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Alcoholism; Just another sad addiction
Topic Started: Jun 3 2007, 05:27 AM (884 Views)
LadyMacca
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-Imagine-
I'm sorry to have to be posting such stuff.
But alot has been going on in my life lately that has made me very emotional.

First Evan, now my best-friend.
I would have put this in Molly's "I dont feel like a very good friend" thread, but this subject is entirely different.

My best-friend whose like my sister is a (or was..) a recovering Alcoholic.
She has been sober for awhile.. up until tonite.
We were all partying tonite, just a casual little get together.
And you know, a few is ok.. but she had more than a few.
She had about 5 40 oz Silver Bullet beers, and their pretty strong.
And now she is drunker than a skunk. And it hurts me to see her like this.
It breaks my heart an kills me inside. I can.. safely.. say I almost had a meltdown.
Ok, well I did. I had a meltdown tonite.
Just with her being like this, and with the whole thing with Evan.. it just kills me.
I'm not sure what to do, I want to help her, but I can't, because I dont know what to do when she gets like this. Thankfully, there are people here who do.
And their outside with her, she's calm now, but before she was going balistic.
I'm really scared and I don't want her to drink anymore, not ever.

I was watching this show called Intervention, where they make a documentry on people with addictions.. everything from heroin to Alcoholism.
This lady, was rather wealthy and could buy as much booze as she needed.
And her liver, was only functioning at 20%.. basically she was slowly killing herself.
She even took a whole bottle of trazadone and almost died.
After watching this show, and seeing my best-friend almost the same way.
It f*cking scares me!! :cry:

I am sorry to keep on posting such drama filled posts, really I am.
And i'm not looking for attention.. there's just alot going on.. and I needed to vent.
I'm sorry.. Andy, Fiona, Bill.. Claire
-Liz
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jayjay
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It's tough to watch someone you care about go down the wrong path... I know. I can't give you much advice because I wouldn't know what to do either. Just know that you can always come here to vent.

My best friend went through a horrible experience with someone who got so drunk last weekend that the cops were called and they Baker Acted her. I hope your friend will be ok... tomorrow I bet she'll be calling and apologizing to you.
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LadyMacca
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-Imagine-
Her boyfriend that she's upset with )because he called her parents and said some stuff.. ) came over to talk to her and she didn't want to talk to him.
So somebody called the cops to get him off the property and he was calling her parents and there was this whole to do with it, and she came outside went to her place got his things, and gave them to her, and he was complaining how he didn't get his bunny or his dvd's back. :rolleyes:

Her parents just left.. and he's still here.. :blink:
I don't know how much longer of this I can take :cry:

It's going to be one LONG night
-Liz
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BlueMolly2009
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Liz, all I can say is try to be there for her. This is a time she needs you the most. But don't enable her addiction. Try to help her go find a place that will help her with her alcoholism like AA.
If you need to talk, just PM me. :hug:
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JeffLynnesBeard
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Sorry for your troubles, Liz. There are complexities with your best friend's situation which, not knowing her exact history or the reason you describe her as a 'recovering alcoholic' (was that self or clinically defined?), I can't really give any specific advice other than that if is she is physically addicted to alcohol (which never goes away), then she simply shouldn't drink, period, and that if she is/was emotionally addicted to alcohol, then she needs professional counselling to help her develop coping mechanisms for her emotional troubles which do not result in seeking the comfort of the bottle.

If she is receptive, you can sit down with her & go through the following lists;

Problem drinkers are defined as agreeing with at least two of the statements below:

* I have felt that I ought to cut down on my drinking
* I have felt ashamed or guilty about my drinking
* People have annoyed me by criticising my drinking
* I have found that my hands were shaking in the morning after drinking the previous day
* I have had a drink first thing in the morning to steady the nerves or get rid of a hangover
* There have been occasions when I felt I was unable to stop drinking

Alcohol dependence can be diagnosed in people agreeing with at least three of the following statements:

* Loss of control
* Once I started drinking it was difficult for me to stop before I became completely drunk
* I sometimes kept on drinking after I had promised myself not to
* I deliberately tried to cut down or stop drinking but I was unable to do so
* Sometimes I needed a drink so badly that I could not think of anything else

Symptomatic behaviour

* I have skipped a number of regular meals while drinking
* I have often had an alcoholic drink first thing in the morning
* I have had a strong drink in the morning to get over the previous night’s drinking
* I have woken up the next day unable to remember some of the things I had done while drinking
* My hands shook a lot in the morning after drinking
* I need more alcohol than I used to, to get the same effect as before
* Sometimes I have woken up during the night or early morning sweating all over because of drinking
* Alcohol is using an increasing proportion of my income

If her answers and behaviour highlights a problem, then she really should seek professional help otherwise she may be on a very rocky path indeed and, as a friend, it will be very difficult for you to watch her self-destruct.

