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A Not So Christmas Carol
Topic Started: Feb 22 2008, 03:02 AM (255 Views)
Rex Fury
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OOC: Sorry about the formatting...lame writing program...think of it as revolutionary...yeah, that's it, REVOLUTIONARY!

SCENE-Rex Fury's Mother's House.

Rex Fury's room is covered in posters of Playboy Playmates,
Comic book characters. The door opens and in walks Rex Fury
carrying plastic bags full of presents. Rex lays the bags
down and crashes on the bed.


REX FURY
What a fucking horrible day! I hate
shopping. People are always
coughing up on products I want to
buy and they're rude as fuck.

As Rex is going on and on about his shitty shopping
experience out of the closet emerges a specter like being.


SPECTER LIKE BEING
WOOOOOO!! BOOOOOO!! WOOOO!! I am
the ghost of Christmas Past and I
am here to haunt you...BWAAHH!!

REX FURY
No you're not. You're just a crazed
fan wearing a blanket. Get the fuck
outta here before I call the cops.

CRAZED FAN
Oh come on Rex...let me hang out
with you. Did I at least seem
credible as the Ghost of Christmas
Past?

REX FURY
Coming out of the closet made you
more like Joey Peyton-Stryker. I told you
before...Get the fuck out of here
before I call the cops.

Rex kicks the fan in the ass and throws him out the window.
As Rex turns around another specter like being is floating at
the corner of his room.


REX FURY
Not another one. This return to the
ring is really bringing out the
crazies. Listen man just leave.

GHOST OF CHRISTMAS FUTURE
I am the Ghost of Christmas Future
and I am here to help you Rexford.

Rex tries to grab the entity and realizes this is really a
ghost.


REX FURY
Holy shit!...Wait a second
shouldn't the Ghost of Christmas
Past come first?

GHOST OF CHRISTMAS FUTURE
He got stuck in traffic. That 405
freeway is a bitch. That's actually
why I'm here late. If you want you
could call me the Ghost of President’s Day Future or the Ghost
of St. Valentine's Day Future. I'm
not offended.

REX FURY
Ghost of Christmas Future works for
me. So what's the deal? Where ya
taking me?

GHOST OF CHRISTMAS FUTURE
We are going to see the future.

REX FURY
By your name I kind of figured that
out.

GHOST OF CHRISTMAS FUTURE
So now you're Sherlock fuckin'
Holmes. Just come with me and you
will see what I mean.

The Ghost of Christmas Future raises his left arm revealing
his shaved legs with old hooker style stockings.


GHOST OF CHRISTMAS FUTURE
Oh shit.

The Ghost of Christmas Future notices his mistake and raises
his right arm.


GHOST OF CHRISTMAS FUTURE
Sorry...I keep forgetting to just raise the right arm..

REX FURY
Just don't let it happen again. Can
we go now!

GHOST OF CHRISTMAS FUTURE
Okay okay.

The Ghost raises his right arm and then puts it back down.

CUT TO:

THE SVO CORPORATE BUILDING.

Fancy cars come in and out of the huge Empire State Building
like structure. The SVO logo shines on the top like a
marquee at a Vegas casino.


REX FURY
Wow! That is huge. When did the
SVO get that building?

GHOST OF CHRISTMAS FUTURE
Right after Jimmy Moretti fired
Ascaron. The ratings skyrocketed and
in came the green.

REX FURY
That's nice.

Rex notices someone familiar parking cars and working as a
valet.


REX FURY
Hey...is that...no way...

GHOST OF CHRISTMAS FUTURE
Yes that's Christian Heights. He got fired too
but he took his ass to the
Unemployment line and got the job
as the buildings Valet Parking
Manager.

Rex and the Ghost of Christmas Future walk into the main
lobby of the building and they both spot a huge Rex Fury
marble statue. The statue read THE GREATEST OF THEM ALL.


REX FURY
That is freaking amazing.

GHOST OF CHRISTMAS FUTURE
You like? Jimmy had it built when
you retired from the ring.

The two head to the Gala Room where the SVO Christmas Party
is being held.


REX FURY
This place just keeps getting
better and better. Hey look its
Orlando Fox. That son of a bitch
still looks young.

GHOST OF CHRISTMAS FUTURE
He's the black Irish man right?

REX FURY
Yeah and it looks like his black
part took over...dude just stole
Mike Polowy’s wallet. I don't know
what's more surprising...the fact
Polowy didn't see it or the fact
that Orlando Fox is back.

GHOST OF CHRISTMAS FUTURE
I see his Irish side was here
earlier...I can smell the booze on
his breath even from this distance.

REX FURY
Say what you want about the guy but
he was always a party. Jimmy Moretti
brought a clown/magician to this
thing.

GHOST OF CHRISTMAS FUTURE
That's not just any clown/magician.
That's Night. After he stopped
turning tricks on the streets he
took a David Copperfield magic
course and now does other types of
tricks for a living.

