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| Called to Serve | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Mar 24 2013, 09:46 PM (9,875 Views) | |
| Dumbledork | Mar 31 2013, 02:41 PM Post #31 |
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Heh. Interesting idea with the invisible presence. Can't wait to find out who it is. |
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| Coengar2 | Mar 31 2013, 04:19 PM Post #32 |
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PART EIGHT The new day started for Nabiki pretty much the same way that the day before had. Awakened by the annoying buzzing from the clock built into the wall by her bed and to the sight of Ranma's empty bed. As just like yesterday,Ranma came into the room looking fresh from the showers still just a bit too perky for the sleepy headed Tendo girl's liking. Nabiki did manage to notice as she was reaching into her dresser that Ranma was wearing some of the campus issued clothing she had received yesterday. "You wearing the full package Ranma?" she halfheartedly teased as she pulled a pair of panties out to wear. "Yeah,"Ranma grumbled then she grabbed her chest and bounced her breasts a cuople of times "Although this sports bra thing isn't too bad i guess.I can probably get use to it." Shaking her head Nabiki made her way out of the room and headed to take a shower. Ranma sat on her bed trying not to think to much about what she might have to go through today,hopefully the doctors would leave her girl parts alone. So involved in her thoughts was Ranma that she did not even notice when Nabiki reentered thier room wearing nothing but a pair of panties and a damp towel which she threw into the hamper as she started to pull a bra out of her dresser,giving the redhead a good look at Nabiki's mostly naked body. A small EEPing noise from Ranma reminded Nabiki that she was not alone in the room and a few moments of thinking told her that she was topless and giving Ranma a free show. To be honest,she had been sharing a house with Ranma for over a year and had seen the martial artist naked in both forms,hell she photographed him naked in both forms,so she was use to Ranma being around.Plus since they've been on campus she hadn't been thinking of Ranma as anything except another girl so she really wasn't bothered by giving Ranma a look. In fact she noticed that while Ranma was blushing fiercely and trying to look away,she was in fact finding herself taking small peeks when she thought that Nabiki wasn't looking. Nabiki just gave a sly smile and arched her back thrusting her bare breasts out a bit more and gave them a jiggle causing Ranma to flee the room with a hand covering her nose. Nabiki laughed as she continued getting dressed. Soon the girls of dorm three,including a still slightly blushing Ranma and a still amused Nabik,i were sitting in the common room listening to Aya give them the run down on the days activities. She also passed out small notebooks to each girl and explained that they were to use these logs to keep track of thier menstrual cycles as this would help the doctors,when the girls made it to phase three, to determine just when during thier cycles the girls would be most fertile thus allowing for a better chance of impregnation. After putting the books away in thier rooms the girls headed off to breakfast and then Aya led them to the educational building where they were to take the academic part of thier exams. As they were heading out to go take thier exams Teako had come to guide Ranma off to another building. Nabiki offered Ranma a soft good luck and Haruka gave the redhead a pat on the shoulder for support as Teako led her away. After a few moments Ranma spoke up, "Um Teako,isn't the medical building that way? She pointed off to her right. "Yeah,but i was told to bring you to the gym this morning." "Why the gym? Ranma thought "Funny place for a medical test." Apon entering the gym Ranma found herself facing a group of people. There was the doctor who was in charge of her exams yesterday and a couple of other medical types. The guy in the military uniform confused Ranma but it was the other three people that caught her attention. It was two guys and a woman and while none of them looking anything like the old mummy and the perv Ranma could tell that they were old and the ki that she could sense rolling off of them made her uneasy and she unknowingly slipped into a state of combat readiness causing one old man,whose ki she was sure was what she was sensing yesterday,to give the young fighter a small smile and a nod of the head. "This is a strange place for a physical Doc." Ranma spoke up as the doctor approached her. The doctor gave a brief laugh "No need to worry Ranma,the physicals are over.We are here to test a few things that we have heard about." Ranma was pondering that statement when she noticed the wire bins being brought over,each bin filled with a large number of baseballs. All the people gathered walked over to the bins and began taking out balls and the first old man looked over at Ranma with a grin that reminded her of Nabiki when she was up to something. "Tell me young Ranma,"the old man asked while tossing a baseball in his hand "Have you ever played dodgeball?" Then the balls started flying in her direction. For the rest of the morning Ranma was run through tests of agility and reflexes,she was asked to jump as high as she could,she touched the ceiling. Then the old woman,who she learned was named Master Yamada, had Ranma go through a series of twists and bends that a professional contortionist would have a hard time doing. Then she showed Ranma several human anatomy charts and quizzed her on pressure points,shiatsu techniques and rekki. Another old man,Master Hosei,tested Ranma on tactics and strategy,on ways to control a battlefield and a fight,even the military man,Col. Suzuki had run Ranma through a series of scenarios for strategies aand tactics in a modern combat situation.Finally the third of the elders,Master Garuda,had Ranma demonstrate several katas going from simple basic ones to the most advanced that Ranma could do. After Ranma had run through her kata Master Garuda stood before her and told her "Do what i do." than an aura of green energy appeared around him. While his aura was very noticable and bright Ranma's aura was huge,extending almost a foot from her body and it was as bright as a searchlight. Master Garuda grunted then as his aura faded away he held out his hand and with a look of concentration on his face, a small green ball of energy appeared floating above his hand. Ranma gave the master a cocky grin as a ball of bright blue energy formed between her hands,growing bigger until it was the size of a basketball.Ranma wasn't even straining to summon or contain the energy. Master Garuda gave a smile and nod of respect towards the young martial artist then walked away to join the other masters. The doctors and defense force observer were busy trying to pick thier jaws up off the floor at the display. Then with a sudden yell,Master Yamada charged Ranma and began launching kicks,punches and even a few pressure point attacks that Ranma managed to counter or overcome.After five minutes Master Hosei joined in making it two on one and then in another five minutes Master Garuda joined in as well leaving Ranma to face off against the three masters. Ranma was very good,but he could not defeat the three at the same time.Sure he had defeated Saffron but then he was fighting for his life and Akane's,this was just a spar and he could tell that his life was not in danger so he felt no need to go full out. After nearly fifteen minutes of intense martial arts the three masters stopped,bowed and walked away leaving a heavily breathing Ranma to bow in return and for the others watching to stand in amazement. After a few moments, the doctor regained her control and called over to Ranma "Ranma,why don't you go to the gym's juice bar and get a drink? I'll come talk to you in a moment." Ranma nodded and turned to leave the gym when Master Yamada called out to her. "Just a moment young one." the elder master said as she approached Ranma "Tell me Ranma,what are your plans for your future?" Ranma thought for a moment "I dunno,Pops always said that i was gonna run a dojo.Old man Tendo thinks i'm gonna run his with Akane after him and Pops force us to get married." Master Yamada shook her head "Your father is a fool. You are at a skill level that is beyond even that of many of the regular masters,i do not think that you will find many students who can keep up with you or can even learn at your level.I doubt also that you would be content to dumb down your skills to just teach schoolchildren and teenage wannabe tough guys. But you do have a good grasp of the workings of the body and of shiatsu and rekki. I think