| Fury At The Body Shop | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jan 30 2008, 10:00 PM (94 Views) | |
| Rex Fury | Jan 30 2008, 10:00 PM Post #1 |
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sVo Rookie
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Fury: Oh you have what I want. And I'm gonna take it! It's gonna be so quick you won't even know what hit you. After all...... [The scene finally opens up, revealing the Innovator staring at a photo of Candice Michelle from her playboy spread.] Fury: I am the One Minute Wonder! [The Sultan of Semen's hand starts to drift down towards the forbidden zone, when a loud knock on his bedroom door startles him, he quickly flings the magazine up and over his entertainment center, and out of site.] Fury: What is it, I'm extremely busy jerki...... errrr, training for my match. [The voice of Rex’s step father, Sgt. Biggs, is heard yelling from the other side of the door.] Sgt. Biggs: Rex, the body shop called for you..... Fury: Sweet! My Jessica Alba actual sized replica plastic body is done! Sgt. Biggs: You know I can hear you Rex..... you sick freak...... the body shop, meaning the auto mechanic, the escort is ready to be picked up. And by escort, I mean the Ford and not your date for the prom. Fury: Shut up SGT. BIGGS! It was an honest mistake, anyone would've made it. [You can hear Sgt. Biggs snicker as he walks away, meanwhile the Innovator laces up his boots and gets ready to head towards the body shop (auto mechanic for those who didn't know). As he's about to leave, he looks up and sees the ceiling fan twirling counter clockwise, instead of clockwise.] Fury: One day...... one day I will slap you so hard across your oscillators with my massive sausage that'll force you to rotate the right way! But until then, wanks for the memories. [And with that, Fury heads out. We fast forward through some meaningless scenes and soon find ourselves riding on a jam packed bus. Fury is humming "Gangsta’s Paradise", when he is so rudely interrupted by an elderly woman.] Elderly Woman: Excuse me, young man. Fury: Looks gramps, your older than Peter Gilmours "glam rock" gimmick, and therefore I will in no way, even think about, sliding my meat into your sub. Elderly Woman: Damn. [The woman moves over a couple of seats and the bus makes one of it's scheduled stops. A few passengers get off and a few get on. The bus is soon filled to capacity, which means the button upped school teacher is forced to sit next to Rex Fury, begrudgingly. She sits in the seat next to him, but inches away as far as possible, hoping not to be infected with his Fury-cooties.] Fury: The name's Fury...... Rex Fury. School Teacher: Heh, very clever. Fury: First time I've ever been called that. School Teacher: Who would have thought. Fury: Are you pastorizing me? School Teacher: Pastorizing you? If you meant "patronizing" you, then yes, yes I am. Fury: May I ask why? School Teacher: Any grown man that's dressed like a 1970’s kung fu movie on a bus is either a pedophile or is mentally ill, so which one is it? Fury: Neither, it's cause all super heroes must stand out of the crowd, and plus the fact I got mad crazy ninja skills. School Teacher: A super hero riding the bus, now that's the first time I heard something. Fury: You must think I'm stupid. School Teacher: In a word, yes. Fury: Then you should see Spring Heeled Jack, a 40 year old man, dressed like a court jester, plus you must be stupid to walk out of the house looking like that, and not wearing a bag over his head. [The woman just decides to ignore Fury all together. The bus stops once again, and it's the Innovator's stop. He steps out of the bus and begins walking toward the body shop. After a few moments the Innovator is at the counter of the mechanic's. A grossly overweight woman stands across from Fury, behind the cashier's desk. She's twirling a piece of gum she's chewing with her finger, not paying any attention to the man in the sweet yellow suit standing across from her.] Fury: Uh hmmm. [The cashier finally lifts her bulbous head, recognizing there's a customer across from her.] Cashier: What is it Halloween? Fury: No, but by the looks of it, that's a day you should be skipping. Cashier: Hey, more cushion for the pushin'. Fury: It would take a Polowy, Alex Ross, and Howie Banks all together pushing to move you out of that chair. Cashier: Very funny, what do you want. Fury: I'm picking up the '94 Ford Escort, the sweet ass milky white one. Cashier: Oh yea, that ride's pimp. Anyway, Ernie is finishing it up now. You could go over and wait for him to finish it up, or you could wait here with me and maybe I'll show you how clean I can get your starfish. [Fury shivers at the mere thought of being violated like that, then responds.] Fury: My starfish is sparkling, I'm a wizard with there two hands, so maybe