Best of luck. :sweet:
...and in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.
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Bill
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I used to have a disagreement with the term "recovering alcoholic" until I understood that if someone is an alcoholic, then they are always an alcoholic - regardless of whether they drink or not.

And another that defines an alcoholic is the inability to have just a couple of drinks. Usually there is nothing wrong with having one or two, but an acoholic cannot do this - they are either sober or on a bender. There is no in-between.

Unfortunately, Liz, your friend found this out the hard way. The classic trap that addicts fall into is to think that after they have sorted themselves out, they can just have one or two. No, they can't. For an alcoholic, there is no such thing as one or two. Hopefully she understands this now.
Put a puppet on it.
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Jacaranda
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Liz, I understand how you feel, and it is easy to feel like there is something you should do to stop your friend. However, this is something that she needs to do for herself, with professional help probably.

If you feel overly troubled by her situation, it may be helpful for you to find out about Al-Anon, which is an organization designed to help others that are affected by someone else's alcoholism.

Al-Anon website

Are You Troubled by Someone's Drinking?

Millions of people are affected by the excessive drinking of someone close. The following questions are designed to help you decide whether or not you need Al-Anon:

Do you worry about how much someone else drinks?
Do you have money problems because of someone else's drinking?
Do you tell lies to cover up for someone else's drinking?
Do you feel that if the drinker cared about you, he or she would stop drinking to please you?
Do you blame the drinker's behavior on his or her companions?
Are plans frequently upset or canceled or meals delayed because of the drinker?
Do you make threats, such as, "If you don't stop drinking, I'll leave you"?
Do you secretly try to smell the drinker's breath?
Are you afraid to upset someone for fear it will set off a drinking bout?
Have you been hurt or embarrassed by a drinker's behavior?
Are holidays and gatherings spoiled because of drinking?
Have you considered calling the police for help in fear of abuse?
Do you search for hidden alcohol?
Do you ever ride in a car with a driver who has been drinking?
Have you refused social invitations out of fear or anxiety?
Do you feel like a failure because you can't control the drinking?
Do you think that if the drinker stopped drinking, your other problems would be solved?
Do you ever threaten to hurt yourself to scare the drinker?
Do you feel angry, confused, or depressed most of the time?
Do you feel there is no one who understands your problems?
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DCBeatle64
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This is always a difficult one.I know what with having a grandad and an uncle who were recovering alcoholics.Unfortunately they werent very good at keeping of the drink. Not to be cold or anything but they are now dead (not a direct result but never helped their health obviously) This is a fundamental reason as to why I dont drink myself.

Anyway its always very difficult for the loved ones around to stop this from happening.Speaking for myself to try and minimise the situation if I did drink I propbably would avoid it in front of the person and show that people can get on in life and activities without having to have a drink. Also talking it out.As much as she might not like it at the time it might be for the best to try and find the underlying issues or just completly scare her. Nobody really likes the prospect of death or really hurting their loved ones.My grandad really used to hurt my granny and my mum and uncle (prob part of the reason my uncle resorted to drink) Also although my step dad isnt an alcoholic whilst hes been very stressed and so on he does like to get himself wasted. As a result he got a knife from the kitchen thratening my sister and mum with it.Hes now going to court with the risk of imprisonment.This isnt something he normally would have done but with a drink in him hes not a nice guy.

What is your friend like when she has a drink?Can she get violent or emotional? These things arent easy to do on your own especially if you dont know what to do.The best you can do though is be there and support her and show you care. Good luck.These things are a long battle but its worth it when it gets put right
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Kit_Kat
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Liz, I agree with what Molly said - let her know that you are there for her :hug:
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BeatleBarb
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My sister, my best friend is an alcoholic. Until recently, she functioned, albeit in her own dysfunctional way. Then, it finally caught up with her and she is now longer the person she was. We NEVER had a bad word or thought between us. She turned on me and is a constant source of worry and concern. I worry about her and about the others she affects. She is now estranged from me for the last year or so and I never dreamed this would happen.

I feel for you Liz, I really do. It's a horrible thing to watch someone deteriorate in this way.
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Deleted User
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Fancy a drink, anyone? :rolleyes:
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Nick2006
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Believe it or not there is a thin line between alchoholism and casual drinking.

Now i didn't realise but yes i do like my booze and have no intention of giving it up. I always believed this made me an alcoholic, even though i have my odd nights where i can drink all night and not even feel ill till the next day my drinking is mild in comparison to that of an alcoholic. Most of them have a bottle of wine for breakfast, i wouldn't even consider drinking at that time in the morning unless i havent been to bed yet lol.

But take George Best for example he drank Wine for breakfast, then he went to the pub after that etc etc, i can't understand how some people can drink that quantity in a day.

But as for the casual drinker, yes they say 14 units a week is the limit, but do many of us stick to that?? i admit i don't and have even exceeded that amount in a day, people say to me, oh it's because your young and you'll calm down when you get older but the question is, Do we all Calm down???

And that is the thin line between alcoholism and casual.
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BeatleBarb
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MaccaByrd
Jun 3 2007, 03:49 PM
Fancy a drink, anyone? :rolleyes:

Honestly, Fiona - it has changed my casual habits. A little red wine, usually on Sundays is quite nice enough. Someone in my family has to be sane!

by the way, that is an empty champagne glass in my hand! It was only a prop I grabbed for the picture....lol
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Oh, I'd be a hypocrite to suggest that no one should drink. Ever. But there's most definitely something unappealing about it and this thread just serves as a reminder of that fact.
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Nick2006
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i know where your coming from fiona, i also believe if people want to drink it's their decision but it's scary when you read the circumstances of this thread makes you wonder whether it's really worth it
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maccascruff
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Bill
Jun 3 2007, 02:06 AM
I used to have a disagreement with the term "recovering alcoholic" until I understood that if someone is an alcoholic, then they are always an alcoholic - regardless of whether they drink or not.

And another that defines an alcoholic is the inability to have just a couple of drinks. Usually there is nothing wrong with having one or two, but an alcoholic cannot do this - they are either sober or on a bender. There is no in-between.


My brother-in-law went off the booze by himself. He was given an ultimatum by my sister--the booze or me and he chose her. Did it cold turkey. He used to take a 12 pack with him on the tractor every morning.

Now no booze is allowed in their house because even 10-12 years later, he does not trust himself.

My brother-in-law knows there is no in between, so he has chosen not to expose himself to the temptation because he knows he can't have just one drink.
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Good for him. That must take a lot of strength.


...Though I don't know why - alcohol tastes icky and makes you feel like crap. :P
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maccascruff
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He liked beer, which I can't stand. I'm so glad he chose my sister. He does worry about his college aged sons, who both drink plenty of beer. That is where he started.
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Dorfliedot
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MaccaByrd
Jun 3 2007, 09:32 AM
Oh, I'd be a hypocrite to suggest that no one should drink. Ever. But there's most definitely something unappealing about it and this thread just serves as a reminder of that fact.

MMM, drinker who are acholics don't take in mind of threads or anything else.
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BEATNUT


There are people I know that I would drive to an AA meeting, be there to support them, and worry about them.

Then there are people that I would drive to a liquor store and give them a discount coupon.
Location: Self-Imposed Exile.
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Dorfliedot
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Then there are people who just don't plan care.
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Nick2006
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BEATNUT
Jun 3 2007, 05:14 PM
There are people I know that I would drive to an AA meeting, be there to support them, and worry about them.

Then there are people that I would drive to a liquor store and give them a discount coupon.

Which category would i fall under?? :D
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Dorfliedot
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Nick2006
Jun 3 2007, 10:21 AM
BEATNUT
Jun 3 2007, 05:14 PM
There are people I know that I would drive to an AA meeting, be there to support them, and worry about them.

Then there are people that I would drive to a liquor store and give them a discount coupon.

Which category would i fall under?? :D

The one who go to the store. ;) :lol:
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Nick2006
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Just what i wanted
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Dorfliedot
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Nick2006
Jun 3 2007, 10:35 AM
Just what i wanted

What? A beer?
Dorothy hands him a Miller and Say's drink to heart content.
Op's, I for got this is about alcoholic
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Nick2006
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No no drink for me

plus no Miller ick

Bud for me
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LadyMacca
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She's already in AA and all that. She just relapsed is all.
All I know is i'm going to be there for her forever, no matter what.

Thank you.. for the information and yet again, for the support.
I really ought to blog somewhere else.
-Liz
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Bill
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BEATNUT
Jun 4 2007, 03:14 AM
There are people I know that I would drive to an AA meeting, be there to support them, and worry about them.

Then there are people that I would drive to a liquor store and give them a discount coupon.

That's an excellent point. No-one is trying to be a killjoy or anything but alcohol, like any other substance, be it pot, coffee, chocolate or chips, is something that you can either handle or not.

It should be recognised that there isn't any hypocrisy in enjoying a drink yourself while understanding that others shouldn't be allowed near the stuff.

And Liz, we're here to discuss things and this is an important thing to discuss. I'm glad you brought it up.
Put a puppet on it.
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LadyMacca
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:) thank you bill, I am glad myself.

My friend is doing rather well too!
I told her that if she ever needed a sponser or somebody to support you in AA,
that I would love to be that person.
Also, I told her that if it helps, that I will quit smoking and even drinking.
She would like that also. I believe that she needs a sober friend. A clean friend.
I want to help her as much as possible. Besides, smoking is smelly :giggle:
-Liz
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JeffLynnesBeard
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Bill
Jun 4 2007, 04:15 AM
BEATNUT
Jun 4 2007, 03:14 AM
There are people I know that I would drive to an AA meeting, be there to support them, and worry about them.

