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A Rory Story; (Rman didn't give me a title, that dingus)
Topic Started: Feb 6 2018, 03:53 PM (34 Views)
azstarael
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"Got a light?"
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Rory had views on religion. Most of them were negative. This was not always the case, in fact, he prayed quite often as a child. Now, as he sat in this cell rotting, cold, with his fingers to numb to pick anything, be it a pocket or a lock, he wished for that faith, that belief someone- something- would save him. But that belief was gone now, along with his innocence. Now he only prayed to-

The lock clicked open, interrupting his thoughts. A guard, slightly portly, entered with a tray of warm food. Despite himself, Rory felt his mouth water, and his whole body ache with need, both for the sustenance and the heat. The sneering man followed his gaze and smirked. It was not a kind look, and Rory felt something in his stomach sink as the man pulled out a pistol, training it on him.

“You know, you look hungry,” the man, who now that Rory thought about it, looked slightly familiar, said with an edge to his voice. “But before anything else, I have a question for you... Do you remember a woman named Ana Crossok?”

Rory did not, though the sight of the nametape labeled Crossok pinned to the man’s chest made him distantly uncomfortable, and as such, motioned to the negative.

“Hm, pity. At least then you’d know why this was happening,” the man said as he began to eat the food in front of Rory, his pistol never wavering.

This trend would continue. Continued even past the point where Rory recalled where exactly he remembered the man from. He was the son of the woman he mentioned, a woman Rory had conned out of her life savings. He figured this made sense, though he was still rather pissed about the denial of food.

Yet everyone would let down their guard eventually, and this man was no exception. On the day he finally did, the air had warmed enough that Rory could feel his fingers once more. This was the day he would try, the first time he would attempt that trick. Right before the guard entered, a song popped into his head. He laughed, more than slightly crazed with hunger, and began to sing.

“Mama always told me not to play with guns…”

Crossok entered, his pistol at the ready.

“But I shot a man in Reno-” but even as he sang, Rory was more than prepared, having had nothing but time to plan out this moment, this perfect moment. He switched on the safety as the man tried to pull the trigger, the two catching together and neither able to quite function, even as he slammed into the side of the pistol with enough force to break the guard’s finger (not very much), and pulled it into his hand with a twist. As the pressure left both the safety and the trigger, they returned to their default positions. Rory pressed the pistol into Crossak’s gut as he asked him a question.

“Do you know the next line?”

The man whimpered. “Please…no…”

Rory smirked, an awful thing, and pulled the trigger as he sung the next line.

“Just to watch him die.”

He muttered “amen” with the same smirk as he fled.

After all, that may well have been a hymn for someone like him.

Because he only prayed to one thing: the show.
Spike, level 5 (Hardcore Mode)
S:4 P:9(-1) E:7 C:2 I:4(-1) A:10(+1) L:5
Perks
Finesse | Small Frame | Chem Reliant
Equipment:
Switchblade | Rudimentary revolver | x5 Throwing Knives (GC) | Scary Terry Knife Gauntlet
Armor:
Duster coat (Poor Condition)
Reputation
Bucket Town (-30)
Claw (Companion)
S:2 P:7 E:9 C:3 I:9 A:8 L:2
Perks
Jinxed | Hunter| Marksman
Equipment
Junk flinger | Kitchen knife (Poor Condition)
Armor
Desert Clothing (Poor Condition)
Nicholas Stahley, level 1
S.4 P.8 E.3 C.6 I.8 A.4 L.7
Perks
Improv Artist | Perfectionist | Fast Learner
Equipment
Homemade Shotgun | Zip Gun
Armor
Dirty Pre-war Clothes
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Blue
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Showdown Record: 1 - 1 - 1
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Well Rman, I hope you see this grade soon and you're doing alright!

This was a solid little RP, but it definitely felt on the short side. Your first few paragraphs are definitely the best. You did a good job of dropping us into the story and making the reader care about the immediate situation. I would have liked to see a lot more from Rory's perspective about how he was dealing with the long stretch of isolation. It seemed like you were a little too excited to just jump to the finish line, but you definitely had a great setting to explore your character and I wish we could have seen a lot more of this.

Overall this RP is pretty short so I don't have a lot to say besides give us more in the future. More from the setting, more content, more of Rory, and more of your villain. You had a great base to all of these aspects, but expanding on all of them will help take your writing to the next level.

Quote:
 

.32 Derringer (Tier 1 GC) - A small pistol that loads two shots at a time. Its in decent shape, but its obviously hand-made and limited.
Gilbert Rose Level 5
S.P.E.C.I.A.L: 3 5 3 8 6 9 6
Weapons: Type 57 Machinepistol, Stun Grenades
Short, thick brown hair and beard, lanky and surefooted.

"Doctor" Jasper Cobb Level 1 -HC-
S.P.E.C.I.A.L: 4 6 6 3 10 6 5
Weapons: Scalpel
Short, with round features, looks unsettling to most.

Sebastian Coates Level 1 -HC-
S.P.E.C.I.A.L: 7 3 6 6 4 7 7
Weapons: Homemade Shotgun, Cultist Knife (Tier 1)
Average height, bulky for a ghoul.

Sun Apr 30, 1:17:19pm
cewebwalz: your my spaghetti daddy blue

Tue June 19, 9:52:57pm
lonesomedrifter23: ^Blue the best mod in the business
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