| The start of something COOL.; Kid f'n Cool | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Apr 15 2010, 07:09 AM (75 Views) | |
| CCJ | Apr 15 2010, 07:09 AM Post #1 |
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October 15th, 2008. A date that will forever be engraved into the back of my mind. For you see, t'was the day my life forever changed for the cooler. I think it was a... Wednesday, and as fate would have it, a cold one at that. The city was its typical, miserable self. You can count on morning rush hour bringing out the best of what the inhabitants of Philadelphia have to offer. Should have taken it as a sign of things to come. I was a nine-teen year old kid, stuck on six-teen. I had nothing doing, and was going no where fast. The on again, off again rain didn't help lighten the mood of the towns folk either. (even the JOAT was unhappy) I know this, because I remember chiming in on some conversation about forgetting to grab an umbrella, whilst freezing my as of then, unCOOL ass off. I was quite the dapper fellow as well. Fresh haircut, dressed to the nines donning my old man's favorite and most prized suit. Also happened to be the same suit they tried to bury him in. (that story is for a different time) Anyway, there I stood... waiting with my dick out in the rain for a "running late" Septa bus to take to work. Well, not really "take" to work. More like, "look" for work. I had come across an ad in The Daily News, claiming a once in a lifetime opportunity await those who dare to follow in COOL footsteps. I figured opportunities like this probably don't come around too often, and jumped head over heels at the chance to possibly do something extraordinary. Mind you, I was completely clueless as to what the intent behind the ad was. Yet, for some odd reason... I had a strange feeling it was intended solely for me. Add to the mix that I needed the cash, and the ad had also promised immense wealth and fortune... making it pretty much a no brainer. While the rain continued to ruin the suit I was wearing; a black limousine with an elderly gentleman behind the wheel pulled up to the bus stop. Splashing a puddle of rain-water all over daddy's favorite suit. Surprisingly though, not one ounce of rage, or vengeance coursed through my body after it happened. I'm not lying. I really didn't care. I didn't know if I should be happy, or laughing. I know... quite cryptic indeed. To think of the man I used to be, and what he used to think he knew.. far-out So, I'm standing there... mind-fucked I guess, when one of the back passenger windows rolls down. A voice from within the limo called out to me, "come on already, I don't got all day." The crazy thing about the voice is, it sounded so familiar... yet, I couldn't place a face to it. Maybe that's why I walked over to the door, and peered in. After peeping out the lavish interior, and the window beginning to go up, I entered the limo and sat down; face to face with a man wearing sunglasses on a rainy day. I thought that was weird, but wrote it off as maybe the guy knew something I didn't. When he did remove the shades, he looked down upon me as if I were Tobias Devereux, HIMSELF. Like, I should have been begging to even be in his very presence. Two seconds following that self esteem boost, he said to me without an ounce of emotion in his tone, "sorry kid... you aren't the one." We then had a few second stare down, followed up with him shouting, "NOW get the fuck out." Keep in my mind, I had no clue as to who this man was, or what the hell he was even talking about. To be honest, after curing my own curiosity, all I wanted to do was get the fuck out of the rain. So, I sat there, buying some more time before my bus came. Fumbling with the door handle, acting as if I hadn't been inside of a car before. That's when he began to threaten my life with eggs and violence. I had no choice. I opened the door and exited cowards left. Little did I know, that what had just happened... had happened for a reason. That reason: I had to be broken down before going on my COOL walk-about. Broken down I was. Both physically, and verbally. For the first two months of my training I lived in poverty. I lived in the dark. I ate one meal a day, and was never allowed contact with the outside world. I had to weened off of life as I knew it. Much like a heroin addict going through rehab. It was so painful... so agonizing... so unnecessary. It ranks number one on my list of things that I never wish to experience again. Not that I would have to. Being now I'm COOL and all. By the way, number two on that list is a Travis Williams promo. I was forced to watch them as examples of what not to during my extensive hours in the film room. Hopefully I'll never have to sit through another one of those again. About ten minutes later my bus came and it stopped raining. Go figure. I boarded as the sun poked through the skies, and was off to find my dream job. Soon after, I arrived at the ad's address, a Center City high-rise. Took an elevator up to the "Mount Cool" floor. (to Cancer's credit, it was/is the top floor) From there, I was escorted by a butler into a office overlooking Center City. A man spun around in a chair, and to my chagrin, it was the same shade-ball from the limo. He sighed, and asked the butler, "Didn't we get rid of this sap?" The butler closed the doors behind us, without answering. Before I could speak, I was silenced, "Okay, normally I wouldn't waste the time of day on someone of your... ilk." He continued on, telling me that he was just going to use me as a warm up... in case someone special happened to float through the door. Cancer's Pitch: "I want to give you a gift. Your sole responsibility is to share this gift with the world. I assure you, it's not going to be easy. At times, you'll be in excruciating pain." After he saw the look on my face, he kept on with, "Not like torture-torture... well maybe a lil' bit, but not the kind that you're thinking." I asked how many different types of torture he was aware of. He smiled and said, "countless." That was when I knew this was a man who could not be trusted. I also knew that I could learn a thing or two from him. It was