| Canadian Crippler RP | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Dec 1 2010, 01:57 AM (142 Views) | |
| Canadian Connection | Dec 1 2010, 01:57 AM Post #1 |
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sVo Superstar
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Prologue Friends are patient. The best of friends make the strongest bonds known to the human spirit and the wildest nonsense known to the human mind. Friends keep one grounded and lift one to new heights. They are the closest of allies…and the most bitter of enemies. Not that we’d know anything about that… Crippler welcomes you. Act I *“We’re going to Arizona” were the last words that we heard from SVO’s resident ambassador of perfection, Canadian Crippler, a week ago en route to his match against Hard Rock Dave Steel. Since then, we have been left to wonder when, in fact, we’re going to Arizona.* Crippler: We are not going to freakin’ Arizona. *Well…there you go. Amidst a sea of groaning, weary travelers sitting, laying, and sleeping in the concourse of Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport paces the SVO Tag Team Champion, talking on his blue and black cell phone, walking between, over, and on top of people as if they don’t exist. Crippler wears blue jeans and black hiking boots, a black leather jacket covering up a purple Bernard Berrian Minnesota Vikings jersey, and his trademark gold-rimmed, mirrored sunglasses. His dark royal blue Tag Team Title belt rests on his left shoulder as he swings his bamboo Singapore cane around in his right hand while he speaks in a raised voice.* Crippler: Of course I have no plans on letting the kid get his girl back, Doc! What good would that be for the gubernatorial campaign? She is a distraction, and Arcadia is plenty distracted with trying not to utterly suck as it is. *Dr. Jacobs is on the other line, barely audible among the noise of the airport patrons.* Jacobs: Crippler, please tell me you didn’t mind warp that poor girl into leaving her boyfriend. Didn’t I teach you that psychology should not be used for evil? Crippler: Evil? Who are you supposed to be, Dr. Claw? Cassie is a bright girl. Straight as an arrow. Gives wonderful head…err…has a wonderful head on her shoulders. It will be good for her to be back home in Arizona for a while to digest the Perfect Life. Jacobs: So you can swoop in and pick up the pieces once your following spreads throughout the entire state and Arcadia has forgotten about her? Crippler: I knew I took your classes for some reason, Doc. Step one was convincing Arcadia there were no flights available until today. As for right now, Minnesota reared its lovely head and dropped a load of snow on us, delaying all the flights, and I have a few more tricks up my sleeve so that young Arcadia won’t be finding his way out of here anytime soon. Jacobs: Sounds like it’s all falling into place. Just make sure you don’t let any of your potential voters hear about this. Crippler: Not to worry. SVO cameras are too busy shooting young up-and-failures like The House… and as for the Minnesotans who have not yet subscribed to the Perfect Life… *Crippler pulls the phone from his ear and waves it around the room so that Dr. Jacobs can hear the polyphonic garble of thousands of commuters talking amongst themselves.* Crippler: …I could say that I was handing out my life savings to everyone in the room and not a soul would hear it. They’re just like SVO, Doc…so enamored with who’s joining the Company or who Nicky Jam is going to lose to this week that they fail to realize that the only real piece of news is the Hennepin County Headliner himself: the Canadian Crippler. The rest are just ink stains on the paper of irrelevance. *A dejected-looking Arcadia walks up to Canadian Crippler as Crippler says goodbye to Jacobs and flips his phone shut. Arcadia is wearing blue jeans and a matching denim jacket with a navy blue Xtreme Fusion Training facility t-shirt on underneath. Crippler eyes him warily.* Arcadia: I can’t believe this! First they don’t have tickets for over a week, then the weather changes from 60 and sunny to a blizzard over the course of the night! Crippler: I know kid; that’s Minnesota weather for you. It’s almost like you’ll never see Cassie again, right? *Arcadia’s eyebrows lower slightly as he glares at Crippler, unsure of what to make of his comment. Crippler’s half-smug, half-serious expression doesn’t help matters.