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Not About Love; tag: Mary Howard
Topic Started: Nov 21 2010, 03:32 AM (251 Views)
William Parr
Unregistered

December 1511

Dancing was one of the court's favorite past-times. It was where all and sundry could show off their skill as well as indulge in yet another favorite: flirting. All pointless, all meaningless, just pretty words to brag about one's wit. William used to indulge in such folly, but as of late, he found it wearisome. He still could play the erudite courtier, charming and witty, jesting and laughing, but he had little joy in it as he had in the past. His sisters were desperately trying to restore to him the happiness he found in life, but he thought even as he began to feel more like himself and less like someone who was stuck with no way out, that no matter what, things would be different. The episode with Anne Bourchier returning to court had left him feeling like time was passing by. Nothing could stop time. Not even God.

As always, he entered into the first set of dances one of the nights after the grand Christmas feast. Each and every evening, the revels got wilder. More wine was drunk. More courtiers danced and laughed and played. William, if he was with his sisters or Ursula, was enjoying himself again, but still, all the chatter seemed more like noise than anything he wanted to listen to or participate in. The first set, he was partnered with Anne, a fine dancer well-trained by her mother (Katherine, he thought, had no time for such things; she'd rather bury her nose in a book). He let her go for another man once the slow, stately pavane was finished with a ripple of applause, as the musicians struck up a new chord for a livelier dance.

The lady he turned to face for the next set of the dance, having been passed over to him from her previous partner, wasn't a lady he had seen before. Whoever she was, William noted she was attractive and well-dressed, but unlike what had happened during the summer with Ursula Pole, he had little interest in seducing her. "My lady. The Earl of Essex at your service," he said in his formal courtier's voice, deeper than he normally spoke, bowing, expecting a proper curtsy from her. "I am guessing you are new to court, come for the season?" That was a proper enough question, something to start a conversation as not to be rude, yet not too intimate or uncomfortable a thing for anyone to answer.
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Mary Howard
Unregistered

To begin with, Mary had been reluctant to enter into one of the many complicated dances of the court. As a Lady-in-waiting to Her Majesty, Mary was expected, just like the other ladies in her service, to attend the festivities of the court and take part, all the while watching to see if the Queen needed them to do anyhting for her. It wasn't as though Mary disliked the dancing, or the other events, it was merely that she felt so enitrely out of her depth, unwilling to fully let herself be swept away by the enjoyment of it all lest she should fail in her duties to the Queen, and also simply quite nervous about the protocol that seemed so strict at court, fearing that as she did not know who anyone was she was bound to address as Duke by an improper title.

Upon entering into the hall, even though since her time at court she had already been to a number of similar events, everything had seemed to overwhelm her. The whole palace seemed to dance like golden fire, the flames of the candleabras flickering, the jewels and dresses glittering and the tinkle of glasses and chatter. The wine had flowed freely and at first Mary had been almost frightened by the prospect of losing control of herself, in the face of such temptation but as the evening wore on and as she sipped at several glasses of wine, Mary had begun to relax. She had even begun to enjoy the dances, being not unskilled in that area and certainly with plently of grace.

As the music of the current dance came to an end, Mary bowed to her current partner, a young gentleman, and gently joined in with the applause. She turned next to see who she might next dance with for the next set and her eyes fell upon a handsome gentleman, with the most beautiful blue eyes, an gentleman of some certina standing given his immaculate dress and strong posture. The gentleman introduced himself as the Earl of Essex and bowed low to her with a sweeping gesutre, and whilst Mary knew, somewhere at the back of her mind that it was right and proper for her to curtsy to him, for a moment she could do nothing but stare into those captivating eyes.

Reviving almost instantly from her reverie, Mary realised her mistake and stammered.
"It is an honour, my lord." She felt the heat rise in her cheeks, as she knew that she must look so incredibly stupid, a simpering girl. "I am Lady Mary Howard."