you should consider the healing arts,you have the talent for it and i sense it would better fit your nature more than being just a fighter,even if a skilled one. Please think about what i have said." Master Yamada bowed again and walked to rejoin the rest of the group and Ranma headed out of the gym to get a cold drink. The doctor spoke to Master Garuda "You opinion Master Garuda?" "While this facility lacks what is needed to truly determine young Ranma's true skills,i must say that i am impressed." the elderly master commented as the other two masters nodded in agreement. "It appears that Ranma is a very rare type of martial artist.She is a ki adept." "A ki adept?" Col.Sazuki asked somewhat in disbelief. "While a well trained martial artist can access thier ki,thier very life force,to aid them in combat,"Explained Master Yamada as if explaining to a small child "Ranma can use her Ki to inhance and improve her body and skills.I'm sure that her reflexes are ki enhanced and i willing to bet that if tested properly we would see increases in speed and strength as well. If you noticed,at one point during the test with the baseballs,Ranma was not only dodging them but also deflecting them with her hands and forarms and yet showed no sign of bruising or injury. She probablly enhances her body's toughness and resistance to injury.It wouldn't surprise me if she was using ki armor as well." "And what about those balls of light the two of you created ?" the doctor asked in wonderment. Master Garuda explained "A true ki adept can summon thier lifeforce into an attack that can be launched at a distance and do damage. While the ball i created could blow a hole through the wall,Ranma's could probably have levelled this building." "Why the hell isn't this kid in the defense force?" Col.Suzuki yelled "If she's that powerful she could be very useful,especially in combat and it would be better for all if that kind of power could be controlled by the Japanese military." "You see with small eyes Col.Suzuki." Master Hosei spoke up"Ranma is skilled and very powerful,she is young and has much growing up to do. Also she has a noted disrespect for authority figures which would make her unsuited to follow the military chain of command. But also while she has been trained as a fighter and has been forced to be a warrior at times,she lacks the soul of a killer. She is a fine martial artist but would make for a poor soldier." The doctor spoke up as she shot Col.Suzuki a withering stare "Ranma has been selected for the SIS program and if her other tests are as good as her physicals she can add much to the genetic pool of Japan by bearing children. Japan needs mothers and children right now more importantly than it needs assassins or soldiers. She is not leaving this campus,especially not to go to a military base." "We'll see about that." Col.Suzuki huffed then stormed out of the gym. Another doctor spoke up as she watched the Colonel leave the building "He could be touble.He might try to find a way to get Ranma into the defense force." "They could get her,"Master Garuda stated "But they couldn't keep her. She is too wild and undisciplined to be suitable for military life." "Tell me Doctor," Master Garuda said "Surely you have a donor sample picked out for young Ranma already." The doctor looked slightly wide eyed at the elderly master "Donors are kept unknown and the seed are unlabeled. They are distributed throughout Japan out of thier districts of origin." The master shot the doctor a stern look "Young lady i am very old and wise and i know when i am being fed a load of bull.If all Ranma was to this project was simply a baby maker than we three,let alone that military fool would have not been invited to get involved. No, Ranma is special,so special that some very important people have taken an interest in her. No,you're not going to use just any old sperm sample with her." The doctor frowned "Please,we call them seeds not sperm samples and you are right,we do have on campus a very special seed.I can't tell you much about the donor,only that he is considered one of the greatest thinkers in Japan. Well known as a strategist and an analyzer of prospects and outcomes. It has been suggested that a child born with Ranma's physical skills and this man's mental abilities would be something great.We only have the one seed from this donor,he refused to give any more than that." "So you will use this seed with Ranma then?" "Well,there is another candidate on campus being considered.While she lacks Ranma's physical skills she comes from a strong lineage and is well educated and of good breeding." "Bah,"Master Garuda scoffed "Seeds,breeding such silly stuff. If i had my way,i'd take Ranma to the Great School to advance her training to its highest level. She's not a baby resource or a soldier,she is something rare that should be nurtured and allowed to blossom to the best that it can." The three masters turned to go,leaving the doctor behind when Master Garuda stopped and looked back. "As a final piece of advice good doctor, We three are Grandmasters and among the best that our organization can provide and still young Ranma went toe to toe against the three of us for over fifteen minutes without fighting at the top of her ability.Be careful of how you treat her,i know her condition makes you curious and her genetic potential makes her valuable, but i can tell you that if you continue to treat her as anything more than another girl in your program she will resist and fight back and you do not have the resources or firepower to fight back, let alone stop her. Have a good evening Doctor." The three masters made thier way out of the gym leaving the doctor and her staff to ponder the words they had just heard and the things they had seen over the last few hours. |
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| Coengar2 | Mar 31 2013, 05:55 PM Post #33 |
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PART NINE Ranma sat at one of the plastic tables placed in front of the juice bar located in the gym building. Taking a long slow draw on the straw in the smoothie she was drinking, Ranma thought over what had happened to her over the last few hours.This was no medical test,they were testing her physical skills and fighting ability. The pressure points quiz was unexpected but Ranma thought that she did rather well.It was the other testd,the ones on strategy and tactics that concered the redhaired girl.Sure she had learned alot about the stuff during her training trip,mostly from the more combat orientated sensei she had come across,but she really hadn't considered it more than a distraction,a mental game she could play while she walked through the countryside from training place to training place. And that military guy,Col.whatever his name bothered Ranma. He had seen the looks he was sending at her in the eyes of others,mostly Shampoo and Ukyo when they saw him as a prize to be claimed. The looks the colonel gave him as he stormed away sent waves of worry down her spine. She didn't care for the man at all and didn't kniw why he asking her about the best way to storm and capture a house or building or where would be the best place to place troops in a battle or how to capture an armed compound. She did have to admit,as she took another draw on her straw and coming to the end of her drink, that the sparring had been pretty fun.The Masters despite being old were very skilled and were a challange to fight,especially all three of them at once. Throwing her now empty cup into the garbage can from three point range Ranma saw the doctor approaching. "This was no ordinary physical was it Doc?"Ranma asked "Or do you throw baseballs at every girl who comes here?" The doctor sighed"No,not at every girl and you are right,your exams were not the normal ones we usually give. I'll be honest,when we first learned about your ability to change genders it sent waves of excitement through the medical staff.It was something strange and unexplained and we couldn't wait to see it and study it. I guess we may have gone a bit overboard,but i did truly want to know if you could be a candidate for the program." Ranma sighed "So,how am i?" The doctor smiled "Just on your physical skills alone i want to advance you to phase three. You're in great physical shape,although we did see a lot of signs of past trauma,some broken bones and head trauma." "Just Pop's stupidity and Akane's temper. Stupid mallet." Ranma grumbled. "So what was up with that soldier guy?" "Col.Suzuki?" the doctor gave a gruff snort of her own "Typical military thinking,they hear about someone with above average abilities and they start thinking supersoldier or something. Don't worry about him,i think i can keep him away from you." "And those old martial arts masters?" "I'm not to sure about them."the doctor confessed "I