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Edwards, Johnathon
Topic Started: Jul 27 2010, 12:50 AM (144 Views)
Johnathon Edwards
Unregistered


[align=center]Posted Image
Jonathan Edwards

Posted Image

* lyrics describing your character here .

HEY THERE. THE NAME IS Tim, AND I AM 14.
I'VE BEEN ROLEPLAYING FOR ABOUT A Month
AND MY OTHER CHARACTERS WOULD BE None/b]. I FOUND FKAC AT RPG-Directory. OH, BY THE WAY, I READ THE RULES. WANT PROOF?
THE CODE WORD IS Pumpernickel
WANT TO REACH ME? HERE'S MY IM: N/A

Posted Image[/align]

I hold a large red leather bound book in my larger hands as I slowly flick through the book hoping to find a connection to a Woman who was no longer in my life. The writing was flawless with incredible style and not a single mistake. The book was made and used by my mother and chronicled my life from birth until I become 14, the year the Plague took her from us. I was not sure how I would cope with reading words my mother put on a page about me but I knew I had to read it, my mother after all would of wanted me to do so but she had not expected giving it to me until I inherited my fathers estate's.

17th September, the year of our Lord 1496

Finally I can truly call my self a woman, for I have now been blessed with a beautiful baby boy, after 32 hours in labor, the Doctors thought I would not make it but the Lord decided I was to see my young son grow up and become a man. That boy is you Jonathan, and I am writing this book for you, although it will be many years until you read it who know's how I will of changed, but I hope we will still be together. I know being a mother will not be easy, and that hard times lay ahead of us my son but we will get through them together, I have no doubt of this.

21st February, the year of our Lord 1497
Today, my son you gave me the biggest scare of my life, but now all I feel is relief that you are ok. See this morning I and your father found you with a fever, we feared it was the plague our some other terrible aliment so we called for the Doctor to come. He arrived, but was unable to tell what was the matter with you so he decided the best thing to do was drain some of your blood, put three leaches on your body and leave you for the next seven hours. I was so scared, and wanted nothing more than to be by your side my son, but I was strong and the lord hath truly blessed us as when we returned you were as healthy as any child on this earth and I could not be happier, even if I was the Queen of England.

Most of the pages were simple day to day activities and Jonathan skipped these deciding he would read it all latter as he sought for only the most important part of his life.

30th August, the Year of our Lord, 1500
You have grown into such a great boy. Your education is under way and I am proud to say you are a smart child who has a love for Latin, French, History and Music. I have no doubts in my mind you would make a superb scholar, but the path you wish to take in your life is your own. If you want to climb the Political ladder then I will do anything you need me to help, I just hope I am still able to when you are reading this and are an Earl in your own right. Your father has insited you start to learn how to use a sword, but I think it is an old art that is not needed any more but your father is well....your father.

11th September, the year of our Lord 1500
Today your father left for Court, for the first time since your were born, and I already miss him with all my heart. But it is not as bad as when he used to go away as I still have you. As I write this you are climbing the Oak tree outside the Manor house, I wonder if we still live in it now and if the tree is still there. I am not sure if you remember but you loved that tree and would of climbed it every day if you were allowed. It was planted by your great-great-great Uncle to celebrate the life of his dead wife.

25th December the year of our Lord, 1503
Merry Christmas Jon! I am writing from Court were everyone is celebrating the birth of Chirst our Savior. Now I hope you still go to mass and pray regularly after all your immortal soul is at stake and I will not have a son of mine going to the eternal torment of hell, so if you are reading this and you have become lax with your prayers then you better get yourself to Church as soon as possible. You saw the King today when our father presented him with his Christmas gift, a silver sword made in Brittany, the King looked honestly please to receive it which is always a good sign.

12th November the year of our Lord, 1506
Your ten now. Such a bonny little boy. But you have developed quite the temper. Your education goes well and you are fluent in French,German and Latin, you play three instruments and probably now more about History than your teacher. However your father will not allow you to be taught the heresy of Science as he fears for your immortal soul. Your swordsman ship and riding skills have come along way to.

17th May, The year of our Lord, 1510
Your 13 now and more adult than ever before. You may not now it but I fear my life will soon be over and this will be one of the last entrys into this book, I have made over 100 so if I do die I hope you find some comfort in this. I love you more than you can imagine and until you have children of your own you never will. All I want for you is happiness my son. Find a wife, have children and god bless.

That was the last entry she made as she died two day's later. Jonathan has never gotten over loosing his mother and now at 15 he leaves for Court hoping to gain rank and some sort of life outside his father's estate.