He did not seem to notice her lack of composure, or at least he made no outward show of it as he went on to ask her if she were new to the court. Taking a deep breath to collect herself together, Mary took a step forward to commence the next set as the music once again struck up.

"Yes, my lord I am newly arrived at court as a Lady-in-waiting to Her Majesty Queen Francesca." As the pair begun to move around the space, Mary felt a small smile play its way across her features. Then, blushing again, she realised that she had once again made herself look stupid and tried to explain herself.

Forgive me, my lord I must appear quite the giddy young maiden. I fear that I may have drunk one glass to many of wine. The court is such an exciting place to be and I have the fortune of meeting and dancing with gentlemen such as yourself. It is quite a new experience for me, having lived my entire life thus far in the countryside.

She smiled once again, without embarressment and widley this time, alowwing her bright eyes to be illuminated by the happiness that she so obviously felt.

Perhaps you know of my sister Catherine Howard or my uncle the Duke of Norfolk?"
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William Parr
Unregistered

A Howard? Well, well, what do we have here? William was not exactly surprised to see another one of the Duke of Norfolk's supposedly large family at court, especially for the Christmas season. He was not surprised either that she was charming, pretty, and seemed articulate enough. Any relative of Thomas Howard, be she a lady, would surely have those qualities. She would be raised up to one day help her family, just as his own sisters were, just without the same ruthless ambition. He wondered absently if this Mary Howard was an ambitious woman or not, for those sorts he did not take well to. He liked women who were charming, who smiled and were gentle hearted. He did not like women who had more ambition and a desire for more of anything and everything than he had. They were too much like Anne Bourchier, the wife he sought to be rid of. Noting the flush in her cheeks, he did not feel that sense of amused accomplishment that he often did when presented with such a reaction from a beautiful woman. It was so commonplace now as to be laughable. These girls must never have been around a man in their lives.

"Congratulations to you on such a high-standing appointment, my lady. The Queen is a fine young woman who deserves to be served by fine young ladies of England such as yourself," William said as he led her through the complicated steps of the dance, pleased the woman so suddenly partnered with him had grace and a sense of where her feet ought to be before he led her there. When she apologized, he laughed. Not exactly at her, but at her words. "Don't worry yourself. You are new to court, as you said; I know how it is. Very overwhelming a place, isn't it, Lady Mary?" As they turned together, holding hands loosely, he stepped away as the dance commanded, glancing her over, without the look of a lecherous man. Just curious, as he seemed to be for everyone new to court. "I was much younger than you, I daresay, my first visit to court. I hope you are enjoying it, for you came at a perfect time when all is merry."

Dark blonde eyebrows rose gently at her inquiry. "I do know His Grace. I count him among my friends," William told her as he stepped in her direction, taking hold of her waist absently. Not a natural dancer as some men were, he had done these steps so many times he could have easily done them with his eyes closed without missing a beat. Sometimes, these dances led to more, things that took place in private. There was nothing flirtatious about the way he was touching Mary: it was all proper within the dance, nothing more than that, though he was admiring her pretty face and manner. For a man who used to pride himself on his reputation, he was amusing himself with his displays of propriety. "I am sure he has brought you to court for good reason? Find yourself a husband? That is the only reason my lady mother commanded my poor sisters to court..."
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Mary Howard
Unregistered

As the couple began to move around the floor, Mary found that her partner was an accomplished dancer, moreso than the previous young man she had danced with, if not lacking a little creativity. Mary prefered to master the steps of a dance and then embellish them herself, leaving out certain movements that did not suit her but this man seemed more focused upon sticking to the actual steps. She didn't particualry mind however - she was merely pleased to be in the arms of a man who knew how to move.

