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Maccasgirl's son passed on; Please pray
Topic Started: Sep 2 2006, 09:23 PM (6,882 Views)
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MaccasGirl
Sep 12 2006, 06:01 AM
Thank you, all of you wonderful ladies.

We got through the birthday and Andrew put on a happy face. We didn't do anything different but the traditional dinner, cake, and presents. When he was told to make a wish, he just sat there with this sad look....I know what he was wishing. We were able to share certain memories of Johnny and laugh a little instead of crying the whole time. Of course Tanya was with us and I know we felt Johnny there.

Trips away are being planned and maybe that distraction will help some of them to work through their grieving.

(((Tassy))) and (((Barb))) I received your cards yesterday and I'm really touched that you went to that effort to comfort us. Thank you, thank you.

(((Betsy))) The candle you sent is so beautiful with such a lovely verse. It came during a rough moment for me and was so helpful. Thank you, Betsy.

You are so very welcome Diane. It was the very least I could do.
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Merry
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Just letting you know that I am thinking of you and your family ((((Diane)))), and sending my love.


Merry


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maccascruff
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I saw the beautiful wedding picture that Tanya posted, Diane. They were so beautiful together.

We're still here for you whenever you need us. I will watch the video again tonight.
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iscreamer1
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Just watched the tribute. Life can be so tragic sometimes there are not words. Life can be so beautiful sometimes there are not words. I'm sure the recipients of your sons donations are thinking just that.
Laughter is the shortest distance between two people - Victor Borge

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audrey
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maccascruff
Sep 11 2006, 02:28 PM
I won't post the My Space address as Diane sent it to me in a PM, but I sat and cried as I watched it. It shows the two planes and the rainbow and I bawled like a baby.

me too
audrey
a pretty nurse is selling poppies from a tray
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MaccasGirl
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On the day of the visitation the gentleman from the organ donor program called me to give me the following information about Johnny's organ donation:

-His heart and valves went to a 23 year old male computer science student in New York. He is doing fantastic. He had only 3 weeks left to live.

-His lungs went to a 38 year old male in Minnesota and he is doing very well now.
He had only days left to live.

-His liver went to a 23 year old male in Illinois who is doing well.

-The kidneys were donated here in Illinois but we have no information yet.

-The pancreas couldn't be transplanted because of some defect. However the islet cells were taken and given to a diabetic to help him produce insulin. This was done in Chicago.

-No recipient of the intestines.

In all, 6 people's lives were saved and we are so very, very proud of Johnny.
We shared this information at both the visitation and the funeral.

My message is this~~please make the decision to be an organ donor. You are saving other lives and it is so so important.

My other message is never take a single day for granted. Take time to show the ones you love that they are the most important thing in your life. Appreciate every moment and treat each day as if it's your last. People are more important than things and you never know when someone will be taken away. Love one another.


And in the end...The love you take..Is equal to the love you make.


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MaccasGirl
Sep 12 2006, 11:38 AM
On the day of the visitation the gentleman from the organ donor program called me to give me the following information about Johnny's organ donation:

-His heart and valves went to a 23 year old male computer science student in New York. He is doing fantastic. He had only 3 weeks left to live.

-His lungs went to a 38 year old male in Minnesota and he is doing very well now.
He had only days left to live.

-His liver went to a 23 year old male in Illinois who is doing well.

-The kidneys were donated here in Illinois but we have no information yet.

-The pancreas couldn't be transplanted because of some defect. However the islet cells were taken and given to a diabetic to help him produce insulin. This was done in Chicago.

-No recipient of the intestines.

In all, 6 people's lives were saved and we are so very, very proud of Johnny.
We shared this information at both the visitation and the funeral.

My message is this~~please make the decision to be an organ donor. You are saving other lives and it is so so important.

My other message is never take a single day for granted. Take time to show the ones you love that they are the most important thing in your life. Appreciate every moment and treat each day as if it's your last. People are more important than things and you never know when someone will be taken away. Love one another.

Amazing. Simply amazing.
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scottycatt
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Diane, how wonderful to know that your son has saved 6 lives!! And, no doubt, given hope to all of their families and loved ones. Perhaps one day you'll have the chance to meet one or more of these people in person. :)

Thank you for your beautiful sentiments. I know I'm guilty of taking people for granted sometimes and I'm thankful that you've reminded me to stop and appreciate what really matters in this life. ;)

I will continue to keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.




Why?
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Dorfliedot
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audrey
Sep 12 2006, 03:57 PM
maccascruff
Sep 11 2006, 02:28 PM
I won't post the My Space address as Diane sent it to me in a PM, but I sat and cried as I watched it.  It shows the two planes and the rainbow and I bawled like a baby.

me too
audrey

So, did I..
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Queenbee
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It's a reminder like this sad situation how quick life can be snuffed from us. Never be afraid to say I love you or give a hug to those you care about.

PEACE and love to my friends, Judy

When the Power of Love over comes the Love of Power, the world will know Peace.
-Sri Chinmnoy Ghose

Till me meet again ~ I Love you Mike! You were one of a kind.
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Sandra

You are so right Judy.
'There never could be a better moment than this one.'
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audrey
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MaccasGirl
Sep 12 2006, 04:38 PM
On the day of the visitation the gentleman from the organ donor program called me to give me the following information about Johnny's organ donation:

-His heart and valves went to a 23 year old male computer science student in New York. He is doing fantastic. He had only 3 weeks left to live.

-His lungs went to a 38 year old male in Minnesota and he is doing very well now.
He had only days left to live.