next time, or maybe I can hook you up with Cody William's number, he's in need of shit removal. [Fury walks past the cashier and heads into the bay where Ernie has the Rex Mobile's hood up and is checking the oil.] Fury: How's it lookin' Ernie? [The middle aged mechanic (think Movie legend Rick Moranis) pops his head out from under the hood, and begins to towel off his hands, which are black from working on the engine.] Ernie: It'll run, but I don't know for how long. Fury: Are you trying to tell me the Rex Mobile won't be able to invade the land of xtreme carnage and layeth the squirtdown on all the billions and billions of Fury-Fanatics? [Ernie shoots a very confused looked at Rex.] Ernie: I have no idea what that means, but what I'm trying to tell you, is that this car has nearly 200 thousand miles on it and needs just about a new everything. It won't be running much longer, I think it's time for a new car there Rex. [The Innovator walks towards the car and pets it gently like it's a wounded cat taking it's last breathes.] Fury: They all said I couldn't do it. They said I could never climax to the point where I'm about to explode and ooze all over every nook and cranny wrestling has to offer, so I am sure that the Rex Mobile will ride on forever. Some things never die Ernie. Batman will always protect Gotham, The sVo will always be better than Hostility, Vincent Valentino will always suck on the miniature balls of Brandon Lee, Night will always be in the mid card, Joe Stryker will always ride the short yellow bus to school, the yellow jumpsuit will always be sweeter than the sweetest nipple shot in the sport illustrated swimsuit edition, and the Rex Mobile will always deliver the Lubed One to the arena on time. Ernie: From that spiel I'm guessing you're back to work… Fury: You bet your ass. Ernie: Yea sure. Fury: Yea I'm back to work, fighting for all the zeroes out in the world, that even though they couldn't make it to where I am today, it still gives them hope that it can be done. The sVo has a new hope. Ernie: So you're the hero for zeroes everywhere. Fury: Amongst other things. Ernie: So who you fighting this week, anyone decent? Fury: Nah. Ernie: Well who you fighting then, Drake Hazzard? Fury: Do I look like some chump foreigner to you? I’m taking on Joe Stryker. Some ex gay porn actor... Probably has seen more penises than a rabbis circumcision knife. I don’t know how any male could do that…I can only picture myself with women…H—O—T WOMEN! [Fury begins to unbuckle his pants as he thinks of hot women] Ernie: Look, if you're gonna Bust It, please don't do it in here, it's embarrassing just letting people I know you. Fury: Ah good Ernie, ya think I would ever let the evil forces ran by Joe Stryker know who makes it possible for the sweetest ride this side of the ChinDrip River to run on forever! Never I would never give you up Ernie! You are a true ally and I will defend you. [The Innovator pulls Ernie in close to his chest as if he's protecting Rick Moranis from the ghosts of El Gimiko and Kelly Flawless’ career, cause you know Rick...] Fury: I will never let them have you Ernie. Never! Not even if they tortured me my making me sit through hours upon hours of Mike Polowy promos and matches. They could lock me up in the chair and force me to get my beautiful milky white skin tarnished by that tattoo needle, and I still wouldn't give you up. Not even 76 of Joe Stryker's handy henchmen cornered me and forced me to take a loss from Stryker because we all know it would never happen any other way, I would take the loss for you Ernie. All for you!! [Ernie finally manages to push himself away from the Innovator.] Ernie: If you ever hold me like that again then I give you permission to give me up, in fact I demand it. Fury: Ah the sweet side of the humor defense. You see Ernie this is only the beginning… Ernie: Look the car is done Rex, here's the keys, I'm out of here, so you can ride off or you can continue to live in your fantasy world. But do me a favor, junk this piece of crap and get a new car. [Ernie walks off, but Fury wasn't listening to him anyway. He was building up his moment, just like he builds it up for 59 second in the shower every morning, yes every morning, but that didn't surprise you did it?] Fury: The sVo has a new hero and his name is Rex Fury. I have the gadgets and the know how to reach the top. [The Innovator twirls the key rings around his finger before hoping into the Rex Mobile. The engine roars in approval as he begins playing with the radio dials, Ryan Seacrest's voice is heard.....] Seacrest: And coming up next on American Top 40...... Jordin Sparks and her song "Tattoo". Fury: Fuck! Seacrest: But before that, we go back in time and bust it with Tone Loc's "Funky Cold Medina." Fury: Sweet! |
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6:54 PM Jul 11