With each step that they took, Mary felt herself gorw more accusomted to the feel of his arms around her waist and of being in such close proximty, allowing herself to relax into the movements. It wasn't as though she had had no contact with men in her life, it was merely that this man was a true gentleman not like the lustful young boys who had ardently, yet unsuccessfully pursued her at Lambeth. But Mary had made a concscious effort to calm her beating heart and subdue the butterflies in her stomach, reminding herself that she was supposed to be the logical Howard sister and that if she wanted to be a good influence of her sister Catherine, she would need to be in command of her mind.

"Thank you, my lord. It is an honour to serve the Queen, who is so intelligent and admirable, however I fear as of yet I am unworthy of the position. Perhaps, given time, I will learn however."
Mary spoke without guile - usually she would be mindful around new aquintances about the fact that as a young woman she wished to learn, and to benefit from a good education that had been denied her in her childhood as she knew that many men prefered that their laides were mere vessels of beauty with no mind of their own at all but somehow, with this blonde-haired Earl she felt more comfortable revealing her true intentions.

Mary apologised for her irrational behaviour and was pleased when the Earl seemed to understand and emphathise with the thoughts she expressed, despite the fact that he laughed slightly.

"Indeed but I think that I will enjoy my time here when I have grown more accustomed to it." The movements of the dance commanded that they step away from each other, and whens he felt his arms drop from around her waist, for a moment Mary felt the most odd sense of dissappointment - it seemed that she had come to more than simply be comfortable in his embrace. She dismissed this however and smiled at his next comment.

"You are an experienced courtier then, my lord? Perhaps you can teach me the ways of this intriguing place." Upon her words, she noted that his glance dropped slightly from her own, glancing over her body but somehow she did not feel embarressed or angry as she saw nothing bad in those blue eyes, not like the looks that those at Lambeth had given which made her feel violated.

She asked then if he knew of her Uncle but felt her smile drop upon the instant that he said that he counted him as a friend. Mary could not quite believe that this light, kind and charming man could have any positive connections to her frightful Uncle. Mary bit down on her lip however unwilling to express her opnion, fearing that even with this man her true mind on that man would not be welcome. When he asked his next question, however she felt that she could not hold herself back entirely.

"I hope that my Uncle has no intentions as far as I am concerned. I ask that you apply caution in your dealings with him for he is not a kind man." She dropped her gaze, unwilling to see his reaction.
"I no fond feelings for my Uncle. I have seen the way he uses those around him, his own family and indeed my poor sister was involved in his schemes, although she does not realise just how terribly he used her." She sighed slightly, the anger rising within her at the thought of her Catherine lying in the bed of the King, put there by their Uncle.

"And as for marriage, I hope that as my father is kind and sensitive, he will give me leave to choose whom I please, a man that I truly love and loves me in return. I only hope that that time time comes before my Uncle's eye falls upon myself."
Mary did not quite know why she had become suddenly so melancholy, and she wished that she had never mentioned her Uncle and that they could return to the happy time of just minutes before. For now however, she kept her gaze downward, fearing that she may have overstepped the mark.
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William Parr
Unregistered

William's mind was focused first and foremost on their conversation, his ears piqued to her words so he could hear her above the music and incessant talk floating around them. "If you wish me to teach you the ways of court, then I could give you some scraps of hard done by advice." There was humor in his voice, even a little smile, although that faded. "I would have liked to have advice when I came to court as a young man. Perhaps it would have helped me."

If she wanted advice, then, he would willingly give it, no matter what she thought on it later. "The first lesson you ought to learn at court, Lady Mary," he said, stepping back to join her as they walked side by side in the dance, "is that no one here is a kind or good person. Everyone has motives; everyone wishes to use one another. Even if they do not admit it." William felt, as he had with Renna Mochrie, some stupid obligation to the new people at court, especially these pretty girls, waiting to be picked up like a dropped apple by men like him to be used for their own purposes. Used and thrown away. Had he done that? Oh, yes. Would he now? He had to reflect upon it a moment. No. No longer. "There are no friendships but alliances and you must always watch your back. Especially you, a lady to the Queen, when others might want your influence or encouragement. It is a powerful position, even if you may not think it is." William didn't much care what she thought of him telling her this, he just thought she should know; and so, he said it, without much feeling, but a vague hint of concern in his eyes as he spoke. "Men of power use women, my lady. It may not be right; but it is life here." His shoulders lifted in a shrug, as if he personally did not think much of it, but he would not protest. He was a man, after all. He was set above women by God, though he rarely acted on such an obligation. It was more a duty.