believe that Master Garuda said that they came from a group called the Guiding Hand or some such." Ranma's eyebrows rose at the name,she had heard Happosai mention them before,something about the Guiding Hand being the supreme council of martial arts grandmasters who watched over the state of martial arts in the world. And she had been tested by three of them this day. "They said that they were asked to come and test you.I don't know who would have sent them." The doctor reached over and patted Ranma's hand "Look Ranma,i promise you that the physical stuff is over,no more tests no more changing sexes. From now on you're going to be just another girl on campus." "I sure hope so,all these tests were starting to get to me." Ranma snorted. The two sat for a few moments more exchanging small talk until the growling of Ranma's stomach reminded her that she needed more than just a smoothie. So with a laugh the doctor sent her on her way to the cafeteria. The rest of the week went by in a blur and true to the doctor's word,there were no more physicals. Now all Ranma had to deal with were tests on her academic abilities,there was a personality test and psysciatric exam and a test for aptitudes and interests. All in all the girls of dorm three had a busy week. Saturday came and with thier free time the girls had begun to explore the campus.Some heading for the community building,others to the gym to swim or play sports. The nature trails around the outer edge of the campus were popular. Ranma and Nabiki were walking along one of the paths leading to a remote area of the campus,there was someting Nabiki had wanted to check out. Walking down the path led the two to a stable where there were a few girls riding horses. A little fact long since forgotten by most everyone,except maybe Kasumi,was that Nabiki loved horses. When the Tendo girls were younger and thier mother still alive,the Tendo family went to a small circus. Kasumi loved the various foods available and the acrobats. The clowns scared baby Akane, and as for Nabiki... They were only a small group of four white horses that trotted along in step while riders did headstands and other tricks while they trotted around a small ring,but to young Nabiki they were the greatest thing she had ever saw. Soon she was reading books about horses and putting pictures of horses on her bedroom walls and she must have drawn a million drawings of horses.She even had a collection of plastic toy horses that she would parade around on her bedroom floor. Then her mother died and young Nabiki had to put away her childish toys and become a big girl to get money to help support her family since her father had become too much of an emotional wreck to do it. Nabiki moved towards the corral slowly as if in a daze,her eyes never leaving the horses trotting around the corral. She stood at the side of the corral and was so involved with watching the horses that she failed to notice when a rider pulled up next to her. "You seem to like horses." the girl commented with a smile. Nabiki shook her head and replied "Yeah,they're alright." "You want to ride one?" Nabiki's eyes developed a far away look. One of her secret fantasies was to ride a horse. "I guess i can give it a try." Nabiki returned,her voice slightly trembling with anticipation. The girl pointed Nabiki to the stables and told her that she'd meet her there and get her ready to ride. Ranma leaned against the corral watching Nabiki head to the stables.She'd never seen Nabiki act in this way before. After about ten minutes the rider came walking out of the stables.slowly leading a horse with Nabiki perched on its back. Like Ranma,Nabiki had a number of smiles,most of them cold and calculating,a few superior smirks or arrogant grins. But Ranma could not recall ever having seen Nabiki like this. The brown haired Tendo sister was sitting tall in the saddle with a huge grin that just lit up her face and made her brown eyes sparkle. While Ranma could admit that Nabiki was attractive,for the first time she seemed to be beautiful. Ranma shook her head,she could face dragon princes,crazed martial artists and even deranged demi gods without blinking but it seemed that a smiling Tendo girl got to her every time. Nabiki was in pure heaven as she was led around the corral,she was riding a horse just like she always dreamed about doing. She was so happy she even gave Ranma a small wave as she went by. Even when Ranma called out that she was heading back to the dorm and that she'd see Nabiki for dinner caused Nabiki to just wave and go back to her happy place on her horse. The next week was spent with Aya and Teako coming up with a whole bunch of things to keep the girls from getting bored while they waited for thier test results. Ranma and Haruka played a lot of games in the community room,Ranma liked fighting games,Haruka prefered racing games and Nabiki spent most of her free time at the stables. Then one friday night,two weeks after Ranma and Nabiki had arrived at Campus Five,Aya knocked on thier room door. "Hey guys,"Aya greeted them as she made her way into the room "I have your test results back." |
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| Dumbledork | Apr 1 2013, 03:58 AM Post #34 |
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Ooooh, a lot of trouble for Ranma in the future it seems. I'm just surprised that Nabiki doesn't ask Ranma about the special tests. |
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| Tai Khan | Apr 1 2013, 01:52 PM Post #35 |
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Hey Coengar2, I'll assume that you're planning on doing a final editing of the story before posting it elsewhere, correcting spelling, missing spaces, punctuation and such. So, I won't mention any of those (not to mention, I'm hardly an expert myself). What I will recommend, however, are some word substitutions, particularly in part one. To stop this slide, the Diet with the blessings of the Emperor, inacted the Selective Insemination Service act (SIS) which requires all girls age 16 to 40 to register for a draft like program in which randomly selected girls would be impregnated at government facilties to help bolster and hopefully stop the decline in population. The use of the word "girls" implies a female under marriageable, or breeding (if you wish to be crude), age. I'd recommend changing this to "women" or, if you wish to be coldly scientific, "females". The yelling between the two attracted the attention of everyone in the gym including the SIS recruiters,one of whom walked over to see what the yelling was about. "Recruiters" should be replaced with "registrars", as they're not recruiting anyone which would imply that signing up is voluntary rather than mandatory, and they are in fact registering the women with the SIS. If you'd like some help editing and cleaning up the story, drop me an email. I should warn you, however, I'm something of a procrastinator. |
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| Coengar2 | Apr 1 2013, 10:41 PM Post #36 |
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PART TEN "I have your test results back." With those simple words Aya had managed to send a cold shiver down the spine of perhaps the greatest martial artist of his time and judging by the slight widening of Nabiki's eyes Ranma wasn't the only one in the room feeling apprehension. "How did we do?" Nabiki asked,a hint of worry tinting her voice. "Well."Aya began as she looked down at the clipboard in her hands and the papers on it "Let's start with you Nabiki." Seeing Nabiki nod in agreement Aya continued "Physically,you're in good shape.Your eyes are good,your teeth are fine,your GYN exam showed no abnormal lumps or bumps and your bloodwork came back fine." Nabiki was pleased to hear that she was alright physically. "As for your academics,you scored well on all your tests with highest marks in Math and Economics,with a pretty good score in English too." "It is the international language of business afterall." Nabiki remarked. Aya flipped a page on her clipboard "However,your personality test and psychiatric review indicates that you are a control freak with a tendancy towards manipulation of others. It also shows that you have a few issues that you need to work on." While Nabiki was digesting what she had just heard Aya turned towards Ranma. "Physically,you're in great shape Ranma.About the only mark against you is a suggestion that you consider getting a pair of reading glasses.Academically however,you're a trainwreck. Your marks are bad,some of the worse recorded on campus,ever. I mean,Math,Science,History are all low and then there is your reading score." Ranma looked away "Yeah,i don't read so good. I mean i can get by,you know, read signs and letters and such but i have a hard time reading books and things,except manga." Nabiki