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Canadian Crippler RP
Topic Started: Dec 8 2010, 08:34 AM (39 Views)
Canadian Connection
sVo Superstar
[ *  *  * ]
Prologue

You finally find yourself on top of the world…and yet you still choke on your mind’s lack of oxygen.

Crippler welcomes you.

Act I

*Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport, humanoid hub of timberland travel, and a place where your destination is only as far as the people you associate with allow it to be. Such is the case with young aspiring wrestler and hopeful Lieutenant Governor of Minnesota, Arcadia. Arcadia, a native of Flagstaff, Arizona, stands in a long line of Minnesota travelers, wearing at least two more layers of clothing than everyone around him on this brisk, mostly cloudy late afternoon. After attempting for weeks to get a flight out of the North Star State to go back home and investigate the sudden disappearance of his girlfriend, Cassie, each time finding his path blocked by a weather problem, a sudden political campaign responsibility, or his tickets mysteriously disappearing, Arcadia is giving it yet another go, a look of determination to find his love upon his face.*

Crippler: Ah, but love will only get you so far. Belief in something stronger, however…something perfect…that is where you find true happiness.

*Across the airport concourse stands the proud figure of Canadian Crippler, wearing a red Minnesota Wild hockey jersey under his black leather jacket, blue jeans, black hiking boots, and his trademark mirrored sunglasses. His Singapore cane cuts through the air as Crippler skillfully talks with his hands in front of a group of about 20 airport patrons.*

Crippler: Joining the Perfect Life Movement has saved the lives of millions of Minnesotans, my good people. As your Governor of Minnesota, the Canadian Crippler will strive to continue the leaps and bounds we have made. Our donations have built mountains!... and our faith has built a new future.

Customer: But….Mr. Crippler? We’re not old enough to vote!

*Unfortunately, the patrons are all under 9 years of age. Crippler sneers slightly and puts a pensive hand up to his goatee.*

Crippler: Show of hands, children—how many of you have attractive, single mothers?

*Seven of the kids raise their hands excitedly.*

Crippler: Perfect. You seven get free membership for when you turn 18. The rest of you, go…cheer for The Company or whatever stupid children do with their free time.

*The party of seven cheers as the rest of the kids walk away dejectedly. A voice blares over the airport PA system after one of those overly-friendly airport jingles rings out.*

PA: ATTENTION TRAVELERS, THE AMERICAN AIRLINES FLIGHT DEPARTING AT 6:45 TO PHOENIX HAS BEEN DELAYED DUE TO A MECHANICAL PROBLEM. WE APOLOGIZE FOR THIS INCONVENIENCE.

*A wry smirk crosses Canadian Crippler’s lips as he takes in the announcement and faces the remaining children.*

Crippler: Mini-peons, as your first lesson as members of the Perfect Life Movement, remember to always be prepared! Always have an escape route, a 2nd opinion…or a steward friend who knows how to jam up a plane propeller without losing an arm.

*The kids “ooh” and “ahh” as Crippler takes in their adulation. Suddenly, the PA Announcer returns to the speakers.*

PA: ATTENTION TRAVELERS, THERE IS A SECONDARY AMERICAN AIRLINES FLIGHT DEPARTING AT 6:50 TO PHOENIX WHICH IS NOW BOARDING. ALL PASSENGERS WHO PURCHASED TICKETS FOR THE EARLIER PLANE WILL BE TRANSFERRED.

*Crippler’s smile collapses suddenly as his eyes grow deeply concerned. Before he has a chance to react, he feels a hand drop down across his shoulder and has a paper airline ticket pushed into his face. Crippler glares first at the hand, then at the ticket, then finally to their owner.*

Arcadia: I got them to let another plane take off, Crippler! We’re finally getting out of here!

*Crippler takes a pause, then slowly pushes Arcadia’s hand out of his face before addressing him in a clear, steady voice.*

Crippler: How…exactly did you that?

Arcadia: A lot of other people were ranting and raving about the flight being delayed, so I just told the girl at the desk how Cassie left Minnesota and how I had to find her to tell her how much I love her. She thought it was a really sweet story and pulled some strings for us! Guess it pays to be nice sometimes, huh?