-His liver went to a 23 year old male in Illinois who is doing well.

-The kidneys were donated here in Illinois but we have no information yet.

-The pancreas couldn't be transplanted because of some defect. However the islet cells were taken and given to a diabetic to help him produce insulin. This was done in Chicago.

-No recipient of the intestines.

In all, 6 people's lives were saved and we are so very, very proud of Johnny.
We shared this information at both the visitation and the funeral.

My message is this~~please make the decision to be an organ donor. You are saving other lives and it is so so important.

My other message is never take a single day for granted. Take time to show the ones you love that they are the most important thing in your life. Appreciate every moment and treat each day as if it's your last. People are more important than things and you never know when someone will be taken away. Love one another.

and now johnny, in his own special way, has started a new life, actually many new lives. Having seen patients on their last days waiting for organs that never came, and having seen the few lucky ones that were saved by the tragic loss of another, realize that every day that occurs and Diane, you and all your family are hurting and missing Johnny, know in your heart that 6 people and all their families and friends are thanking you and your family for sharing Johnny so selflessly.
Often as time passes and permission is granted, donor families and recepients get together and share stories. If you get that opportunity ever, grab it, you will be so surprised. One may have taken up hunting, or a sudden love to fix up old cars, or some other aspect that was unique to Johnny. Sometimes it is even a love for a food previously not cared for that the donor held becomes part of this person. These experiences are not stories, they are something unexplainable within, sort of like the unexplainable love a father has for a child he conceived.
Thanks again for sharing with us this tragedy that is turning into such a beautiful ending.

And that rainbow said it all.

At times like these i know it is difficult but keep your faith and allow others to help in your healing. Johnny continues to live, although not in your life, but he does live on.

a pretty nurse is selling poppies from a tray
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bluemeanie
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is now a happily married woman x
Flickering Ember
Sep 12 2006, 10:07 AM
Just saw the tribute video.... :cry:

same here :cry:


your beautiful boy Diane (((((hug)))))

the pictures and video are beautiful - just like you and your family. I'm so glad that his organs which you helped so many other people with are doing well. For the last 14 years I have been registered as an organ donor and my family know this too. What you said is so true :console: I can't say time will heal your pain - it won't, but the love from your family, friends, people on here and Johnny's continual love will help you to become stronger day by day (((Diane)))

Jayne x

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is loving life and is so happy xxx
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maccascruff
Sing the Changes
I had a co-worker who received a liver. Some problem showed up with hers when she was pregnant. She moved back to Oklahoma to be closer to her family because she was told she would eventually need a liver transplant. Luckily for her, she got one and is doing well today.

I have it on my driver's license that I wish to be an organ donor and I have told my family of my wishes. My mom commented that my dad has it on his driver's license, but who'd want her organs. I said she might be surprised what could be used.

I hope she changes her driver's license so it says she wishes to be an organ donor.

Again, Diane, I will say that you will never get over this, but it does get easier. Not in this many days or I'd think you had lost it. Cry it out all you need to cry, scream or whatever it is you need to do.:console:

I never take things in my life for granted. That ended with my own battle to live. I live life one day at a time and try to live it to it's fullest.
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King_Kameamea
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I just saw the video and for once in my life I am speechless.
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maccascruff
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Did you see the rainbow, King?
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King_Kameamea
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maccascruff
Sep 12 2006, 11:57 PM
Did you see the rainbow, King?

I saw it and I was staggered by it. The sorrow from her loss must be overwhelming.
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maccascruff
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I am sure the feelings of Diane and her family are overwhelming and so very sad. The rainbow. Where did it come from. The sky is so blue and then the rainbow appears.
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King_Kameamea
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maccascruff
Sep 13 2006, 12:54 AM
I am sure the feelings of Diane and her family are overwhelming and so very sad.  The rainbow.   Where did it come from.  The sky is so blue and then the rainbow appears.

That rainbow was no coincidence. Some things just can't be explained.
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maccascruff
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I think you are right about the rainbow being no coincidence. I'm sure I would have lost it when the rainbow appeared. I do when I watch the video. :(
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LITTLE LAURA
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I hope this doesn't sound insensitive, but where is the url for the Video? :unsure: I checked the guestbook & could find only a photo link. :huh: I was hoping to view it, too.

How are you doing today Diane?
Hugs :console:
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MaccasGirl
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Born To Be Wild
I am not doing good today or last night. Seeing too many of his things and feeling very, very sad. I cry a lot then stop. This crappy weather is not helping either.

The video and picture tribute is on my daughter's myspace. I have it under my signature.
And in the end...The love you take..Is equal to the love you make.


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audrey
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MaccasGirl
Sep 13 2006, 05:05 PM
I am not doing good today or last night. Seeing too many of his things and feeling very, very sad. I cry a lot then stop. This crappy weather is not helping either.

The video and picture tribute is on my daughter's myspace. I have it under my signature.

Am sending you a big hug, glad you came here to share your sorrow, tis so much more difficult when you want to cry and the sky is crying at the same time.....
realize that although we cant make it all better, we can and do listen and care
Dont have any magic potions to make it all better, if i did, well i guess i would be rich and in great demand now wouldnt i

So please, accept my HUG in the spirit it is sent
a pretty nurse is selling poppies from a tray
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BeatleBarb
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audrey
Sep 13 2006, 05:25 PM
MaccasGirl
Sep 13 2006, 05:05 PM
I am not doing good today or last night. Seeing too many of his things and feeling very, very sad. I cry a lot then stop. This crappy weather is not helping either.

The video and picture tribute is on my daughter's myspace. I have it under my signature.