Then there are people that I would drive to a liquor store and give them a discount coupon.

That's an excellent point. No-one is trying to be a killjoy or anything but alcohol, like any other substance, be it pot, coffee, chocolate or chips, is something that you can either handle or not.

It should be recognised that there isn't any hypocrisy in enjoying a drink yourself while understanding that others shouldn't be allowed near the stuff.

And Liz, we're here to discuss things and this is an important thing to discuss. I'm glad you brought it up.

Well said, Bill. There's nothing wrong with a couple of social drinks from time to time, but there are people who should definitely avoid the stuff all together. ;)
...and in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.
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Nick2006
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I've also learnt not to confront an aggressive drunk

This woman came crying to me for help, her boyfriend was chasing her and of course you are led to believe she is being abused.

I asked him about it and he starts to get a little nasty, i managed to fight him off even when he came at me with an iron bar, but it makes you wonder i could of been killed that night.

Was standing up for this woman really worth it??
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beatlespud
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Being the son of a recovering alcoholic (my late father) I know all this too well... I myself have to be a bit careful being it has been proven that offspring of addicts are more likely to become alcoholics or addicts themselves... I do drink but not very often..




Dean
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Queenbee
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I too have a sister that's an alcoholic. It's sad because we hardly see each other nor does she see any of her 9 siblings and those maybe once a year, if that. Since the day they announced Linda McCartney's death, we were at a baby shower for my sister, I have seen her maybe 3 times, counting that day. Pretty sad. When she was pregnant, she didn't drink and we all got along. Sometime after she had the baby she start drinking again, and all of us would be fighting with her through IM's on AOL, we wouldn't answer our phones when she was drinking. I don't use AOL much so I don't see her online.

My Dad is an alcolholic although he doesn't drink much, maybe 1 or 2 beers a day but considering he shouldn't have any, that's too much. They all have nasty personalities when their drinking.

It's sad how it messes family's up.

PEACE and love to my friends, Judy

When the Power of Love over comes the Love of Power, the world will know Peace.
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Till me meet again ~ I Love you Mike! You were one of a kind.
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BeatleBarb
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Queenbee
Jun 4 2007, 09:13 PM
I too have a sister that's an alcoholic. It's sad because we hardly see each other nor does she see any of her 9 siblings and those maybe once a year, if that. Since the day they announced Linda McCartney's death, we were at a baby shower for my sister, I have seen her maybe 3 times, counting that day. Pretty sad. When she was pregnant, she didn't drink and we all got along. Sometime after she had the baby she start drinking again, and all of us would be fighting with her through IM's on AOL, we wouldn't answer our phones when she was drinking. I don't use AOL much so I don't see her online.

My Dad is an alcolholic although he doesn't drink much, maybe 1 or 2 beers a day but considering he shouldn't have any, that's too much. They all have nasty personalities when their drinking.

It's sad how it messes family's up.

So sad, Judy. Like I said, my only sister who was my best friend that I spoke to almost daily and who spent most weekends here at my home, I haven't spoken to since December 2005, when she delivered a drunken holiday greeting via the telephone. I've wanted to talk to her so many times, but I just can't as I know how difficult she can be and it is too painful for me. So much damage has occurred because of this.

Sorry your family has been affected by this as well.



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DCBeatle64
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wow there are quite a lot of people on this board which are affected by an alcoholic or knowing one etc. Thats quite worrying and I've noticed there does seem to be a pattern with families etc
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BEATNUT

Bill
Jun 4 2007, 03:15 AM
BEATNUT
Jun 4 2007, 03:14 AM
There are people I know that I would drive to an AA meeting, be there to support them, and worry about them.

Then there are people that I would drive to a liquor store and give them a discount coupon.

That's an excellent point. No-one is trying to be a killjoy or anything but alcohol, like any other substance, be it pot, coffee, chocolate or chips, is something that you can either handle or not.



Don't misunderstand me. When I say i'd drive them to the liquor store with a discount coupon it's because I don't give two shits what happens to them.
Location: Self-Imposed Exile.
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Dorfliedot
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BEATNUT
Jun 4 2007, 04:22 PM
Bill
Jun 4 2007, 03:15 AM
BEATNUT
Jun 4 2007, 03:14 AM
There are people I know that I would drive to an AA meeting, be there to support them, and worry about them.

Then there are people that I would drive to a liquor store and give them a discount coupon.

That's an excellent point. No-one is trying to be a killjoy or anything but alcohol, like any other substance, be it pot, coffee, chocolate or chips, is something that you can either handle or not.



Don't misunderstand me. When I say i'd drive them to the liquor store with a discount coupon it's because I don't give two shits what happens to them.

Exactly! Even if you did give a sh*t it not going to help. An alcoholic has to help them self. Before they get help. Just like a drug addict. You can go on and on about how it is not good for you etc. but, in long run it them who has to want the help. and be willing to quit.
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Jacaranda
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You are very right Dotty. There is no one in the end to ultimately help an alcoholic, besides the alcoholic.