Crippler: There is little evidence of that…

*Arcadia hands Crippler the ticket and rushes off toward the waiting area to grab his bags. Canadian Crippler examines the ticket for a moment, then looks skyward, thinking aloud.*

Crippler: Well…Cassie my dear, it would appear the time has come for you to be evaluated on your growth inside the Perfect Life Movement. And of course, that means very soon, the Perfect One will be growing inside you.

*Crippler feels a tug at his leg as his gaze shoots downward.*

Kid: Mr. Crippler, what do you mean, “growing inside you”?

Crippler: Well…you know the way sunlight and water make flowers grow?

Kid: Yeah!

Crippler: It has nothing to do with that.

*Crippler turns around and walks away, leaving the children dumbfounded.*

Act II

*Several thousand feet above the spiraling mass of earth, an American Airlines flight dangles like a marionette held aloft by the stratosphere. Inside the packed plane, you have your normal array of passengers—the tired businessman with the dorky headphones, the screaming toddler, the woman who is so impossibly fat that she takes up nearly three seats, and…the bitter professional wrester who really doesn’t want to be making this trip with his overly ambitious protégé, but is making the best of it.*

Stewardess: OH…OH MY GAWD! OH YEEEAH!

*The voice of a young stewardess squeals out from behind the plane’s restroom door. A male steward walks past the door and, upon hearing the voice, knocks.*

Steward: Everything okay in there, Jenny?

Jenny: OHHWAH? Oh yeah…OHHHH…Crippler…Everything is GREAT!!!

Steward: But…My name is Peter…

*Peter’s face becomes annoyed as he uses his key to open the door, causing stewardess Jenny to come tumbling out, her pantyhose wrapped around her ankles. Peter looks at her in shock, as several passengers look back toward the commotion. The steward walks out into the aisle to try and defer the attention of the people while Jenny collects herself. From the restroom appears the sculpted frame of Canadian Crippler, pulling his Wild jersey back on and re-buttoning his jeans. Peter stomps back over to the door and gets in Canadian Crippler’s face, while Crippler simply smirks at the much smaller man. They move off into the food service area to get out of the public eye.*

Peter: What do you think you’re doing, punk?

Crippler: Jenny, I believe her name was. Any other stupid questions, peon?

Peter: You’re causing a disturbance to our staff and other passengers. I should have this plane landed and have you thrown off!

Jenny: Oh, don’t throw him off, Pete. We was just havin’ some fun on my break is all! Loosen up!

Crippler: Yeah, after all, if you throw the Canadian Crippler off your plane, you’ll be getting too involved in my life, and you'll be hunted down by a psychopathic mad man and kidnapped.

Peter: Well…wait, what?

*Crippler smirks and replaces his glasses, glaring at Peter behind the cold lenses.*

Crippler: Of course. The Canadian Crippler is competing against The Company, this week…and you know what that means.

Peter: I…I don’t want to get kidnapped or killed!

Crippler: I doubt you’d be too high on sleeping with Cooper. But fear not, my fine ignoramus, as after a brief sojourn in Arizona, the Canadian Crippler will be back on familiar ground to pulverize the Company.

Peter: Great! Beat them up!

*Canadian Crippler’s expression twists slightly as he solemnly nods.*

Crippler: Oh, there will be avenging. But while the Canadian Crippler may not always be the best friend in the world, I am the best wrestler in the world, and they are probably the only wrestlers on the entire SVO roster that have pinfall victories over me. This Sunday, on Showdown, I avenge those pinfalls by destroying The Company.

Peter: That’s awesome…now just please sit down and don’t cause any more chaos, okay?

Crippler: Certainly. The Canadian Crippler was never a fan of chaos…

*Peter nods toward him and Jenny smiles widely as they head back out into the aisle to assist customers. After Crippler checks out Jenny’s body one more time, he subtly pulls a small bag of a blue powder substance out of his jeans pocket and dumps its contents into a large translucent blue water cooler jug.*

Crippler: …at least not chaos that I didn’t have a hand in.

