| It's New! It's Exciting! It's Mexican!; [sd-12] RP #1 | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jan 15 2008, 05:24 PM (117 Views) | |
| Mike Polowy | Jan 15 2008, 05:24 PM Post #1 |
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2x Former sVo Champion
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There is just a half a week remaining before the twelfth edition of sVo Showdown, airing Sunday night from the Goodfella's Casino. With only one week remaining before Hostile Violence, a strange lack of promotional material has been put forth for this weeks show, seeing only a boring, predictable interview with Peter Gilmour and a few snippets from the brilliant young rookie, Kelly Flawless. Even stranger, the usually beaming voice of sVo Champion Michael Polowy has not graced the hallowed ground of sVo TV in nearly two weeks, even to hype his match this week against the greatest luchador in the sVo, El Gimicko. All that is slated to change, as the camera opens on a shot of a waving Swedish flag. As the camera begins to slowly pan out, the scene becomes frighteningly confusing, with a mariachi band jamming in the background, and a table full of catered Mexican food behind them. As the camera pans out even further, we can see that the entire set is actually built in the parking lot of a used car dealership. No explanation is given for this. The music continues to play for a moment, as the oversized Swedish flag waves on in the breeze. For a moment, it seems as if nothing is going to happen, until a flamboyant looking Alex Ross steps into the shot. He is wearing his standard gold suit with black pinstripes, his long black hair slicked back on his head and his beard well kempt. Immediately, it is noticeable that he is wearing an oversized sombrero. Alex Ross: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, chicas and chicos! My name is Alex Ross, the sVo International Champion! Very audible boos, obviously from a studio's audio track, are superimposed over the tape. He acts as if he is hearing it live, and a frown comes over his face. Alex Ross: I come to you from the far away land of Mexico, which this time of year looks a lot like Manny's Used Cars, three blocks away from the sVo arena at the Goodfella's Casino. You will ignore this fact, and write it off as a coincidence. Your sVo Champion, Michael Polowy, wished to be here today to address his upcoming match with the great Mexican luchador, El Gimicko. Sadly, he is a very busy man and had much more important things to do this week. Though I know you are all very sad that his presence could not be made her at Manny's Us... erm... Mexico today, you must understand that as the champion he has a great many responsibilities, and also Mexico is a very dirty place. However, in the absence of our champion, he has sent a replacement. This will be a very great honor for many of you, to be in the presence of this man. He is a legend in the backyard wrestling circuit of Mexico City, and has held many prestigious championships. He tamed wild lions in Africa, and single handedly fought off the tiger who escaped from the San Francisco Zoo several weeks ago. He is the spoiler of virgins, the eater of many Spanish pastries, and the champion of our hearts... EL HOMBRE BLANCO!!! More dubbed in audio is superimposed over the promo, this time a loud and voracious cheering. A man steps into the picture, wearing bright blue tights and white boots. He is shirtless, but is also wearing a bright blue mask. Even to the untrained eye, it is OBVIOUSLY sVo Champion Mike Polowy in a poorly put together luchador's outfit. He flashes a few quick poses, smiling brightly for the camera. El Hombre Blanco: YO SOY EL HOMBRE BLANCO! Alex Ross: Since El Hombre Blanco speaks no English, I will be translating for him. He says his name is El Hombre Blanco. El Hombre Blanco: Si. Yo soy El Hombre Blanco. Alex Ross: El Hombre Blanco apologizes for the Swedish flag waving in the background. It turns out, El Gimicko purchased the last gigantic Mexican flag, and they were all out of stock at the store that sells gigantic ethnic flags. He has remedied this by paying for, out of his own pocket, a mediocre mariachi band and very much Mexican cuisine. He would invite you to come and dine with him, but he is in Mexico, and very, very far away. El Hombre Blanco's smile turns into a very sad face. We can presume that because of this, he is very, very sad. El Hombre Blanco: I'm sorry-o. Alex Ross: He is once again very sorry. But now, El Hombre Blanco wishes to get down to business. El Hombre Blanco's very sad face suddenly turns bright again, and he grins like an idiot as he points at the camera, speaking in perfect Spanish. El Hombre Blanco: This week-o, El Hombre Blanco must face-o Senor Gimicko, the el greatador luchador of El SVO. Alex Ross: El Hombre Blanco says that this week, he must El Gimicko, the greatest luchador in the sVo. El Hombre Blanco's smiling face becomes grim and serious. El Hombre Blanco: El Gimicko esto un fierco predatoro. Alex Ross: He says that El Gimicko is a fierce and dangerous predator. El Hombre Blanco: Este luchador es un grande threat-o por el championship-o sVo. él ha cruzado muchas cercas para conseguir a Las Vegas. Alex Ross: El Hombre Blanco says that El Gimicko is a great threat to his sVo Championship. He has climbed a great many mountains to come to Las Vegas. El Hombre Blanco clears his throat, getting Alex Ross' attention. A look of great displeasure has come over his