People who are affected by alcoholics and what they do need help also -- that is a separate subject altogether.
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manon
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It is a very sad subject. Someone I love have an alcool problem. I know it since a long time and because I don't want to admit it I found many reasons for all his symptoms. I know I am only foolish myself. But it is so painful to admit it and to know there is nothing I can do for him until he admit by himself he have a problem. It is hard to see someone you love to destroy himself. :(
"Listen to the color of your dream."
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Bill
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BEATNUT
Jun 5 2007, 09:22 AM
Bill
Jun 4 2007, 03:15 AM
BEATNUT
Jun 4 2007, 03:14 AM
There are people I know that I would drive to an AA meeting, be there to support them, and worry about them.

Then there are people that I would drive to a liquor store and give them a discount coupon.

That's an excellent point. No-one is trying to be a killjoy or anything but alcohol, like any other substance, be it pot, coffee, chocolate or chips, is something that you can either handle or not.



Don't misunderstand me. When I say i'd drive them to the liquor store with a discount coupon it's because I don't give two shits what happens to them.

Well, I did allow for that possibility, but I was trying to put the positive interpretation on it. :lol:
Put a puppet on it.
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mozart8mytoe
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JeffLynnesBeard
Jun 3 2007, 03:41 AM
Problem drinkers are defined as agreeing with at least two of the statements below:

I have two of these.

JeffLynnesBeard
Jun 3 2007, 03:41 AM
Alcohol dependence can be diagnosed in people agreeing with at least three of the following statements:

But only one of these.

JeffLynnesBeard
Jun 3 2007, 03:41 AM
Symptomatic behaviour

And only two of these.

Free drinks on me.
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Dorfliedot
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Most alcoholic are in denial. :ike drug addicts. Most will say I am not a alcholic. but, ones who are will to help them selves are the ones to admit I am a alcholic.
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Dorfliedot
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Don't assume you know what a alcoholic is, untill you walked in their shoes. judgement day is not with you .but, with god.
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Sandra

BEATNUT
Jun 4 2007, 11:22 PM
Bill
Jun 4 2007, 03:15 AM
BEATNUT
Jun 4 2007, 03:14 AM
There are people I know that I would drive to an AA meeting, be there to support them, and worry about them.

Then there are people that I would drive to a liquor store and give them a discount coupon.

That's an excellent point. No-one is trying to be a killjoy or anything but alcohol, like any other substance, be it pot, coffee, chocolate or chips, is something that you can either handle or not.



Don't misunderstand me. When I say i'd drive them to the liquor store with a discount coupon it's because I don't give two shits what happens to them.

I got your point and it really annoyed me.

Of course we don't care about everybody. There are some people I wouldn't go out of my way to help either particularly if they were on a destructive course and not prepared to do anything to help themselves but I don't understand why you would drive somebody to the liqour store who you don't care about. Why contribute to something so destructive especially when you don't care about them I don't get that at all.
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Dorfliedot
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This is a remake of a song. It tells you what alcohol can do to you. It funny
http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseacti...eoid=1295705837


:lol: :lol: :lol:
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LadyMacca
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-Imagine-
Matters took turn for a worse tonite.

And now I no longer have a best-friend.
All because I wanted to talk to a guy who she was dating (another friend of mine)
about the issues that were going on around here.
And he.. wanted to talk to me about her and how the relationship was going.
She cussed me and him out. And guess what she had "one drink" when technically she had a few more than "One drink" ..

I am entirely distraught over this.
So far to the point where I want to go live with my parents again.
I do feel that if I live here, things will just get worse, the drama that is.
He confronted her and asked her "how does that one drink make you feel though"
and she didnt respond.. and I can't remember what else happened.
But I clearly remember her saying "I can't trust the either of you, so we aren't friends anymore, so f*ck you!" .. he got rather mad.
And had said that hopes that the poision she is drinking.. kills her.
And she said "I hope you die to, and HER!" .. meaning me.
I dont know what to do.. i'm so emotionally distraught over this.
I've been crying all night.
I was there for her, for everything.. I tried to protect her, and then what?!
I get stepped on, because I wanted to talk to him about being just that?!
Emotionally distraught and how i'm very close to a mental breakdown.
And now.. even closer.

All I want now, is my home, and not the place where I currently reside..
but with my parents, my dog... in freakin wisconsin.
I want away from here.. from it all. It's just to much!
-Liz
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LadyMacca
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:angry: Yea ok whatever.. thanks for carig
-Liz
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Rose
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Well, here's another clue for you all, the Walrus was Paul...
Liz, I'm not entirely sure what is going on with you, but it saddens me to see you so hurt and upset. I dare say this 'best' friend wasn't really a friend at all to turn on you so quickly. Going home (and Wisconsin is a great place) sometime allows us to be taken care of...and to figure out where to go next. Good luck with everything, Liz...I hope you find happiness...you deserve it.

