (Tier 1 GC Revolver) Inventory: Courtroom Lunch, Afterburner Gum, Bricklayer's Fan Package Rebecca Delacroix Level: 2 SPECIAL: 7.8.4.8.4.4.5 Armour: Duster Coat Weapons: Homemade Shotgun, Hatchet Perks: Guardian Angel Misc: Medicine Bottle (Mixed), Blonde Wig +15 BT Reputation | |
![]() |
|
| 1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous) | |
| « Previous Topic · In the Wastes · Next Topic » |
- Pages:
- 1
- 2
| Theme: Zeta Original | Track Topic · E-mail Topic |
11:33 AM Jul 11
|





![]](http://z1.ifrm.com/static/1/pip_r.png)



11:33 AM Jul 11