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Gay Jokes; The Funnier The Better
Topic Started: 9 May 2007, 22:09 (263 Views)
Omni-Palonie
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Sapient Homo
A man dies and goes to Hell where he is greeted by the devil

Devil: Hey, why are you bumming out?

Man: If you died and went to Hell, you''d be bumming out too.

Devil: Hell isn''t what you think it is. It's fun down here. Say, do you drink?

Man: Sure, I love to drink. Why?

Devil: Well, you''re gonna love Mondays then. Because on Mondays, all we do here is drink. Hell, we have whiskey, tiquila, rum, vodka, all the booze you want to drink. We drink til we puke then we drink more.

Man: Ah, that sounds great.

Devil: Do you smoke?

Man: Damn right I do.

Devil: Cool! You''re gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world. Smoke all you want. You don''t have to worry about getting cancer because you''re already dead anyways.

Man: No shit!

Devil: You like gambling?

Man: Hell yeah!

Devil: Great! On Wednesdays, we have gambling night here in Hell. We have slot machines, roulette, craps, black jack, horse racing, you name it, we got it, and we just recently opened up a new pai gow poker table.

Man: Hmmmmmmmmmmm, I never played pai gow poker before.

Devil: Now you can. You like to get stoned?

Man: I love getting stoned! You mean...

Devil: That''s right man, because on Thursdays, it''s stoner night here in Hell! Help yourself to a huge bowl of crack, smoke a joint the size of a nuclear sub, do all the drugs you want and you don''t have to worry about overdosing because you''re already dead anyhow.

Man: Awesome! I never thought Hell was one swinging place!

Devil: Are you gay?

Man: Uh, no.

Devil: Oooh, you're gonna hate Fridays!



Sounds like my kind of place!!!!
Are you gonna go, to the Sodom and Gomorrah Show? It's got everything you need for your complete entertainment and instruction. Sun, Sex, Sin, Divine Intervention, Death and Destruction. The Sodom and Gomorrah show is a once-in-a-lifetime production.
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Omni-Palonie
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Sapient Homo
Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm, and then have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated. When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital. A dozen babies are in the ward, eleven of whom are crying and screaming. Over in the corner, one is smiling serenely. A nurse comes by and to the gays' delight she points out the happy child as theirs. "Isn't it wonderful?" one fruitcake says to the other. "All these unhappy children and ours is so happy." The nurse says, "Oh sure, he's happy now. But just watch what happens when we take the pacifier out of his ass."
Are you gonna go, to the Sodom and Gomorrah Show? It's got everything you need for your complete entertainment and instruction. Sun, Sex, Sin, Divine Intervention, Death and Destruction. The Sodom and Gomorrah show is a once-in-a-lifetime production.
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Omni-Palonie
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Sapient Homo
The plane's cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant who was just as obviously enjoying himself.

He came swishing down the aisle and announced to the passengers, "Ahhhhh, Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, lovely people, so if you could just put up your trays that would be super."

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a woman hadn't moved a muscle.
"Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines. I politely asked you to raise your trazy-poo so the main man can pitty-pat us onto the ground." She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one."

To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Listen sweet-cheeks, in my country, I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Put the tray up, Bitch."
Are you gonna go, to the Sodom and Gomorrah Show? It's got everything you need for your complete entertainment and instruction. Sun, Sex, Sin, Divine Intervention, Death and Destruction. The Sodom and Gomorrah show is a once-in-a-lifetime production.
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Omni-Palonie
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Sapient Homo
A man walks into the bar and orders three double-shots of vodka. The bartender asks, "that's a lot of liquor, what's the problem?" The man replies, "I just found out my younger brother was gay." The next day, he comes back and orders the same thing. The bartender asks, "What's wrong now?" The man says, "I just found out that my older brother is gay." The next day, he comes in again, and orders the same thing. The bartender asks, "Man, isn't there anyone in your family that likes women?" He replies, "yeah, my wife."
Are you gonna go, to the Sodom and Gomorrah Show? It's got everything you need for your complete entertainment and instruction. Sun, Sex, Sin, Divine Intervention, Death and Destruction. The Sodom and Gomorrah show is a once-in-a-lifetime production.
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Omni-Palonie
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Sapient Homo
An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered, 'Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it.'
'Dear,' the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, 'I'm so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you have a really nice, tight-looking ass!
Are you gonna go, to the Sodom and Gomorrah Show? It's got everything you need for your complete entertainment and instruction. Sun, Sex, Sin, Divine Intervention, Death and Destruction. The Sodom and Gomorrah show is a once-in-a-lifetime production.
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Merric
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-
On a lighter note...