Am sending you a big hug, glad you came here to share your sorrow, tis so much more difficult when you want to cry and the sky is crying at the same time.....
realize that although we cant make it all better, we can and do listen and care
Dont have any magic potions to make it all better, if i did, well i guess i would be rich and in great demand now wouldnt i

So please, accept my HUG in the spirit it is sent

We're still all thinking of you, Diane. I wish we were all closer, geographically speaking, in times like this. I'm sending you my love and friendship as well.
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BikerLikeAnIcon
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I wish I knew what to say Diane. My heart hurts for you and your family. I can only imagine what you are going through.
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Queenbee
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Thinking of you today. I know that hole you want to crawl into isn't deep enough. Just allow your emotions to feel whatever they need to feel for awhile. You need this. It's all been said here. Just feel. We're here for you Sweetie.

PEACE and love to my friends, Judy

When the Power of Love over comes the Love of Power, the world will know Peace.
-Sri Chinmnoy Ghose

Till me meet again ~ I Love you Mike! You were one of a kind.
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LITTLE LAURA
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(((((Diane))))) :console: A beautiful tribute. I feel so bad for ya. :hug: :(
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Rose
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Well, here's another clue for you all, the Walrus was Paul...
Diane...there hasn't been a day that you haven't been in my thoughts. Please be well...and know that people care about you.

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"I'm in awe of McCartney. He's about the only one that I am in awe of. He can do it all. And he's never let up... He's just so damn effortless." ~ Bob Dylan
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JeffLynnesBeard
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The same here, Diane. We're thinking of you and your family.
...and in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.
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theonlyfab4fan
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I AM THE BIGGEST JOHN FAN!
Wish I knew something profound to say that would give a measure of solace but I know not what that might be. Please know that I love you and am thinking of you and yours the whole day through.
You say you want to save humanity but it`s people that you just can`t stand
John came to me in a dream and this is what he said. "I had a vision of a man on a flaming pie, and he told me that Betsy with a B not Lisa with a L is the biggest fan of mine". John trumps 'the boss' !

I WAS ROBBED BY THAT DEVIL WOMAN

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maccascruff
Sing the Changes
I don't think there are words that will help Diane and her family. Diane, just know that we are all thinking about you and we care a lot.
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Queenbee
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((((Diane)))) The sun is out.YEAH!!! I hope the sunshine helps warm you up. Thinking of you.

PEACE and love to my friends, Judy

When the Power of Love over comes the Love of Power, the world will know Peace.
-Sri Chinmnoy Ghose

Till me meet again ~ I Love you Mike! You were one of a kind.
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jayjay
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Just letting you know, Diane, that I think of you on a daily basis. And I know that you don't know this, but you've been an inspiration to me throughout my past few days of troubles. Knowing what you've been through makes my problems miniscule. I know you're going through the worst days of your life right now, and just know that we care. What more can I say... I wish I could give you a huge hug right now - we could both use it. :hug:
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MaccasGirl
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Born To Be Wild
Thanks so much everyone for keeping me in your thoughts. It means so much to me to know you care.

Yes, the sun being out today does make it some better. I woke at 5am and my mind immediately starts racing with thoughts of Johnny and this whole horrible nightmare. Lots of crying and heartache. :cry:

I wrestle with the "what ifs" and wish I could have done something to save him. I know in my heart that he died right here on my living room floor with me and Andrew. Audrey has helped me work through some of the medical questions I've had and I'm very grateful for her imput. I guess I never thought he was dying because of an insect. I play that whole thing over and over in my head. Why... :cry:

(((Jayjay)))I hope that your daughter comes through OK. I admit I haven't been able to read about it on the thread. You have my prayers for her recovery.
And in the end...The love you take..Is equal to the love you make.


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Jacaranda
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Diane: I can only add to what others have said, by letting you know I think of you often and hope that there is something that will ease your pain. I wish we could do more for you.

I really empathize about the waking up early. That has been a problem for me through all the painful periods in my life. It has always been a godsend to seek professional help even when I felt it couldn't do anything, it really saved me.

To that end, please take care of yourself as best you can now; try to eat and sleep, and if need be, take medication to help you rest.

We all care about you so much.

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"If nothing else works, a total pig-headed unwillingness to look facts in the face will see us through." General Melchett, Blackadder Goes Forth




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JeffLynnesBeard
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That's right, Diane, we do. Now we really want you to make sure you look after yourself because you're important to many people, most of all your family. I don't think there will ever be a time when all of your questions are answered, least of all the question "Why?". Words of comfort are of little solace when someone is taken away from you in such a cruel and unfair way, but I hope, over time, you will find yourself smiling when you think of Johnny instead of this traumatic heartbreak. I can't imagine what it is like to lose a child, but have lost my father and can only relate to my experience during that painful time in my life and know that it takes a long time to get to a stage where your heart doesn't feel like it's going to burst out of your chest with sorrow every time they are mentioned.

I'm grateful that we have such caring, sympathetic people on this message board and am thankful to each and every member who has expressed their sympathies to Diane and her family.
...and in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.
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MaccasGirl
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Born To Be Wild
Thank you, Lisa and Andy. Andy you are right we really do have a great group of caring people here. I continue to be amazed by how wonderful so many of you have been and it means so very much.

(((Linda))) and (((Diane G.))) thank you for sending your cards. It is such a nice gesture and greatly appreciated.

I was dreaming about his handprints this morning and started trying to think if we put any in the cement out here at the house. I haven't been able to find any. Wonder why that popped into my head?