looked stunned at her roommate "You mean you can't read?" "I can read,"Ranma growled "Just not big words. I mean come on you know my Pops,the whole training trip i got to spend just around two and a half years in school total i learned how to read mostly from monks." Ranma sighed as he looked down at the floor "I guess i'm just dumb." "You're not dumb Ranma,"Aya retorted "You're undereducated,you just lack the proper basics that everyone else learns going to school regularly. I mean look here,your scores in Geography and Health Sciences are rather good as is surprisingly your score in English." "Well,i can speak several languages." Ranma replied with a smile at Nabiki's look of surprise. "You can?" the middle Tendo sister demanded. Ranma shrugged "Sure, i speak Japanese,a fair amount of English,some Korean i picked up on the road and some Mandarin." "Wait a minute."Nabiki demanded while holding up a hand "You say you can speak Mandarin? Then how in the hell did you wind up in Jusenkyo? I'm sure there were warning signs all over the place." "I can speak it,not read it." Nabiki and Aya faceplanted at that. "So tell me Ranma,"Nabiki began as she regained her sitting position "Does Shampoo and Cologne know that you can speak Mandarin?" Ranma smirked "Nope." "So you've been listening in on them talking?" "Yep,they haven't even considered the idea that i could speak Mandarin so they aren't always careful with what they say around me." Nabiki shook her head "I bet." Aya,not knowing who this Shampoo or Cologne was,regained Ranma's attention "Alright,look, your scores are low but the other tests do show that you are rather intelligent and have a strong mind,with some tutoring and remedial classes you should be able to get caught up with the things you need to know. Also,it looks like you have some issues to deal with as well,they want you to see a campus psychologist three times a week for an hour at a time." Nabiki snickered. "Don't laugh too much Nabiki,"Aya looked at her "You get to go once a week." That quieted Nabiki down. "So,what does all this mean?" she inquired. "Well,"Aya responded "Outside of starting a regular class schedule to continue your schooling next week and getting some help for your issues,they want to advance you both to phase three." Ranma's eyes widened "That would mean we would be getting..." she looked down at her stomach. "Not right away of course,"Aya reassured Ranma "Like i said in the morning group meeting,we'll have to start logging and monitoring your monthly cycle so the doctors can determine the best time for the procedure and that'll take at least two months but yes,the end result of phase three is that you'd become pregnant." Aya watched the emotions playing over the two roommates faces "I know it's a little scary and a heavy thing to think about. Remenber,you can opt out,nobody is going to force you to go through with it. I don't need an answer right now,take a few days to consider it.Tell you what,i'll give you a week,just let me know next friday. Sound fair?" Ranma and Nabiki just nodded silently then Aya left thier room. Sleep did not come easy for either of the two that night. The week started in a blur as the two had classes to locate and attend and to be honest,the thought of phase three was never far from thier minds. Ranma got a surprise as she went to her last class of the day. As she entered she stopped when she saw her sensei. While her clothing was different,her sensei's hair was still in a waist length gray braid and the facial expression was still serious and yet welcoming at the same time. "Master Yamada,"Ranma said "What are you doing here?" The elderly master smiled "When we last met and i tested you,you impressed me with your knowledge of pressure points and shiatsu. You are very knowledgable for one so young and not truly trained. I have come to teach you properly so every week day you will be here with me and i will teach you human anatomy.When you have learned that to my satisfaction we will begin learning about pressure points,shiatsu and rekki. Now come and sit.We must begin and you have much to learn." Unexpected martial arts grandmasters aside, the week went by all to quickly for Ranma's taste. With the thoughts of phase three filling her head on a thursday afternoon,she went off to find Nabiki to ask her opinion. Nabiki was easy to find,she was at the stables brushing down her favorite horse. The brown haired girl nodded as Ranma approached the stall she was in. "Hey Ranma,what's up?" Nabiki asked while she ran the brush over the side of the horse. "Been doing a lot of thinking is all." "I can guess what about." "Have you thought about it Nabs?" "All the time Ranma." "So what are you going to do?" Nabiki put the brush aside and pulled out an apple from a pouch on her hip and fed it to the horse. Then she went and stood next to Ranma. After a few moments of quiet,she began to speak. "It's not easy being the middle child.Kasumi was the oldest and got to be Mom's kitchen helper and helped clean up around the house.She got to spend the most time with Mom. Akane was the baby and Daddy's little princess and he doted on her.Sometimes it felt like i was just not as important as they were. When i was younger i used to draw and i was pretty good,certainly better than the usual kid my age,and i would take my drawing and give it to my mom. She would smile really big and give me a big hug and call me her bestest little artist. Then she'd hang my drawing on the fridge. She did that every time i gave her a drawing. It really made me feel special. When we were getting our stuff together to come here Kasumi told me about a backpack in the attic that i could use.While i was up there i came across a cardboard box.It was dusty and taped up with yellowing tape and written on the box in my mother's handwriting were the words 'Nabiki's Masterpieces'." Ranma could see moisture building up in Nabiki's eyes but she said nothing and let the girl continue. "When i opened the box i discovered that my mother had saved every drawing that i had given her and it all came back to me. How loved she made me feel and all the little things she did just for me. Things like cutting the crust off my sandwich or coming home from the store with my favorite candy bar or reading me stories after she tucked me in. My mother loved me and made me special. I want to feel that way again,i want to be the one making someone feel loved.I want to be the one doing the special little things." Nabiki wiped her eyes and looked at Ranma "Yeah,i've been thinking about it. I think i'm going to do it. I'm going to go to phase three." |
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| Coengar2 | Apr 3 2013, 09:34 PM Post #37 |
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PART ELEVEN Ranma made her way along the path that led back to the main campus,Nabiki's words still running through her head. It had surprised her to hear Nabiki say that she was going to go to phase three.Of all the people she knew Nabiki had always seemed to be sure of how her life was going to go and Ranma recalled the talk they had had on the Tendo's porch when Nabiki had said that her future did not probably include children. Now apparently she had changed her mind. Ranma had listened to Nabiki talk about feeling special with mixed feelings. No one had ever made Ranma feel special. Sure maybe his mother had done little things for him before he went away on his training trip but thanks to the nekoken,he couldn't recall them. As for Genma,the old man never had a good thing to say to Ranma since they started the trip,when Ranma failed at something it was because he was weak and worthless.If he succeeded it was because Genma was a great teacher. As Ranma walked along the path he couldn't remember a single time when his father had said that he was proud of his son only that he needed to get better and stronger and never did Genma ever tell his child that he loved him,probably thought that it's make Ranma go weak and soft. Kasumi did things for him sometimes,like when she would wait up for him with a kettle of hot water and a first aid kit after he and Akane had another fight.Sometimes she would make his favorite food for him and give him extra portions. But really that didn't count,Kasumi did things for almost everyone in the house,it was just her nature. Ranma's thoughts turned towards his mother as the path under his feet went from dirt to concrete. His mother confused Ranma,at first she was all about manliness and waving her katana around and trying to get him to sleep with all the girls that were after him.But for the last few months she had been different.Now Ranma didn't have to be manly,just a good and honorable person and she wasn't getting all weird about him turning into a girl either. Before,she would make Ranma change back to a boy as soon after a water splash as possible,but now she seemed alright with a part time daughter. She even talked Ranma into coming to the campus after the letter from the SIS had arrived. Ranma wasn't sure if his mother was growing to love and accept him or if she was just nuts. Ranma found his way to the park in the central area between the main buildings of the campus. It was of good size with a fountain at one end and had a bunch of cherry blossom trees and flower beds. Several benches were placed in various spots around the park and Ranma soon found herself sitting on one still deep in thought. Ranma was so involved in her thinking that she hadn't noticed that someone was speaking to her until she felt a gentle touch on her shoulder,causing her to jump with a start. 