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Codex Britain; Very Funny
Topic Started: 2 Apr 2009, 09:30 AM (303 Views)
Skid Row
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Sergeant
Hey Guys, I was just cleaning out my "My Documents" folder and I came across this work of art. I can in no way take credit for this as I think I got it from another forum some years ago. No idea who is the author or anything but whoever it is has to be a genious. Somebody may know more about it but I thought I'd give you guys a laugh. Sorry if its been on here before. :D


Codex: Britain
Army Special Rules
Stiff Upper Lip: Any British unit with this special rule will always be able to regroup, even if under half strength, and never falls back from close combat. This rule does not apply if the unit in question has run out of tea.

Tea: All British units with Stiff Upper Lips are assumed to carry with them a supply enough tea to last several million years and that could withstand a nuclear bomb. However, if the unit falls back or loses 75% of its models, it is assumed to have lost its Tea and will therefore no longer benefit from having Stiff Upper Lips.

Bloody Awful at Tennis: Any British unit that moves onto a tennis court must halve all stats, rounding fractions up, and may take no save. If a British unit falls back onto a tennis court then it is removed from play and treated as casualties.

HQ
1 Monarch-30pts
WS-2 BS-2 S-3 T-3 W-3 I-2 A-3 Ld-9 Sv--
Number/Squad: 1
Weapons/Wargear: Orb and Sceptre (count as 2 CCWs)
Options: May exchange their Orb and Sceptre for a Sabre at +1pt. A Sabre is a single CCW that increases the Monarch's WS by 1.

Special Rules
Stiff Upper Lip: see army special rules.

Tea: see army special rules.

Blood Awful at Tennis: see army special rules.

Bloody Lovely Person: The Monarch instills such a sense of patriotism or fear into British people around him or her that many Britons continue to fight even whilst grievously wounded or outnumbered. As such, any British unit with Stiff Upper Lips within 12" of the Monarch becomes Fearless, may use the Monarch's Ld for any other tests and gains a 6+ invulnerable save. However, they may get too caught up in the flag waving and cheering to notice what is going on, so every unit within 12" of a Monarch must roll a D6 every turn: on a 1 they may do nothing.

Elites
Farmers-6pts per Farmer
WS-3 BS-3 S-3 T-3 W-2 I-2 A-2 Ld-6 Sv-6+
Number/Squad: 3-5 Farmers.
Weapons/Wargear: Farmers are equipped with Pitchforks. Any number may exchange their Pitchforks for Cleavers or Shotguns at no extra cost, or Hunting Rifles at +2pts each.
Options: You may upgrade the unit with as many Sheepdogs as there are Farmers, for +4pts each.

Special Rules
Stiff Upper Lip: see army special rules.

Tea: see army special rules.

Bloody Awful at Tennis: see army special rules.

Oo ar, Pitchforks!: A Farmer with a Pitchfork gains +1I in the first round of combat. Pitchforks are 2-handed CCWs.

This Cleaver be for Cleavin'!: Farmers with Cleavers may choose to sacrifice one attack to make their other attacks at +1S.

Get Orf Moy Land!: If a Farmer is equipped with a Shotgun, and an enemy or Chav unit comes within 12" of him, then he may make a special attack and fire double the normal number of shots at that unit. This attack is done after the enemy movement phase, or if it is a unit of Chavs, in your own shooting phase.

I'll 'Ave Your Guts Out, You B*stard Crows!: If a Farmer is equipped with a Hunting Rifle and there is a unit of Jump Pack or Jetpack equipped models, or any other model/unit capable of flight, within the weapon's range, then the Farmer gains +1BS. Hunting Rifles have the following profile:

Range: 30" S-3 Ap-- Type-Heavy 1

Good Boy!: If there are any Sheepdogs in the unit then the Farmers may perform a special attack. This attack takes place after close combat, if the enemy has fallen back. The enemy must take another Ld test or fall back a further D6", at -1Ld per 2 Sheepdogs beyond the first. Sheepdogs have the following profile:

WS-2 BS-0 S-3 T-2 W-1 I-3 A-2 Ld-4 Sv--

Trat'R!: A unit of Farmers may be accompanied by a single Tractor, commonly with blades attached to the front. A Tractor costs +7pts, the Farmer inside is equipped with a Shotgun and may fire it at any time. It moves at the same speed as the Farmers and if immobilised will be abandoned, whereby the unit becomes separate from it. Tractors have the following profile:

BS-3 F Armour-7 S Armour-7 R Armour-6

A Tractor may be equipped with Blades at +3pts, this allows the Tractor to Tank Shock.