Johnny was the best Indian arrowhead finder I've ever known. He would go out in the corn fields around our house and he'd find an arrowhead every time. He's probably found about 100 over the years. We plan on putting them in a frame box to hang on the wall.
And in the end...The love you take..Is equal to the love you make.


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theonlyfab4fan
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I AM THE BIGGEST JOHN FAN!
It has been raining here for the last 2 days. Just a few moments ago the rain stopped and the sun has begun to peak through the clouds. As I am typing this I can see a rainbow in the sky and it makes me think of Johnny and that marvelous rainbow that appeared above the jets that day. Hugs Diane, and peace to you sweetie.
You say you want to save humanity but it`s people that you just can`t stand
John came to me in a dream and this is what he said. "I had a vision of a man on a flaming pie, and he told me that Betsy with a B not Lisa with a L is the biggest fan of mine". John trumps 'the boss' !

I WAS ROBBED BY THAT DEVIL WOMAN

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King_Kameamea
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It makes me feel good seeing how much care is being shown on this thread for Diane. The poor woman is carrying a very heavy load and can use support from wherever she can get it and it's good to know that she can get it here.
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Merry
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I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you and your family also, Diane, and sending my love.


Merry


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beatlechick
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In Paul's Arms!
So much has been said here the last couple of days. I just wanted to add that I do think of you and your family and wish that you find any way you can to get through this and see your son in the sunshine and flowers. You're right, every second of living is not to be taken for granted. We have such a short period of time here before we get called home.

Thank you for reminding us of that.
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audrey
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Diane, i am so glad i have been of some sort of assistance while you and your family are going through this. Rainbows for me will always hold a special meaning and even as i go to work, at the weirdest times, thoughts of Johnny come to mind.
I think about you daily and hope that the sunshine brings a small amount of light into your life.
Wow, finding arrowheads in cornfields............Make a display out of them, doing something is so much better than doing nothing.
Remember we all love you, care about you, and are willing to do anything that we possibly can to help you through the each and every day.
Audrey
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MaccasGirl
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Born To Be Wild
Yes, Audrey, we are going to display the arrowheads in a case that hangs on the wall. They were always precious to him. He always amazed me that he'd bring one back every time! Good eye.

When Johnny was little, he would go back behind our house to a stream that flows into the river. One day, the neighbor friend and Katie went back there with him and they decided to make a dam out of rocks in that little stream. It is still there but bigger now because of the debris that has piled up on it. My husband goes back there and cries and prays :cry: I haven't gone back there yet. So many memories here and he loved it out here so much.

I still can't believe this has happened. :cry: We have a huge hole in our hearts now. I guess I accept that it was his time to go and I'm grateful that he didn't die a violent death. But it is still hard to accept that it DID happen :(
And in the end...The love you take..Is equal to the love you make.


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manon
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You are always in my thoughts (((((((Diane))))))).
"Listen to the color of your dream."
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maccascruff
Sing the Changes
Diane, I'm still thinking about you much of the time. I wish this hadn't happened to you, but it did. I know everything around your place must bring back memory after memory and with them come the tears--the tears that need to be shed by all of you. How's Tanya doing?
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MaccasGirl
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Born To Be Wild
Thank you for still thinking of us, Linda. It still is so difficult to deal with.

Tanya is still really suffering and it worries me. She went to my sister's house for the weekend as a get-away but she still was crying a lot. It will probably hit her hard again when she gets back here today. She depended on him so much and she's feels so insecure and lost. I feel the same way so I know how bad she feels.
It's just different since he was her husband.
And in the end...The love you take..Is equal to the love you make.


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maccascruff
Sing the Changes
I showed the friend I am staying with this thread. She donated part of her liver to save her best friend. Her friend later died of breast cancer. We watched the slideshow and video and she said the rainbow appeared for a reason.

I'm here with you, Diane, and will continue to be.
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BeatleBarb
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I thought about you today Diane as I just got back from the Monterey Bay in which we scattered the ashes of four family members, including 30 year old Danielle that died in a freak surfing accident. All four loved and spent many hours on the Pacific Ocean. It was a pristine day out on the ocean. I told my son of your story and your wonderful son and the gift of life he was able to provide. We agreed that life is too short and he is so thankful that I still am very close to his father even though we are divorced. I'm still part of the family and love them all. We agreed to all keep loving each other and be grateful for every day we still have in each other's presence. I said a prayer for all of us, including you and your family. Take care Diane. You, your family and Tanya continue to be in my thoughts.
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King_Kameamea
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Diane,

I just wanted to let you know I was still thinking about you. I know your pain and sorrow will take a long time to fade so I want to keep this thread alive so you will know just how many people are thinking of you during this difficult time.
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maccascruff
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We definitely need to keep this thread alive to Diane and her family can feel the love. :wub:
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Merry
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Please know that I'm thinking of you too, (((Diane))).

Though I can't do much for you in the way of comfort (how I wish I could!), I want you know that you and your family aren't far from my thoughts and prayers and I send you my love.


Merry



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audrey
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diane, once again am thinking of you, Tanya and of course Andrew and hoping that today is bringing a little less pain, a little sunshine perhaps, and a little comfort knowing how much Johnny was loved and how much all of us on this board of friends feel about you and love and support you.
hopefully sharing your pain with us will help ease some of the pain and fill that empty void in your heart.
Helping Tanya through this will help all of you through this, and yes although she is suffering, we all know that she is not suffering alone and that does help each and every one of you.
sending prayers your way.
Audrey
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MaccasGirl
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Born To Be Wild
Thank you SO much, Barb, Linda, King, Merry, and Audrey. This is so very very thoughtful of you and it means so much to me that you are keeping the thread alive. It helps me immensely. You guys are wonderful.

