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4 Scores & A Few Days Ago [part 16]; The Sex Symbols
Topic Started: Jul 18 2008, 02:49 PM (216 Views)
Chris
sVo Rookie
[ * ]
Here I am. I’m standing over my daughter’s bed watching her chest rise and lower, she pumps air into those tiny lungs. I don’t know what I’d do without her. She’s my life, my love, and my…well, everything. I don’t know what I’d do without her. Her tiny body is fighting all kinds of infections and afflictions that I can’t fight for her. If I could I would, I just don’t know how to help you Victoria. All I know how to do is pray, but it’s been so long since I’ve talked to God, he may not remember me, but here goes.

“Our heavenly father I ask you to watch over my daughter, watch over her body and help contain the cancerous tissue in one spot where it can all be removed with no difficulty or trauma. Father this isn’t the way I wanted things to happen, I want them to start getting better for her. Help her in her time of need. Father, please, she’s only a year old, she’s not ready to be with you. As I look at her when she’s happy, that smile pumps the blood that flows through out my body also. Father I ask of you to protect her with your heavenly spirit and help her with her fight for life. Amen.”

That’s about all I can do, isn’t it? I asked myself many questions while I watched over her as she slept. I thought about her, her mother and all my fights with Kristi over the years. I look at myself as a real man. Not just because I have a cock and balls, but because I take care of what’s mine and what needs to be done. My daughter knows who her father is and whose taking care of her. At least I hope she does.

I’m only human. I have my own faults. I have my own mishaps. I’ve faulted over the years, but now I’m back to the right page. I’m being a father, I’m accepting things and realizing that I can’t do or save everyone, no one can.

My tears are starting to fall like the rain does from the sky now. My emotions are all messed up. My senses aren’t working, I’m having too much feeling and emotions…wait…is emotion a sense? No, it’s not, but it’s messing with my sight.

I’m not myself at all. Her tiny life fighting all those bacterial and cancerous cells inside, it just brings a tear to my heart. I feel like only a shell of the man I used to be and I’m don’t like it at all. I don’t like the empowerment that these diseases have on me. I don’t like this feeling at all. I feel useless. I feel like I’m bird watching two dogs fighting; only I’m supposed to be the one breaking them up. For the first time in my life I feel weaker than water at a bar.

My tears have started to fun like a rampaging river. I can’t let her awaken and see me crying, she’ll know something wrong, but in that same sense I don’t want to leave her alone. I don’t want her to ever feel like that. If I could only…I could only… I exhaled deeply and looked at what this sweet little girl has done to her big tough father and I realize this is life. Life has to run its course and that’s that.

I don’t know where I am anymore. I’m here. I’m there. I’m here again and so on. I’m just, who knows what I am. I don’t even know what I am other than a father first and a wrestler second. If that’s all I am, I guess I can live with that. I’d rather be a…

“JD, what are you doing?”

A sweet voice came from the hallway. It was the sweetest question that I’ve heard in a long time. I don’t know if it was because it was Kristi asking me or if I was just in that kind of emotional state.

“I’m just looking at our angel.”

I looked at Victoria and smiled, then I looked back at Kristi and for the first time in my life I noticed that they both had the same little dimples in their cheeks. I don’t know why I’ve never noticed it before, I guess it’s not been there or maybe she’s grown into it. As dumb as it sounds I’d believe if.

“She’s precious isn’t she Kristi? Too bad she doesn’t look anything like her dad. At least she did get her mother’s cute little dimples.”

Finally a smile came over my face. A smile from me at this point was nothing that had been seen. I don’t believe I’ve smiled but maybe three times since I found out that she had cancer.

Kristi smiled too. Her face turned red like a beat and she was kind of flattered and a little embarrassed all at the same time, so I think.

“That’s nice of you to say Mr. Hart.”

Yet another smile comes over those gorgeous pink lips of hers. Oh to kiss on those lips once again like I did once before. I think that would make my day, but it wouldn’t help my little princess any. See all I do is think about what would make me happy. I’m all about myself. Why can’t I just be about someone else at times?

“You haven’t eaten anything since you’ve been here have you?”

I shook my head no and wondered how in the world she could be worried about me eating something at a time like this. Maybe she’s trying to just get her mind off things, but I don’t know. She’s a strong woman and I don’t mean strong as in lifting wise, I mean she has a lot of things to do and to take care of. Maybe it’s her saint hood, she could be like Jesus was; he carried the sins of every person on his back, so maybe that’s how she’s dealing with everything. I just hope she’s not packing it all into one spot and lets it tear her insides apart.

“No, I’m not very hungry.”

I didn’t lie to her. I wasn’t all that hungry, but I could eat nonetheless. I just didn’t feel like eating right then. I wanted to be with Victoria as much as I could. I wanted to be by her side as only her parents should be.

“Oh, well I was going to fix me a sandwich, are you sure you don’t want anything to eat?”

With that she put her hand on top of mine and I knew she wanted me to be with her, either alone or in a group of people. It was one of those things that your lady does where you either know she’s happy, sad, mad, pissed off or she’s on her period. It wasn’t in the touch it was the way she laced her fingers between mine and gave a little squeeze.

“Yeah, I’ll go down there and sit with you while you eat. I could use a cold drink.”

It was just like old times for a split second. She had her fingers laced in with mine, to be honest I kind of felt like a teenager again. She has that effect on me sometimes, but not so much now as she did before.

“Are you ready?”

Yeah, I was ready, but not to eat. I was ready for things to change and get better. I was ready for a miracle. Even though I was ready for all that, it doesn’t mean it’s going to just happen. I leaned over and kissed Victoria on the forehead and whispered in her ear I love you. I was at peace with everything after that.

“Yeah, I’m ready.”

It was odd, Kristi never let go of my hand. The whole time we walked down the hallway and down the steps I couldn’t help but notice more and more that we were still holding hands. I could be reading more into it than there really was, but I don’t know. It’s always been hard for me to judge what a woman’s thinking. I only know how to judge them by their actions and by Kristi’s actions; I know I’m not going back to the apartment with Sean tonight.

Wow, I never even thought about talking to Sean. I wanted to, but I was into Victoria’s things I didn’t want to approach him and that little situation we’ve been having. I don’t really want to hear my best friend say he’s gay or bisexual, but it’s his life and he is my best friend, so it’s hard to actually think about all that.

I’ll lay down after Kristi eats and I’ll find Sean sometime tomorrow and talk to him. That’s the only thing left that I can really do. I’ve probably overreacted so many times and now when my reaction can cause my friendship to stay solid or crumble, I have to try and keep it upright and stable position, well I’d like to anyway.

[To be continued]
Canadian All-Star Wrestling Tag Team Champions
Circle of Pride Tag Team Champions
National eWrestling Alliance World Tag Team Champions
Outlaw Championship Wrestling Stampede Tag Team Champions
Sanctioned Violence Organization Tag Team Champions
West Coast Wrestling Association Tag Team Champions
White Mountain Wrestling Tag Team Champions (2x)


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