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Saotome Ranma no Yabou; Tick Tock Time Travel?
Topic Started: Oct 1 2012, 10:44 PM (2,146 Views)
Fellgrave
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Hidden in the Shadow of Omega
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So here's my first post, and I want to know your guys' opinions on it. It's based on a cool new anime series I found, and I think I included the links in my preliminary AN, and Ranma, of course.

Here ya go, the first little bit of the story.

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Listen, before you read this, I suggest you go to animfreak (dot tv) (slash) oda-nobuna-no-yabou-episode-1-online. Also, I suggest you check out the translated light novel of Oda Nobuna no Yabou over at baka-tsuki This will not only enable you to recognize the three series that I am crossing here, Ranma should already be familiar so I'm not adding in places to look it up, but will help you get more enjoyment out of reading this, I hope. Also, minor cameo for the history teacher, I know she didn't cover that subject in her canon, but hey, its a cameo.

Also, in this story, names will be put in the usual manner of the Japanese, clan name first, then the personal name. This is because, well its for my own amusement, and it fits for the era that Ranma will arrive in.

Enjoy.

"Heh, I wonder what it would have been like, to fight Nobunaga or Takeda, or the others. Wonder if I coulda beat them?" Ranma mused aloud as he walked home from school. To his side, Akane let out a loud sigh. Ever since their history teacher had begun covering the Sengoku period Ranma had been almost insufferable.

"Honestly, is fighting all you can think of?" She paused for a moment. "Though, I guess it is a good thing to see you actually paying attention to one of the teachers other than Hinako-sensei."

"Hey, it's not all fighting, I like other parts of history too." Akane rolled her eyes and gave a chuckle.

"Oh really? Like what? Face it, unless it's related to martial arts somehow, you don't care." Ranma gave Akane a dark look. It wasn't his fault that he had to spend so much time fighting, and besides most of the time he was fighting to save her butt from some idiot or another.

"Hey, I resent that remark. And I'll have you know, I am actually near the top of the class for history." Akane did a double-take at Ranma's words.

"You're kidding?" Ranma smirked and gave her a shake of his head.

"Nope, I'm number two in the class according to Mizuho-sensei. Which means I'm actually doin' better than you are." Ranma watched with amusement as Akane stopped dead in her tracks, her mind locked up on the fact that he could actually do well at an intellectual pursuit, not that he would use such words himself.

"And besides, remember the saying, 'Over-specialize and you breath in weakness.'" Just as Akane's mind had begun to return to proper working condition, Ranma's words through it for another loop. Akane did, in fact, remember that saying, and she also remembered the anime from which the quote had originated, one she had been pretty sure that Ranma was unfamiliar with, in fact she was surprised by the fact that he watched anime period. She couldn't recall the last time she had seen him doing anything other than getting into another fight, or hanging off of those damned girls of his.

"Ya know, for a sci-fi show, GitS had pretty decent action. Gotta thank Hinako-sensei for showin' me it next time she comes over. Sides, I wonder if Nobunaga could do anything in real life like he could in that game I played with her." Akane blinked as her mind resumed working. That solved that question at least of where he had heard the quote, though she couldn't recall exactly which game he was referring to.

With a shrug, she resumed walking, though her steps were still a touch stiff. "I doubt that, it was a game after all."

"Yeah, but it would be pretty cool. Sides, I can already pull off most of their moves, but I want to know how the heck Fūma Kotarō could control his arms and stretch them like that. I mean, he was like the Sengoku version of that guy from One Piece. If could practice them a bit, I'd have all them moves down, then there'd be nobody better than me."

Akane rolled her eyes again, and let out another put upon sigh. Honestly, was it so hard for him to be at least a little bit humble about his achievements. " So why don't you just leave then? Go off into the mountains or somewhere and go training, I mean its not like you actually enjoy spending time with anyone." Ranma frowned at Akane's bitter tone.