Her words on marriage made him chuckle. "Foolish but wise, my lady. For your sake I pray you shall find a man who treats you as you ought, then, not a piece of chattel." William was genuine in this. His own experience with marriage made him fairly bitter about the whole experience: being told what was happening when you did not even know the person, being led to the chapel by your mother, meeting this girl that day, enduring years of discontent, the product of two people so mismatched it would never have worked. "I am sure your uncle would have use for you, as cruel as it may seem, but I hope you find happiness. Marriage is much the same for men, my lady. We do as we are told by our parents as much as you do as you are told by yours. My mother arranged mine; I had no say in it. Am I happy? No. Yet I survive."

Interested if she was surprised by his admission of his unhappy marital state, William turned his eyes from her as they parted for the end of the dance. He bowed to her. "If you would like, we may speak elsewhere. If not, then..." He allowed his words to trail off, not sure if she wished to continue this conversation when he so heartily disagreed with her in regards to the Duke of Norfolk, a man she held in such contempt while he was also a man who was helping William in his own efforts to become a political creature at court, a man of consequence. You could not do that without allies. If she was not interested, then, no harm done. They would probably never see one another again anyhow.
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Mary Howard
Unregistered

Mary listened to his words with quiet intensity. At times, she was almost provoked to anger or at least to verbally expressing her disagrement but she sensed the bittnerness that infused the Earl's tone and made the effort to hold her tongue. It seemed that he was not so godd natured as he had first appeared but perhaps he had good reason for it and Mary would, if she could endeavor to assist even if only to lend a listening and unbiased ear. And so she spoke her words without the force of emotion that truly was behind them.

"I appreciate your advice, my lord. But perhaps you should also take heed of my words. I may be someone of little importance, made even less so by the fact that I am a mere woman and have no experience of the court, but I am not a fool. I know the ways of men and power, indeed sometimes even women but I have made the choice to never be swayed from what is good and right."

Mary was aware that he probably thought that she was just a woman who could have no understanding, but she felt she needed to express her views none the less. For some obsurce reason she felt obliged to this man, like she needed to try to make him see that people could still be internally good even if surronded by such evil that existed in the court. It was true that she did not truly know him and may never see him again but still she wished to speak honestly with him.

"Perhaps what you say is true, my lord but you can still chose to be different. If you truly abhored what other men do then you would shun them and live your own life, perhaps not with standing or glory but with love and happiness." She turned away from him slightly, suddenly unable to meet his eye. Her words were so honest and close to her heart that she suddenly felt quite vunerable.

For a time they continued to dance without talk, but as the dance came to an end, the Earl begun to express his views on her opinion of marriage.
"It is my dearest wish that I will find the love I dream of. Think me a foolish, romantic woman if you will but I think it is only with love that we learn where the purpose of life truly lies."

She was surprised when he begun to talk of his own marriage. He seemed suddenly so terribly miserable and Mary thought that she glimpsed the reason why this kind man spoke with such frank yet awful despondency.

"I will not allow my Uncle to use me, my lord. But thank you for yor wish." Mary stepped close to him and placed a delicate hand upon his shoulder in some effort to show her support.
"I am sorry that you have not found happiness in your marriage. But perhaps you can still find love." The improper meaning behind her words was lost on Mary for the moment, and she quite forgot that her views about acting for love excusing breaking the laws of God were extremely unorthadox. She simply felt she needed to try to improve the Earl's humour in some way.

