| Sex Addiction: Life As An Addict [2]; SD RP #2 - Yes, I'm that fucked up. | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jan 15 2008, 10:14 AM (100 Views) | |
| Kelly Flawless | Jan 15 2008, 10:14 AM Post #1 |
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sVo Legend
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SEX ADDICTION: LIFE AS AN ADDICT [2] CHAPTER III: EVERYONE HAS AIDS, AIDS, AIDS! (DR. POOOOOONNNTANGGGGG) “Doc?” Kelly peered into the office of the psychiatrist that he had visited earlier in the week. “Are you here?” “Kelly?” The psychiatrist (whose name we’ve come to learn is Dr. Poooontang. Dr. Pooooooooontang, PhD, actually... haha, Dr. Poontang) warily approached from around the corner, although he’d had a strange suspicion that Kelly would return. “You’re back,” Dr. Poooooooontang, PhD said, trying to hide his smile – he loved helping people. Almost as much as Kelly loved fucking strippers. “Listen, Dr. Pooontanggg,” Kelly began. “Dr. Poontang, PhD,” the psychiatrist corrected him. “Sorry, Dr. Poontannggg, PhD,” Kelly retorted, rolling his eyes. “I’ve got a really big problem.” “Well, there ya go, Kelly,” Pooonnnyyytanggg said with a reassuring smile. “The first step is admission. Have a seat – let’s talk.” The two men slowly walked toward Dr. Pooontannngggyyyy, PhD’s psychiatry examination chair thing... you know, the leather one that the patient lies down on and Dr. Poooooooooonntangggg sits at the head? “I knew you’d be back, Kelly; you’re a smart young man. Let’s see if we can’t get your life back on track.” .... Dr. Poooooooooooooooooooooontangg, PhD. (Sorry.) ... Ahem. ... “Doc, I’ve got a real problem,” Flawless began, sinking slowly into the comforting grip of the leather chair. “I really need your help.” “That’s why I’m here, Kelly. But, before we start discussing your problem, can I show you another picture? I’d really like to know what you think of this one. And I’d also like to hear your evaluation of your thoughts on the photo, if that’s not a problem,” Poooontangpie, PhD said with a reassuring grin. “Yeah, sure,” Kelly consented, “I don’t see why not.” Dr. PhD Poontanggg (fuck, what was his name again?) reached beneath his chair and retrieved another piece of poster board with a black image printed across the front. “Okay, Kelly,” the psychiatrist began, “what do you see in this photo?” “I see you banging some chick with really big tits and an Adam’s apple – what the fuck is with you?” Kelly scoffed, returning to his horizontal position on the chair. “And why do you think that you see me banging some chick with really big tits and Adam’s apple?” Poontang asked inquisitively. “I don’t have a fucking clue. Maybe because you’re fucked up and enjoy banging chicks with huge tits and Adam’s apples. How the fuck should I know? If you don’t want people judging you about who it is you hump, then stop taking fucking pictures of the fucked up chicks you pound. Jesus, it’s not rocket science, Poontang; didn’t they teach anything useful in graduate school?” Pooooooontang was dumfounded; in his mind, Kelly was truly a jackass. “Can I talk to you about my fucking problem now?” Flawless barked. “Uh,” Dr. PooooonnhD paused for a moment. “Um – yes, Kelly. Please – what in God’s name is your problem?” “Okay, well, the other day, after I was in here talking to you about your sex addiction, right?” Kelly began. “I went down to the Esmeralda’s House of Pussy and Pancakes. So I’m in there, grindin’ up on some bitches, makin’ it rain on some sluts... ya know, the usual, when my agent, Phil, came into the joint. I haven’t seen or talked to him in over a year. So we got to reminiscing, had a few drinks, pounded a few skanks, bucked a few rays; just had a good time.” “Wait, sorry to cut you off, Kelly,” PoontangpoonyPhD interrupted. “You bucked a few what?” “We bucked a few rays. Ya know, snooted a few rails; sniffed a couple lines; pounded some snowflakes...” Dr. Poon wasn’t catching what Kelly was throwing. “Fuck, Poon – you’re retarded,” Flawless whaled out of frustration. “We put a bunch of coke in our noses and didn’t feel bad about it, alright? FUCK.” “Ah,” Pooncoon