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Jokes; Jokes
Topic Started: Jul 5 2011, 07:02 PM (117 Views)
mader5
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Mega Member
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So im staring a joke thread because hardley any1 tells jokes any more so give us ur best,worst and most lame.

Starting with.
A chicken walks in a bar and asks for a pint.
The barman turns to him and says " Wow a talking chicken, hey mate the circus is in town mabey you go down and get a job"
The chicken looks at him and says " What the fuck would they want a Roofer for"
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snikinnub
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The Awesome One
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Awesome. Just got an email today about dumb people...


One day I was walking down the beach with
some friends when someone shouted....
'Look at that dead bird!'
Someone looked up at the sky and said...'where?'

----------------------------------------------------------

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area and went to the lost luggage office and reported the loss.
The woman there smiled and told me not to worry
because she was a trained professional and
said I was in good hands. 'Now,' she asked me,
'Has your plane arrived yet?'.....

------------------------------------------------
While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man
ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut
into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time
then said 'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry
enough to eat 6 pieces.

-------------------------------------------------

A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where Nancy Pelosi happened to appear. Ms Pelosi took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease..

'Would you mind telling me, Doctor,' she asked, 'how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?'

'Nothing is easier,' he replied. 'You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you on the track..'

'What sort of question?' asked Pelosi.

Well, you might ask, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?''

Pelosi thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, 'You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history.'
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Elazul
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This isn't my refrigerator...
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I heard a joke once, Man goes to doctor.
Says he’s depressed.
Says life is harsh and cruel.
Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.
Doctor says, “Treatment is simple. The great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go see him. That should pick you up.”
Man bursts into tears.
Says, “But doctor… I am Pagliacci.”
Good joke.
Everybody laugh.
Roll on snare drum.
Curtains.
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Patrick Bateman
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Feed me a stray cat.
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Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."
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Bon Jovi
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Counter Terrorist Agent
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So Rick Astley asked if he could borrow my Pixar films.

I said OK, you can have Toy Story, Cars & Finding Nemo but I'm never gonna give you Up.
“The only thing I like more than my wife is my money, and I'm not about to lose that to her and her lawyers, that's for damn sure.” - Jon Bon Jovi
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mader5
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Alcohol never solved any problems but neither did milk.
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mader5
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these arent really jokes but they are hilarious. If you dont got much time watch 2nd first. This is real.


[flash=250,210]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iAzn9V3ha3Y[/fash]
Edited by mader5, Jul 7 2011, 07:58 PM.
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