Football Hooligans-5pts
WS-2 BS-2 S-3 T-2 W-1 I-1 A-D6 Ld-6 Sv—
Number/Squad: 5-10
Weapons/Wargear: heavy clubs, street signs, broken bottles, knives and so on, count as Great Weapons.
Options: A unit of Hooligans may purchase Molotov Cocktails at +2pt per model and up to 1 in 5 may purchase a Handgun for +1pt. Handguns use the following profile:

Range-12” S-2 Ap— Type-Pistol

Special Rules
Insane: Football Hooligans, due to their mob mentality and sheer wildness, roll D6 for their number of attacks at the beginning of each combat. Normal modifiers, such as charging, apply as normal. Additionally, Hooligans are Fearless.

Get Those B*stards!: Football Hooligans may use Fleet of Foot.

Molotov Cocktails: if a unit charges a unit of Hooligans who are equipped with Molotov Cocktails then the enemy models lose 1A.

Troops
Enraged Citizens-2pts
WS-2 BS-2 S-2 T-2 W-1 I-2 A-1 Ld-6 Sv--
Number/Squad: 15-30
Weapons/Wargear: pipes, bricks, planks, anything they can get their hands on, count as single CCWs. Enraged Citizens may be transported in a London Bus at +20pts.

Special Rules
Stiff Upper Lip: see army special rules.

Tea: see army special rules.

Bloody Awful at Tennis: see army special rules.

Chavs-1pt
WS-1 BS-1 S-1 T-1 W-1 I-1 A-1 Ld-3 Sv--
Number/Squad: 30-60
Weapons/Wargear: None
Options: Up to half the unit may be equipped with Mobile Phones at +1pt per Phone. Chavs may be transported on a London Bus for +20pts.

Special Rules
Bloody Awful at Tennis: see army special rules.

What a Load of Tossers: if a unit of Chavs moves within 6" of another unit, friend or foe, then that unit will move and assault the Chavs as fast as possible.

Happy Slap: for every Chav equipped with a Mobile Phone, one other Chav may make a special Happy Slap attack on the enemy instead of their normal attacks. This attack is made at +1S. You may not combine Mobile Phones to gain additional S bonuses.

Stupidity: At the beginning of every turn, you must roll a D6 for each unit of Chavs. On a 1, they cannot move, shoot or assault, though they will attack back if already in combat.

Pub Regulars-4pts
WS-2 BS-2 S-2 T-3 W-1 I-2 A-2 Ld-6 Sv—
Number/Squad: 5-15
Weapons/Wargear: fists
Options: Regulars may be equipped with Lager at +3pts per model, Pints of Bitter at +4pts per model and Whisky at +5pts per model. The unit may have any of those, or a combination of two or more. The entire unit may be upgraded to Irish Pub Regulars at +6pts per model. Irish Pub Regulars never run out of alcohol even when they drink a type of it. Pub Regulars may be transported in a Designated Driver’s Car at +5pts.

One Regular may be upgraded to a Barman at +15pts. A Barman can Take Orders.

Special Rules
Stiff Upper Lip: see army special rules.

Tea: see army special rules.

Bloody Awful at Tennis: see army special rules.

Alcohol: If a unit of Pub Regulars is equipped with a type of alcohol then they may choose to drink the alcohol at any time during the game, in any phase of any turn. The effects last until the end of that player turn. You must choose to declare that they are drinking before any close combat or shooting is declared or played out. Alcohol items are one use only; once they have been drunk once they cannot be drunk again. Regulars may not drink two types of alcohol in one turn. The different types of alcohol have the following effects:
Lager: +1A, +1Ld
Pint of Bitter: +1WS, +1S
Whisky: +1T, Feel No Pain

Take Orders: Even in the heat of battle, barmen can still take orders. On any turn, as long as the unit does not move (though they may shoot or assault), the Barman may replenish the unit’s supply of any type of alcohol, which they can consume immediately if they wish. The alcohol follows the same rules as above, including that after it has been drunk it will run out again.

Once per battle, the Barman may take the Last Orders. The unit may choose one type of alcohol, which is drunk immediately as they get it. However, they purchase as much as possible, so the stat increases are doubled (Feel No Pain remains as normal). Once the Last Orders have been taken, the Barman may not Take Orders for the rest of the battle.

Transports
London Bus-20pts
BS-0 F Armour-8 S Armour-8 R Armour-8
Transport: 40 models
Options: a London Bus may be upgraded to a Tourist Bus for +5pts, whereby it counts as Open-Topped.

Desginated Driver’s Car-5pts
BS-0 F Armour-6 S Armour-6 B Armour-5
Transport: 5 models.

Special Rules
Get in There, Ya Fat C*nt: Actually, the Designated Driver’s Car may transport up to 10 models.