got the picture. “So, we’re partyin’ it up, having a helluva time, having completely forgotten the fact that some nigger robbed Phil of his nuts. And then, after a few hours-“ “Wait, some... African American robbed Phil’s what?” PoontownPhD exclaimed. “I don’t know, I was pretty fucked up when he told me the story. But some nigger stole Phil’s testicles and gave him cancer; don’t ask me – it’s not my problem. The only connection I have to it is the pity I feel for the guy. I mean, can you imagine if some nigger stole your nuts? I’d fuckin’ lose it on the son of a bitch. I’d be all, ‘SPAAARTAAA~!’, and he’d be all fucked up unconscious. But anyway,” Kelly digressed. “Wow, that’s a lot of information to take in in that amount of time.” Poony’s head hurt. =( “Stfu, Poonstain – I’m talking,” Kelly was clearly not impressed with the incessant interruptions. “So, anyway, after we were finished with our stripper feast, we decided that we’d go back to the condo I’m renting here in Vegas and crash. Except it didn’t play out like that.” Dr. Pooooontangg looked on; the conversation had been diverted so unbelievably off topic that the two of them couldn’t even remember what they had been discussing initially. But Poonstain was more than intrigued by the tale. “And this is where things start to get a little fuzzy,” Kelly continued, scratching his head in attempt to jar free the forgotten pieces. “I remember leaving the titty stand, but I don’t remember who I was with, or how in the blue hell I got home. All I can remember is waking up the next morning and seeing Phil freaking out in the living room. The dude had straight up lost it. He looked like some nigger tried to jack up his nutsack again.” Flawless paused for a second, recalling the event, as Poonytangoooo leaned forward. “Go on,” the doctor insisted. “So, I sit up in my bed, rub my eyes a bit to try to get rid of grogginess and, what appeared to be, hardened semen that was surrounding my eyelids,” Flawless began mimicking his actions from that morning, rubbing persistently at his eyelids as if semen had glued his lashes together. “Just like that!” “Uh huh,” Dr. Poon-o-matic grunted, urging Kelly to continue forth. “And then I feel something on my chest,” Flawless revealed, sounding as shocked as the moment he had discovered it. “So I try to look down but my neck is as stiff as a muhfugga; stiff like post a thousand domers stiff. So I bring my hand up to my chest and there’s a piece of paper taped to it. A piece of fucking paper is taped to my FUCKING chest. So I rip that shit off. Quick, ya know like a band-aid. “RRRRRRIIIIIIPPPPP,” Kelly exclaimed. “And it’s a note. Somebody taped a fucking note to my chest.” The Blonde Bomber sat straight up for a moment, fumbling in his pockets, attempting to retrieve said note that he had brought with him to Dr. Pooooooonntangpooon, PhD’s office. “Read this shit,” Kelly ordered. The doctor abruptly snatched the note from Flawless’s fingers and held it up to his spectacle covered eyes. “Dear Kelly,” Poonplatoon read, “my name is Gloria. I am a fan of the sVo. I am also very fond of a certain superstar called The Stampede Kid. It has come to my attention that you shall be competing against him on the upcoming edition of Showdown. I regret to inform you that you will not be able to compete in that match. I have surgically removed your testicles, and I am also HIV positive. You have AIDS, Kelly. And your nuts are gone. Don’t fuck with my man, Flawless. If you think this is bad, just wait and see what happens to your sorry ass if you show up to that match and somehow manage to beat him. I’ll be seeing you soon. – Gloria” Kelly Flawless had BIG. FUCKING. PROBLEMS. |
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"Kelly Flawless is the fucking man. He's so over that even when he no shows for a match, he still wins. That's how much ass Kelly Flawless kicks. Jon's word processor will not allow him to type the phrase, '____ def. Kelly Flawless'. It's sacrilegious, it's blasphemous, it's fucking impossible." - Kelly Flawless | |
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6:54 PM Jul 11