"I would love to continue to speak with you, my lord. Perhaps, as I sense that you are in need of someone to listen, I can fufill that role." She smiled and turned towards the exit from the hall, beginning to walk towards the door in the hope that wherever they went would be quieter.
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William Parr
Unregistered

Take heed of her words? William would have laughed had he not learned the skill of biting one's tongue. Take heed of the words of a girl he did not know, who thought herself so bright as to warn him about what he ought to do? Who he ought to consort with? Perhaps she was no fool, but she was foolish in telling him that he should listen to her. The only women in the world he would ever have listened to numbered to two: his sisters, anomalies for their superior education and intelligence. Having just met this Mary Howard, he wondered if she thought herself over-important thanks to he Howard name. It would not have surprised him very much. "You are right, my lady, in that you have no experience at court, so why are you asking me to heed your words?" asked William, his voice not rude or cruel or harsh; merely amused.

Still on the verge of laughing, mirth in his eyes, he shook his head. "Love and happiness, my dear lady Mary, do not exist. Not at court, and not in life. They are made up by poets to make us wish we had such things, when especially at court, they are nowhere to be seen." William was honest about his opinion of such things. He thought love was twaddle, happiness near impossible, especially when court life was all about ambition and pride. "Ambition is all there is. You needs be careful to be so honest with your opinions here. I am used to it from my sisters; speaking your mind to most men, especially if you are as wrong as you are now, would not make endear you to them." He threw out that he thought her no more than a pretty, foolish child almost kindly, reminding her at the same time that most would likely have laughed her away from the great hall, or worse, lectured her. Such innocence would not last very long. "You will see how it is soon enough, I am sure. I do not mean to be unkind, but my years here have taught me that happiness is no commodity for us courtiers. Our role is only to entertain Their Majesties and to find more of anything for ourselves and--most importantly--our families. Bleak, to be sure. Perhaps you would have been better off back home dreaming your dreams of love."

The man's teeth clenched, his jaw visibly tightening, at the gesture of affection he did not take kindly to. William had been dancing with her. This was all simple conversation, with his pessimistic advice to her. He did not need her sympathy. Something in his face changed. He had been looking upon her kindly enough, but now he looked angry. Not at Lady Mary, specifically, but at the gesture she made. "Love does not exist, my lady. Certainly not at court, not that I have seen." As he spoke his voice was dark with bitterness. "I do not need false sympathy from anyone. Like anyone else I am unhappy with my lady my wife. Does it matter? I would wager a guess that every man at court surely is. If they say they are not, they are lying." William had no desire to inform her of the long, sour history with his wife, for they barely knew one another. It was not the topic of courtly conversation. Because she had just arrived, surely she had no idea of this Earl of Essex's famed marital troubles. "The only love that exists here is that confused with lust." Of which I have found more than enough, he thought, shaking his head. Briefly, thinking upon Ursula Pole, his face softened--but only briefly.

"If you wish for conversation simply of the courtly kind, that is, all politeness, I shall oblige. But I do not know you, Lady Mary." Clear enough was that William was holding himself back from anger, as he spoke to her through gritted teeth. "I do not take kindly to being advised. As you are new to court, my lady, you ought to learn that as well. No one does. Not even the other ladies above you. They will rip you apart. Women here are as unkind as anyone."
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Mary Howard
Unregistered

Mary felt perhaps that she had offended him in her assertion that he should listen to what she had to say.

"I merely meant to say that perhaps it would not do you any harm to listen to the words of someone who has not yet been corrupted by experience of life at court. Although she had not wish to argue with this handsome stranger, Mary could at times become a rather proud young woman and she felt strangely wounded by the amusement that clouded the Earl's eyes, the idea that he was laughing at her not a comfortable one. She still made an effort to restrain her true anger but these efforts were rather in vain when she heard the tumble of words, each one like a knife to all of her hopes for the future, slowly tearing away at what she believed in and dreamed for, and she felt the fiery grip of anger take hold of her being, pushing her towards erupting back at him.