Fast Attack
Pigeon Flock-2pts
WS-2 BS-1 S-1 T-1 W-1 I-4 A-2 Ld-6 Sv—
Number/Flock: 20-40
Weapons/Wargear: Beady Little Eyes
Options: The entire unit may be upgraded to Seagulls at +1pt per Gull: they must all be upgraded or none of them.

Special Rules
Wings: Pigeons move as if they are Jump Infantry. Seagulls gain Fleet of Wing.

Crap: A unit of Pigeons or Seagulls will never attack in close combat and cannot be attacked in close combat. Instead, if they assault or are assaulted by an enemy, they will crap on the enemy. The enemy unit must pass a Morale Check or be Pinned. After the Pinning test, the Seagulls will perform a Hit and Run attack as in the 40k rulebook.

Beady Little Eyes: Pigeons and Seagulls have Beady Little Eyes. As such, they may use their evilness to delay enemy troops. Before the battle, you may choose one enemy unit. That unit is delayed by the birds and comes onto the board using Reserves rules. Pigeons and Seagulls also count as Fearless.

Heavy Support
Protesters-4pts
WS-2 BS-2 S-2 T-2 W-1 I-2 A-1 Ld-8 Sv—
Number/Squad: 5-15
Weapons/Wargear: signposts, count as single CCWs. One Protester must be equipped with a Megaphone at +6pts. They gain BS5.

Special Rules
Stiff Upper Lips: see army special rules.

Tea: see army special rules.

Bloody Awful at Tennis: see army special rules.

Megaphone: the more Protesters there are, the louder the megaphone is yelled into. As such, the number of Protesters dictates the Strength, Ap and number of shots fired by the Megaphone. A Megaphone begins with this basic statline:
Range-48” S-1 Ap— Type-Heavy 1

For every Protester who is still alive you may add 1 to one of those stats, for example if you have 1 Protester then you can upgrade the Ap to 6, if you have 2 then you can upgrade the Ap to 5, if you have 3 then you can upgrade the Ap to 4. Strength may only reach 10, Ap may only reach 1 and the weapon may only fire a maximum of 4 shots.

Additionally, the type of protesting grants another bonus. You must choose before the battle which type of Protesting the Protesters are about:
Anti-War: shots become Rending.
Animal Rights: automatically Pins or causes the enemy to Fall Back (you may choose), this works on Fearless and Stubborn enemies too.
Fair Trade: may only use one shot, but uses an Ordnance Template.

Fearless: Protesters are Fearless.

Cows-25pts
Note: Cows may only be included in the army if there is a unit of Farmers.
WS-2 BS-0 S-4 T-5 W-2 I-2 A-2 Ld-9 Sv-5+
Number/Herd: 1-3
Weapons/Wargear: none.

Special Rules
Glare of Apathy: any unit that gets caught in a cow’s apathetic, tired glare is instantly paralyzed. As such, if an enemy unit moves within 12” of a herd of Cows, it must pass a Ld test or be removed from play. An enemy unit that Falls Back onto a unit of Cows will automatically be removed with no Ld test necessary. Cows are also Fearless.

Daft Cows: if a unit equipped with Jump Packs or Jetpacks, or a Skimmer or Flyer, moves within 6” of a unit of Cows then the Cows will look up wondrously. For the next turn, they count as being Pinned. They may not be Pinned like this for two turns in a row.

Special Characters
Queen Elizabeth the Second-167pts
Note: Queen Elizabeth the Second may only be used in armies of 2000pts or more. You may not include a Monarch and the Queen.
WS-2 BS-0 S-8 F Armour-9 S Armour-9 R Armour-8 I-4 A-4
Number/Squadron: 1
Weapons/Wargear: Orb and Sceptre (count as two CCWs), Gold State Carriage, Corgi Horde.
Options: If Queen Elizabeth the Second is included in the army then you may also include the Queen Mother in the army for +10pts.

Special Rules
Gold State Carriage: the Queen rides in the Gold State Carriage. This provides her with Armour Value stats. In addition, any unit wishing to fire at the Gold State Carriage must test using Night Fight rules to see if they are in range. If not, they are blinded temporarily by the shiny carriage and may not shoot at another target in that turn. The Carriage also counts as a Monstrous Creature due to its weight, and moves as if it is a Fast vehicle, in addition it may assault in the assault phase, with an assault range of 6”

Corgi Horde: the Queen is accompanied by a veritable army of Corgis. They will fight viciously to defend her, and as such, in assault she gains +D6 S2, I2 attacks.

Bloodlust: in battle, the Queen is a fearsome opponent indeed. She is Fearless and gains +D3 attacks when she charges.

