| Everybody Wang Chung Tonight--[d2] | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Mar 29 2008, 04:53 AM (262 Views) | |
| Bond | Mar 29 2008, 04:53 AM Post #1 |
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I just sat there. My mouth was wide open. I swear to god I looked like a stuffed birdhouse. Luckily I regained my composure and I rubbed my chin. I quickly sat forward, grabbed my cellular calling device and I skimmed through my contacts. I quickly found what I was looking for and I pressed my ‘send’ button. Meanwhile as the phone rang and the familiar chords to “Gunnerstruck” played as the ring back tone, my eyes darted around the room. Very industrial was my pad; Not a lot of décor. Ever since that dirty, rotten, skanky whore of a soon-to-be ex-wife left, I’ve been left with not a lot. That’s why I don’t have best friends—because in the end, they’re getting screwed by my wife—and I’m getting screwed by them. “Gunner!” His voice boomed back with a louder than usual “Bondy!” “Dude mano… Millano was just on the boob-tube and let me tell you, I’m screwed.” What? How could he possibly say that he didn’t have a clue about what I was referring too? “What mano? How could you possibly not have a single clue about what I am talking about? I mean Kerry Millano, the sVo’s resident ‘Career Killer’ was just in a field of dreams. But not just any field of dreams… THE FUCKIN’ FIELD OF DREAMS!” His voice appeared to echo disbelievement (yes, I just made that word up… build a bridge and get over it!). “Dude… I’m not lying. He was in THE field of dreams. Yeah. The whole ‘if you build it, they will come’ dialogue. But, wasn’t that a cornfield?” His laughter appeared to be evidence of my correctness. Sometimes I was that damn good. But my eyes darted around the room again. They focused on my mantle; a picture of me sits resting over the fireplace now. I’ve got fans, but I’m my biggest fan. Haha. What was he saying? “Shit dude! He has a shred of respect for me; But, because he said ‘wake-up’ at the end… I couldn’t actually tell if he was telling the truth! I died a little inside.” His laughter echoed louder this time. That’s when I reached down and turned it off the stupid speaker phone. “Gunner… listen to me, tomorrow morning, after breakfast at the Dive, we’re training. I don’t care if we’re there for five hours… we’re training because we’ve got huge fuckin’ matches coming up… and honestly… after seeing what Millano did to that Heineken bottle… I’m a little nervous. Because just imagine what he could do with MY heiny-ken. Hahaha. I made a joke… but seriously, tomorrow morning… ten a.m. Goodfellas Gym.” He bellowed something about having to make an appearance at the casino later that evening. “That’s fine Gunner man, because I honestly could use a little gambling. Sitting in this loft-style apartment is starting to get to me. Yeah. The whole uh Katy thing… it’s starting to get to me. Yeah, well, the empty nest part. I need a lover that won’t drive me crazy.” He continued to bellow something about her being a crab infested ho-bag but I sort of derailed then and focused on my ring-finger tan line. They were some of the best times of my life… and they’re over. That dirty, rotten, skanky whore with crabs! Argh! “Gunner man, I gots to go. I’ve got an e-interview to do with sVo webmaster Wang Chungsung. Yeah, he’s pretty cool. Later mano. Peas out.” I quickly folded my phone shut. My e-view as I now call it is in like five minutes. I quickly throw on a ‘sVo Destiny’ t-shirt and prop myself in front of my computer. Webcam directly pointed at my mug; I sat there, and quickly the interview started. “How’s it goin’ Wang? …Tonight is lovely, and I’ll be making an appearance tomorrow night at Goodfella’s Casino… perhaps near the nickel slots. Yes… I am a slotty man. Haha. Yeah, I know Wang… it was a bad joke.” I rolled my eyes. There were a few comments in the chat room that supported my eye movement. He then began asking me a series of stupid questions. Color… shoe size, favorite movie. “Well Wang Chungsung… my favorite color is orange, my shoe size is 11 ½, my favorite movie is Uncle Buck, my favorite T.V. series is… well, was the West Wing, and honestly, if you don’t ask me about my upcoming match with the ‘Career Killer’ Kerry Millano, I’m about to Wang Chung yo’ ass.” He laughed. T’was a good joke. At least that’s what MorettiAssMan209 said. But MillanoCookie didn’t like it too well. Oh well, everybody’s a critic. “That’s a good question Wang. Millano isn’t like your everyday opponent. The dude’s got pure talent; he’s got all of these moves that are capable of coming at you from nowhere, and quite honestly, he’s a little scary. Yeah. You saw the ‘field of dreams’ promo didn’t you? Yeah, I was nervous. I saw what he did what the Heineken bottle… and I’m wondering what he’ll be doing to my heiny-kin… get it Wang? Hahaha! I’m so hilarious!” I laughed. MillanoCookie thinks I’m dumber than Gunner Lang’s theme song… but apparently he’s not be ‘gunner-struck’… and old buddy MorettiAssMan209 actually fell to the floor, and laughed his fat ass off. I’ve got skills. They’re multiplying. “Yeah. Millano is a fierce competitor, and I’m glad he notices I’m not some pushover. He’s giving me props and I understand that’s gonna kill him… literally eating at him from the inside, but we’re not all that different. We both compete to compete. We’ve both got awesome talent, but the major difference, Wang, is he’s an asshole. He not only thinks, but believes, he’s the best thing since sliced bagels… and it’s annoying. Sure, he’s talented. Sure, he’s an asskicker. But does he really to belittle those who aren’t at his level of kicking ass? Hmm Wang?” I roll my eyes again. Apparently wrestling… he called it professional, I didn’t… is about mind-fucking and less about having tea and crumpets with your opponent. “Listen to me Chungsung… I understand that we’re supposed to give ourselves leverage by calling each other names and threatening to kick the other’s ass… but when the guy you’re going against admits you’re talented… it’s sort of hard to say anything. I sorta wish he’d have called me a cooty-queen so I could have at least responded with a ‘Who are you calling a cooty-queen you LINT LICKER?!’ You know?” He shook his ‘no’. Oh well. JASBaby29835 got it. THAT was an awesome commercial. “Look dude. Destiny isn’t just about the House of Hell match, nor is it just about the World Title Gauntlet. I can tell you that the Kerry Millano/Chris Bond match might just steal the show, and do you why? Because reality check—you don’t need some stinkin’ gimmick match to kick ass. You show up, do your thing, and one Reality Check later… your opponent’s lying on his back, staring up toward the stars, begging God to end his misery of just tasting defeat from somebody as awesome… as Chris Bond. Haha.” He says thank you, and good night. I just nod. Why ruin an awesome closing line like that when you can totally go out in a blaze of glory? I stand up; stretch a little… and all I can think right now… “Fuck me. What have I gotten myself into?” |
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12:41 AM Jul 11