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| ANIMAL KINGDOM; All jOkeS abT ANimaL | |
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| Topic Started: 28 Feb 2008, 06:23 AM (185 Views) | |
| bizarre | 28 Feb 2008, 07:15 AM Post #16 |
B1Z@RR3 dA Gr8
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15 th One.. A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla up in the tree in his front yard. Not knowing quite what to do, he looks in the yellow pages under "Gorilla Removal Service" and sure enough finds a listing-Harry`s Ape Removal. So he calls up Harry and about an hour later Harry shows up with all the tools of his trade, a pick-up truck, a pair of handcuffs, a ferociously-trained dog and a shotgun. Harry then proceeds to explain the removal procedure to the man because he will need help: "Now, I`m going to climb up in this tree and shake the tree until the gorilla falls out of the tree. The very instant the gorilla hits the ground, this daog is trained to rush up and bite his balls off. This will temporarily immobilize the gorilla allowing you to safely walk up and place the handcuffs on him. I`ll then get him into the truck while he`s still in a daze". Harry then begins to climb the tree and the man asks, "Hey what`s the shotgun for?" "Oh, yes," says Harry, "occasionally when I shake the tree, the gorilla shakes back, and if I fall, shoot the damn dog!" che3Rs :rolleyes: |
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| bizarre | 28 Feb 2008, 07:17 AM Post #17 |
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B1Z@RR3 dA Gr8
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16th One for 16 + yearS......... There was this zebra who had lived her entire life in a zoo and was getting on a bit so the zoo keeper decided as a treat that she could spend her final years in bliss on a farm. The zebra was so excited, she got out of the horse float to see this huge space with green grass and hill and trees and all these strange animals. She saw a big fat weird looking brown thing and ran up to it all excited, "Hi! I`m a zebra. What are you?" "I`m a cow," said the cow. "Right, right, what do you do?" "I make milk for the farmer." "Cool." The zebra then saw this funny looking little white thing and ran over to it. "Hi, I`m a zebra. What are you?" "I`m a chicken," said the chicken. "Oh, right, what do you do?" "I make eggs for the farmer." "Right, great, see you round." Then the zebra saw this very handsome beast that looked almost exactly like her without the stripes. She ran over to it and said, "Hi, I`m a zebra. What are you?" "I am a horse," said the horse. "Wow," said the zebra. "What do you do?" "Take off your pajamas, darling, and I`ll show you." che3Rs :rolleyes: |
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| bizarre | 28 Feb 2008, 07:19 AM Post #18 |
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B1Z@RR3 dA Gr8
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17th one...... This guy was lonely, and decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede, which came in a little white box to use for his house. He took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the bar to have a drink. So he asked the centipede in the box, Would you like to go to Frank`s with me for a beer? But there was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, How about going to the bar and having a drink with me? But again there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few more minutes, thinking about the situation and he decided to ask him one more time! This time, putting his face up against the centipede`s little house he shouted, HEY, IN THERE, WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO TO FRANK`S PLACE AND HAVE A DRINK WITH ME? A little voice came out of the box, "I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME! I`M PUTTING ON MY SHOES!" che3Rs :rolleyes: |
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| bizarre | 28 Feb 2008, 07:21 AM Post #19 |
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B1Z@RR3 dA Gr8
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18th one...Snail RoberY.. A snail was moving along the beach when he happened to look back behind him and saw three turtles wearing leather jackets. After moving along for about four weeks, the snail looked back again and saw that the three turtles were still there and closing in on him. So, the snail picked up his pace. After about six more weeks, the snail looked back again, and saw that the turtles were still chasing him. And they were getting closer and closer! So, he kept on going as fast as he could. After another few weeks, the turtles finally caught up with the snail and mugged him, took all of his clothes and the keys to his car. After another couple of weeks, the snail got to a pay phone and called the police. "I`ve been mugged by three turtles wearing leather jackets! You need to get down here and take a report or do something!" he said. "Can you give us a description of the turtles?" asked the police officer. "No, I can`t. It all happened too fast!" cried the snail. che3Rs :rolleyes: |
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| bizarre | 28 Feb 2008, 07:24 AM Post #20 |
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B1Z@RR3 dA Gr8
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19th one.. A few days before Christmas, a man enters a pet store looking for a unique gift for his wife. The store manager tells him, he has just what he`s looking for! A beautiful parrot named Chet that sings Christmas carols. He brings the husband over to the colourful but quiet bird. The man agrees that Chet certainly is retty, but he doesn`t seem to be much for singing. The manager tells him to watch as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a lighter. The manager then clicks the lighter and holds it under Chet`s left foot. Immediately Chet starts singing; "Silent Night, Holy Night." The husband is very impressed with Chet`s singing abilities and watches as the manager moves the lighter underneath Chet`s right foot. Chet now starts to sing "Jingle Bells, Jingle All the Way." The husband says Chet is perfect and that he`ll take him. The husband rushes home to his wife and insists upon giving her this wonderful gift immediately. He presents Chet and starts to explain the parrot`s special talent. Demonstrating, he holds a lighter under Chet`s left foot and the bird sings "Silent Night." He then moves the lighter under the right foot and Chet lets loose a round of "Jingle Bells." The wife is absolutely impressed, and with a mischievous grin asks her husband what happens if he holds the lighter between Chet`s legs instead. Curious the husband moves the lighter between the bird`s legs, and the bird begins to sing........ "Chet`s Nuts Roasting on an Open Fire!" che3Rs :rolleyes: |
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| bizarre | 28 Feb 2008, 07:25 AM Post #21 |
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B1Z@RR3 dA Gr8
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20 th One.... How Dogs Are Better Than Men... 1. Dogs don t have problems expressing affection in public. 2. Dogs miss you when you are gone. 3. You can train a dog. 4. Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out. 5. Dogs understand what "NO" means. 6. Dogs mean it when they kiss you. 7. When dogs play "fetch", they don t laugh at how you throw. 8. Dogs are color blind. 9. Dogs understand if some of their friends aren’t allowed to come inside. che3Rs :rolleyes: |
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| dipti | 4 Mar 2008, 04:20 AM Post #22 |
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Great piece of work Bizarre! Your brought life in SmashanGhat. Take this one before I come back again. Doctor, please do something with my wife, complains Billy to the psychiatrist. I don’t know what to do with her thirteen cats. They’re smell is unbearable. - Why don’t you open the windows? - Wheel, my two hundred pigeons would fly away... |
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| bizarre | 7 Mar 2008, 12:49 PM Post #23 |
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B1Z@RR3 dA Gr8
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Hhahah..NIce One DipTI. che3Rs :rolleyes: |
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| bizarre | 8 Mar 2008, 10:48 AM Post #24 |
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B1Z@RR3 dA Gr8
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arko hai ta........ Woman had a female parrot. Parrot kept saying, `Hello, I like you, I want you badly. Do you want to have some fun?` Woman was frantic. Went to pastor to find a solution to the problem. Pastor said, `Bring your bird to my house. I have two male parrots who read. Woman brought the parrot and put her into the cage. She squawked, `Hello, I like you, I want you badly. Do you want to have some fun?` One male parrot looked at the other one and said, `Put away the Bible, Fred, our prayers have been answered.` che3Rs :rolleyes: |
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11:07 AM Nov 23