'Oh,i'm sorry,"came a soft voice "I did not mean to frighten you." Ranma waved a hand and replied with a cocky attitude "Aw,i ain't afraid of nothing." The sound of giggling caused the redhead to take a close look at just who she was talking to. It was another girl,younger than Ranma,wearing clothing from the clothing center,a pair of slacks and a t shirt with 'Campus Five' blazoned across the chest. The girl had wavy black hair that flowed to just past her shoulders and her pale skin made Ranma blink in wonderment. The girl's brown eyes seem to sparkle as she brought a hand up to cover her mouth as she giggled. "Well then,i'm sorry to disturb you." the girl said with a smile and a tone to her voice that reminded Ranma almost of the Chardan family.It was a tone that some would attribute to someone of a high social class and from a ritzy private school. "Naw,you weren't disturbing me really,just doing some heavy thinking is all." Ranma replied motioning for the girl to take a seat. Ranma watched the girl sit down with an elegant grace that wasn't from martial arts training.The girl set a sketch pad on the bench next to her as she spoke up again. "I did note that you looked like you were bothered by something.I was wondering if you could use a good set of ears to listen to your problem." "I dunno,it's just that they want me to go to phase three and i ain't sure i'm ready for it." "I can understand why it bothers you.It is a big step." the girl nodded "By the way,my name is Michiko." "Ranma,pleased to meet ya." Ranma greeted her with a smile "I'm just worried how folks are gonna take it if i go back home with a baby in my belly." "I take it that your family doesn't agree with the program?" Machiko asked. "Well,my mom seems to like the idea of it,i think she just wants grandbabies.But my Pops sure had some nasty things to say." Ranma pondered a moment before continuing "And what about your folks? You seem kinda young to be in this program." "Well i am sixteen after all and that is the minimum age required for registration for the program." Machiko said with a slight hint of sternness in her voice "As for my parents,they practically marched me down to the registration center a few days after my birthday to get me signed up." "Wow,they must really want grandkids."Ranma said with a small whistle. Machiko covered her mouth again as a giggle emerged "Well, i do come from a very well known family with a high standing in society,it is my duty to lead by example and do as the law requires." "Still,it's kinda like you're being forced to do this.It ain't right." Ranma noted with concern. "Well,my whole life is picked out for me.My school,my clothes,the things i learn and do,even those who would be my friends are carefully scrutinized for acceptability and i suppose that someday my parents will chose my husband for me too. This is something that i must do. It just goes with being a part of my family." "Yeah,i know all about those arranged marriages and stuff.I feel for you." Ranma remarked with a roll of her eyes. "Still it sucks that you have to do this." "Trust me Ranma," Machiko answered looking Ranma in the eyes "If i had truly not wanted to be here,my family would have seen to it that i was never chosen for the program but i do want to be here. I want to do my part and why should my lineage make me different from all the other women in Japan who have to do this?" "I guess so," Ranma shrugged "I'm kinda here because of the duty thing too and my mom says i'm doing a great thing for my country but it's me that they're asking to get pregnant,not my mom, not my friends from school not my neighbors.It's me,i'm the one who's here,i'll be the one having the kid. It's kinda scary you know." "Yes it is," Machiko agreed "But remember,you're not doing this alone, i mean, you will have your mother with you and i'm sure you'll have friends to support you and to help you and the SIS will be able to help you too.So you will have a lot of support and help so you can deal with things if it gets scary." "Yeah,you're probably right,although i sure don't want to deal with Pop's mouth." Ranma sighed. Machiko stood up and with her sketchbook in one hand,started pulling Ranma upright with the other "Come on.sitting here doing all this wondering isn't doing you any good.Let's go." "Where we going?"Ranma asked as she allowed herself to be pulled up. "To the community center for some cold drinks." Machiko replied as she led Ranma towards the named building "So tell me Ranma,do you play Go?" The buzzing alarm clock signaled the arrival of Friday morning. Ranma came back into the room and watched mildly amused as zombie Nabiki attempted to return to life again. Ranma had awoken at her usual time and went out to do some kata then she came back in and hit the shower before anyone else did,allowing her to have a hot shower even though it turned her into a boy until she plashed some cold water on herself as she finished up. Ranma watched as Nabiki stumbled out of the room on her way to the showers.She knew how things were going to go next.Ever since the first time Nabiki had returned topless to Ranma's surprise and had seen the pigtailed one's reaction Nabiki had been giving Ranma a repeat performance every morning since,seeming to take great pleasure in making Ranma blush. Thankfully the nose bleeds had stopped,especially since yesterday Nabiki came back totally naked. Well,the nose bleeds were mostly stopped. Fortunately it was just a topless Nabiki this morning so Ranma managed to make it to breakfast with only a mild blush. After that it was time to head off to the day's classes. Lunch time found Ranma and Haruka sitting in the cafeteria eating.It was clear that something was on Haruka's mind. "You ok Haruka?" Ranma asked with some concern. "What? Oh yeah,sorry Ranma,got that whole phase three going on in my head." Haruka grinned as she scratched the back of her head. "That's right,they asked you to advance as well." Ranma said while reaching for her container of juice "So you gonna do it?" Haruka took a sip of her own juice before answering "Yeah,i'm gonna do it. I mean me and Michiru have talked about having kids but we weren't sure how since they don't really want to let lesbian couples adopt and we are kinda young still. Funny thing is though,in all our talks,it was always Michiru being the one to get pregnant,never me at least not seriously ever me." Ranma chuckled as she took a bite of her sandwich. Haruka went on "I mean Michiru is the one who is feminine and girly,i'm the one who drives a sports car and races motorcycles and dresses like a man.Hell,i even talk and act like a man,although not as much as you do on occassion. I mean what kind of mother am i going to make?" 'Well."Ranma started "You don't have to be girly to be a mom,i mean my mom may wear kimonos and stuff but she's not really girly,i've seen plenty of nongirly moms before. I guess you just need to love your kid and take care of them and stuff. Besides,like you said,you got Michiru to do the girly stuff." Haruka laughed "It'll just be strange not doing what i am use too for a while. I mean,can you picture me pregnant on a motorcycle?" Michiru would have a fit." "I guess having a baby really changes you."Ranma said. "Not really,"Haruka replied "I mean sure i'm not going to be racing for a while and i'm sure maternity clothes don't come in men's styles,but i'm still going to be me. I'm not going to suddenly stop liking the things i do and after the kid is born and i'm ready for it,i'll be back racing. You don't have to give up who you are just because you're going to have a baby." "I never thought of that."Ranma said slowly "I guess even with a kid i'll still be a martial artist." "There you go,even pregnant you'll be the same old Ranma. Now come on,we need to head back to classes." They took thier trays to the drop off rack after dumping out thier trash and then they headed towards the educational building. Later that evening Ranma and Nabiki told Aya that they would advance to phase three. Edited by Coengar2, Apr 3 2013, 09:41 PM.