*He shakes the jug to mix its contents, then walks back out toward his seat, smirking amorously at another flight attendant, who walks back to fill her cart with a fresh supply of water.*

Act III

*The plane picks up a bit of turbulence one hour into the flight, passing through several rainstorms across the Great Plains. Several passengers appear to be laughing hysterically at nothing in particular, while others can be heard complaining to the flight attendants that they see pink elephants, purple oxen, DVD winning a match, and other impossibilities. Sitting calmly among this are Canadian Crippler and Arcadia, the latter of which is looking out the window nervously. Arcadia turns to Crippler, who appears to be searching feverishly through his blue iPod Nano Chromatic.*

Arcadia: Crippler…as my friend, I need your opinion. What do you think I should say to Cassie when I see her again?

Crippler: “Why Don’t We Do It In the Road?”

Arcadia: What?!?

Crippler: Oh, sorry…Beatles song I’m looking for. Cassie? I think you should tell her exactly how you feel, Arcadia. It’s the only way to really get through to her and help her to make a decision on her future.

Arcadia: A decision? What, do you think she might not come back? That would never happen… I love her, and I know she loves me!

Crippler: Sometimes, the things you know best of all end up having the outcomes you expect least of all.

*Arcadia looks down at the iPod pensively, digesting what Crippler has told him.*

Arcadia: So, I really need to think this out, huh? If Cassie abandons our dream, I don’t know what I’ll do. We share this connection that I’ve never felt with anyone else. She’s such an incredible…

*Crippler rolls his eyes and presses the “play” button on the first song he comes to in order to drown out Arcadia’s puppy dog love story. Unfortunately, it happens to be “Womanizer” by Britney Spears.*

Crippler (to himself): Damn it Shay, that’s the last time your brother lets you borrow his iPod…

*Suddenly, an SVO Ethan Rider action figure (only $4.99 at Crippler-Mart) comes flying through the air, heading directly toward Crippler’s cranium. Canadian Crippler ducks the plastic projectile, causing it to smack Arcadia directly in the face, stopping his monologue.*

Arcadia: Owww!

Crippler: Well, what do you know…Ethan Rider really is good for saving people from horrible things.

*Crippler looks toward the source of the hurled SVO wrestler and sees a young child of four years old throwing things and swinging his fists wildly at some imaginary creature in front of him. Scanning around the plane cab, it appears more and more of the passengers are either in a smiley daze of pretty colors or seeing all matter of beast and bird. Even the flight attendants can be seen rolling in the aisle way, laughing their fool heads off.*

Arcadia: What on earth is going on? Is everyone going insane?

Crippler: Oh, nothing to worry about; they’re just all aflutter over the idea of the Canadian Crippler being on the same flight as them. They’re all full of the spirit of the Perfect Life Movement!

*The plane shudders slightly, jolting all the passengers in their seats. Arcadia’s eyes are wide as saucers at this point as Crippler remains calm.*

Arcadia: What about the pilot?

Crippler: Yes, I’m sure he’s quite in awe of my excellence too.

*Arcadia jumps up from his seat and vaults over Crippler, running toward the pilot’s cabin. Crippler grabs his cane from the seat next to him and coolly follows. Inside the cabin, Arcadia finds the pilot and co-pilot leaned back in their seats, goofily laughing while flying the plane in a devil-may-care manner. Crippler walks in behind him and observes the scene, smiling to himself.*

Arcadia: Sir, are you okay? We’re losing altitude!

Pilot: Suuuure! Sure I’m okay! Never been better, maaaan! This is the best flight of ALL TIME!!!

Crippler: Pardon me, captain, I’m Canadian Crippler, the next Governor of Minnesota, and if you’d be so kind, I’d love to use my flight skills to guide us down to a safe landing for the night, saving all these wonderful passengers who will no doubt be voting for my campaign afterward!

*Crippler goes to grab the controls, but is headed off by Arcadia, who pushes the dazed pilot over and takes his seat, intensely taking the reins.*

Arcadia: No way, Crippler, we can’t stop in some random city when we’re this close to Phoenix…and Cassie. I’m going to save all these people and get us to Arizona tonight if it’s the last thing I do!

*Crippler shakes his head and rears back with his Singapore cane over Arcadia’s skull, but hesitates and lowers it after a moment. Crippler observes Arcadia’s serviceable skills at flying and smirks at his young protégé’s unwillingness to back down.*

Crippler: Arcadia… take us to Cassie.

*Arcadia nods. Crippler turns toward the drugged-up co-pilot and swiftly canes him across the forehead, knocking him out of his chair. Crippler takes his seat and gazes out at the horizon.*

End.
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