Bloody Lovely Person: the Queen uses the rule as stated in the Monarch entry. However, such is the magnitude of her presence that any British unit with Stiff Upper Lips within 12” not only gains a 6+ inv save but also +2A when they charge. However, they must pass a Ld test to be able to use this extra ability. If they fail then they may not use the charge bonus; they must still test to see if they get trapped in a state of patriotic paralysis, however.

Queen Mother: The Queen Mother must be represented on a separate base than the Queen. The Queen Mother has no stats and can only move 6” in the movement phase, because she is all but invincible to modern weapons. The Queen Mother still counts as a unit for the purposes of Targeting Checks.

Stiff Upper Lip: see army special rules.

Tea: see army special rules.

Bloody Awful at Tennis: see army special rules.

The Eastenders-85pts
WS-3 BS-0 S-3 T-5 W-10 I-1 A-10 Ld-8 Sv--
Number/Squad: 1
Weapons/Wargear: rolled up newspapers, loud voices, teeth
Options: The Eastenders may be upgraded to a Double Bill at +15pts, or an Omnibus at +30pts.

Special Rules
Random Events: the Eastenders will frequently suffer the effects of an often completely implausible or pointless major event. At the beginning of every turn, roll a D6 and consult the table below, the effects last until the end of that game turn:
1- Nothing happens: the writers can’t be bothered to think up an event.
2 - Tragedy: a character dies, is sent to prison or turns out to be the second cousin thrice removed of the great uncle of an illegitimate child: the Eastenders lose 1W.
3 - Birth: one of the characters gives birth; add 1A and 1S to the Eastenders.
4 - Pull Through the Tragedy: the Eastenders survive a great personal tragedy and yet still has the will to go on. The Eastenders increase their Ld by 1 and have Feel No Pain.
5 - New Characters introduced: the Eastenders regenerate 2W, but lose 2A as the new characters fight to fit in.
6 - Completely Stupid Plot Twist: the Eastenders are removed from the board and immediately Deep Strike onto the board. They may perform the rest of the turn as normal (they may move and assault).

Double Bill and Omnibus: If the Eastenders are a Double Bill then they may re-roll the result of the Random Events table, though they must accept the second result. If they are an Omnibus then roll 2D6 and pick whichever result you choose to.

Stiff Upper Lip: see army special rules.

Tea: see army special rules.

Bloody Awful at Tennis: see army special rules.

Independent Character: the Eastenders, for no plausible or realistic reason, count as an Independent Character.
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Burnie
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Hahaha, awesome :D
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bram kuijpers
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Captain
i bet digits is planning on making a british army already B)
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# Marovian
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Ginger Law Enforcer
Awesome list.

You did forget one option though, British Police.

May be equipped with batons +1 pts, CS Gas +1pts, or Glock Pistol/MP5 for +3pts. You may also elect to deploy the officers as being "on overtime." This doubles the points cost but makes them fearless. However, they are inactive every other turn, as working too fast stops them earning money!

Special Rule: "Get the Feds man!"
As soon as a unit of British police is deployed on the table, every unit in both armies must, in their next turn, disengage from combat and move to attack them.

Special Rule: "Police Brutality"
Any Chav unit with 12" equipped with mobile phones may not use their special attacks as they are too busy filming the police to put on "You tube."

Special Rule: "Administritive Duties."
Any police unit that makes a shooting attack which results in inflicting a wound on the enemy must be removed from play and may not be deployed in any battle for the next 3 years whilst the matter is fully investigated.

Tea: Officers are immune from the tea special rule, as the riot van just around the corner will have be fillied with limitless flasks of the stuff prior to the battle, and as a result they never run out. They do however remain fearless.




Not that I'm talking from experience. :)
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# KayvaanShrike
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Marine Biologist
Man they are awesome, project for the future methink!
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Penguin of Death
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Lieutenant
DaGreatQueeg over on Warseer is doing a Brits in Space Marine army http://www.warseer.com/forums/showthread.php?t=105795&highlight=brits+space (pics seem knackered so there's a p'bucket link http://s207.photobucket.com/albums/bb113/House-of-Queeg/40K/)

There was also a great Steampunk Marine army on B&C years ago with a victorian style techmarine with great 'tache and a mug of tea in one of his servoarms
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☺Dave38x
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DubDubDubDubDub
*chuckles, then cries that no canadian friends would appreciate this because they dont like 40k...*
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cadian lord
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Warrant Officer Second Class
this is a very english army lol. a Scottish should be be twice as hard we have people from Glasgow and dundee. there also needs to be a unit of miners with the down with Thatcher rule
Edited by cadian lord, 4 Apr 2009, 09:47 PM.
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☺charlie_c67
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Lieutenant
What about fraudulent benefit claimers and the friday night special unit?
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☺The_dark_sarge
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Surf Addicts R Us
Only just saw this, thats bloody hilarious
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