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Grasp
Topic Started: Jun 26 2008, 04:04 AM (263 Views)
ChristianRoman
sVo Champion
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He made it seem so easy. Too easy, if you ask me. He told me that all I had to do was do a little work for him. Clean up a few things. Become his stalwart; his warrior. Represent him not only in the ring, but in all facets of life. I marched into battle for him like I had so many times before and walked away even with my opponent. Even. It's a tough pill to swallow. He wasn't pleased with my defeat. It didn't matter that it was a draw - it's still a defeat. I didn't get to show William Voorheez the Truth. And now I have to try again. But it's not only him this time - it's another as well. Joseph Equinox. I'm being tasked to show him the Truth as well. I wonder if there's enough to go around.

"I don't care anymore."

You don't care about what anymore?

"Everything."

Why not? What are you talking about?


"This whole charade. Playing Your game; playing by Your rules; doing what You want. I'm done. I don't care."

You can't quit now, Christian. We've only just begun what we're planning to do.

"We? We? Since when was there a we working on this?"

I always thought that you were onboard.

"I was onboard - but no more of this shit. I'm tired of it."

Why the sudden change in mind? Last week you couldn't wait to spread the Message of the Lord; now, you're less than forthcoming, even threatening to quit on Me. What's the issue?

"I don't know."

Maybe something to do with you not succeeding this past week?


"That's not it."

Oh yeah? I don't believe you at all.

"Listen. Do you think I could get some alone time? It's bad enough as it is that I've got you hassling me all hours of the night. I'd like to get some rest - if you didn't notice, I have something of an important match next week.

Of course, of course. But don't you see - your pride lead you astray, Christian.

"What are You rambling on about now?"

You thought you could do it on your own, and you can't.

"What are you saying? That I'm not the right one for the job or something? Well guess what - you can take your hopes and dreams about me and shove them straight - "

Please. I know what you mean to me; you know what you mean to me. Don't ever forget that.

"How could I?"

Don't ever forget about Me. Through Me, there is salvation. Through Me and only Me will you ever see your loved ones again.

"I feel like I've sold my soul to you for the going rate."

Don't think lowly of yourself; I paid a hefty price to control you. I don't plan on wasting your talents all at once. This week is but another test; another time to show the Truth - to prevent others from mistaking the Truth for the unholy. But this week is different, Christian.

"How so?"

This week - if you succeed, you will have your pulpit to declare the Power of the Lord from. This week - you will have the glory of the flesh strapped around your waist; you will raise it high in the air to all of the people whom adore you. And you will win their hearts and their minds.

"And then what?"

And then you will bring them to the Lord. Just as I have brought them to you. Through whatever means necessary.


"Through whatever means necessary."

It's all the same, you know. The same style. The same way you speak day in and day out. You have the same conversations with Him almost constantly that it makes your head want to explode. You don't care anymore. You've tried to tell him that. But it's engrained in your head. Drilled in there in the far reaches of your memory. You can't access it. You can't make it go away no matter what you do. That's why you drank. It was more than just the loss, or trying to get over the loss, or trying to remember the loss. Not the loss you're thinking of. The other one. The one that changed everything. You went to the bottle for a source of inspiration; you went to the bottle for a source of banishment. You tried to get away from Him, but you couldn't. He's supposed to be the most fair; the judge of all. He's not a judge, He's a lunatic. He forces you to do these things for Him - these things that you don't want to do. He says it's in His name, but it's not. It's your name that's being dragged through the mud. You're the lunatic to everyone. You're the one who doesn't have their head on straight. You're the one who's talking to yourself in the corner. It's not Him. He doesn't know what that's like. He could never know.

You've suffered enough. That's your train of thought. That's always been your focal point. What you try and strive past, and never can. It's the insurmountable mountain - that one thing in your pathetic and miserable life that you could never get past or accomplish. You look at it with disgust sometimes, simply because it's always there. You hate routines, and that's what this has become. A routine of ignorance. A routine of suffering. You can't take it anymore. You've stood on rooftops, feeling the breeze as you look over the side; you've stood on bridges, gazing camly at the fluid movement of the water below you; you've held a knife to your throat and smiled at how perfect the blade was, worrying about how you'd ruin it with your own blood; and you've stood with a gun in your mouth, tasting the barrel, wondering what other people thought when they did what you were about to do . This is what it had come to. There was no perfection in this; there never was, you thought. But there was. There was perfection in her, and that's all that matters. That's all that ever mattered. That's why you stood on all of those bridges and rooftops, that's why you held that knife to your throat and gun in your mouth - you thought it would be the quickest way out of it and past it all. You were wrong. What a surprise.

This is your prison. It's a mental blockade that affects the flesh. You've longed for freedom - freedom to explore your own wants, your own desires, your own hopes and dreams and tribulations. You're not afforded such freedoms. You have to do what you're told. You're like a child almost, but not quite. A child isn't expected to do what you do. A child could never be expected to do what you do. That's why it bothers you that Jesus always knew. Allegedly. A child could never make that decision, but people believe it. An adult can hardly ever make that decision to become the person that they were drawn out to be. Hardly anybody ever steps out of the shadows and into the limelight to claim their rightful place in the world. People watch from the sidelines and fall into the masses, convicting those who stand before them. They're only guilty of stepping out and discovering a new world. That's all you want. You want that new world. It's wwithin a fingers touch away. Maybe that will take you closer to them. You just need to reach out and grasp it.