"That ain't true, I like ta help out Kasumi, and mom too when she's around. Sides, all that training saved your butt more than once if I remember right." Ranma gave Akane a smug grin. The grin faded when she didn't respond, and for a little while the pair walked in silence. As they walked down the familiar street, Ranma felt a strange feeling at the barest edges of his senses, a feeling that felt like it was slowly getting stronger. In order to distract himself from it, something that in hindsight he would smack himself over, he tried to restart the conversation.

"Although that idea of yours ain't bad. If I got a little bit of time to myself, that I could spend trainin' without nobody bothering me, then there wouldn't be no-one who could beat me." He smirked, even as the strange sensation began to intensify. "Heh, I bet I could even lay out pig-boy, easily. I mea-" He would have said more, but the sensation suddenly spiked, its strength quickly reaching the point where it eclipsed all of his other senses. The last thing he saw before the blackness overcame him entirely was a strange door opening beneath his feet, and the feeling of falling.

Akane, of course, turned on Ranma the moment he uttered his usual insult towards Ryoga, a fiery rebuke waiting on her tongue just burning to be set loose. That rebuke turned to ash in her mouth, as when she turned she found herself alone on the street, Ranma having vanished from her sight. Her eyes widened as she caught sight of a small piece of paper fluttering on the ground, the paper turning to dust that blew away as she watched, until nothing remained as a sign of Ranma having ever been walking with her.


So, what do you think?
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Dumbledork
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Honestly, it's too early to comment on the story, but I like the idea so far.
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TerraBull
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It is a beginning.

The results need to be seen.
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fitzgerald
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Its a little too much of Bet!fanon Ranma for me in his and Akane's interactions.

But as for the actual idea, I can see this being enjoyable - Ranma wants to challenge fighters from another age and bamm he gets to do so.

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Fellgrave
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Alright, here's the next scene. In response to fitzgerald, I'm not quite sure what you mean. Could you maybe give me some more detail in what you think wasn't quite right? That's not to say I will change things, but it will help to know what I could do to improve the scene.

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Things were definitely... odd. That was the only word Ranma could currently think of to describe the sheer absurdity of his current situation. Up until several moments ago, he had been walking beside Akane towards the dojo, next thing he knew, everything went black on him. When he came to, he found himself standing in the middle of what appeared to be a late-sixteenth century Japanese battlefield complete with combating soldiers who obviously failed to appreciate his presence, if they way they were jabbing at him with their spears was any manner of indication.

Hmm, something about his surroundings didn't seem to be quite right, even including the fact that they were as far as possible from his previous environs. Oh that was right, the various soldiers were attacking him. His eyes widened as he bounced away from the approaching spears. "Oh crap!"

Ranma rolled backwards into a handstand that he sprung upwards from, to his amusement in a manner very similar to way Ryoga had when they had first fought in Nerima. Coming back to the ground, he kicked an offending spear upwards, before twisting to avoid a thrust from behind, one arm grabbing onto the spear as he turned and ripping it out of its owner's grasp.

Twirling the spear like a baton, Ranma snapped off the tip before tossing it in the air. He bared his teeth in a death's head grin as the soldiers' eyes predictably followed the spears upwards flight, a fact Ranma capitalized on as he slipped into their guards and began to systematically eliminate them before they realized what was happening.

As the last soldier fell, Ranma stepped back into the center of the circle of fallen bodies of both sides, one arm snapping out to catch the spear, more of a staff now, before it hit the ground. Ranma surveyed the field of fallen opponents with a smile. "Damn I'm good." He shook his head in amusement, that hadn't been exactly true, as his opponents were simply so unskilled that he hadn't even required more than the barest amount of ki reinforcement.

Smug in his victory, and the fact that his opponents had all been far too untrained to ever even dream of standing a chance against him, he let his ki sense lapse to save energy. Unfortunately, it was at that time that two of the Imagawa elites found Ranma standing over the fallen bodies of their comrades. Moving in surprising silence for the armour they bore, the pair circled around and leapt towards Ranma from behind, their katanas ready to strike.

The sound of rushing air was Ranma's only warning, and it came too late, as by the time he turned to face the pair, he was well within reach of their blades. With a curse for slacking in the middle of the battle, