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The Roupak's Demise; a new fanbook... err, sci fi book
Topic Started: Aug 29 2006, 11:41 PM (252 Views)
MetroidSlayer17
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Sheegoth
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Not bad, as GL said.

You did this some, but try to use synonyms for "said" and its ilk. Also, try to put the phrase indicating who is talking in different locations in the dialogue, with some in the beginning, middle, and end of it.

GL- I haven't read your story yet, but I intend to. That said, the mere subject matter of DOOM would probably give most of the teachers I know a heart attack.
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Pomegranate
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Prime Essence
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also, ive noted that mattias has poison in his body, but ive been forgeting to interject stinging pains, and all about the treatment of it.

It was funny because i started thinking about the poison, and who could treat it, so thats when Marodin came into existance, yet i forget all about the crude purpose of the character, and get into his head, what his story is, and all that stuff =)
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Gold Leader
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Omega Pirate
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MS - I fine your comment strange. Most teachers in my school proabbly don't even know what DooM is... But once they saw the back of my fake "novel cover" (with the basic premise) they'd probably have a stroke (ironically I'm in a Catholic Highschool. They'd probably say I was possesed :P)

Hairy - Yeah, I forgot to mention that in the last post :sweat: BTW, you said you needed to hand it in? Tell me how it goes.
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Pomegranate
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Prime Essence
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final copy is due sometime next week... i think she said wednesday >.>;

also, i need a title for what ive just showed u... the original title was the roupak's demise, for at the end of the books the roupaks would be destroyed.

my teacher also said i cant have the --X-- for time skips, so i guess i'll just delete them...
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Gold Leader
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Omega Pirate
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Ok, Hairy, here's my advice. You can use it or dispose of it as you wish.

Ok, for the title, you're writing about 40K, and its not like your story is hiding that, so do what the actual writers of 40K novels do: Start it with the heading "Warhammer 40,00", add a colon, and then something like "The *Something*" or maybe even something all cliched like "A Noble Crusade" or anything to the effect of that. But being an author, you are responsible for your creative work, so I can't make you do anything.

--X-- for skips? Yeah, bad idea. Use double space in between time skips and triple spaces between chapters. That's what I did with DooM: Bravo because many of the novels I have read follow that format.
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Pomegranate
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Prime Essence
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Quote:
 
Ok, for the title, you're writing about 40K


i prefer to call it generic sci-fi, thank you very much! :D>
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Gold Leader
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Omega Pirate
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Why? What's there really to be afraid of? You have a marine blowing a Roupak's... Err, nevermind... lol.
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