I have been a wreck today. The pain and heartache is so bad, I never realized how much it can hurt. I cry whenever I think of things that Johnny did or liked. I even started to cry when I went into the Chinese restaurant last night thinking how much he loved the noodles. I'm getting to where I'm afraid to go out for fear of breaking down in public. It has been the worst thing that I've ever been through
in my life. When my Dad died it was very sad but this is unbearable.

Thanks again for keeping me in your thoughts everybody.
And in the end...The love you take..Is equal to the love you make.


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bluemeanie
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is now a happily married woman x
((((Diane)))) I think of you and your family every day too. your forever in my thoughts and heart.

things you come across every day will remind you of johnny - they will never go away just like him :( think of the positive/happy images if you can and how much joy he brought you. smile and be happy about it. dont forget to pass them on to other loved ones and share them - for example the dam.

please look after yourself and your family :hug:
Jayne x

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is loving life and is so happy xxx
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Nick2006
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i dont know what to say Diane only that i am deeply sorry about what happened and i hope that your thoughts and memories will always make you happy of the time you spent with him during his life.

May the Goddess take his soul to rest in paradise

Nick
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maccascruff
Sing the Changes
It's okay if you break down in public, Diane. It's okay whatever you feel or do.
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pood for paul

Thinking of you~
:(
"Hey Jude, don't make it bad...
Take a sad song, and make it better..."
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Rose
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Well, here's another clue for you all, the Walrus was Paul...
Diane~ I wish there was something I could do or say that could give you even a moment of peace. I think about you and Johnny every day...and say a prayer for you and your whole family. Something like this does make a person step back...and realize what is right in front of them...and be thankful for the blessings you have in this life. It makes me hold onto my sons a little tighter...and tell them how much I love them...a little more. You've been so brave, sharing your heartache with us, and I'm so happy that these posts have helped in some way.
God Bless and Peace Be With You.

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"I'm in awe of McCartney. He's about the only one that I am in awe of. He can do it all. And he's never let up... He's just so damn effortless." ~ Bob Dylan
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audrey
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if us thinking about you and wishing you well helps, that is wonderful, for i for one feel that i am doing so little for you when i so wish i could do more. Breaking down in public is ok and you dont have to explain to anyone what is wrong.; The fact that you are even able to go out and get chinese food, to eat, to funtion, to get on this board and even to get out of bed is a testimony of how well you are really doing despite the pain and loss you are suffering.
You think you are weak, but your actions say otherwise. Keep going, doing the best you can do is no more than just doing.
Things will get easier eventually, the pain will be there but the good things will eventually be the thoughts that make you smile.
I still can not explain how bad all this makes me feel, to know of your loss, your suffering and you missing part of your life.
God Bless you and yours, despite what you may think, you are doing very well getting through this experience and milestone of your life.
Johnny does live on, dont forget that, i am so sure that there are at least 6 folks and their families that thank him and you all from the bottom of their heart every day that they awaken. Let their thanks provide some happiness and some condolences to your loss.
We love you, thank you for sharing your days, good or bad, and i hope that we are of some sort of small help
a pretty nurse is selling poppies from a tray
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scottycatt
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Diane, I can only echo what Audrey, Rose, Jayne and others have already said. Every day I am awestruck by your courage and your honesty. Linda is right -- it's OK to break down in public. Do whatever feels right for you.

I'm thinking of you and your family each day and sending hugs and positive thoughts and prayers your way.




Why?
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maccascruff
Sing the Changes
Diane, I would give anything to take away your pain, but you know we can't. You also know we are here for you. However, it is so hard being so far away from you. I wish we could have some lunch together and you could cry your heart out while you tell me about Johnny.


Your posts break my heart, but please do not stop posting them. They are your feelings and they are okay. No feeling you are having is wrong. Feel them. Like Audrey said, your loss is real and will never go away. However, some day, the memories of Johnny will make you smile, not cry. I know. This is the way it was for me when I lost my best friend.
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Queenbee
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Hey (((Diane)))) your entitled to cry whenever the urge comes on. Remember how Paul said the first year he'd be crying about Linda......he's said my wife died and start crying even if he didn't know them that well. Remember that video I had of him talking about Linda, the interview with Michael Parkinson, back in 1999???

And as everyone said, your stronger than you realize. Just being able to come here to share your daily feelings is remarkable. Johnny doesn't want you to have a death certificate along with his. He wants to you feel life for him. Enjoy the things he cherished. But don't deny yourself all the feelings that come as a Mother losing her child. I know it has to be the worst feeling ever. But someday you'll be able to get through the day much easier, but it will be awhile. In the mean time, just let us listen to you whenever you feel up to it. We all love you.

Love to you,
Judy

PEACE and love to my friends, Judy

When the Power of Love over comes the Love of Power, the world will know Peace.
-Sri Chinmnoy Ghose

Till me meet again ~ I Love you Mike! You were one of a kind.
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jayjay
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Just the fact that you went out to eat to me is amazing. You are a very strong woman, but all humans, weak or strong, need to weep. Showing your emotions in public is nothing to be ashamed of... You are human and humans cry. Please don't deny yourself of feeling the pain that you need to feel in order to move forward. I'm sure Johnny is looking down and very proud of his Mom.
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MaccasGirl
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Born To Be Wild
Actually I just picked up the chinese food and took it home. But last night I did go to a restaurant where my daughter works and had her wait on us. It was just Andrew and I and we didn't have to be around anyone cause it was later. It did help to go there and we didn't have to talk to anyone. It was nice that it was just the two of us since we haven't done that too much before.
And in the end...The love you take..Is equal to the love you make.


