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| Reporter Rita | Wed Feb 4, 2009 7:57 pm |
 
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Hello there and thank you for tuning in to News at 8 with Rita the reporter! For all the news that is news here in Verschieden. Sad news indeed, folks. It seems that due to unforeseen circumstances the pageant ended before it ever really began. The contestants were sent home with vouchers for free admission to the next pageant, however. ... This just in. There has been a strange outbreak in key parts of the city. The residents are pouring into the hospital faster than the doctors can help them! It seems the Reaver virus has finally reached Verschieden, and is taking it by storm! If you have been following the national news, the following facts are already known to you. *Reaver virus survival rates are between 30 and 60%. *Survivors of the Reaver virus contract the Methuselah Syndrome. *Methuselahs can have any of a variety of the following ailments: --Actinic Prurigo -blisters and lesions caused by exposure to the sun --increased carnivorous tendencies --elongated canines and bicuspids --dementia and/or extreme paranoia --severe allergy to silver --severe anemia If someone you know is exhibiting any of the symptoms above, urge them to see a doctor and call our Reaver hotline at 1-87-ReaverRX. Again, that number is 1-877-328-3779. When you call, be sure to have the name, age, sex, and address of the afflicted person. Medical experts will be standing by. Please be sure to keep your distance from anyone afflicted with the Reaver virus. While in virus form, it is its most potent and deadly. Survivors, Methuselahs, should be handled with extreme care as any kind of blood transfer will afflict a healthy person. As with the AIDS virus, if you are found to be willfully and maliciously infecting members of the community, you will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. |
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| Channel 12 Action News · News Updates | |
11:04 PM Nov 26
