Welcome Guest [Log In] [Register]
Add Reply
Fury Goes Speed Dating
Topic Started: Feb 1 2008, 02:28 AM (117 Views)
Rex Fury
Member Avatar
sVo Rookie
[ * ]
[The steaming hot water beats down on it's white surface. Rex Fury grabs a nearby towel and begins rubbing in the oils and strokes on it gently back and forth. Tired of the up and down motion, Fury begins with the circling motion. Round and round he goes, until he reaches the all important last pot. He reaches down deep and slowly moves further and further up, until it is done. Oh and what a moment it is. The 1993 ford escort, know as the Rex Mobile is finally clean.]

Sgt. Biggs: And where do you think you’re going Rex?

Fury: I got a date, if you must know Sgt. Biggs.

Sgt. Biggs: (Chuckling) A date, where did you find a woman to go out with you...a Star Wars convention?

Fury: Listen here Sgt. Biggs, if you want me to whip out my super large and especially thick light saber and smack you around a bit, I will....if not...I'm out like the fat kid in dodgeball.

[With that Fury steps into the Rex Mobile and revs the engine up, before kicking it into gear he pops in his special mixtape, filled with the sweetest tunes that ever made their way into the ear drum of the One Minute Wonder. The tunes kick in and he pulls out of the driveway...]

The time is right
I wanna feel it good'n tight.
I'm down to do this all night
I'm gunna beat it upright


[Fury sings along with the Korn classic as he drives through the streets of Newport. As the song nears its end Fury pulls up to the local convention hall to pick up his date. The sign outside the hall states "Speed-Dating Today 3pm, All Welcome". Fury can't hide his eagerness and literally skips into the hall. At the sign in table Fury stands, as the lady at the table doesn't even look up.]

Lady: Name.....

Fury: Rex Fury.

Lady: You're joking rig.....

[The woman looks up to see the young man standing there in his yellow ninja suit. The woman is lost for words and blankly stares as she hands him a name tag.]

Rex Fury: No need for words citizen, I get it all the time, this suit is indeed sweeter than anything you've ever laid eyes on.

[The woman continues to look on with her frozen expression as Fury enters the hall. He takes a seat at a table and as the man in charge explains everything he doodles pictures of boobs and snatch on the table. Suddenly a horn sounds and a woman is soon seating across from Fury with a bewildered look.]

Fury: Hi, I'm Rex Fury, I know your awe struck, it's not everyday you see the next SVO Champion. But today is your lucky day ma'am, you could very well take me home tonight!

[You can see the lady quiver in disgust, then the horn sounds again and she bolts. Fury is disappointed, but the failure is soon forgotten as another woman sits across from him. She's a rough looking woman, a few too many extras pounds, and a thin patch of facial hair as well. This time it's Fury's time to quiver in disgust.]

Woman: Hi I'm Fran, and you are....

Fury: I'm....I'm....Stryker…Joe Stryker!

Fran: Hi Stryker nice to meet you.

[Fran sticks her hand out and Fury reluctantly accepts it in a form of a handshake. Pain pulses through Fury’s palm as man-hands squeezes his hand tightly.]

Fury: Question Fran...did you used to be a man?

Fran: Of course not? I can put a strap on if that's what you like?

[The buzzer sounds as Fury is relieved from the torture of Fran's presence.]

Fran: Well Joe maybe I'll give ya a ring sometime...

Fury: Eeerrr....sure....just contact me at SVO headquarters....

Fran: And just remember I'm all the woman you can handle.

Fury: I'm sure you are...hell your stronger than Mike Polowy and probably have a bigger dick too.

[Fran finally leaves as Fury is ecstatic to see a hot blonde sit down...with her twin sister...SWEET!]

Blonde #1: I'm Tina...

Blonde #2: ...and I'm Susie.

Fury: And I'm in heaven, if you don't mind me saying you two are hot, what are you into?

Tina: We love to suck....

Susie: ....suck hard.

Fury: Sweet fancy moses! Well how hard do you suck, do you suck just a little bit, or do you suck real bad like anything Alex Ross says or does?

Tina: Oh we're even harder suckers than that....

Susie: We suck more than Joe Stryker on a Friday night at the Gay Jewish Singles Dance.

Fury: That's hardcore sucking!

[The dreaded horn sounds and Tina and Susie are out of Fury's life, a sadness washes over him, especially when the female bodybuilder sits across from him.]

Bodybuilder: The name's Courtney.

Fury: You're freakin huge!

Courtney: Yea I've been training for World's Strongest Woman for 8 years now.

Fury: Who's your Icon?

Courtney: My Icon?

Fury: Yea in the world of bodybuilders who do you consider your Icon?

Courtney: Well I don't necessarily have an Icon, I just do this to make an easy buck.

Fury: So you're really not dedicated to winning all that much, you just wanna get paid and looks mean and nasty, but what you’re saying is that you basically have no heart.

Courtney: I guess you could put it that way.

[The buzzer rings and Courtney leaves as Fury mumbles under his breath....]

Fury: People these days…just do anything to make a buck. How many Tijuana Donkey shows has Joe Stryker done just to make a buck? No morals at all…

[The next contestant is a middle aged woman, dressed just like a librarian, even with the little reading glasses that normally turns Fury on, this woman does nothing for the One Minute Wonder.]

Librarian: Hello, my name is Jennifer, and you are?

Fury: Bored.

Jennifer: Excuse me.

Fury: You’re not fugly like some, but you ain't hot either...you're just there...plain as all hell.

Jennifer: Not that it's any of your business but I have a very exciting life, I may come off as a plain Jane but I have a tremendous wild side.

Fury: Is that right, Jenn was it? Well lemme take a lookie at thus wild side, where's the wildest place you've ever....(in a whisper) done it.

Jennifer: (Leaning closer to Fury, also speaking in a whisper) I did it on the altar of our dark lord satan. I am carrying his demon seed.

[Fury backs away some as his eyes go wide at what the librarian just said.]

Jennifer: That's right, the year of Satan is upon up, and we will all burn in his lair, only the chosen ones will be saved.

Fury: Like Joe Stryker?

Jennifer: Oh so you have heard of our prince.

Fury: Your prince?

Jennifer: Yes he has been sent by Lucifer to lead the army of darkness through the heavenly gates and destroy everything in our path...

[The horn rings, signaling another round of switch seats.]

Fury: How is he going to lead the revolution when he's laid out by the exploding purple headbutt?

[The next woman takes a seat across from Fury and she is a train wreck. The foul odor alone makes Fury's eye's water some. One big pile of garbage sits across from the Innovator, but there is a glimmer of hope, see appears to be a wrestling fan. She has on an Kelly Flawless T-shirt...]

Fury: Ahhh so you dig wrestling eh?

Garbage woman: Uh...no?

Fury: What's with the shirt then?

Garbage woman: Oh this, they are giving them away for free at the shelter, no one else wants them.

[Fury stands and makes a beeline for the door, having enough of this charade.]

Fury: Wanks for....ah forget it, I should know better than trying to find a woman this way....hmmm curly fries....I'm thinking Arby's!


Posted Image
"Normal doesn't get asses in the seats!"
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous)
ZetaBoards - Free Forum Hosting
Fully Featured & Customizable Free Forums
« Previous Topic · sVo Showdown RP Archive · Next Topic »
Add Reply

threesixty by tiptopolive of the Zetaboards Theme Zone