* Arcadia: I will see her again…that’s not even a question! I’ll see her very soon... she’s with her family, which is good, but I have to find out why she left in the first place and I have to get her to come back! How long did they say this delay is going to last? Crippler: Oh, at least another day, I’m sure. Minnesota snowstorms are like DVD promos…they just go on and on, no matter how many times you wish they would end. Don’t fret though, young Arcadia, as this airport has a bar just one floor down from here! What do you say you and I go get us something to calm the nerves and free the mind? Arcadia: Thanks…I think, Crippler, but I’m just going to take a nap here so that we can be the first ones on the first flight out of here. Hopefully some sort of miracle will happen and I’ll have Cassie back in my arms in no time. God, I hope so… *Arcadia sits down on a rather uncomfortable-looking plastic chair next to a rather narcoleptic-looking row of Asian women and closes his eyes. Crippler’s expression sneers slightly as he turns to walk away, opening his phone back up and texting as he walks and talks to himself pensively.* Crippler: Arcadia, you wouldn’t know a miracle if you saw one with your imperfect eyes, but I can guarantee you that you’ll be waiting a very long time for this one in particular. Cassie belongs to the Perfect Life now… you can look, but you can’t touch. *Crippler walks out of the concourse, finishing his message, which reads: Arcadia- Rey Rosario called, emergency back @ his house, will try 2 make it back soon. Don’t leave w/o me. Crippler clicks the button on the phone to “Save to Drafts.” He reaches into his coat pocket and produces two plane tickets and places them inside the phone before flipping it shut. Crippler walks through the revolving doors to the parking lot and out into the Minnesota snow, leaving the slumbering Arcadia behind.* Act II *The mighty Minneapolis mansion of Rey Rosario stands tall above any and every other building within a 50-mile radius, its red, black, and white color scheme a stark contrast to the ancient architecture that otherwise dominates the area. In a rare appearance at his tag team partner’s humble abode, the “Crippler” half of The Canadian Connection is sitting in the mansion’s TV room, tending to an emergency of world-changing proportions.* Crippler: WHAT THE HELL?! What in blue blazes was that supposed to be? Rosario: It’s called an 85-yard Fran Tarkenton scramble for a touchdown! A game-winning touchdown, I might add! *Crippler looks on in relative disgust as Rey Rosario’s uploaded historical 1975 Minnesota Vikings team just tied up the score at 31-31 against Canadian Crippler’s 2008 Minnesota Vikings team on the Madden ‘09 Xbox 360 game. Rosario flexes his muscles in real life as his virtual kicker lines up to kick the winning extra point.* Crippler: Well, way to go, champ. *Crippler goes to pat Rosario on the back, but instead swings his cane, cracking it into Rey Rosario’s deltoids, causing Rosario to drop his controller and the kick to sail wide left, forcing the game into overtime. Rey Rosario glares at Crippler angrily.* Rosario: You did NOT just do that! Crippler: If I didn’t, I sure did a perfect job of it! Chico: What’s going on?! I heard a gunshot! Is everyone all ri….aHhH!! *Chico, rushes into the room and promptly stumbles over the Xbox on the floor, sending him barreling into the 50-inch plasma television set with a CRASH. Rosario’s eyes open wide as saucers as his face turns nearly as red as his kool-aid dyed hair. Crippler simply smirks to himself and takes a drink of his Sioux City Sarsaparilla as he sits on the couch and watches Rey Rosario storm over to Chico and pull his entire body away from the TV with one hand.* Rosario: Chico, you bumbling bastard… do you have any idea how much a TV like that costs?! Chico: Umm…more than I’m getting paid for…? Rosario: More than I pay you in five years! Chico: Really? You want to keep me on for another five years? That’s so awesome! *Crippler, seeing Rey Rosario rear back with a right hand, quickly stands up from his seat to protect Chico…or rather, to walk away and let Rey beat the hell out of Chico.* Crippler: I’ll leave you two alone to spend some quality time together… *Crippler grabs his cane and heads down the hallway, perfectly stepping over Chico’s body as it slides across the waxed floor and crashes into a wall from the force of a Rey Rosario punch. He takes some time to observe the various framed photographs on the walls, including shots of Rey Rosario with the late Johnny Cash, former Vikings Hall of Fame coach, Bud Grant, and Rey’s own father. Crippler stops and stares at the photo, his expression stolid, but nostalgic.* Crippler: Some idiots out there in the wrestling world could never grasp the dynamics that the greatest tag team of all time possess. Rosario is distinctively old school, while I am ever the progressive. I’m mind-over-matter, he’s power-over-pain. He’s a little bit country, I’m a little bit rock n’ roll. But when we bring that all together, there isn’t a soul in the business that could offer up anything we haven’t seen before. *Crippler walks past a picture of a young Canadian Connection.* Crippler: Of course, seemingly every promoter in their infinite wisdom gets the same idea at some point—“Hey, those two are invincible as a team…let’s put them against one another!” How creative, flunkies! Honestly, I hope Matt Anderson would be different, but even I can admit to overestimating his mental capacity on occasion. *A picture taken at an autograph signing catches Crippler’s attention. In the picture, two fans wearing Tennessee Titans jerseys pose with The Canadian Connection.