face. Ross, turns around, to see what he wants. El Hombre Blanco: No, no! El ha cruzado muchas cercas! Alex Ross: I'm sorry. El Hombre Blanco says that El Gimicko has climbed a great number of FENCES to come to Las Vegas. The smile returns to El Hombre Blanco's face, and he looks content as he continues. El Hombre Blanco: Si. Enchilada. Gordita. ¿Habla usted español? Yo tengo cinco años. Me gustan las flores. A nosotros nos gusta la casa. A ellos les gustan los caballos. Uno, dos, tres, quatro, cinco cinco seis. La manzana! Alex Ross: El Hombre Blanco says that he is very hungry. Perhaps he shall eat El Gimicko this week on Showdown. El Hombre Blanco nods his head, rubbing his stomach to show that yes, indeed, he is very hungry. El Hombre Blanco: Mexicanos, al grito de guerra. El acero aprestad y el bridón, y retiemble en sus centros la tierra. Al sonoro rugir del cañón. Alex Ross: With maple syrup. He says this with great severity, as if it was a very important addition to the statement. El Hombre Blanco: ¿Donde está el baño? Alex Ross: El Hombre Blanco has just made a very long winded statement, one which could take days to translate. So I shall try my best to summarize. El Hombre Blanco would like to tell El Gimicko that while he resembles a tasty breakfast treat, he is a most respected opponent for El Hombre Blanco. This match shall be an epic battle, between two men in masks. El Gimicko is a fierce demon in the ring, capable of somersaults and strange gymnastics. He jumps around like a strange frog, hopping from turnbuckle to turnbuckle with the ease of a twelve year old girl. But El Hombre Blanco does not quake in his bold, white boots. Instead, he laughs in the face of his opponent. He laughs because he has just heard a funny joke, one which will remain in his head for a long time. He has also requested that El Gimicko come to the ring with a sexy Spanish lady, preferably one with little body hair and a decent sense of American ideals. Also, El Hombre Blanco would like a sandwich. El Hombre Blanco pantomimes eating a sandwich, whilst dancing with a sexy Spanish lady. It is not at all obvious to anyone else watching what he is doing, and he instead just looks like an idiot. El Hombre Blanco: ¿Dónde está el jamón? ¿Por qué usted ha robado mi jamón? Alex Ross: El Hombre Blanco has asked "Where is the ham?" and has inquired as to why you have stolen his ham. El Hombre Blanco looks hurt, shrugging his shoulders and truly wondering about the current state of his pig meat treat. Alex Ross pats him on the shoulder, nodding knowingly at him as if he feels his pain. El Hombre Blanco: Es cansado. Él desea reclinarse, y también quisiera un poco de zumo de manzana. Si usted volviera su jamón, él le demostraría mucha misericordia en el Arreglo de cuentas. Alex Ross: El Hombre Blanco is tired. He wishes to rest, and also would like some apple juice. If you would return his ham, he would show you much mercy at Showdown. El Hombre Blanco: Tengo gusto del jamón Alex Ross: El Hombre Blanco wishes for me to convey his final thoughts. I shall quote him verbatim. This week will be a great battle, with the champion of the Sanctioned Violence Organization versus the tiny Mexican El Gimicko. Though he outweighs El Gimicko by several hundred pounds, he knows this will not be an easy match. Both men will fight with great strength, and though El Gimicko will be snapped in half like a toothpick with a Made In Mexico stamp on the side, El Hombre Blanco will weep at the funeral for his fallen comrade. Overall, El Hombre Blanco contradicts himself. He respects El Gimicko, yet wishes him physical harm. He would like to hug El Gimicko, yet break his neck as he caressed his masked face. Most importantly, El Hombre Blanco wishes his condolences to the family of El Gimicko, and will kindly spare El Gimicko's life in exchange for replacement of his missing ham, two goats, and a chicken. Alex Ross motions toward El Hombre Blanco, who is now clucking like a chicken to truly convey the point. The scene has become complete mayhem. The mariachi band has given up on playing their music, and instead are attempting to remove the hubcap from the one of the used cars in the parking lot. The owner, a very large black man, has begun to chase them with a crowbar. El Hombre Blanco: Adios, mi amigo. Es hora para mi siesta. Debo ir a la tierra de sueños, en donde las esperas de Lindsay Lohan con la lata de a de crema azotada y muchas botellas de zumo de manzana. ¡Mi gran adversario, satisfacemos el la noche de domingo! Alex Ross: El Hombre Blanco says goodbye my friend. It is time for my nap. I must go to the land of dreams, where Lindsay Lohan waits with a can of whipped cream and many bottles of apple juice. My great adversary, we meet on Sunday night! Both men turn around as their hear a yell from behind them. Manny, the owner of the establishment, has caught one of the members of the mariachi band and is beating him with the crowbar. Taking his as a cue to leave, they quickly usher themselves offscreen. A large piece of poster board, complete with black sharpie scrawled across it, covers up the camera shot with the parting words of the promo. "EL FINITO" The camera jumbles around as if it's being taken down off of a tripod, and the picture quickly cuts to static. |
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-The First Sanctioned Violence Organization World Champion -Winner of the Victory Cup | |
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6:54 PM Jul 11