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maccascruff
Sing the Changes
Glad you got out, Diane. Remember, we are here for you.
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MaccasGirl
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Born To Be Wild
It has been 3 weeks today since this awful nightmare started. I really wish it was only a very bad dream that I would wake up from. We are all still really in shock from it all and hurting so much. We can't die with John so we just have to try as much as possible to live. But it is so hard to go on.

I would like to share something his wife told me about. On Monday she went out to the lot where they were going to start building their house. She just sat out there for a while, thinking and praying. Wondering how she is ever going to go on. It was a beautiful day on Monday, warm and sunny. She stayed quite a while, I guess, and looked up in the sky to see a rainbow! She was very excited about that and took a picture with her phone to show us. I think these rainbows are telling us that it is going to be OK and that Johnny is OK. It is just too coincidental that we have been seeing these rainbows lately especially when it isn't bad weather. They are definitely telling us something.
And in the end...The love you take..Is equal to the love you make.


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maccascruff
Sing the Changes
Yes, Diane, the rainbows are Johnny telling you all to go on living, but not without remembering him. You will meet again.
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Jacaranda
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Diane:

How lovely that you all are seeing these rainbows. I think that God and Johnny are telling you to take care of yourselves and be well.

It must be so hard to live through this pain, but you are entitled to all the feelings you are feeling -- it has really only been a very short time since your extraordinarily difficult loss. I once heard the expression, "the only way way out is through," which I feel means that though we all have to live through times of terrible sadness, they will pass one day.

I think of you often and hope that in some small way we can offer comfort to you when you visit us here.
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"If nothing else works, a total pig-headed unwillingness to look facts in the face will see us through." General Melchett, Blackadder Goes Forth




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theonlyfab4fan
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I AM THE BIGGEST JOHN FAN!
I think the rainbows are Johnnys way of telling you all to carry on. I can`t presume to really know what or if there is anything beyond the grave. But somehow my gut tells me that there is. Perhaps regimes have perverted religion for political gain, which has tarnished the true spirituality of organic life. It really doesn`t matter in the grand scheme of things because I really believe that Johnny is doing his level best to let you all know he is really okay, and you have a lot to look forward to.
You say you want to save humanity but it`s people that you just can`t stand
John came to me in a dream and this is what he said. "I had a vision of a man on a flaming pie, and he told me that Betsy with a B not Lisa with a L is the biggest fan of mine". John trumps 'the boss' !

I WAS ROBBED BY THAT DEVIL WOMAN

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Sandra

I too think the rainbows are Johnny's way of letting you know he is okay Diane.

When we'd scattered my mums ashes, we turned around and as we did so there was a beautiful rainbow. It definitely felt like a sign to me.
<a href='http://eapr-1/@0@Sandra@1@Edinburgh%2C%20Scotland@' target='_blank'></a>
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Rose
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Well, here's another clue for you all, the Walrus was Paul...
MaccasGirl
Sep 22 2006, 09:25 AM
I think these rainbows are telling us that it is going to be OK and that Johnny is OK. It is just too coincidental that we have been seeing these rainbows lately especially when it isn't bad weather. They are definitely telling us something.

I think the rainbows are telling you something, too. It is definitely a sign.

Posted Image Posted Image

"I'm in awe of McCartney. He's about the only one that I am in awe of. He can do it all. And he's never let up... He's just so damn effortless." ~ Bob Dylan
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BeatleBarb
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I think you're right, Diane. I'm glad to see you're up and around a bit...at least here, anyway. I think of you often and please know we're all still thinking of you and the family.
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JeffLynnesBeard
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I am so sorry that you're hurting that much Diane and I can't imagine how difficult it is for you to live your life everyday, but they way you're coping, expressing your sorrow and pain and talking to people, is a good sign that you're going to work through this. We all care about you so much and, I'm sure, wish that we could do more for you. Just know that what's happened will never be forgotten by people here and we'll always look out for you.
...and in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.
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Deleted User
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Nature is so, so cruel.
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maccascruff
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Diane, I think you are doing quite well given that it's only been a little over three weeks since this horror began.

Not a day goes by that I don't think of you and your family.
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beatlechick
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In Paul's Arms!
I hope that today you, your family, and all of his loved ones are doing better. It will take lots of time, patience, and understanding (that this was not yours or anybody else's fault) to start coming to grips with your loss. Take one day, one tiny step at a time. Talk, hug, and love each other. You will never get "over" your loss but you will learn to cope with it. This was no one's fault and that is very important to know. Allow yourself to get angry, death in all of its' forms is cruel, throw things and yell if you must for that is healthy way of dealing. Above all else know that you are loved. Take Care, my friend.
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MaccasGirl
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Born To Be Wild
I thank all of you for your words of encouragement. It helps to hear it.

I feel like a walking zombie. This is kind of like my diary and it helps me to write it.
I'm still struggling with all the "whys". Why him...why us....why anaphylactic shock...why couldn't I do anything to save him...why didn't he make it. These questions will haunt me forever and I know I will never have the answers. All I know is I miss him terribly and feel so sad. Little distractions will take me away from these thoughts for a while but they always return. I've fallen way behind on everything cause I just don't feel like doing it. The bills are unpaid, the house dirty, I barely go to the store....these things just don't matter to me.

Nights are hard because I don't have the distractions. Sleep is getting hard to come by and the exhaustion is catching up with me. It is too easy to keep thinking about him at night.

