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.....will be shot.; IG humor
Topic Started: 26 Jun 2011, 06:37 PM (767 Views)
Cothbarton
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Second Lieutenant
While flipping through my copy of the Imperial Guardsman's Uplifting Primer, I noticed that the great majority of transgressions carry the punishment '...will be shot.' And for some reason it gave me the idea that perhaps there may be more amusing lines this could be carried along.

I'm explaining poorly, let me give an example.

"Any Guardsman found choking to death on their ration bar.... will be shot."

Might anyone else come up with other crimes and errors that would carry a similar sentence?

(Note: If this topic belongs someplace else, please move.)
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Liquid-Joshi
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Warrant Officer Second Class
Any Guardsman found dead on duty will be shot?
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Tychonaut
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Second Lieutenant
Any Guardsman found asleep at his post shall be shot.

Any Guardsman attempting to perform an improper use of his wargear shall be shot.

Any Guardsman found to be Hoarding supplies shall be shot (This one goes nicely with the wasting ammo one)
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Burnie
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Lieutenant
Any guardsman with his lasgun out of arm's reach shall be granted one jump to close the distance, followed by crawling to retrieve his weapon, regardless of terrain. Upon retrieval of the weapon, the guardsman will be shot.

(thought I'd chuck a 40k spin on some real-world "correctional training" for ya :P
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# Marovian
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Ginger Law Enforcer
Any guardsman attempting suicide will be shot.
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Liquid-Joshi
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Warrant Officer Second Class
Any Guardsman found impersonating a commissar will be shot.
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Octavian Lars
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Warrant Officer Second Class
by a commissar impersonation only (bolt pistol, red cloak, peaked cap)
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Glitch
Corporal
any guardsman dropping his weapon will be shot - the number of shots will depend on the last 2 digits of the weapons serial number (more real world stuff haha)
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gazelgog
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Corporal
Any Guardsmen caught peeing sitting down.....will be shot.
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Greese_m0nkey
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Corporal
Any guardsman complaining about being shot, will be shot again.
Edited by Greese_m0nkey, 23 Sep 2011, 11:02 PM.
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Guardsman Fezz
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Corporal
Any guardsman fataly wounded will be shot

Any guardsman found obscuring the path of a tank will be crushed... Then shot

Any guardsman will be shot, simple as

Any guardsman refusing to shave will be shot (kinda close to that in the primer)

and finally...
Any guardsman who fails to wear trousers will undoubtedly be shot
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gun drone 3.0
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Lieutenant
Any Guardsman requesting a weekend pass will be shot.
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Liquid-Joshi
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Warrant Officer Second Class
Any Guardsman allying with Necrons to counter a Tyrranid threat will be shot.

Any Guardsman found playing Warhammer 2K instead of fighting will be shot.

Any Guardsman who actually survives long enough to earn a promotion will get it... then probably be shot.

Any Guardsman found waking the Commissar from his "Beauty sleep" will be shot.

Any Guardsman found laughing at the above will be shot.

Any Guardsman... you get the picture.
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nareik123
Corporal
Any Guardsmen who survives the battle will be shot to prevent breaking reality.
Any Guardsmen who defends his planet from the hordes of daemons will be shot. (By the Inquisition)
Any Guardsmen manning a Heavy Weapon team loses his Lasgun and therefore will be shot!
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Drubbels
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Corporal
Any Guardsman found dressed in a colour the Commissar doesn't like will be shot.

Any Guardsman found killing more enemies than the Commissar will be shot (out of jealousy).

Any Guardsman found eating something other than horrible-tasting rations will be shot.

Any Guardsman found killing more enemies than a Space Marine will be shot (out of jealousy).

Any Guardsman found at all will be shot.
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Burnie
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Lieutenant
Any guardsman within an arm's reach of an Angry Marine will be shot... Out of a cannon at the enemy.
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Greese_m0nkey
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Corporal
Any guardsmen talking about peaple being shot will be shot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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MarcoSkoll
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Second Lieutenant
Any guardsman who allows the enemy to hit him will be shot.

Any guardsman who soils the Emperor's land with their own blood will be shot.

Any guardsman who allows a comrade to impurely bleed onto the Emperor's land will be shot.

Any guardsman who taints the Emperor's land with the unholy blood of the enemy will be shot.

Addendum to above: Any guardsman not fighting to their fullest to defend the Emperor's land will be shot.

Any guardsman who wastes the Commissariat's ammunition by having to be shot will be shot again.
Edited by MarcoSkoll, 5 Jan 2012, 11:41 PM.
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