REX FURY
I always felt the guy needed to get
rid of that gothic gimmick. That
shit went out with disco and
Vanilla Ice.

The crowd all gathers towards the stage area. As Joey Peyton
approaches the podium the crowd cheers.


JOEY PEYTON
It is my pleasure to give the
Lifetime achievement award to the
only man to beat me without him
having to job. A man who is without
a doubt an innovator of our great
sport. A man who is greater than
anything I ever imagined to
be...this man is...

The Ghost of Christmas Future halts time, lifts his right arm
and just like that they are both back in Rex Fury's room.


REX FURY
Why the fuck did you do that? Peyton
was about to kiss my ass.

GHOST OF CHRISTMAS FUTURE
I couldn't let you see yourself. It
would disrupt some kind of time
travel bullshit...didn't you ever
see Back to the Future?

As Rex is about to respond a car horn blares LA CUCARACHA
from the outside.




REX FURY
El Gimiko is here?

GHOST OF CHRISTMAS FUTURE
Nah, that's the Ghost of Christmas
Past. Dude loves low riders. Mexican guy...we had to hire him...Equal
Opportunity shit. Don't wanna fuck with the government. Who's
Gimiko?

REX FURY
No one cares...move on.

The Ghost of Christmas Past enters the room through the
window.


GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST
BOOOOOO!!!

GHOST OF CHRISTMAS FUTURE
Stop the bullshit he already knew
you were coming.

GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST
When did you get here? Thanks for
fucking up my grand entrance.

GHOST OF CHRISTMAS FUTURE
I got here awhile ago. I already
did my part now you do yours.
Besides Oprah's coming on soon.

GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST
That fucking 405 freeway is a
bitch...oh and the cops kept
pulling me over because of my ride.
Damn racial profiling.

REX FURY
Pardon me for interrupting but who
gives a shit. I want to see
Christmas Past.

GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST
Fine fine. Get in the car...And I
don't want to hear any back seat
driving.


REX FURY
Let's go. Nice meeting you Mr.
Christmas Future guy.

GHOST OF CHRISTMAS FUTURE
Yeah yeah that's what they all say.

The scene changes to the corporate buildings of the old sVo. The
place is alive and reminds Rex of the SVO building in a
smaller scale.


REX FURY
I remember this place. This is
where I signed my first
professional contract. The second
floor was the marketing room. In
the 3rd floor is were I nailed my
first secretary...Oh wanks for the memories.

GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST
You have a good memory...this is
the sVo at the height of its
glory. Let's go into the meeting
room and I will show you a secret
meeting that went on that you never
knew of...

The Ghost snaps his fingers and Rex and the Ghost are now
inside a meeting room where Jimmy Moretti, John Page, Paige Johnson and Joey Peyton are all sitting.


REX FURY
I didn't know these motherfuckers
had such a hard on for me.

GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST
They wanted you gone. You were a
trouble maker and in their eyes you
were a threat.

REX FURY
Why are they just sitting there?

GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST
They're waiting for Peyton to finish
babbling on about how much he isn’t worried about you but still keeps talking about you.

REX FURY
We're gonna be here awhile...can
you just fast forward.

GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST
I've been fast forwarding this
since I got to your house. Peyton can’t shut up.

The babbling stops and the men begin to talk.

JOEY PEYTON
Listen Paige I want Rex Fury
fired. He has caused me and my
lover pain and aggravation.


GM PAIGE JOHNSON
Ok we will get rid of him. He is a
pain in my 3 year old like ass. I
will stand up to him and fire him.

JIMMY MORETTI
You can't do that. The guy is
bringing in the ratings. No other
face has had as much going for him like him.
He is the future. Without him I may
be forced to quit and hire more General
Managers than the Chicago Cubs.

Someone yells "CUT!" and the crew starts taking out movie
making equipment.


REX FURY
What the hell is going on here?

Steven Spielberg walks over from his Director's Chair.

SPIELBERG
Sorry Rex but our budget has run
out. We can't continue this
masterpiece.

REX FURY
Damn! We were so close to finishing
this film. Where did all the money
go?

SPIELBERG
Paulie Shore likes getting into his
character, being that he played Joey Peyton
he spent over $20,000 on butt
plugs and issues of Blue Boy
magazine.

REX FURY
Oh well, what can we do?

SPIELBERG
Just roll the credits.

A NOT SO CHRISTMAS CAROL

Rex Fury as Rex

Gary Coleman as Crazed Fan

Howard Stern as Ghost of Christmas Future

Cheech Marin as Ghost of Christmas Past

Jake Gyllenhall as Christian Heights

Mr. T as Orlando Fox

Christopher Reeve's corpse as Mike Polowy

Paulie Shore as Joey Peyton

Tom Cruise as Jimmy Moretti

Directed by Steven Spielberg

Posted Image
"Normal doesn't get asses in the seats!"
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