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So I'm saying...
Topic Started: Jun 25 2008, 02:09 AM (247 Views)
TJ Raven
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sVo Champion
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//Open scene on the Las Vegas valley. The sweltering heat has risen over the 100 degree mark, and the polluted air makes being in the actual city almost unbearable to breathe in. On the Far Southwest outskirts of town we have Red Rock Canyon, and other natural attractions to draw the populous from their air conditioned safe havens.

This, in the wilds of Nevada is where we happen across TJ Raven. Well sort of, we find TJ's motorcycle tucked away at the side of the highway that leads the motor-driven public to & from the town of Pahrump. Some because they live there, poor suckers, others strictly to buy illegal fireworks in the weeks leading up to the 4th of July celebration in the United States. Celebrate a nation's independence by blowing a small piece of it up.

At the pinnacle of a slight incline we see TJ has set himself up at the mouth of a small cave. What's in the cave is anyone's guess, possibly Jimmy Hoffa, mafia treasure, guano, the possibilities are endless. However TJ makes no notion of motion that he intends to enter the cave but moreso that he's just using the outcropping of rock for a bit of shade from the unforgiving sun overhead.

Coming to a stop a few yards from TJ we see he was set for his wilderness day. A camel waterpak strapped on, with several other smaller packs attached to that, first aid, and the like. A bucket hat hides the top of TJ's head from view and sunglasses impair our ability to get any reading from his eyes.

Seated [strike]indian-style[/strike] Native American style atop a boulder that is firmly set in place TJ's hands hang effortlessly in midair in front of himself as his elbows are resting on his knees.

With a smirk TJ begins to address the sVo\\


TJ: Well Hello sVo! How's things? Wife and kids doing alright? Staying drug free and the way to be? Good. Ya know I know I probably have a lot of people out there asking, why is it everytime you see me, I'm here? I mean the competition is jetsetting their way to Toronto already, and me, I'm sitting here in Nevada. Just as I have been every other time I've spoken in front of an sVo camera. The way I see it, why go anywhere else? Where else but here in the city of sin can I visit Paris, New York City, Egypt, Treasure Island, & the Emerald Kingdom all in the same day? Why go anywhere else? The same can be said for the crowning of the sVo's future Las Vegas champion. I mean who else could it be? You don't actually think they'd consider putting that belt on someone else do you? Pfft, get serious.

//TJ tucks his head down into his shoulders to give him that "special" look\\

//In a mentally handicapped voice\\Dah, we at sVo like to announce Las Vegas champion. From Parts Unknown. Ultimate Warrior!!!

//TJ straightens his posture back up and clears his throat\\

TJ: Doesn't make a whole lot of sense does it? I mean is it plausible to have a Las Vegas champion from anywhere else but the city it took it's namesake from? Ha! If you believe so then Triple H likes putting other talent over too. Believe me, I'm trustworthy.

//TJ draws an imaginary halo over top of his head before returning that arm to it's perch atop his knee\\

TJ: With that out of the way though I really do have so much going through my mind lately. I think I should start with past events first and then we can go from there.

Ya know, this past Monday I was in Monterrey and leading up to showtime I'm sitting in the back just kinda hanging around catering. While I'm sitting there just looking to kill time until the show starts I see Matt Thornhill mulling about. Now I haven't had much time to talk to Matt since our old CWF days and so I figured what the hell, I'll say hello.

So I walk up to him and we're just shooting the shit and I ask Matt is he wants to hear a joke. I mean he's a little cleancut but I know he's got a vicious side too, so I figure he can handle the joke, even if it is a little off color. So I start the joke out...

New guy goes to prison and it's his first time in the joint. He's a little dude, kinda got the metrosexual thing going on. First day in he gets cornered during tier time. A bigger prisoner just eclipses him. Tells the new guy that he is gonna be his new bitch so he better get used to it.

Following it so far? Okay.

So the new guy is obviously scared right? I mean who wouldn't be? The bigger dude tells the smaller dude that they got a signal system in the joint.

If he doesn't like what's being done, he should moo.

But, if he does like what's being done he should sing.

So with really no where to run and no chance of being able to take the bigger dude in a fight the dude gets gives in. So he's stuck there in his cell, bent over grabbing his ankles, sobbing, when the bigger dude checks for a pew in the guy's rectory. So a couple rocking motions back and forth and the little guy says Moo... Moo... ♫Moon River♫


//TJ snickers to himself trying to hide the giddy little giggle he's having at his own joke. Letting out a couple chuckles, he tries to compose himself\\

TJ: Now personally I thought it was grade A comedy, and Matt gave me a half-hearted chuckle, maybe just so I didn't feel like an idiot, I'm not sure, but somewhere along the line this dude I didn't even notice overheard my joke and he was PISSED! I dunno sensitive or what but that little fucker was MAD!

Seeing this actually made the joke all the funnier for me as he stormed off and I hollered after him...

"What? Not a fan of karaoke?"

With that I see this kid's partner actually score a pinfall over Matt and I couldn't help but feel responsible. Like maybe the rage had SOMEHOW been transferred from one guy to the other. I bridge of somekind. Maybe a deeper connection I wasn't in tune with. I don't know, but I do still kinda feel bad for Matt.


//Retrieving the mouthpiece for his camelpak TJ gets a good dose of liquid refreshment as he takes a couple gulps of water\\

TJ: Then I get home and I'm signing online. MySpace first because be honest, that's everyone's homepage whether they admit it or not.

But after the MySpacing I checked out the sVo homepage and I saw a blurb from one of our main eventers for our event to the north as we put on a show in the apartment that's right over a really great party. Canada.

Now actually I was a little irked at it. This guy, Talon I think his name is... Just pure rage. Gave me goosebumps. Swear. I've seen some scary shit in my day but that's the kinda guy you cross the street when you see him walking toward you on the sidewalk. Just about made me take the Skidmark moniker away from Steele. But seriously, goosebumps. Even now. Look!


//TJ stretches an arm out toward the camera. The arm is free of anything out of the ordinary other than a slight gloss of sweat caused by the heat of the day\\

TJ: Just scary stuff. Do we have a company shrink? We need one, for that guy alone if not anyone else.

Then we see that Ross' adopted son apparently was not at Guantanamo Bay at the same time as Harold & Kumar because he did partake on the cockmeat sandwich. Nasty little fucker. Remind me to send a bottle of Listerine to that kid's house for the holidays.

Then I truly found out the seriousness of the competition of what the sVo has to offer. Assault Orville Reddenbaucher style. That Ross dude and his manservant just blasted that snack stand lackey with not one, but TWO tubs of popcorn!

Now at first I didn't understand the reason the little peon collapsed so I got to thinking about it. Popcorn tubs. What are the made of? That's right. They're made of paper. A kinda hard paper but still paper, and what's the worst kinda pain in the world? That's right. A papercut. Was at this point I realized I gotta be on my toes here in the sVo. I mean we saw broadcasted for the entire world to see. These guys blasted this dude with EXTREME prejudice, with again not one, but TWO popcorn tubs. Fucking hardcore! Makes me nervous man. I'm starting to wonder what the hell I got myself into by joining this fed. I can only hope my insurance polcy is paid up. Know what I mean?

I tell ya, I dunno if it's remembering that Talon guy, that wicked assault from Ross, or maybe the Hadji kid but I gotta go. We're gonna have to call this interview done because I'm getting a major panic attack and I think it's best that I be alone for awhile.


//TJ hops down from the boulder he had been seated on and hastily descends to his motorcycle as we fade to black.\\




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