I worry about my other children and my husband. Things are difficult for them, too, and it has been hard for them trying to work plus sort out their feelings. I hope they will be alright.
And in the end...The love you take..Is equal to the love you make.


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King_Kameamea
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MaccasGirl
Sep 24 2006, 06:46 PM
I thank all of you for your words of encouragement. It helps to hear it.

I feel like a walking zombie. This is kind of like my diary and it helps me to write it.
I'm still struggling with all the "whys". Why him...why us....why anaphylactic shock...why couldn't I do anything to save him...why didn't he make it. These questions will haunt me forever and I know I will never have the answers. All I know is I miss him terribly and feel so sad. Little distractions will take me away from these thoughts for a while but they always return. I've fallen way behind on everything cause I just don't feel like doing it. The bills are unpaid, the house dirty, I barely go to the store....these things just don't matter to me.

Nights are hard because I don't have the distractions. Sleep is getting hard to come by and the exhaustion is catching up with me. It is too easy to keep thinking about him at night.

I worry about my other children and my husband. Things are difficult for them, too, and it has been hard for them trying to work plus sort out their feelings. I hope they will be alright.

Don't be afraid of seeking professional help. You are carrying an enormous load (even more enormous then perhaps you even comprehend) and professional help may be the helping hand that you need to get you through this most difficult time.
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MaccasGirl
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Born To Be Wild
I'm beginning to think I need it but don't know who to go to. I talk to friends, family, my pastor, but none of that has changed anything. I don't know if I need a shrink or what.
And in the end...The love you take..Is equal to the love you make.


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Sandra

Diane it is still very raw for you and all the things you are feeling right now are entirely normal. :hug:
<a href='http://eapr-1/@0@Sandra@1@Edinburgh%2C%20Scotland@' target='_blank'></a>
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theonlyfab4fan
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I AM THE BIGGEST JOHN FAN!
Diane, I know that where I live that funeral homes often provide group grief counseling, and they would certainly be able to make referrals to good professionals in those fields if they don`t offer the services themselves. Why don`t you contact the place that you used to handle Johnnys` service. I`m sure they could point you in the right direction.
You say you want to save humanity but it`s people that you just can`t stand
John came to me in a dream and this is what he said. "I had a vision of a man on a flaming pie, and he told me that Betsy with a B not Lisa with a L is the biggest fan of mine". John trumps 'the boss' !

I WAS ROBBED BY THAT DEVIL WOMAN

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maccascruff
Sing the Changes
Betsy gave you great advice. My former landlady after she lost her son used me as her shrink and it became too much for me. I finally had to tell her the subject was off limits and she needed a professional person to help her. I am not a professional and she was telling me way too many details in phone conversations that would go on for hours.

I'm sure either the funeral home or your doctor can make a proper referral. Don't be afraid. There's nothing wrong with seeking professional help.
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King_Kameamea
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maccascruff
Sep 24 2006, 07:47 PM
Betsy gave you great advice.  My former landlady after she lost her son used me as her shrink and it became too much for me.  I finally had to tell her the subject was off limits and she needed a professional person to help her.  I am not a professional and she was telling me way too many details in phone conversations that would go on for hours. 

I'm sure either the funeral home or your doctor can make a proper referral.  Don't be afraid.  There's nothing wrong with seeking professional help.

You can also talk to your General Practitioner or your human resources department if you are employed. Many times insurance will cover therapy. Seeking help is not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength. ;) Peace be with you.
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maccascruff
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It is a sign of strength. My insurance will cover 25 visits a year, but after 9, you have to get approval.
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audrey
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MaccasGirl
Sep 24 2006, 07:08 PM
I'm beginning to think I need it but don't know who to go to. I talk to friends, family, my pastor, but none of that has changed anything. I don't know if I need a shrink or what.

Diane, I dont think you need a shrink in the sense that we all think of a shrink. you are by no means crazy or loosing it, you are grieving the loss of your son and unsure of the tools and the processes that are the natural steps when one is grieving. Go and seek help, for you, your family, Tanya, and anyone who needs/wants something to make this easier.
No one can go through this for you, but there are those trained in dealing with what you have suffered that can tell us, like we all have that it is ok to cry, to ignore the house, to not sleep well, and to feel devastated. Additionally, they may have some very helpful suggestions on how to get through each and every day and some tips on making this easier.
We love you here on this board, we have become a very close knit family and want you to be ok.
As always, if you have any questions or want more information, pm me. I welcome them always
audrey
a pretty nurse is selling poppies from a tray
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maccascruff
Sing the Changes
I know one thing my doctor had me do when I lost my best friend was keep a grief diary. It really helped to put this down on paper. I can't read it now without crying all over again. At that time, he recommended this book to me that had the five stages of grief and it included diary pages after each chapter to guide me through my grieving. I needed and got professional help, but this helped a lot, too.
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audrey
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Grief diary's are wonderful tools. they help you put your feelings into words and they show that you are doing ok and are surviving
hope all is ok with you diane and that each day goes on to become another new day. I hope a ray of happiness can shine through your grief and make you feel a little better
Tis so easy for us to offer advice when we dont know how we would react and cope in a time like this.
Your strength is obvious even though you doubt it, we can all see it clearly in your posts and your ability to do what has to be done
The rainbows are so special, it seems to be a sign that many people have when loosing one they love. A lady i work with recently lost her husband and she also had a rainbow, actually a double rainbow at the funeral, and it was the only sunny day that we had in about a weeks time.
so cherish your sign from heaven, for that is what it is
a sign from heaven
audrey
a pretty nurse is selling poppies from a tray
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MaccasGirl
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Born To Be Wild
Thanks for thinking about me still, Audrey. Each day is a challenge and not a day goes by that I don't cry. Some people are still finding out about Johnny like today an old friend called and I had to retell the story which is so hard.