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"I'm in awe of McCartney. He's about the only one that I am in awe of. He can do it all. And he's never let up... He's just so damn effortless." ~ Bob Dylan
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DCBeatle64
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I am about to state the obvious but this is not good and I really do feel for you.

This is the type of sh*t that alcohol does

Maybe your friend will be better to talk to when she hasnt had a drink at all.People do say stupid things when they are drunk and whilst it doesnt make it better it is an issue.

Maybe it would be good to get a brake from this to clear your head and have your own time because it is clearly really hurting you.Nobody likes to see their mates in this way but you have to make sure that you are looking after yourself as well otherwise it will get worse.
Hopefully a bit of space between the 2 of you will be good so you both have time to reflect and once you've done that if you still cae for her you can try and help her.She is prob going to keep pushing you away but dont blame yourself.She needs you.Yeah it may put pressure on you but she'll thank you in the long run.

I wish you all the best with this.I understand its hard
I'm a BIGGER Beatles fan than you and I'm an even BIGGER Wings fan than that...
'You're a Paul McCartney fan? No you're a Wings fan'. 'Thankyou Scotland' Ho Hey Ho...
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LadyMacca
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Thanks rose and DC, it reall means alot to me, it really does :)

after thinking about it, she really isn't a true friend, not one bit.
She still thinks I was talking about her behind her back and hasn't even asked me what I said or any of that, she's clearly sticking to what she's heard from others.

So while she acts 16, i'm gonna be the mature one and act my age
-Liz
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beatlechick
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In Paul's Arms!
Liz, I am sorry to see what is going on with you. I very well know how alcoholism can affect your life. I had an uncle die from the disease in a mental facility. I have also known people killed by drunk drivers.

Alcoholism is a disease and one that is treatable. Unfortunately on the way to getting treatment, lots of lives are hurt, lives that were hurt unintentionally but hurt just the same. Sometimes that hurt can be repaired, other times it is irreversible. That woman has to recognize that she is sick and needs to seek treatment if she wants to keep her sanity. Let her believe what she will, she is going to anyway as it is no longer her doing the thinking but that damned bottle, it is up to her to decide if she is strong enough to overcome this. It is up to you to decide if you have the strength to see her through this, or to let her hit rock bottom. Letting her hit total rock bottom may be the hardest, yet the kindest thing you can do. Very hard to say that but sometimes rock bottom is the truth and as we all know, truth hurts.

This case may be just that, letting her hit rock bottom. If you have to do that, and you have the strength to let her hit it on her own, the more power to you.
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Dorfliedot
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Beatlelicious
op's wrong thread.
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LadyMacca
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Cathy, that is exactly what I am going to do.
I just cannot sit here and be a sob (as in crying..) anymore.
Her disease nearly costed me MY sanity from just worrying about her.
Now.. i'm just going to sit back and watch herself destruct. That is all I can do.
And that is all I can do. And what's even more f*cked up. The person who actually talked about her is mad at me, :lol: he won't even say hi to me!! lmao

I'll be glad to get out of here for awhile and spend some time with my folks
and play with my baby girl (my dog..buffy) and enjoy the country life!

And when the time comes and she realizes what a mess she made,
and the friends she has lost because of this horrid disease,
when the time comes for her to be civil towards me, f*ck that.
I don't think I could ever forgive her for the things she has said.
As a Catholic, we are to forgive but not to forget.. or something.. heh.
But oh man, I wont forget, not ever, but I shall not forgive her.
Is that to harsh?? ..I mean jesus she told me to f*cking die?!!!
Do you honestly me to sit here and be like "yeah ok, your forgiven"
You just dont go out and tell people that you hope they die!! :nono:

So.. f*ck her! She was never a friend!
you know.. I almost feel like she was buying me to be her friend.
She had always bought me things, food, cigs and whatever else. :huh:
And I had always said "no" .. but she insisted.. so yeah.. f*ck that.
I can do so much better!! :sweet:
-Liz
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~LovelyRita~

Sometimes you have to fall to the absolute bottom of the bottom before you can start coming back up again. Nothing like a good mental break down to get you back on track, or at least that's how it works with me. Good luck on your way back up, choose better friends this time. :P
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LadyMacca
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~LovelyRita~
Jun 12 2007, 12:00 AM
Sometimes you have to fall to the absolute bottom of the bottom before you can start coming back up again. Nothing like a good mental break down to get you back on track, or at least that's how it works with me. Good luck on your way back up, choose better friends this time. :P

:P *salutes* aye aye captain!
-Liz
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beatlechick
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In Paul's Arms!
Liz, I can well understand the anger but what you have to understand is that it is no longer her talking. It is the disease, the bottle. She is no longer in control. When she does regain control, she is going to need to help to keep that control. Taking a break is a good thing to do but just remember she is not the one saying those things, it's the disease.
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LadyMacca
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Yes, I know.
And while it hurts inside as to what she has said to me.
At this time.. I'm not sure if i'll be there for her.
I put my heart & soul into helping her and it wasn't enough.
She wasn't ready. And now thanks to Alcohol it has ruined our relationship.
Once I proudly called her my sister, now... I dont know what to call her.