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| Shinkicker | Apr 4 2013, 06:55 AM Post #38 |
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Superior Member
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Sounds like this Machiko is the reason the place is so secure, so.. royalty? Will she be a recurring character? Also, I'm kinda surprised Ranma has had someone trip with the tea yet, for a public gender-change. Could go either way with peoples reactions, "oh what a pervert" or "wow, brave for man." If anyone did kick a stink, Haruka could pretty much snuff it with like one sentence. |
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| Lawra | Apr 4 2013, 05:52 PM Post #39 |
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There needs to be more of Ranma coming up with justifications for why he should do it not listening to those of others. It's a huge decision to just make for any normal girl, let alone a boy considering a child. You're glossing over a lot just to move things on. Like the physical that Ranma has a moment of distress at before shrugging it off. All the time, energy, and cost that went into renovating or creating this area for them to just stay in could have been better spent on encouraging people to have more kids. It's a completely unnecessary intrusion and stress causer when everything they are doing could be done while they are living their normal lives. Now once they hit this phase 3 them going in until the deed is done is reasonable since they want more of a sure thing. |
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| Coengar2 | Apr 4 2013, 10:06 PM Post #40 |
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PART TWELVE Ranma leaned against one the trees in the center park and thought,something that she had been doing a lot of lately. She had called her mother earlier in the day to let her know about Ranma's decision to move up to phase three. Her mother seemed happy at the news and said how proud she was of Ranma for going through the program. Then they talked about a few other things that were going on in both of thier lives when Nodoka had dropped a bombshell,she was divorcing Genma. Not that Nodoka had not mentioned doing so before when she and Ranma had thier talk when Ranma's letter from the SIS had arrived and so it shouldn't have come as a big shock to Ranma to hear her mother say it,but it was. It was during her talk about getting custody of Ranma and how it could affect the Saotome-Tendo marriage agreement that Ranma dropped a bombshell of her own. Of course Nodoka was surprised and had tried to convince Ranma to pursue another course of action but Ranma had valid arguements to back her up and for every point Nodoka raised Ranma had a counterpoint. In the end,Nodoka reluctantly agreed that Ranma had made a valid case and that she should do whatever she felt was right. After they had hung up,Ranma had wandered off to the park in the hopes that she could figure out just why she had agreed to go through all of this SIS stuff in the first place. Sure there was duty to consider but honestly Ranma felt that she and her family could have put up a stronger resistance in defense of her manhood that could have kept her from being chosen as a candidate. She had been told that she could opt out at any time,so why wasn't she? Why was she willing to go on and have a baby? Her thoughts were confusing. Was she like Michiko doing it out of a sense of duty? Or perhaps like Haruka who wanted to help her lover get what they always wanted? Maybe she was like Nabiki who seemed to want a baby to feel love. Maybe it was a combination of all these things,maybe it was none of them. But Kami help her,it felt like it was something that she needed to do and like something she wanted to do. Ranma had to admit,that even though she had been spending almost all of the last four weeks as a girl,except for her brief changes in the shower and for her physicals, and that everyone on campus treated her as a girl she still felt like the same old Ranma whether a boy or a girl. A state she had found herself getting comfortable with much to her distress. Even though they had been proven to be wrong,the words she had often heard from her father over the years about manliness and the weakness of girls and thier general lesser value still rang in her head although she was slowly quieting them down. Maybe that was it,she wanted to get pregnant just to piss off the old panda. Ranma spent most of the day just sitting and thinking about a lot of things but not getting many answers. By the time that she decided to head off for dinner she had decided to just go with the flow and try not to get worked up over things.After all,she can always opt out. After that it seemed like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders and she found that she wasn't bothered by such heavy thoughts as she had been. She fell into a regular routine of classes in the morning followed by evenings spent with Nabiki when she wasn't at the stables or with Haruka arguing over what video game to play next and she spent several nights playing Go with Machiko. It was one such night where Nabiki had gone to the community building and come across Ranma and Machiko well into one of thier games. The two were laughing and talking and Nabiki felt a brief tang of something in her heart as she approached thier table. "So here is where you've been hiding out." Nabiki said with a smile that did not quite reach her eyes. "Oh Hi Nabs." Ranma replied looking over at her. "I didn't know you played Go Ranma." Nabiki remarked casually. "Well,i haven't really played in a while but Machiko here has been teaching me how to play better.' Ranma waved at her playing partner who smiled at Nabiki and spoke up. "And after we had a little talk about gaming ettiquette and not cheating she's proven to be quite a good player." Michiko said. Nabiki raised an eyebrow "Cheating, Ranma?" "Yes,cheating"Machiko remarked while Ranma blushed and looked away "During our first game,i was winning when she suddenly pointed over my shoulder and yelled out 'Gojira is approaching'. By the time i turned around to see what she was talking about and then turned back to the game she had rearranged the entire board." Nabiki laughed "picking up tips from your dad Ranma?" "Well,that's how he always plays." Ranma mumbled while poking her fingers together. "Sorry about that,our fathers play Go all the time and they are terrible cheats.It seems like Ranma has picked up thier bad habits." Nabiki said with an amused tone of voice. "At least she hasn't tried anything else since we had our little talk." Machiko said with a small smile as she took a hard look at Ranma who was still looking embarassed. Machiko then looked over at Nabiki "Excuse me, you must be the Nabiki that Ranma speaks of. I am Machiko." "A pleasure."Nabiki returned "Ranma has spoken of me?" "Oh yes,quite fondly in fact." Machiko smiled "And quite often as well." For some reason, hearing Machiko say that caused a warm feeling to pass through Nabiki causing the Tendo sister to blink and say nothing for a few moments. Finally she wished them a good game and gave Ranma a warning not to be out too late and she left the community building and headed back to her dorm. Her thoughts swirling in her mind,one thing was clear as she thought about Ranma's wavy haired gaming partner. It was her voice,it was cultured and sophisticated,the kind of voice that Nabiki had always thought that the well educated elite had. It was the kind of voice that Nabiki had wanted to have. The next day was a sunday and Nabiki was sitting in her dorm room when Ranma had suddenly run into the room and began changing into her shorts and a t shirt. "What's with you Ranma?" she said looking over the top of her book. "Dorm two just challenged dorm three to a volleyball game.Wanna go watch?" Ranma said as she hopped around on one foot trying to tie her sneaker. Nabiki put her book down and grabbed her own sneakers "Watch nothing,i'm going to play." Soon the two dorms had gathered at the gym, Nabiki reminded Ranma that this was just a friendly game not a serious competition so Ranma had better not show off any super martial arts stuff since no one else playing was a martial artist. With great reluctance Ranma agreed to try to keep things under control. With friendly jibes and joking smacktalk the two teams began to play and to be honest it was a rather good game. Dorm two had some althletic players who obviously had played volleyball on a competitive level. Dorm three had Ranma,who at just under five feet tall was spiking the ball from a foot above the net.She was also all over the court keeping the ball in play. It also turned out that not only could Nabiki play volleyball,she was good at it and Haruka and several other girls from dorm three were no slouches either. It was a fun game and both sides had a great time with lots of laughing and joking. Afterwards,the two teams made thier way to the gym juice bar for cold drinks and more bragging and smacktalk. As to who actually won the game,after it became apparent that neither team had a clear cut advantage over the other, both sides just stopped keeping score and they just played until they were all tired. It had been seven weeks since Ranma had come to Campus Five and she was sitting in her anatomy class listening to Master Yamada lecture about the nervous system. Ranma was busy listening to the lecture and taking notes not noticing the elderly master walking around behind her as Master Yamada often walked around the room while she talked. Ranma never felt the fingers brush against several spots on her head,nor did she feel the hands that caught her limp body before she crashed face first into