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Reality Bites; Showdown 28, RP 1
Topic Started: Jun 6 2008, 03:46 AM (61 Views)
Bond
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Bond: “Oh my God Gunner… you’ll never guess what I just signed us up for!”

[Suddenly Chris Bond comes bellowing through the door and screams the previous statement at Gunner Lang. Gunner looks at Bond with eyebrows raised. The last time he said that, Gunner was sprawled out naked on some disco floor in some girl named Aarika Fuller-Chestington’s basement. Apparently, Saki and beer don’t always mix.]

Gunner: “I’m not sure I want to be a part of whatever it is…”

[Gunner goes back to what he was doing. He was staring at at least ten different photos of sVo roster members; one must have been his son. At least that is what he thought. Anyway, back to what Bond was talking about.]

Bond: “Gunner man, this is going to be sooooo righteous. I just signed us on to star in our own reality series!”

[Bond’s smirk is so overly cheesy; you'd think the guy was on drugs. Gunner drops the magnifying glass he was holding and his jaw drops.]

Bond: “I know, fuckin’ awesome right? Yeah. Our show is set to start filming next week! It’ll air on FOX! Sooo neat.”

[Bond’s face is showing excitement and delight. Gunner’s face is that of shock and awe.]

Gunner: “I think you giving up your gadgets made you lose your marbles.”

[Bond quickly puts his hand up to protest any negative feelings.]

Bond: “Gunner, Gunner, Gunner… no, I’m perfectly sane. I just figured that you could use a little something else to get some shit off your mind. And, if it also helps me score a little gravy points with uh Paige… I mean, c’mon… why the hell not?”

[Gunner smacks his forehead in a very mocking manner.]

Gunner: “Well if that’s the case, then hell Bond. Why don’t I go pick up a bottle of Boone’s farm and give you a webcam? That way you can film some fifteen minute jerk off session and post it on YouTube?!”

[Bond looks at him, his jaw has dropped. He looks as if he is about to say something, but he doesn’t. He looks down at the ground. Gunner goes back to comparing photos of himself and possible children. Bond just looks back at him. He shakes his head. He bends down to pick up a duffle bag and walks to the door, where moments before he just burst through. Bond turns back to Gunner.]

Bond: “Oh I’m off to the gym Negative Nancy… perhaps when I get back you won’t be so damned sour.”

[Bond opens the door and walks out. The door closes behind him, and Gunner sighs a bit of relief. He quickly rubs his eyes… when the door swings open once more. Bond peers his head in around the door and looks back at Lang.]

Gunner: “Forget something?”

[Bond shakes his head up in a ‘yes’ manner.]

Bond: “I wouldn’t post that video on YouTube… it’d just get deleted and I would be banned. I would soooo totally have to go to XTube.”

[Bond looks at Lang with a “Duh” look. Gunner just shakes his head from left to right. He tosses a pillow at the door, causing Bond to pull his head back and the door to slam shut. The scene quickly fades to black.]

-------------------------------------(((+)))----------------------------------------

“Captain’s log. Aww, to hell with it. This Zero fellow thinks he knows me? He thinks he knows what makes me, me? Who the hell is he? Miss Cleo? He claims that without my name I would be nothing more than a ‘zero’—like him. Well, to be honest, without my name I’d still be better than him—because my name AND face are synonymous with success. Sure, my win-loss record may not be the best, but the last time I checked… Rocky Balboa didn’t have a perfect record. Bill Goldberg doesn’t have a perfect record. Now, I could go into some awesome spiel here about how I’m so much better and winning and losing aren’t everything… but I just don’t have the time. Shit happens, and I could really spend my time more efficiently by working out and keeping this awesome body in shape.

I would like to clear up something stated by Zero. Without my name, I wouldn’t be some lame, no talent hack. I wouldn’t be some little bitch who gets coffee for the big wigs. I wouldn’t be some insane ex-children’s show host. No, I would still be better than this chump. And when we step into the ring against each other and he’s found out what somebody with talent really looks and acts like… well, then we’ll be shown the extent to which his name holds true for his personality. Zero talent, zero confidence, zero success.

Oh, and it just so happens, this Nathan Paradine want-to-be has a zero percent chance of winning on Showdown.”


[[Excerpt from latest blog update on www.ChrisBond.com, 6-5-08.]]
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ATH: Reaper Edition I & II - Winner

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