"Perhaps it would be safer for me to hold my tongue and assume the masked role of the courtier, my lord and then perhaps you would have achieved what you wanted from our meeting; a dance with an empty vessel of womanhood who would have simpered at your handsome face. Well, sir I am not that woman. Mary took a step, almost subconsciously away from him, no longer desring the proximty between herself and a person who expressed every opinion to contradict her own. She lifted her head to draw herself up to her full height, which almost equalled his as she was tall for a young lady.

"There you even said the word yourself - role - because that is what most of you do here, you play a role for the purpose of ambition, for their Majesties, for your reputation. But tell me, my lord if love and unhappiness do not exist then what is left once the performance has ended and you are no longer required to fufill your role?"

Mary drew in a breath, conscious of the fact that she was close to losing control of herself, not concerned with how she would look to the other courtiers but because she would not allow this man to make her lose her dignity. She reminded herself of her previous assumption that something was affecting this man and that his words were perhaps infused with the bitterness of his own recent experience, affecting his views and making him say such things. His reaction to her gesture of comfort however was enough to make her anger resurface.

"My sympathy was not false, my lord. Mayhap you have for to long been surronded by those who are not sincere with their sentiments that you are no longer able to recognise when a person truly means what they say." Mary spoke without the anger that infused her body, preffering instead to keep her emotions in check, showing him that she was ruled by her head and not her heart. He however was less successful and she could hear his anger as he continued to speak. She kept her head away from him, unwilling to allow herself to be provoked until he spoke his last phrase.

"Let them! Let them rip me apart for I am sure that I would rather that than I become one of them, with frozen hearts and empty heads!"
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William Parr
Unregistered

Her first words, that he would wish to speak to someone not corrupted as she put it, did make him laugh. Again, not at her, but at the words she chose to use, yet unlike the laugh before, he was laughing out of humor and not the situation at hand. "Ah, do not be offended, my lady," William said, shaking his head. "So quick to judge, so quick to strike back: not what is expected in a lady, though I am used to it." She did remind him of his sisters, though perhaps not because of the sharp tongue she was using on him: just the questioning, and a bit of the innocence, thinking how right she was when oh, she was very wrong.

The angrier she got, the more his anger dissipated, feeling rather foolish and stupid to have gotten so upset at a girl probably a good ten years younger than he who had a lot to learn. Mary Howard should have known better, he thought, being of such a family, but her disdain for her uncle proved she probably did not. One could befriend those who had no interests at heart but their own. The number one rule in politics, he felt, especially court politics, was to never let anyone command you more than you commanded yourself. The Duke commanded William, but William had his own obligations to take care of, and as such, thought himself (foolishly or not) respected by the man. "Indeed, a role," he repeated, back to his calm manner, dark sandy brows rising slightly upon his forehead as Mary continued to rant. So much like Anne, though perhaps not in the best ways he would have liked to see... "Ah! Do you think me then a man who simply looks at a woman for his amusement? If you do then you do not know me, but you do not." The assertion, while it would have annoyed him, just made him want to laugh, a man who grew up with more women than men, who respected and loved his mother and sisters above all else except perhaps God. How wrong this girl was. But he could not hold it against her. He did not know her. His bitterness towards his wife had, strangely, seemed to temper his anger, he who was so quick to rage found it useless to deal with it or display it when it was over such foolish things as an argument with a lady new to court who needed to learn her place, not only that, but her family's place at court. "I have two sisters, my lady. They are among my closest friends, who I wish to see happy, if such a thing exists. You ought to meet them. They would teach you a good lesson about behavior."

Amused still by her as if this were a great entertainment, such an innocent thing asserting she was right while he was wrong, William just looked down at her as she lifted her chin to him. "And as you asked, my lady, once the performance has ended? We are dead and we had better pray we were fulfilling our duties, whatever they were." Taking a step away, he turned from her as if he were to leave, but then glanced back to her, frowning. "I would think no one here is sincere, my lady, except a select few I know and love well. Most certainly not a lady I just met who seems to have bad manners, not suited for a girl of such a family."

