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HAAAAW HAAAAW HAAAAW!!!!!; Exodus RP
Topic Started: Jun 2 2004, 03:33 PM (35 Views)
Sloth
Wrestler
[ *  * ]
(The camera comes on inside the SCW Cafeteria. Loud chomping can be heard from within and, as the cameraman turns, he can see where it's coming from. Off inside the Cafeteria is a man... a large man... a mammoth man... a super duper heavyweight... SLOTH!! The cameraman stands back, extremely hesitant to approach, probably remembering what happened last time one of his kind got too close to the beastly man. An interviewer walks up to the cameraman.)

Cameraman: That's him...

Interviewer: Ok, let's go.

Cameraman: But I don't want to.

Interviewer: What? Why?

Cameraman: Didn't you talk to Marty? He got too close and Sloth... well... Sloth...

Interviewer: Oh... attacked him? Yelled at him? Belittled him? Threatened to eat him?

Cameraman: No... he... he farted!

Interviewer: Oh, come on you chicken!!

(Suddenly, Sloth perks up and quickly turns. Taking a few whiffs of the air, he bellows...)

"Whogotchicken!?"

(Sloth looks around the room, but to his dismay, there is no chicken present. Sloth groans sadly and looks back down at the mounds of beef set in front of him, talking to it.)

"Why couldn't some of you been born chicken? Would that have been so hard!?"

(The interviewer approaches Sloth while the cameraman simply uses the zoom on the camera to appear to be getting closer. But it's obvious he isn't.)

Interviewer: Sloth, you were recently on the receiving end of a brutal verbal lashing at the hands... or tongue... of Steve Griffin...

"Huh? Who?"

Interviewer: Steve Griffin... the Exodus Champion.

(Sloth just stares at him blankly.)

Interviewer: Your opponent on Exodus?

"Ohhhhhhhhhhh.... that. What about it?"

Interviewer: Don't you remember the harsh words he had sent your way?

(Sloth begins to think about it...

...

5 minutes later...)

"No."

Interviewer: He called you a beluga! Said you could only collapse the ring!

(Sloth chuckles.)

"That's true! So if he WANTS to win, he'll keep me on my feet... or else..."

(Sloth makes a whistling/tree falling sound followed by an imitation "crash")

"... and we'll hafta start the match all over again! Not that he COULD knock me down. After all... have you seen how scrawny he is? He REALLY could use a vat of SLOTH BROTH!"

Interviewer: But there was that time Griffin forced you over in the Weight Room.

(Sloth stares blankly at him.)

Interviewer: Remember? You were sitting in front of the door and he barged in, knocking you over?

(Sloth continues to stare blankly, before finally giving the "as if" look.)

"HAW HAW HAW! That was funny! You see, greasy as chicken can get, the last piece slipped out of my hand. When I leaned forward to grab it again, there was this sudden draft on my back. I turned around, and the door was open and there he was!"

Interviewer: So you mean...

"I wasn't even leaning against the door! HAW HAW HAW!"

Interviewer: But, it was like nothing was against it!

"THAT'S BECAUSE THEIR WASN'T!!!!!! HAAAAAAAAAAAW HAAAAAAAAAAAW HAAAAAAAAAAAW!!!!!!"

Interviewer: Please... don't laugh in my direction... it's just... so... raunchy!

(Sloth stops laughing and lurches forward slightly, and uncomfortable look on his face. Suddenly, the interviewer shouts...)

Interviewer: CODE RED! CODE RED! HE'S GONNA BLOW! LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!

(The camera drops and the cameraman and interviewer make a mad dash for freedom before the pending gas relases. Sloth reaches behind his back and pulls out a chicken leg. Smiling, he holds it in front of his face.)

"There you are! Thought you could get away, didn't you?"

(Before Sloth enjoys his meat, he looks around, seeing no cameraman or interviewer in sight... both the men escaped!)

"Hey... where did everyone go?"

(Sloth looks lustily over the drumstick.)

"Oh well... their loss!"

(As Sloth bites into the drumstick, the camera runs out of tape, leaving that static behind and ending the scene.)
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