You're above the rest, you know.


"Now You're just saying that 'cause You know I'm mad at You."

You're mad at me? What did I do this time?

"You know exactly what You did. Do I have to explain it all out for you piece by piece?"

It wouldn't hurt, I suppose. I'm curious to know.

"Forget it. You don't care; You've never cared."

Now that's no true. What would make you think that?


"Oh, I don't know. Maybe the fact that You promised me all of these things and then left me in the lurch. Remember something, I'm the crackpot here. I'm the one who's doing all of Your dirty work. People look at me like a freak - hell, I'm so out there the evangelicals wouldn't touch me with a ten foot pole."

And that bothers you? I thought you wanted to be left alone?

"I do - it just, You know. It gets to a person after awhile, You know?"

Tell me about it. You're talking to the One who is consistently, without avail, the subject and ire of every angry person's deliberations. I'm the focal point of rude remarks, swears, and when anything goes wrong. It's not always My fault. Free will was invented for a reason.

"Then why don't I have it? Where's mine?"

You have it, Christian. You're just looking in all of the wrong places. You think I'm controlling you, but I'm not. This is all up to you - you can walk away at any moment.

"Bullshit it is."

I'm dead on here. No more lies. You want out, this is your chance. If not, you better be prepared to work. I know it seems like I've been slacking lately and taking you for granted, but I haven't been. I've given you some rope to do what you want when you want. But it got the better of you, which is typical.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

All you need to do is reach for the stars, Christian. But just remember to leave your feet on the ground this time. I may not be there to catch you when you fall next time.


You want to win. You've always been a winner. Have you? No, that's a lie. You never won. You never were good at anything until you started fighting. You were always the lackluster one in your family, trailing your younger sisters in all facets of life. You don't tell anybody that. Nobody knows that. She didn't even know that. She just saw you as that rough young man willing to take a chance and make the sacrifice. But it wasn't as big as her sacrifice. Never forget that. But still, you were a weakling. You still are one. Mentally at the very least. You let all of this shit get to you. It's because you're vulnerable. You have been since you were a little boy. It's not like your parents constantly fought, or one of them drank too much and beat up the other - no, in fact, you came from a relatively normal and everyday family. As normal as the rest, you would say. It was regular. Too regular for anybody with half of a cynical mind. But you didn't seem to mind. And that's what made it strange.

You climbed an oak tree one day as a youth and promptly fell off, snapping a branch or two as you plummeted towards the earthen ground. You grimaced as you hit the floor, hurting your left knee for the first time in your life, twisting it the wrong way. Your mother was worried; your father said that boys will be boys, and your two sisters scoffed at you and laughed. Even at an early age your sisters were better than you. They never would have fallen, that's if they ever tried to climb a tree of course. Your father would be there to help them up and catch them when they fall. Your mother would be staring out the window or on the threshold of your house the entire time, anxiously watching and waiting for one of her little darlings to get hurt - always fearing the worst. But not you. Despite the normalcy of your family and your mother's overbearing nature, you limped your way to the closed door without any help. You thought they never looked out for you, but you were wrong. Like always.

You were trying to reach for the stars, you wanted to tell them. But you didn't. You were afraid that they would laugh at you. You knew you couldn't reach the stars from that tree branch. You weren't but ten feet off the ground, but it sounded good in your youthful head. There's something ironic about that. Reaching for the stars. Reaching for the sky. You were always told that the sky is the limit. But is it? Is there something more out there? You wonder if you've found it - but you know that you have now that you look back. It just wasn't what you wanted it to be. You loved your family, which is why it was so difficult to leave them and never look back. You saw it as a consequence of your actions. Something needed to be done. You see, your sacrifice was nothing compared to hers. It was only your family; they love you unconditionally. Or so one would believe.

Īt's time once again, Christian.

"I know what awaits me at the door to glory."

Not just the glory of the flesh, but the glory of the spirit as well.


"My time has come once more. Those who stand in the Path of the Lord shall suffer the consequences of their own sins and faults."

The Truth of the Lord is upon them, Christian. You are tasked with spreading the Word of the Lord by any means necessary.


"By any means necessary."

No more lies; no more fabrications of the Truth. I use you as a vessel of the Lord, Christian - one that is riddled with the Power and the Mercy of the Almighty, given the responsibility of showing and telling the Word of God.

"What shall become of Equinox and Voorheez?"

They will learn the Truth just as you had all those years ago by falling. You will rise, Christian. You will rise and you will reach out and grasp the flesh, knowing full well that the spirit channels through it. You will use that as a pulpit of the Lord where you will proclaim the Lord's Message for all to bear witness.


"I will have the power that is needed to continue my journey."

You have all the power that you need, Christian. It's all within reach. You simply need to defy the expectations of those below and above and defy gravity, grasping what you hold dearly to you

"I will do as you ask."

Your sins are forgiven, My Son. Go out now and spread your wings and let those flock to your beauty.
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