What do gay horses eat?

Heeeeeeeey!

~Merric
You must be the change you wish to see in the world
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gatz77
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Jaffa Gays
What's the difference between a gay man a refridgerator??

A fridge doesn't fart when you pull out the meat

Crude I know - and I was told that by Ozzy Osbourne's daughter in law
The Imperium of Jaffa Gays
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Sub Passivia
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Queer as Folk
Mr Bear and Mr Rabbit were walking through the forest, when they spotted the grand Wizard Frog, hiding in a magical grove.
Grand Wizard Frog announced in a loud booming croak, "You have found my secret hiding place. If you promise to keep it secret, I will grant you three wishes each."
Mr Bear and Mr Rabbit were happy with this offer and agreed.

Mr Bear said "I wish for all the bears in this forest, other than myself, to become female"
The Grand Wizard Frog cast a magic spell and announced, "It is done."
Mr Rabbit said "I wish for a crash helmet."
The Grand Wizard Frog cast a magic spell and a crash helmet dropped into Mr Rabbits open paws.

Mr Bear thought for a moment and said " For my second wish, I wish for all the bears on this continent, other than myself, to become female"
The Grand Wizard Frog cast a magic spell and announced, "It is done."
Mr Rabbit said "I wish for a motorbike."
The Grand Wizard Frog cast a magic spell and a shiny black and chrome motorbike appeared in front of him.

Mr Bear thought for a moment and said "For my third and final wish, I wish for all the bears in the world, other than myself, to become female"
The Grand Wizard Frog cast a magic spell and announced, "It is done."
Mr Bear turned to Mr Rabbit and growled, "Now I am the only male bear in the world and I am going to be the happiest bear that ever lived. But you keep wasting your wishes. What are you going to waste your last wish upon?"
Mr Rabbit said "I wish Mr Bear was gay", popped a wheelie and rode away as fast as his new motorbike could carry him.
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Omni-Palonie
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Sapient Homo
Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language. He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his chop and starts masturbating. The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, "What the fuck is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!". The other guy says, "I knew that! I was just trying to tell you - I'm coming!"
Are you gonna go, to the Sodom and Gomorrah Show? It's got everything you need for your complete entertainment and instruction. Sun, Sex, Sin, Divine Intervention, Death and Destruction. The Sodom and Gomorrah show is a once-in-a-lifetime production.
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BearNation
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Bobby Butterpaws
So a rather depressed-looking fellow pulls up to the bar and orders a drink.

While hes mixing it, a foot-tall dwarf gets up on the bar with a proportionate piano and starts playing away.

The man's neightbor leaned over and said, "What's going on with THAT?"

The man replied, "Recently my fairy godmother offered me a wish."

The neighbor queried, "And what did you wish for?"

"A 12-inch pianist."

:manic:
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Sempans
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Outlaw of Love
Q: What's the motto of the Greek army?

A: Never leave your buddy's behind.

(Who doesn't like a good homophone...)

Q: What do you call a phone that gay men can't use?
A: a Homophone.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.


:axe: FOR THE GLORY OF GAY :axe:
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Sempans
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Outlaw of Love
John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how handsome John's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of Johns' sexual orientation and this only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Mark and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Mark came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."

Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Mark, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Mark. But the fact remains that if he was sleeping in his own bed, he would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom"
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.


:axe: FOR THE GLORY OF GAY :axe:
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Discoveria
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Drag Queen
Sempans,Jul 26 2013
07:05 AM
*snip*

Mothers always know their children best ;)
"...to be the most effective form of human government."
Professor Simon Goldacre
formerly Administrator of the Utopia Foundation
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