  • - - - - Roleplay Sample,
    Traeia Yuia awoke in the cavern deep within Muir woods she had lived in the woods for almost twenty years but this place was new to her she looked around and saw she was in some sort of Cavern it seemed large and oozed with magical energy in it's very walls. She decided she liked this place and she felt like she could do so much here that she could do no where else. She looked around and saw her candles and the like that she used for rituals but had no idea how they had gotten therer and she then tried to recall what happend the night before but could not remeber anything but a few hazy memorys. She looked down and her white dress was stained in red blood. She dipped her finger in some and licked. "Human." She whispered to herself but it echoed throughout the cave.

    She stood and even after just waking up she was very graceful and able to move quickly and quietly. It did not take her long to find the entrance, or exit if you thought of it that way, of the Cavern. The sun flooded into the werewolves eyes and she covered them for a second. She saw a large log outside of the Caven and kicked it. It traveled futher than any human in the world could make it travel and in her werewolf form she could of acheived twice that if not more. She looked up and had a rather good sight of the sun and guessed the time to be about 1 pm. The sky was clear with no clouds in the sky and just a sky of blue. However the woman far prefered the dark and cold to the bright and warm.

    She could hear someone in the distance and began to stalk them but was distracted by a deer. She could catch the deer in her werewolf form but not in her Human one but she could stalk it. She moved quietly through the woods until she was within striking distance and she burst from the trees. The deer bolted but was not quick enough and Traeia caught it with her fist and the deer was sent into a nearby tree. Traeia however decided, rather strangley, to let the animal go.

    She did not know why to be honest she had never really cared about animals even when she was a Human she had always been a meat eating pro gun woman who went on hunts with her family in the forest's of cold Alaska but now she was here and let a small deer go and it really confused her why. She had not thought about why she had done it instead the whole episode was a spur of the moment thing that she doubted would ever happen again anyway the animal was gone now so she could not change what she had done before hand.

    She loved the forest. She felt at home here and knew her Wolf half loved this place as much as she did. She longed for the full moon when her power could be fully unleashed and it felt like forever since it happened last. The freedom it brought can not be described in words and no one else can ever understand how it feels to be so powerful, so fast and so feral all at the same time. In short she loved it and would never change it in a million years.

    The tales of werewolves annoyed her now. They were always sad depressed Humans who hated what they had become. And at first she was like that but now she had embraced her Wolven side and had become so much greater because of it. She pittied Humans and all other life as they were inferior to her kin but Humans the most as she was one before she became what she was today and she knew how it felt to feel so powerless and weak and at the same time not understanding anything beyond what they could see through their two eyes.

    Her mind began to drift again as her bloodied dress billowed in the gentle wind. She wore no shoes and she never did and since being turned into a werewolf all of the walking she had done had hardened her feet until they were more like leather than skin. The same could not be said about the rest of her as she was a beautiful woman. Her skin was as white as the snow she once admired from her bedroom window, she was nimble and graceful beyond all others and her beautiful red hair fell down half her back. She had an almost cat liek apperance.
[align=center] THIS TEMPLATE WAS MADE BY THATSNOTMYNAME ! @ CAUTION EDITED BY LANIE OF FKAC [/align]
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Catherine Howard
Unregistered

Hello, Tim! I'm Brandy. Welcome to FKAC, and we are so glad you applied for a character here. The application is great, overall (I love freeform applications, so much fun), and the RP sample is solid. My only suggestions (and believe me, it is a teeny, tiny one), are to change his name from "Johnathon" to either John or Jonathan...the spelling you used wasn't around during Tudor times. Also, my other suggestion is to copy/paste the application in Word Processor or Microsoft Word, or something that has a spell checker/grammar checker. There were some spelling and grammar things throughout the app. Now this is the teacher coming out in me, and I'm not trying to offend. Like, for example,

Quote:
 
Finally I can truly call my self a woman for I have now been blessed with a beautiful baby boy after 32 hours in Labour the Doctors thought I would not make it but the Lord decided I was to see my young son grow up and become a man.


Could be changed to:

Quote:
 
Finally, I can truly call myself a woman, for I have now been blessed with a beautiful baby boy. After 32 hours in labour, the doctors thought I would not make it. But the Lord decided I was to see my young son grow up and become a man.


Just some periods and commas to give this sentence room to breathe! :) Once the application has been spellchecked/grammar checked, please let us know by replying to this thread so we can look at your application again.
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Johnathon Edwards
Unregistered

Done
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Catherine Howard
Unregistered

You changed the name, and we can tell a few commas were added, but the application was not put through a spellcheck or a grammarcheck, like asked. You may try applying again for Jonathan Edwards at a later date, or you may spellcheck and grammarcheck this application and try again. For now, though, we will have to deny this application.
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Johnathon Edwards
Unregistered

I put it through this one
http://www.spellchecker.net/spellcheck/
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Catherine Howard
Unregistered

I put the application through the spellchecker you mentioned, and it caught some more spellchecking and grammar mistakes that need to be fixed. Try applying for him again, and we will be more than happy to look at him.
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