* Crippler: …and so, the cycle begins again. To prove that we are the best tag team, we have to go through every single tag team here. Sunday night on Showdown, The Canadian Connection clash against The House, and while it’s guaranteed to be a battle no one will ever forget, there can only be one winner—the best tag team. *Crippler comes across a photo taken at Rey and Jade’s wedding of the entire wedding party. Crippler is the Best Man, posing quite blatantly with a hand on the ass of the bridesmaid standing in front of him, an arrogant smirk on his face. The real life Canadian Crippler has the same smirk as he calls back down the hallway.* Crippler: Hey Rey, any idea who that girl was I walked with at your wedding? *Getting no response, Crippler peeks his head back around the corner to see Rey Rosario swinging Chico violently in his full nelson hold, Chico’s arms and legs flailing like windsocks.* Crippler: Oh, that’s right, Fiona Nelson. You wouldn’t happen to have her number, would you? Maybe Chico could look it up for me? *Chico slowly passes out from the pain as Crippler leans against his cane, watching the carnage with a pompous smile.* Act III *Upstairs, in the Rosario Mansion’s two-tiered trophy room, a rare XWF sight is seen taking place, as The Canadian Connection are reflecting on their accomplishments in the same room simultaneously.* Rosario: And, of course, there’s our SVO Tag Team Title…and our EWA Tag Team Title…and our XWF Tag Team Title…and the “other” EWA Tag Team Title…and the other “other” EWA Tag Team Title… Crippler: Man, sometimes I’m so astonishingly amazing on my own, I forget how great we were as a team. We’ve got more Tag Team Titles than Angel The Malignant has nonsensical nicknames. Rosario: Well, I have the Tag Title with Angel The Malignant over here too… Crippler: Like it matters. *Canadian Crippler and Rey Rosario walk around a lighted case full of Rey’s championship belts, Crippler admiring his role in winning the championships more than the belts themselves.* Rosario: And there’s my International Title… *The teammates both stand silent for a moment as they observe the replica of Rey Rosario’s most recent singles title.* Crippler: Does this one talk? Rosario: No, that’s just the real one…I miss my International Title buddy… Crippler: Don’t worry; the Canadian Crippler will take great care of it…or him…or whatever. Rosario: You’ll have to get through me to do it, and you’ll be waiting a while for that, Crippler. Me and my International Title buddy are pretty tight, you know. Crippler: Yeah, you were pals for all of thirty days. Rosario: YOU SAID YOU WOULDN’T BRING THAT UP! Crippler: I kid, yet as your friend, I have a duty to warn you—don’t ever get attached to a prize. Many have sought such things and many have fallen flat on their face, a cane welt in their skull. Rosario: And yet, we’re 1-1 against one another. Don’t forget that. *Rey Rosario walks up the stairs toward a row of smaller trophies that line the outer rim of the room. Crippler stares at the International Title for a long time, observing every angle of its golden faceplate.* Crippler (under his breath): You only beat me that time because I allowed you to. I will not do the same this Sunday, old friend. We will defeat The House…and we will continue to be the Perfect Champions. *Crippler walks up the stairs and encounters some familiar awards: XWF Feud of the Year: Canadian Crippler vs. Rey Rosario; XWF Angle of the Year: Canadian Crippler vs. Rey Rosario; EWA Match of the Year: Canadian Crippler vs. Rey Rosario, Intercontinental Title.* Rosario: Nothing like a little friendly competition, eh? Crippler: Of course. Sunday will be competition of a different kind, I reckon, even if this glorious contest has to be waged in front of those stupid Las Vegas fans. Thank God we’re only wrestling once a week; my laundry bills have been through the roof trying to wash the filth of that city out of my ring gear every week. Rosario: True. Say, since we didn’t get to finish our game, what do you say we have a little friendly competition warm-up? Crippler: The Canadian Crippler never needs to warm-up. I’m the hottest thing going every day of the week. I would never stoop to the level of giving away my exceptional talents for free. Rosario: It will get you more exposure in the community for your campaign and your fans. Crippler: The perfect campaign is already perfectly… Rosario: There will be hot women involved. Crippler: You’re on. *Canadian Crippler and Rey Rosario raise their respective dark royal blue and crimson Tag Team Title belts from their shoulders and clang them together in a toast to their greatness. Crippler smirks his classic arrogant smirk as he eyes the International Title replica belt again through the corner of his shades.* To be continued… |
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2:32 PM Jul 11