her desk,nor did she see Master Yamada pull out a cell phone and say into it 'You may proceed'. The doctor that had given Ranma her physicals soon entered the room with a nurse,both carrying devices in thier hands. "Is she out?" the doctor asked. "She is out,the pressure points will keep her alseep long enough for you to do what you need to." Master Yamada replied as she and the nurse laid Ranma apon a table. "You just need to dip her hand into the hot water to activate the curse,that way i won't have to explain why she is suddenly soaking wet." The doctor pulled out two small thermos and poured hot water into a styrofoam cup. Dipping Ranma's fingers into the water turned the redheaded girl back into a black haired boy. The doctor set the cup aside then reached over to Ranma and pulled down his pants and the tight panties he was now wearing. A touch to the groin by Master Yamada had Ranma's manhood standing at full attention. "Very nice." the nurse said with a soft voice full of appreciation. She then attached a device similiar to a dairy cow milking machine onto Ranma's penis and turned it on. "This,"the doctor explained to Master Yamada "will allow us to harvest his seed." "Your way is too slow." Master Yamada said as she reached over to poke Ranma's groin again. At this touch Ranma gave a slight twitch as his penis jerked several times and soon began filling the milking machine. "Impressive,"the doctor remarked "As we had hoped,there is enough there for two seeds. One will be used as we have been instructed and the other will be given to the Guiding Hand as per our agreement for your use." Master Yamada nodded "While i do not care for the way that this had to happen,the seed will be used to help take care of a situation that could prove bothersome to Ranma in the near future." Master Yamada reached into a bag and pulled out a wooden box which she handed to the doctor "The Guiding Hand would also like for you to use this seed with Ranma." The doctor took the box with a questioning look. Master Yamada replied "Like you, i can not say who this seed comes from,only that it will have a profound impact on Ranma's bloodline and bring forth something wonderful to help her Art continue to evolve." The doctor nodded as she put the box away and began securing Ranma's seed in a cooling cylinder to keep it frozen and viable. "And you're sure that Ranma will remember nothing of this?" the doctor asked as she dipped Ranma's hand into the cup now filled with cold water changing him back into a girl. Master Yamada shook her head "No,the pressure points will cause her to remember nothing,it will be as if she simply dozed off for a moment." Ranma was quickly redressed and placed back in her desk,then the doctor and nurse gathered thier things and exited the room, heading back to the medical building to further prepare the seeds. "I'm sorry it had to be this way child,but there are things happening that you know nothing about and yet are an important participant in. You will be guided towards a better life and your school of martial arts will develope into what it is truly meant to be and will carry on." With that,aged fingers brushed red hair and blue eyes blinked with sleepiness and a student was chided by her sensei for falling asleep in class. |
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| Jimbobob5536 | Apr 5 2013, 12:26 AM Post #41 |
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Oh damn. Something tells me the memories won't stay forgotten forever, and when they're revealed... Nice. |
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| Tai Khan | Apr 5 2013, 01:05 AM Post #42 |
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Advanced Member
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Okay, let's try this again; now that I've gotten some sleep and am less irritable... Part 12 causes all kinds of questions to be raised, for which there are little to no answers or clues, and which causes considerable confusion. Just as the readers have yet to learn what Genma said to Ranma before his and Nabiki's interviews, which appears to have had a great influence on Ranma's decisions and Nodoka's decision to divorce him...we're now learning that Ranma's made another decision which is described as a "bombshell", but we're given no forewarning that such a decision was forthcoming or even what said decision pertains to. Just that it comes out of the blue and causes Nodoka to grill her child to confirm that Ranma's considered the consequences of said decision. Other than that, the readers are left completely in the dark. It may or may not have something to do with the Saotome-Tendo marriage agreement, as that is the lead in to the paragraph, but the reader is left with no clues. Then we come to Ranma's decision to go on with the program and allow herself to be impregnated, and her reasons for coming to that decision. And we're left with the sense that Ranma's doing it out of simple spite towards her father (likely strongly influenced by the as yet undisclosed statements by Genma). Ranma herself is uncertain of why she's doing it, and despite the monumental affects such a decision will have on her future...she resolves NOT to think about it any further and just "go with the flow". There's a bit filler with a volleyball game and Nabiki's introduced to Machiko, wherein Nabiki learns that Ranma talks about her and it appears to be in a favorable light which gives her warm feelings...but she's far more interested in placing Machiko's manner of speaking than Ranma's opinions of her. Then we come to Ranma in the classroom with Master Yamada and the taking of Ranma-kun's seed. There is no indication that Ranma has had any difficulty in remaining awake in a class in which she appears to be the only student, or that she finds the topics dull or monotonous, especially when being instructed by a martial arts grandmaster she respects and knows that what is being taught will make her a better martial artist. And yet, we're led to believe that Ranma is expected to find nothing unusual about going from awake and attentive (she's studiously taking notes) to suddenly dropping off for a nap (the reader can also assume that she's been getting plenty of sleep, especially with her decision to "go with the flow" and not think about things too much) for no apparent reason. And none of that even takes into consideration why Master Yamada and the doctor are taking Ranma-kun's seed in this particular manner, risking putting the entire program in jeopardy and seriously undermining Ranma's trust in them, rather than simply asking Ranma to make a donation of his seed to further the cause of the program and for which Ranma has given no indication that he might refuse. If Ranma had previously been asked and had refused (for which there has been no indication that it was even a consideration), only then would this section of the story make any sense and become worth the risks they're taking. As for the uses Ranma's seed samples are to be used for (and some further research into sperm donation should be conducted as considerably more than two doses can be gathered from a single ejaculation), or the fact that Ranma is intended to be impregnated with a specific seed supplied by Master Yamada...this could have been handled in an entirely different manner without the completely unnecessary risks having to be taken. Master Yamada makes mention of the fact that she does not like the way they had to gather Ranma's seed, but makes no mention of why they "had" to gather it in such a manner as opposed to other far less covert and suspicious means. And then Master Yamada goes on to state that one of the "seeds" would be used to resolve a situation that could prove bothersome to Ranma in the near future, but gives no indication of what that "situation" could be. And finally, despite Master Yamada's apparent belief that she's doing all this in Ranma's "best interests" and that it will improve his/her life and Art...the fact remains that if they felt it was necessary to use such covert methods, it clearly shows that they felt Ranma would most strongly NOT approve of their intentions in the least. AND, that she will be MOST UPSET if she should ever learn of their betrayal of her trust. Essentially, unless Ranma is intended to shortly learn of what occurred and become adversarial with the Guiding Hand and "opt out" of the program...the entire scene of the near rape of Ranma becomes pointless. That seed should be collected from Ranma-kun and used to impregnate anonymous women would be expected and not something Ranma would be likely to refuse, especially with HER decision to proceed to phase three herself. And that Ranma herself would be impregnated with a specific seed was also practically a given and no surprise to the readers. And yet, the reader is left with the impression that Ranma would not approve of how they intended to use his seed or of who's seed she is to be impregnated by (Happosai's, Kuno's or...Genma's, perhaps?). And, despite the author's comments, there has been no indication WITHIN the story itself that ANYONE finds the amount or type of security at the facility the least bit suspicious. There haven't been any kidnapping attempts in the weeks they've been there? The supposed basis for the strong security. No one's tried to "opt out" yet? Everyone that arrived with Ranma and Nabiki are still there. No one's expressed ANY dissatisfaction with the program, the facility, or what's expected of them? Everyone's fat, dumb and happy, and looking forward to popping out babies for the glory of Japan? The story's been going too smoothly, too fast, and a great deal has been skipped over or deliberately left out. Edited by Tai Khan, Apr 5 2013, 01:53 PM.