Perhaps maybe one day, when everything has died down and she's gotten help..
and she has control, maybe we'll talk. But not now.
She has said that she's deeply hurt, well what about me?
Most importantly.. what about her 5 year old daughter? her family? her other friends?
And considering the fact that the guy she dated last, was an alcoholic as well.
And she.. they both have said I ruined whatever they had.
All I can say is.. it wasn't intentional, but i'm rather relieved.
She does not need that in her life.. but then again I can't sit here and say what I think she needs or wants or whats good for her. Its her life, not mine.

Basically it's like the show intervention..
If she chooses to not get help, i'm not existent. I won't be there.
If she does get help, and completes treatment, then we'll talk.
Till then.. i'm working on me.
-Liz
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DCBeatle64
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Wings nutter
Hopefully when you feel better about yourself if you feel differently about your friend you might be able to repair your friendship. She is sick too and she doesnt know what shes doing.To come out of this illness its a lot easier to have people who have looked after and loved you all the way through it.

Can you really just abondon your friend when deep down she does actually need you.

When I saw my grandad as a drunk I was very young and I just didnt want to talk to him or be near him.He was on his death bed and I couldnt face seeing him because of all this stuff.So I never got to say goodbye or tell him I loved him like the rest of the family did even though they were bitter about the past he created. Yes this is an extreme case but sometimes you have to be careful as to who you cut out of your life
I'm a BIGGER Beatles fan than you and I'm an even BIGGER Wings fan than that...
'You're a Paul McCartney fan? No you're a Wings fan'. 'Thankyou Scotland' Ho Hey Ho...
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MaccasGirl
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Born To Be Wild
Liz, I can say from experience that the things your friend has said to you are very typical of an alcoholic. They lash out at the ones closest to them and half the time don't even remember or know what they've said.

I've dealt with the verbal abuse from an alcoholic and one thing I can tell you is that you don't have to take it. But remember that they don't always mean what they say. It is very hard to take that abuse, though. The alcoholic in my life was really two people~the drunk person was totally different from the sober person.

I really hope your friend wakes up and realizes she has a big problem before its too late and gets some help.

And in the end...The love you take..Is equal to the love you make.


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LadyMacca
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DC, I see what you are saying, but that does not exclude the "I hope you die" bit.
That really hurt. To wish death upon anybody is cruel. Especially a close friend.
She doesn't even know what went on. But at this point, I just don't care.
She can continue to say whatever, it's just going to go in one ear and out the other.

Diane, I hope so to. I really do.
-Liz
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JanaW
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Liz, if she really is a good friend to you please do not put her in the position of being at a party where alcohol is being served again! Even ONE drink for an alcoholic is not OK. It's great to party, but do so without alcohol.
If slaughterhouses had glass walls the whole world would be vegetarian.
Linda McCartney
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Blondie10
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Bill
Jun 4 2007, 03:15 AM
BEATNUT
Jun 4 2007, 03:14 AM
There are people I know that I would drive to an AA meeting, be there to support them, and worry about them.

Then there are people that I would drive to a liquor store and give them a discount coupon.

That's an excellent point. No-one is trying to be a killjoy or anything but alcohol, like any other substance, be it pot, coffee, chocolate or chips, is something that you can either handle or not.

It should be recognised that there isn't any hypocrisy in enjoying a drink yourself while understanding that others shouldn't be allowed near the stuff.

And Liz, we're here to discuss things and this is an important thing to discuss. I'm glad you brought it up.

DID YOU SAY CHOCOLATE??? :D :D :D




Hi...My name is Val and I am a Chocoholic!!! :o I ADMIT IT!!! and thats half the battle.... :hyper:


On a serious note....alcohol for many people turns into an addiciton.... and it's an awful addicition for the person who drinks and for their entire family... :( I rarely drink....gives me a migraine...
There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened. -- Douglas Adams <a href='http://eapr-1/@' target='_blank'></a>
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LadyMacca
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JanaW
Jun 12 2007, 11:41 AM
Liz, if she really is a good friend to you please do not put her in the position of being at a party where alcohol is being served again! Even ONE drink for an alcoholic is not OK. It's great to party, but do so without alcohol.

I didn't put her in the f*cking position!! I wasn't even there!
I didn't even know it was even that bad ok!
The first time that I saw her agressive like that was two weeks ago!
I thought she had everything under control, she was in therapy and everything.
So dont sit there and blame me, because I feel bad as it already is!