I watched Oprah this morning with Elizabeth Edwards talking about the loss of their son and could relate to much of what she talked about especially the story about her meltdown in the grocery store. I have been terrified of having that happen in the stores so I try to only go in for a short time. She mentioned how much internet chat rooms helped her, too. She has a new book out that I plan on getting that might be helpful.

You all mention getting help~~ I found a local group of Compassionate Friends that meets twice a month. I thought I may give that a try next week. I am sort of afraid of talking in a group setting so it might not be for me yet but we'll see.
And in the end...The love you take..Is equal to the love you make.


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BeatleBarb
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Hi Diane, I'm so glad to see you here on the board and doing what you can. I think others who have been through your experience may offer a wealth of information and support, so looking into that group may be a good idea. I think Audrey has offered some wonderful advice and I hope it is of some help to you. I think of you and your family often during my morning runs, and hope and pray things begin to get a bit easier for you. Take care.
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Rose
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Well, here's another clue for you all, the Walrus was Paul...
Diane, I also think its good for you to come on this forum and be able to discuss your son. One of my closest friends lost her 21 year old son 2 1/2 years ago...under bizarre circumstances. She tried counseling soon after his death...but found it was emotionally draining for her to do at that time. I know everyone deals with grief differently, and I hope it works for you. You are still in my thoughts and prayers every day, Diane. Peace be with you...soon.

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"I'm in awe of McCartney. He's about the only one that I am in awe of. He can do it all. And he's never let up... He's just so damn effortless." ~ Bob Dylan
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audrey
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Keeping the memory of johnny alive and strong on this board
we are all still thinking of you, knowing that the days are still hard and the nights long
hope this finds you facing the day, we are thinking of you and sending positive energy and thoughts your way

audrey
a pretty nurse is selling poppies from a tray
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maccascruff
Sing the Changes
Diane, I still think about you and your family on a daily basis. You have already shown that you are strong.
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MaccasGirl
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Born To Be Wild
I don't know that I'm strong. I guess I appear that way but I sure don't feel that way. I just feel numb and I go through the motions but barely accomplish any little task. It still doesn't seem like he could be gone. :cry:

I want to post some of my favorite pictures if I ever get them scanned. I don't want this thread to die before I get them done. Hopefully I'll get help soon with the scanner.

Thank you, ladies, for still posting on this thread and keeping me in your thoughts. You are wonderful and caring people.
And in the end...The love you take..Is equal to the love you make.


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theonlyfab4fan
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I AM THE BIGGEST JOHN FAN!
No worries Diane, we aren`t about to let this thread slip away. I can only begin to imagine what you must be feeling. I can`t say I really know, I haven`t been there, but I am a mom and I cannot think of a heartache worse than the one you must have. I look forward to when you can scan and post those pictures. I have no clue how to do it myself but Judy or some other of our computer savvy boardies might know how to do it.

Love and lots of hugs hon.. lord knows you need them.
You say you want to save humanity but it`s people that you just can`t stand
John came to me in a dream and this is what he said. "I had a vision of a man on a flaming pie, and he told me that Betsy with a B not Lisa with a L is the biggest fan of mine". John trumps 'the boss' !

I WAS ROBBED BY THAT DEVIL WOMAN

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maccascruff
Sing the Changes
I know how to scan, Diane. Do you have a scanner? Once they are scanned, you can upload them to some place like photobucket and them we can see the pictures.

We will keep the thread alive for as long as it takes for you to get out your feelings. We are here for you.
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Sandra

I look forward to seeing the photos you have to share with us Diane. :)
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manon
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You and your family are always in my thoughts Diane.
"Listen to the color of your dream."
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Queenbee
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Thinking of you as we ordered dinner from Cabana Charley's!!! Wish you were here having dinner with Diane and I ~~~ since the guys are at a very late football game!

Hope the day comes soon when you can laugh out loud and feel good!

Love you!

PEACE and love to my friends, Judy

When the Power of Love over comes the Love of Power, the world will know Peace.
-Sri Chinmnoy Ghose

Till me meet again ~ I Love you Mike! You were one of a kind.
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audrey
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Queenbee
Oct 1 2006, 11:46 PM
Thinking of you as we ordered dinner from Cabana Charley's!!! Wish you were here having dinner with Diane and I ~~~ since the guys are at a very late football game!

Hope the day comes soon when you can laugh out loud and feel good!

Love you!

thank you Judy for taking Diane out for a nice dinner out


and Diane, we wont let this thread die just like the memory of Johnny will live on forever, in our hearts as in yours.
Cant wait til you get that scanner figured out and those pictures online
a pretty nurse is selling poppies from a tray
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Jacaranda
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Diane: Please know that I think of you often and like the others, I won't let this thread stop as long as you need it (or any other one you decide is helpful to you for that matter).

Since you mentioned professional help, I'm glad that you are thinking of trying Compassionate Friends. I hope it can be helpful. Remember it is okay to go there and just listen too. If you ever need to talk about what is involved in seeking counseling or what therapy can do for you, just PM anytime because I know a lot about it from personal experience and it has been a lifesaver for me.

Take care and remember we all care and would help you any way we could.
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"If nothing else works, a total pig-headed unwillingness to look facts in the face will see us through." General Melchett, Blackadder Goes Forth




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