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El Locon Roleplay
Topic Started: Apr 10 2010, 07:43 PM (145 Views)
Los Locos
sVo Contender
[ *  * ]
Canadians suck... in America.

The camera fades in from black as it always does… in America.

The date is April 9, 2010. Despite fading in from black, nothing can be seen.

El Locon: Why is this not working?

Some loud thumps can be heard as it seems a body is moving towards the camera. Some loud clicks are then heard as light breaks through and what the camera is recording comes into focus.

El Locon: Ah, that’s better.

The camera shows El Locon's hand and then shows El Locon's face. It is now realized that this is not a normal SVO camera recording but rather El Locon's handheld camcorder. El Locon appears close to the camera. His head filling up the screen.

El Locon: Okay? Okay! Okay, it looks like….

El Locon slowly backs up.

El Locon: … we are rolling!

This is El Locon. I am creating this video diary because of two reasons. The first is that I gave up on writing in my diary… in America. Secondly, showing you all what I have planned is better than having another cameraman stand behind me and watch me write. Apparently, a fan wrote in and said…

El Locon picks up a piece of paper and reads it:

El Locon: Blah blah blah. You suck and should die. Blah blah blah. Your diary promos were boring.

El Locon sets the paper down.

El Locon: So, when this airs, no one can say that El Locon doesn’t listen to his fans… in America.

Anyways, I was informed a few days ago that Angel The Malignant and I had to face The Canadian Connection. I…was shocked. I couldn’t believe it. Here was my chance. Here was my chance to finally seek out and destroy something Un-American.

El Locon's face grows more sinister. His brows drop. His voice lowers. His lips begin to quiver. A hint of a snarl is in his voice.

El Locon: We get to destroy something that is truly unworthy of being in the ring with us. We get to rid SVO, the professional wrestling landscape, and the entire world of sub-human pieces of garbage.

Now, I know that there are some of you out there that doubt our abilities. You take a look at my past match in XWF and you assume that since I couldn’t deliver in the match against Canadian Crippler, I couldn’t possibly deliver on my match against The Canadian Connection. Fortunately, for me, and unfortunate for you, I can deliver and I will deliver.

El Locon's face relaxes and El Locon's voice lightens.

El Locon: You see, I know how to beat Canadians. I’m Puerto Rican. I’ve been doing it all my life. But, just like a Puerto Rican, I have a backup plan. Just in case The Canadian Connection are some sort of Super Canadians…

El Locon chuckles to himself.

El Locon: Super Canadians…what a crock. Anyways, if they are some sort of Super-Canadians, I have a plan to go out and find out what skills Canadians have.

I recently found out that America and Canada share the same border. I also found out Mexico shares America’s other border. Essentially Canada is America’s hat and Mexico is America’s toilet. I know this because Florida is America’s penis.

Anyways, with this recent knowledge, I obtained authorization from the American government to watch the American-Canadian border. And to those who are wondering if it isn’t the Canadian-American border, the answer is no. Canada comes second. With this clearance, I will find out what makes Canadians tick.

And before any of you send me letters asking me if I did any research on Canada at all…the answer is yes. I went to a great site: http://www.canadasucks.com/. They helped me learn some Canadian facts. For example, Canadians do not speak Canadianese. Canadians speak French. Unfortunately, this doesn’t help the plight of Canadians. Many leading American scientists believe these sub-humans to be the missing link in human evolution. Sadly, no concrete evidence is able to back this up at this time.

Did you know that Canada has a military? No? Neither do its population.

Also, according to the website, Canadians have a police force known as “Mounties.” Every other country has a police force that wears blue, black, or tan. Canada, absurdly enough has their police force dress in red. I believe it allows the sub-human savages to stop when they see the police because the savages don’t fully understand their own language.

But, I digress. I’m heading to the border to see if Canadians have supreme jumping ability when they jump over the border fence, or possibly their stealth skills when they sneak across the border.

I doubt The Canadian Connection have the brain capacity to be that clever but we’ll see.

So anyways, I’m going to power down this camera now and the next time you see me, I’ll be at the American-Canadian border.

See you next time…in America.

El Locon's hand comes towards the camera. He turns it off and the camera cuts to black… in America.

The date is April 10th. The camera cuts to El Locon's face. It is mid-day. El Locon is still broadcasting from his home.

El Locon: Okay, I'm talking to you from the same room that I broadcasted in yesterday. It seems that an accident occurred yesterday at the American-Canadian border.

First, it appears as if my clearance through the American government was not fully cleared. I guess that asking the American flag if you have clearance and then hearing the voice of Uncle Sam himself give you an "Okay" is not good enough anymore.

Secondly, I was escorted away from the border because my interrogation tactics of Canadians was deemed somewhat torturous. Canadian Mounties accused me of kidnapping. I was really borrowing.

Anyways, I gathered some great intelligence... in America.

I found out that Canadians are extremely bitter and jealous. I found this out by listening to people reminisce about Bret Hart. I also found out that Canadians, while stupid, are very wily creatures. One Canadian told me that he and some of his friends were planning to invade America in a few months for something called "Operation: Spring Break." Brace yourself Florida.

So, I've learned that when we face The Canadian Connection come Showdown, we need to be on my guard. We need to be able to be as wily as the Canadians. We need to be as bitter and jealous as the Canadians. The only thing I don't want to do, but I may have to do, is be as stupid as the Canadians... in America.

Canadian Connection, come Showdown, this Puerto Ricans, Los Locos, are going to go American on your Un-American ass. We're going to, pardon the paraphrasing of country music legend and American icon Toby Keith, put a boot in your asses. You will find yourselves lying on your backs in the center of the ring so fast, that you'll have flashbacks to that time when you got screwed by mooses.

Time to rid America of two more Canadians.

At Showdown, we end you... in America.

El Locon's hand reaches for the lens cap and everything goes dark. He puts it back on. Before he shuts off the camera, he utters one last line.

El Locon: I hope this ends up on Youtube... in America.

The camera is shut off.
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