And i'll tell you RIGHT NOW, I am not a heavy drinker!
I can't stand the sh*t. What you just said, hurt. Thanks.
-Liz
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JanaW
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Quote:
 
We were all partying tonite, just a casual little get together.


Indicates you were there. I don't really care one way or another. I didn't mean to p*ss you off. I only meant that people should not invite an alcoholic to a party where there is drinking. She also needs to learn to say NO
If slaughterhouses had glass walls the whole world would be vegetarian.
Linda McCartney
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LadyMacca
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Yes I was there, yet I wasn't drinking.

It all basically started out with the three of us, Becky, Sarah F and Me getting pedicures, everybody else was already drinking before we got there and they were already drunk when we got back. It was out of my hands.
If I was there, I would have stopped her.

But i'm sorry to have lashed out like htat, it's still a sore subject.
But you are right. She needs to learn to say no
-Liz
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DCBeatle64
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Yeah that leaves you in a very difficult position.It takes a strong person to take a comment like that and forgive them, but this girl really does need some help or sahe could end up killing herself with this
I'm a BIGGER Beatles fan than you and I'm an even BIGGER Wings fan than that...
'You're a Paul McCartney fan? No you're a Wings fan'. 'Thankyou Scotland' Ho Hey Ho...
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LadyMacca
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I know, and i'd hate to see that happen to her, but there really isn't anything more I could do.. as I have tried and tried and tried. Its up to her now :unsure:
-Liz
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Jacaranda
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Liz as I said before, her drinking is not your responsibility. It is hers. You are not responsible for her, she is. You are absolutely right to understand this.

It is the same for any of us. Other adults make their own beds, and unfortunately lie in them. We cannot control the actions of others. We can be there to support, but whatever any other person does, is their own choice. Always.
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"If nothing else works, a total pig-headed unwillingness to look facts in the face will see us through." General Melchett, Blackadder Goes Forth




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beatlechick
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Jacaranda
Jun 13 2007, 05:31 PM
Liz as I said before, her drinking is not your responsibility. It is hers. You are not responsible for her, she is. You are absolutely right to understand this.

It is the same for any of us. Other adults make their own beds, and unfortunately lie in them. We cannot control the actions of others. We can be there to support, but whatever any other person does, is their own choice. Always.

Liz, Lisa is correct. The only person you are responsible for is yourself. You can help and support, if she goes back for treatment she will need support, but if she wants to hit rock bottom she will have to hit it by herself.
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Dorfliedot
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beatlechick
Jun 13 2007, 05:35 PM
Jacaranda
Jun 13 2007, 05:31 PM
Liz as I said before, her drinking is not your responsibility. It is hers. You are not responsible for her, she is. You are absolutely right to understand this.

It is the same for any of us. Other adults make their own beds, and unfortunately lie in them. We cannot control the actions of others. We can be there to support, but whatever any other person does, is their own choice. Always.

Liz, Lisa is correct. The only person you are responsible for is yourself. You can help and support, if she goes back for treatment she will need support, but if she wants to hit rock bottom she will have to hit it by herself.

No mount of lextures is going to help. They have to seek the help them sleves..
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LadyMacca
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I hate to swear.. but my grandpa always had this saying

sh*t or get off the pot

Kinda reminds me of this situation with my ..uh ex friend
-Liz
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LadyMacca
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I heard from another friend of mine that she wants to talk to me,
and that she probably is going to apologize. I don't know what to think now.
Just when I put everything aside and started to be a happier me, it comes back.
What if she wants to be friends again? What will she say to me?? Will she scream at me again?
I'm kinda embarassed to admit that i'm scared. Is this normal?
I don't think i've quite healed myself over this issue. And i'm nervous as hell!
I have to remind myself that I did not do anything wrong, but it's hard to take it in.
She was supposed to spend the weekend at her parents house, and she's outside. :blink:
I know she has every right to be out there, but i'm scared to go outside <_<
It may seem silly, but that's just how i'm feeling right now. I don't know what's going to happen.
Or what she'll say to me, if anything.

I'm sorry to be posting such nonsense, but I really had thought this was over with.
I guess it isn't. As now I have to deal with something much harder then I previously went through.
And that would be actually sitting down and talking with her.

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-Liz
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DCBeatle64
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Its perfect;y natural to be concerned about seeing her again.Shes clarly hurt you badly but going to see her shows you as a strong person and it might also help you work out what to do. If you want to continue your friendship or just cut all your ties with her.
Hopefully she wont be agressive with you and will try and be honest with you which will be of benefit for both of you. However if it appears to be the same old then its going to be difficult

Good Luck
I'm a BIGGER Beatles fan than you and I'm an even BIGGER Wings fan than that...
'You're a Paul McCartney fan? No you're a Wings fan'. 'Thankyou Scotland' Ho Hey Ho...
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LadyMacca
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This is where a Paul doll or Paul himself would come in handy!
Just to sit on the couch and cuddle or just hold him till it goes away :blush:
-Liz
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