during this inner struggle... when I saw through the creepiness of the moment, and found the truth. This was truly the opportunity of a lifetime. And no, I'm not a sadist. "So, you think you have what it takes to be the best... to be the COOLest?" Cancer laughed in my face when I responded "Yes", then told me for the second time to get the fuck out of his life. I was ready to tuck tail, and walk away like so many others have after gazing into the eye of COOL. Just like I did earlier that day. However, before I could be a coward, something grabbed a hold of me... forcing me to stay. Forcing me to stand my ground. I laughed a bit from the wild emotions flowing through my body, catching my potential employer a bit off guard. Then I said to him, the King of Cool, with my finger pointed right at his face... (don't ask him about this by the way) "Hey, not only do I want to be reimbursed for the bus fare, but you're going to give me that chance... I'm going to prove that I'm COOL enough to beat you." That's when he stood up from his chair, walked over to a mini-fridge, pulled out a carton of eggs and proceeded to egg the ever-living piss out of me. He was the first man in my life to ever full-fill a promise. I didn't know how to respond... next could have been my life! I charged ahead, knowing full well that I would most likely wind up holding the short end of stick after the altercation... BOOM! The fucking guy does some mongoose move, and I went crashing into the wall. Slid down it, almost as if I were a cartoon character. I laid on the ground, wondering how things could have came to be this way... as I was egged some more. Going back, and revisiting the experience with Cancer, he said it was my inner-COOL that kept my feet stuck in the sand. "Okay kid... thousand bucks you don't make it forty-eight hours." That, shamefully enough, is how I remember my first day of COOL school. BUT NOW... NOW I have a new day to remember. April 18th, 2010 will be known as the day I stepped out of Mr. Cool's massive shadow... and created MY own spotlight. Somebody better go and find a big fucking stone, and get ready to etch Kid FUCKING Cool into it. Yeah I got that big of plans. I'm talking like a boulder, or maybe a stone from Stonehenge, to mimic the importance. Go ahead and make your pebble jokes, Toby. I wouldn't want to short change you of a witty rebuttal. No longer am I sitting on the sidelines, preparing for the big game. The endless hours of watching the footage of mine, and everybody else's failures for that matter, forever to be replaced with the triumph of my coming victories. I'll follow the code of COOL down to the last letter... do as he has done it, and how he has taught me to improve on it. I'll become COOL as Cancer. I owe it to him. Ya see, Cancer the Cool trusted me. For this reason alone, I'll forever be in his debt. He gave me his COOL blessing, albeit begrudgingly. "You sure you're ready for this? Once you leave these COOL grounds... No longer will you be known as Robert Paulson. You will forever be known as Kid Cool. That is what your paychecks are going to say, and that's final." The look on Cancer's face when he asked me that a few days ago was not one of my personal concern. Nor one of the sVo's. That's Cancer though. He's the type of guy who takes pride in thinking only about himself. In other words, he always has COOL on the mind. "The best part about being COOL, my soon to be cool friend... is that it's unbeatable." He sure does know how to call it like it is... got to respect that about him. People seem to think he's an asshole for having his priorities in order. Since when did that become a crime? Trust me, if a guy like Mr. Coo... if a guy? What am I talking about? WHEN MR. COOL decides to take you under his massively COOL wing, and shows you how to live a life worth living... you'd be a mongoloid not to listen. "You're gonna have to learn how breathe COOL. You're gonna have to shit COOL. One day, you'll have to make someone believe that when they look you in the eye, not only are they facing the Kid... they're facing COOL." I don't know how many times those words were hammered into my head. My freaking alarm clock was Cancer preaching them in an Alvin and the Chimpmunks voice. I remember The Dean of COOL collecting stool samples during my training, claiming to be testing their COOL levels. I found out later he was using the poop to fill brown paper bags. Then he'd light them on fire, and leave them on Whammy's doorstep. Oh well, sucks to be Whammy. But that's basically how I, the number, the statistic, the Toby Deverow, the meaningless face in the crowd, became COOL. (not by lighting bags of poo, but by breathing and shitting COOL) I've come way to far to let the COOL down now... just the very thought of doing so makes me sick to the stomach. (probably has something to do with the training) Sick like Toby Devereux. Guy's not from Louisiana... so that makes him French. Being so, he's probably vomited anywhere between 3-5 times now, after finding out that I, am in-fact, the star pupil of Cancer Jiles. The one and only TRUE descendant of COOL. Isn't that what the French do... puke when they realize they're out gunned? Just to be on the safe side, I'll bring am extra barf-bag to the ring on Sunday night. Just in case he needs it. Yeah, I'm COOL like that. Someone might dare to think with the weight of the COOL-world, resting firmly on my young, and broad shoulders... well, that I'd be a nervous-Jervis. Alas, I am not. Why??????? Not only am I facing a Frenchmen, with a top hat... who thinks he is a raging Cajun from Louisiana. I'm Kid f'n Cool. & I've been trained by the best. P.S. I know a Frenchmen when I see one, so don't come asking questions without a birth certificate. Not to mention, the name Tobias screams gay Frenchmen. Furthermore, Devereux is Jean Claude Van Damn's name in like, thirteen of his action flicks. He is French-Canadian... I think. On second thought, that might be the only COOL thing about him. Not the French, or Canadian part. The fact that T-Bassy has a Van Damn name. |
You're not even close to being COOL enough.
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12:54 AM Jul 11