Frozen hearts? Oh, the melodrama. William would have laughed were he not so irked, though he was carefully holding it back, though his gaze upon her face was cold. She was insulting his very existence, an existence he knew was petty and useless, thanks in part to what a disaster the state of matrimony had left him. She had moved away from him, but he snatched her wrist, pulling her to his side as if they were to go off to speak. Brooking no interference, he thought enough was enough. If she judged him so poorly, then, she deserved an explanation, to know that if she liked it or not, most likely she would end up like him, as it seemed so many at court did. "As you seem to desperately wish to know, then, why I think you are simply a stupid girl: I was married at sixteen, my lady." As he spoke--the more he spoke of this--the angrier, the darker, the more bitter William's voice became, a low whisper as he leaned in to speak to her, green eyes meeting blue. "She ran off with another man, a man of God, a priest, preferring the company of him to mine. I am still married to her, for I cannot get out of it; I have an earldom, but for what? There are no sons or daughters for me to hoard it for, to take care of a legacy for them when I am gone, as every man wishes. When my 'performance ends,' as you say, my lady, then all I have worked for through-out my life shall go to someone else. Now you see why I do not speak of it, hm? Now you see why some would rather have frozen hearts?"

Stepping away from Mary, William inclined his head towards her. "I shall leave you if you like, my lady. I am sorry that my temper gets in the way of being a proper gentleman." His apology was sincere enough, but even speaking of Anne made him so infuriated--or, alternately, despondent--that he could not help such an immediate reaction.

(I'm sorry Will is being a courtierly jerk. lol He can't help it.)
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Mary Howard
Unregistered

The Earl's reactions to her words were simply making Mary worse. He alternated between looking actually offended and angered by what she said and at other times simply laughed at her. Both of these equally infuriated Mary, who by this time was already to far engrossed in her anger to be able to take a hold of herself and calm down. She heard him say that he had two sisters, and she wondered briefly if either of those were in service to Her Majesty as she herself was and whether she would ever meet them, with their perfect manners and behaviour.

His accusations of her bad manners, for some strange reason seemed to sting more than they should given all of the other contradictory opinions her had expressed that went against her own.

"I think, sir that you are to concerned with manners and behaviour, one's outward appearance and you miss the meaning behind our conversation." Her words were rather muddled and he would have perhaps not received her true meaning, which was that he should get over the rules of the court and actually just have a true conversation, but such was her faculities distressed by her anger and indignation that she was quite incapble of communicating efficiently.

Such was her emotional state that Mary found her words became more melodramtic, if only to emphasise her meaning but quite accidentaly and it seemed that she had finally pushed him to far. She knew that men did not wish to be questioned by women and had she been more experienced then perhaps she would have seen that this particular man had already let her push further than most would but as it was she only felt the rough grip of his large hand over her slender wrist and felt herself being pulled to the corner of the room, sensations that seemed to confirm that he was an example of the kind of man that she despised on principle.

She was about to wrench her wrist away from his grip, and tell him of the in no uncertain terms what she thought of him when she actually began to take in what he said to her. As he talked, his turn now to speak in a rush, Mary could almost feel that all of his words had been prisoners inside him and now he had started to let them out he could not have stopped. As she listened, she felt her anger slowly evaporate as she began to understand what it was that troubled this man.

She did not interupt him, sensing he wished to finish his story but also because she simply did not quite know what to say. She was highly ashamed of herself for losing control of her emotions so easily and felt almost guilty for having shoved her views of love down his throat when he was going through such a terrible ordeal. His story sickened her, the idea that these two people had been forced together and all the pain that had been the result and in another situation this may have been only further confirmation for her that people should marry for love. At this moment however she only saw how teribly affected this man was and how her behaviour must have made it all so much worse. Mary felt, for the first time, the expansion of life before her and all the experiences she had yet to encounter, some of which she had no desire to, and was shocked by just how naive she truly was. She still did not accept that her dreams were foolish but saw that they would never be exactly what she wanted them to and it was more likely that she would never experience them.

