| Going Back Home | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Feb 11 2011, 09:49 PM (34 Views) | |
| Justin | Feb 11 2011, 09:49 PM Post #1 |
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Mr. International
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It was time to go back home. Ever since I joined the sVo I haven’t been back home and after almost a year it was time to make the trip. There was one problem. Since it has been so long since I have been back I knew the type of reaction I was going to get. I needed a way to be able to divert the onslaught and I had just the idea. Road trip! I know of one person in this world who loves a good ol’ road trip and that is none other than the “Beautiful” one himself Bobby Dean. He was the perfect fit for what I was trying to do….or so I thought. After the idea hatched in my brain I immediately picked up the phone. “Roscoe, talk to me buddy!” Bobby answered after the first ring. “I was calling to see if you wanted to go on a road trip?” “A road trip…..hell yeah I want to go! Where we going?” I can’t understand why a grown man gets so excited about taking trips, but then again nobody can explain Bobby Dean. “Kalamazoo, Michigan.” The next day I picked up Bobby and we headed to McCarran International Airport. We boarded the plane two hours later and after five minutes in the air I regretted inviting Bobby. He had downed three mini-bottles of Jack Daniels and was working on his fourth when the stewardess made the mistake of walking down the aisle. “Hey sweet cheeks come here for a sec,” He called out to the blonde woman. She looked around as if he could be talking to anyone else as her face turned red. I was hoping she would turn the other way, but she didn’t. She smiled and leaned forward, “Yes sir, what can I do for you?” I felt my heart skip a beat. That was the wrong question to ask to Bobby Dean, even worse to an almost intoxicated Bobby Dean. His patent sinister smile creeps across his face, “What can you do for me? The question is what can’t you do for me? How about we go into the bathroom and rack up some Mile High points?” Her face went from red to dark crimson. Her jaw dropped in disbelief and all she could do is blink. The staunch smell of the Jack Daniels on his breath finally broke her trance and she quickly walked off. “She wasn’t my type anyway,” he said before finishing off his fourth mini-bottle. “If you say so.” Four hours later we touched down in Kalamazoo, Michigan. It took us only ten minutes to get our luggage and exit the small airport. We got in the rental car and made our way towards 220 Mayberry Lane. Little did I know that the “fun” was about to begin. Thirty minutes later I pulled up into the driveway and cut the power to the car. Instead of getting out I stayed in my seat and gripped the steering wheel until my knuckles turned white. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Bobby looking at me with a confused look on his face. Little did he know, we were about to enter a warzone. “Ummm…Roscoe you okay there?” He finally asked. Instead of answering I just shook my head. I finished preparing myself for what was about to come and finally got out of the car. I popped the trunk, we grabbed our luggage and made our way up to the front door. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before I opened the door, but was taken by surprise when Bobby opened the door and waltzed right in! I hurried in behind him, but the damage was already done. “Mom….we’re home!!!” Bobby yelled out as walked inside. Luckily my mom wasn’t in the living room, so I had some time to damage control. Only problem is she was on her way to the living room and was there before I could think. “Who in the fu……..Roscoe! Hey baby!” She reared her arm back at the sight of Bobby, but when I stepped forward she lowered her fist. “Hello mother…how are you doing?” I asked as I wrapped my arms around the woman who had been through so much raising my brother and I. She was quiet at first. She was content with holding on to me. Finally she loosened her grip to wipe away the tears that were forming. “I’m better now that you are here……..why in the hell has it taken you so long to come back.” She reared back and planted her fist perfectly into my shoulder with all the strength she could muster. I knew that it was only the beginning. Before I could answer, Bobby had the brilliant idea to interject, “Well hello lady, since Roscoe here wants to be rude and not introduce us I am Bobby Dean.” He moved in to hug my mom, but he got his foot stomped on for his troubles. “Listen her you Ric Flair wannabe! I don’t know you so don’t ever try and touch me again!” In case the first stomp wasn’t good enough, my mom thrust her knee into Bobby’s midsection. He dropped to his knees gasping for air. I was impressed because I had never seen her move that fast. I smiled at the ailing blonde before looking back up at my mom, “He’s not going to harm you ma….you didn’t have to go and do that.” I wasn’t very forceful with it; I just said it out of obligation. “Like I said, I don’t know him which means he doesn’t need to be touching me.” The next couple of hours were tense. Bobby was pouting because of the beat down he suffered at the hands of my mom. Speaking of which, my mom was upset because I brought a stranger in her house on top of the fact that I haven’t been back in almost a year. As each minute passed I regretted my decision to come back more and more. The three of us were sitting in silence in the living room watching the television when my worst nightmare appeared. The two hundred and seventy-five pound woman entered the front door without knocking like usual. As she has done since I have been alive, her shirt and pants are entirely too tight for a woman of her size. There was more lipstick on her teeth than her lips and her hair had so much hairspray it looked like cardboard. She waddled her way over to me and just as I was a kid she planted her lips on my cheek and when she pulled away she left a lipstick stain. That is Aunt Betsy for you. “Roscoe, who is this handsome hunk?” Aunt Betsy completely forgot about mean and her focused turned to Bobby. This was totally fine with me and I decided to give Bobby a taste of his own medicine. “Aunt Betsy meet Bobby.” I got up from the couch so she could sit, which she wasted no time doing. She was so enthralled with Bobby that she practically sat on top of him. The petrified look on his face got worse when she started rubbing her fat fingers through his hair. Seconds later I could tell by his dry heaving that he took a big whiff of her Gold Bond medicated powder that she covers her body in. This was amazing! “Nice to meet you Bobby. Don’t worry about me being Roscoe’s aunt, we can still get to know each other,” she moved her other hand to the man’s thigh and gripped tight. The petrified Bobby looked at me for help, but like he did me with the Beauty Block commercial I left him out to dry. “I’m sure you are a wonderful woman Betsy, but I’m not sure if we are good fit for each other.” The terror in his voice was priceless. Aunt Betsy looked stunned, “What do you mean we are not a good fit? Is it my weight? I can lose some weight….the last guy I was with loved a little meat on the bones. But it’s nothing a few hours in the gym couldn’t fix.” Bobby looked at me for help, but like last time I let him be. It was time he learned a lesson. “I’m just not interested Betsy.” Sweat started to form on his forehead. “Not interested?! Have you taken a good look at me boy? I am one of the finest women you will ever lay your eyes on! Something is wrong with you.” Aunt Betsy got to her feet and stormed into the kitchen. Seconds later the cabinets started slamming. “Roscoe, are you gay?” The question from my mom shocked the hell out of me. I couldn’t believe what she just asked me. I looked over at Bobby who was now all smiles. “Uh…no ma’am! Why would you ask a question like that?” I was beyond pissed. “Because you bring this boy toy in here and he’s not interested in your Aunt Betsy. That must mean he is gay and he came with you.” She was dead serious. I couldn't believe my mom just questioned my sexuality. It was time to go! |
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2:31 PM Jul 11