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I wish to apologize...
Topic Started: Jan 27 2005, 08:27 AM (696 Views)
>|LOA|<CujO
Unregistered

raz i want 2 thnak u from the bottom of my heart 2 man all tht stuff u said made me cry (really) and think about me and my gurls relationship thnx bro... and if u ever need 2 talk "ill be there, ill be theeeree,illll bee thereere"... lol im glad u post this man.




thnx JG "Cujo" Dog...lol...(not real name) :D
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>|LOA|<Raziel
Unregistered

Being that I feel you guys and girls are like family - I just have to let you know how things are progressing. Last night Karen and I talked, yelled, yelled and talked. Things are better this morning, but I told her everything.... EVERYTHING! About how I felt when we met, how I felt when we got married, how I feel now and the two people I feel them for and how that I wish I didn't have those feelings. For those who weren't in the server last night when I came clean, there is someone else who has led my heart astray - and in the interest of preserving the clan I won't post who she is, but most of you know already... I love my wife dearly, but I also love this other person dearly too - quite a pickle, eh? I want to thank all of you who helped me throughout all of this and I apologize for brining this shit to the clan. Soap Opera anyone? Just wait until my evil twin shows up and tries to murder my cat for sleeping with the dog.... 'n shit.
I'm sorry if any of you think less of me because of this, of my choices of my feelings - I can respect that. To be honest - I think a little less of myself....
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>|LOA|<DeLiRiUm
Unregistered

nahh man, we're all human. i did done a coupl' o bad mistakes in my time, 'n lemme tell ye, it's easier to work it out and get over it then to put it off and wait for it to get better on it's own. it may hurt to confront whatever it is, but hey, speaking from experience here, it's a whole world better for you once it's over, and more people respect you for having faced it like a man.

heh, bet you wanna know what i went through eh? WELL I"M NOT TELLING!

(unless you really want me to, then ya know...)
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>|LOA|<OneRing
Unregistered

Raz,
Please allow me to say that I feel the pain. Oftentimes I find myself wondering why I bother to have such things as "emotion" and "feelings", when they do nothing but bring me pain. And even if pleasure is found, pain is sure to follow.

Just when you think you have control of these emotions and feelings, they come creeping back into your throughts. Despite your best efforts, your brain and being are consumed by them, until you either go crazy, or accept them, and only then to your ultimate demise, it would seem.

But, as I am learning, perhaps it is all not so bad. The true lesson reveiled shows us that these wounds heal, leaving scar-tissue that is stronger than before. And each scar is a reminder to that wisdom gained.

And when I look up to the heavens, piercing the veil of the stars, I remember that in the grand scheme of things, I don't have it so bad after all.

Being that I am at work, and I do not wish to cry, I shall say no more.

Cheers, and good luck, friend.
Onering (Adam)
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>|LOA|<Raziel
Unregistered

Well, her's the continuation of my story...

This morning Karen and I had our first counselling session with the therapist. It was good, considering we had a HUGE fight last night until 1 am. Anyway; the psychologist advised me to make a decision: choose my marriage or choose the other woman that I am in love with. This is a very tough decision to be asked to make on the spot - and I was given a 'rough' time frame to decide that; within a week. I was told not to think with my heart (because we know how rational one's heart can be) but to think with my soul and think with reason and think with my head. I decided that I want to make my marriage work. As much as I love this other person (and I still do....) I came to the conclusion that I am not able to end my life as I know it - family, friends, work, band, band, band, country of origin, etc... and that I have an obligation to try to make my marriage work.

I still don't know if even after I put my whole heart and soul into the marriage that we will be able to repair the damage that's aleady been done, there's still some areas that need A LOT of work, but at least I'm going to try my hardest! If it turns out that even after trying - and I mean REALLY trying, and things don't get better, I hope that other person will still be there, even though I asked her not to wait for me; it's just not fair to her. I said that if she finds someone in the interim that makes her feel the way she deserves to feel, to jump at the chance. She deserves to be happy too. It will be very hard for me as I do still love this other person (and most of you know who she is - and yes Gaia - it is a "she" sorry to burst your bubble dude!) I don't want to see any weirdness or animosity or anyone being uncomfortable. I will continue to come into the game as I asked her to too. But if someone feels uncomfortable (although I can't imagine why...) please tell me and I will do what I can to make things better - for everyone involved. I do love this clan and all who are in it. I have come to think of LOA as a family and almost as a support system. I never would have kept my sanity if it wasn't for all of you. I love you all (keep it in your pants Gaia - not like that!) and I say thank you from the bottom of my heart.
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>|LOA|<Gaia
Unregistered

Raz, ill keep my pants on, belive me im GAYLORDFUCKER as you know, and my slaves are trauma and nova, so dont worry about it, when i need a new slave, ill take a close look to you... lol
And hope your decision brings you peace.
All i need to say man is NAMASTE: "I recognize the presence of God inside of you"
And for all of you that you actually dont know me at full, i walk in to an spiritual way (i dont practice celibate, now nova will be happy) i know some ppl in the clan that are going thru that way also, it will be good for all of us to get know more each other...
Take care raz and i support you as always i have been doing, you are like one of my brothers like my close friends are...

Cya all.
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