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| Coengar2 | Apr 5 2013, 11:08 PM Post #43 |
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While taking a break to get the next couple of story sections organized and ready to post i've noticed that several points had been raised and that some things in the story are unclear.So while this is something that i do not usually do when writing a story i thought that i would go over these points and concerns and try to clearify a few things. Hopefully this will allow me to think these through myself and improve the story. Let's start with the big one... WHY IS RANMA ALLOWING HERSELF TO GO WITH THE PROGRAM AND GET PREGNANT SO EASILY? Let's be honest,i could write pages of deep dialog filled with Ranma's struggles,inner conflicts and angst as he tries to come to grips with the program and having a baby. But i haven't for three reasons. 1)This isn't that kind of story. 2)While some readers may enjoy indepth psychological introspection,i as a writer do not. And let's face it,it's not something all that commonly seen in a Ranma story. 3)For the story to advance i need Ranma to become pregnant. WHAT DID GENMA SAY TO RANMA TO GET HIM UPSET? While i did not go into details,it is mentioned that Genma's insults and verbal attacks are mean spirited,nasty and full of Genma's misogynistic beliefs. It is mentioned that by attacking Ranma's manhood,or lack there of,Genma hopes to shame Ranma into refusing to go along with the SIS program. I just did not feel the need to put the actual insults into the story so they are just only mentioned in passing. SO WHY IS NODOKA DIVORCING GENMA? Not only is Nodoka upset with Genma's verbal attacks on Ranma and his behaviors towards Ranma since the SIS letters arrived but she has been learning some of Genma's past behaviors while on the training trip.Ranma did mention that Genma was not faithful to Nodoka during the trip. And with the SIS investigation into Genma's past continues she is sure to learn even more things. WHAT WAS RANMA'S BOMBSHELL TO NODOKA? This will be answered soon. Probably in a couple of sections from now. WHY IS NABIKI MORE INTERESTED IN MACHIKO THAN IN HER REACTION TO RANMA'S OPINION OF HER? My reasoning for this is as follows. 1)The warm feeling she got was just that,a feeling. One that she is not willing to seriously consider since even though Ranma is a friend and they seem to be getting along better,Ranma is still Akane's fiance. 2)Machiko is obviously from a high social status family and appears to be cultured and well educated,something Nabiki would like to appear as being herself. Also,she is wondering what someone like Machiko would see in a lower status,rough natured and lower educated person such as Ranma. The two are a very unlikly friendship in Nabiki's eyes. Or it could just be Nabiki's natural curiosity about people. NOTE: Machiko is a good example of an evolving character. originally she was just supposed to be a one shot that teaches Ranma that there is more to life than just martial arts and maybe help Ranma polish off some rough edges. Now she has developed into a recurring friend for Ranma and just maybe a romantic rival for Nabiki over Ranma if Nabiki ever decides to do something about the feelings she seems to be getting for Ranma. CAMPUS FIVE'S HEAVY SECURITY: This is an example of elements placed into a story for a plotline that was later dropped. Originally i had planned that there was to be more public resistance to the SIS program being mandatory,even to the point of armed resistance and attacks on SIS Campuses to liberate candidates but i soon felt that it was an element a bit too dark for the story that i had envisioned and dropped it. It should be noted that outside of the entry checkpoint and guards and the fence,even with the barb wire and spotlights,there is very little evidence of a heavy security presence on the campus.I mean it is not crawling with armed guards,in fact,guards are hardly ever seen and then only at the check point or fenceline. DORM THREE OPT OUTS: This is something that i am willing to take the blame for.It is something that i had thought that i had mentioned but turned out that i didn't. Although Dorm three started with twenty girls,there has in fact been three girls removed from the dorm. Two of them opted out while another failed her physical exam. I was also going to mention a fourth girl who was not passed on to phase three as it was discovered during her physical that she had arrived on campus already pregnant. But since she is in the early stages of her pregnancy,the doctors decided to let her stay through her first trimester so that they could monitor her pregnancy. WHY DO THE CANDIDATES SEEM TO BE FAT,DUMB AND HAPPY TO GO ALONG WITH THE PROGRAM? Campus Five exists for one main reason.to produce babies. The candidates who come to the campus and don't opt out or fail thier exams expect that they will become pregnant.Also,as it has been shown,high stress levels can interrupt a woman's monthly cycle and can even stop it all together,the campus goes to great lengths to keep the candidates stress free by providing for thier needs,comforts and by keeping them busy enough that they do not have time to really get stressed out from thinking about the end results of the program. Also,another thing that i had thought that i had mentioned before but will certainly be mentioning in a upcoming section is that the campus uses a strategy of subtle propaganda and positive reinforcement about the honor and joys of completing the program and becoming mothers to indoctrinate the candidates in a way similiar to how a military boot camp indoctrinates civilians into becoming soldiers. They are made to simply want to complete the program and it is hoped that they will have a good experiance on the campus and that when they return home they will tell others about how good thier experiance was thus making these others more willing to enter the program and complete it. Besides,those who can resist all of the SIS strategy opt out of the program anyway and are sent home. and finally WHY WAS RANMA'S SEED HARVESTED IN THE WAY IT WAS? O.k. the load of bull answer is that while Ranma's curse is known to some of the medical staff and some secretive people outside of the program,it is not a well known subject among the rest of the SIS program. Ranma is for all intents and purposes just another candidate awaiting impregnation. Since it can be expected that donors must go through a rigorous screening process before thier seed can be accepted,Ranma being seen as a female candidate and not as a potiental donor, did not go through the screening and as such,the harvesting of his seed was unsanctioned by the SIS and thus illegal so the campus medical facilities could not be used for fear of detection. Load of bull answer #2: Note:Yet another point i had wanted to mention in the story but forgot to. One of Ranma's biggest points of contention with the SIS is that he cannot understand how a person can donate thier seed and yet not want to be there for the child that he helped father. Ranma's pysch tests would show that Ranma possess a strong paternal streak and an almost obsessive need to not be like his own father and to actually be a good father to any children that he may help create making Ranma unwilling to just donate his seed to randomly make a baby that he will never be able to see. However Ranma is more willing to accept becoming pregnant as a woman because then at least,he will still be there to care for the child. The probable truth answer: While the whole secret conspiracy and pregnancy influencing plot was not an originsl part of the story it has become a part of it and i guess that i just wanted to add an air of mystery by having Ranma's harvesting being done away from the places one would expect to show that the people behind it want to keep it a secret and that they believe that Ranma would be unlikly to accept what they are planning to do if he knew about it. I could have/should have handed this differently from the way i did it but this is how it turned out. I should also say that it was not my original intent to have Ranma wake up after the harvesting as if she had fallen asleep but instead i wanted her to think that she had simply lost track of the time from being engrossed in the lecture,something that she has done before. This is a case of me losing my focus during writing and not fully thinking out what i really wanted to write at the time. Anyway,thank you for allowing me to rant and for letting me clear a few things up.It has given me time to think about how i want the story to go. While i can't promise that i'll be posting two parts a day again,i will try to write more carefully and hopefully the story will improve because of it. Thanks for reading Coengar2 |
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| Dumbledork | Apr 6 2013, 08:37 AM Post #44 |
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I enjoyed it, but I have to agree with Tai about the method they used to get Ranma's seed. I really doubt Ranma would have refused if they had asked if they had given him good reasons. They could even have done it without telling anyone else but Ranma. There's really no need to tell others about the curse. |
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| Shinkicker | Apr 6 2013, 11:58 PM Post #45 |
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Superior Member
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Yeah, that last section seems to be setting up drama for the sake of having drama. It's plain dishonest at best. Have to agree with the others to, if Ranma is agreeing to get pregnant to save the country he should be fine with donating for the cause as well. They could also explain The reasons why it's kept anonymous to by simply pointing to all the other donors as examples. Also, the 'load of bull answer' that not many folks know of his curse is pretty contradictory to earlier sections with all the highly apparent testing and doctors (and military) knowing and interested in the curse it's not like his curse is some Top Secret to national security, someone only really needs to read the a newspaper from Nerima. Anyways that's my thought on it, otherwise the rest is ok. I don't mind if its light on in depth psychological introspection. You're giving it a nod, and like you said you don't like writing that stuff. Thanks for posting. |
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2:53 PM Jul 11