Before she had realised what he was doing, the man had taken a step away from her and seemed to be about to leave. Mary spoke quickly, sure that she did not want him to leave her without first hearing what she had to say.

"Please, my lord, stay a moment longer. I am sorry. I am sorry for the way I behaved and for forcing my opinions upon you in such an insensitive manner. I am sorry also for the predicament that you are in, and I know you may not think I am sincere but I shall say it anyway, for I do not think that any person deserves what you have been through." Mary stopped conscious that she was beginning to ramble, looking down at her feet.
" Now, I know I have done nothing to warrant any favour from you but I ask that you stay here with me so that we might continue a conversation in which I can make some effort to prove to you I am not the person you must think I am after my behaviour." Mary laughed, a small and timid noise but a laugh all the same.
"At least you know that with me you have no need to observe courtly conventions, as I think it can be said that we have already gone past the limits of polite conversation."
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William Parr
Unregistered

How he hated divulging all this. He just hated it, how it ruled him so when the topic appeared; but it was as good an explanation as any to describe why he thought the way he did to a silly girl who thought love was all that mattered. William was a bitter man where matters of the heart were concerned and he knew it. He also wished others would know it: that it was not as it seemed. It was better to get one's heart broken or to shield it altogether than try to find love, in his eyes, for it always destroyed you as it simply did not exist as you searched and searched for it. When Mary Howard rambled on, apologizing for this and that, he simply shook his head. "Do not apologize. I do not want anyone's pity for my predicament for it is mine alone; not yours," he said with weight to his voice, inclining his fair head towards her. "It is I who ought to apologize for my rudeness to a lady. A lesson I seem to learn and then forget when my anger gets ahold of me." For someone who was such a respectable courtier, there were some things that simply got under his skin.

The corners of William's eyes wrinkled just slightly in amusement at Mary's words. "Indeed. Introduction, skipping over polite conversation entirely, already sniping at one another. Not the way I enjoy conversation with a lady." He turned from her, reaching an arm to link his elbow with hers politely, leading the young woman away from the dancing courtiers and spying eyes who would surely wonder what in God's name went on when they saw the Earl of Essex snarl so violently at the poor thing. Ah, the familiar sensation of guilt began piling up. He needed to control his temper. Usually clamped under lock and key, as of late it was getting harder and harder to bear. "So then. We pretend such a conversation has ever happened." His voice was back to his polite, charming courtly voice, not the tones that echoed out in anger earlier; he even was smiling, even if it was small and obviously the fake smile of a courtier who was smiling at nothing, but all the same it warmed his eyes and brought some animation to his face.

"You are a fine dancer, if I have not said already. Surely you shall be an ornament at court." Yes, his words were hollow, silly love talk that meant nothing but sometimes in his experience led to bedrooms; but William was not interested in that with her. God knows he'd frightened her enough already and after his foolish indiscretion with his wife, he intended on not pursuing such avenues of entertainment as other men did during the holidays when the drink was flowing freely. "Have you a position at court, Lady Mary? Or are you simply here to enjoy the season, to go back to...wherever it is you came from?" Surely the Duke of Norfolk had put this girl in some position of at least minor power, a lady in waiting to the Queen or the Princesses, the only avenue to advancement for a woman. "I am sure you would be most welcome among the Queen's ladies. You should replace a few of them," he finished with a short, joking chuckle. "My sister the lady Katherine is in service to Her Majesty, whilst my other sister the lady Anne waits upon the Princess Mary. I am not sure they enjoy their duties much." The man spoke as if he had no cares in the world, as if the conversation previously had not even happened, chattering on about nothing to engage her in the light, mindless conversation he knew so well.
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