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| Edwards, Johnathon | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jul 27 2010, 12:50 AM (144 Views) | |
| Johnathon Edwards | Jul 27 2010, 12:50 AM Post #1 |
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Unregistered
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[align=center] Jonathan Edwards * lyrics describing your character here . HEY THERE. THE NAME IS Tim, AND I AM 14. I'VE BEEN ROLEPLAYING FOR ABOUT A Month AND MY OTHER CHARACTERS WOULD BE None/b]. I FOUND FKAC AT RPG-Directory. OH, BY THE WAY, I READ THE RULES. WANT PROOF? THE CODE WORD IS Pumpernickel WANT TO REACH ME? HERE'S MY IM: N/A [/align] I hold a large red leather bound book in my larger hands as I slowly flick through the book hoping to find a connection to a Woman who was no longer in my life. The writing was flawless with incredible style and not a single mistake. The book was made and used by my mother and chronicled my life from birth until I become 14, the year the Plague took her from us. I was not sure how I would cope with reading words my mother put on a page about me but I knew I had to read it, my mother after all would of wanted me to do so but she had not expected giving it to me until I inherited my fathers estate's. 17th September, the year of our Lord 1496 Finally I can truly call my self a woman, for I have now been blessed with a beautiful baby boy, after 32 hours in labor, the Doctors thought I would not make it but the Lord decided I was to see my young son grow up and become a man. That boy is you Jonathan, and I am writing this book for you, although it will be many years until you read it who know's how I will of changed, but I hope we will still be together. I know being a mother will not be easy, and that hard times lay ahead of us my son but we will get through them together, I have no doubt of this. 21st February, the year of our Lord 1497 Today, my son you gave me the biggest scare of my life, but now all I feel is relief that you are ok. See this morning I and your father found you with a fever, we feared it was the plague our some other terrible aliment so we called for the Doctor to come. He arrived, but was unable to tell what was the matter with you so he decided the best thing to do was drain some of your blood, put three leaches on your body and leave you for the next seven hours. I was so scared, and wanted nothing more than to be by your side my son, but I was strong and the lord hath truly blessed us as when we returned you were as healthy as any child on this earth and I could not be happier, even if I was the Queen of England. Most of the pages were simple day to day activities and Jonathan skipped these deciding he would read it all latter as he sought for only the most important part of his life. 30th August, the Year of our Lord, 1500 You have grown into such a great boy. Your education is under way and I am proud to say you are a smart child who has a love for Latin, French, History and Music. I have no doubts in my mind you would make a superb scholar, but the path you wish to take in your life is your own. If you want to climb the Political ladder then I will do anything you need me to help, I just hope I am still able to when you are reading this and are an Earl in your own right. Your father has insited you start to learn how to use a sword, but I think it is an old art that is not needed any more but your father is well....your father. 11th September, the year of our Lord 1500 Today your father left for Court, for the first time since your were born, and I already miss him with all my heart. But it is not as bad as when he used to go away as I still have you. As I write this you are climbing the Oak tree outside the Manor house, I wonder if we still live in it now and if the tree is still there. I am not sure if you remember but you loved that tree and would of climbed it every day if you were allowed. It was planted by your great-great-great Uncle to celebrate the life of his dead wife. 25th December the year of our Lord, 1503 Merry Christmas Jon! I am writing from Court were everyone is celebrating the birth of Chirst our Savior. Now I hope you still go to mass and pray regularly after all your immortal soul is at stake and I will not have a son of mine going to the eternal torment of hell, so if you are reading this and you have become lax with your prayers then you better get yourself to Church as soon as possible. You saw the King today when our father presented him with his Christmas gift, a silver sword made in Brittany, the King looked honestly please to receive it which is always a good sign. 12th November the year of our Lord, 1506 Your ten now. Such a bonny little boy. But you have developed quite the temper. Your education goes well and you are fluent in French,German and Latin, you play three instruments and probably now more about History than your teacher. However your father will not allow you to be taught the heresy of Science as he fears for your immortal soul. Your swordsman ship and riding skills have come along way to. 17th May, The year of our Lord, 1510 Your 13 now and more adult than ever before. You may not now it but I fear my life will soon be over and this will be one of the last entrys into this book, I have made over 100 so if I do die I hope you find some comfort in this. I love you more than you can imagine and until you have children of your own you never will. All I want for you is happiness my son. Find a wife, have children and god bless. That was the last entry she made as she died two day's later. Jonathan has never gotten over loosing his mother and now at 15 he leaves for Court hoping to gain rank and some sort of life outside his father's estate. |
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| Catherine Howard | Jul 27 2010, 07:56 AM Post #2 |
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Unregistered
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Hello, Tim! I'm Brandy. Welcome to FKAC, and we are so glad you applied for a character here. The application is great, overall (I love freeform applications, so much fun), and the RP sample is solid. My only suggestions (and believe me, it is a teeny, tiny one), are to change his name from "Johnathon" to either John or Jonathan...the spelling you used wasn't around during Tudor times. Also, my other suggestion is to copy/paste the application in Word Processor or Microsoft Word, or something that has a spell checker/grammar checker. There were some spelling and grammar things throughout the app. Now this is the teacher coming out in me, and I'm not trying to offend. Like, for example,
Could be changed to:
Just some periods and commas to give this sentence room to breathe! Once the application has been spellchecked/grammar checked, please let us know by replying to this thread so we can look at your application again.
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| Johnathon Edwards | Jul 27 2010, 12:06 PM Post #3 |
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Unregistered
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Done |
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| Catherine Howard | Jul 27 2010, 01:42 PM Post #4 |
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Unregistered
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You changed the name, and we can tell a few commas were added, but the application was not put through a spellcheck or a grammarcheck, like asked. You may try applying again for Jonathan Edwards at a later date, or you may spellcheck and grammarcheck this application and try again. For now, though, we will have to deny this application. |
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| Johnathon Edwards | Jul 27 2010, 01:56 PM Post #5 |
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Unregistered
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I put it through this one http://www.spellchecker.net/spellcheck/ |
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| Catherine Howard | Jul 27 2010, 11:49 PM Post #6 |
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Unregistered
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I put the application through the spellchecker you mentioned, and it caught some more spellchecking and grammar mistakes that need to be fixed. Try applying for him again, and we will be more than happy to look at him. |
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Once the application has been spellchecked/grammar checked, please let us know by replying to this thread so we can look at your application again.
5:00 PM Jul 10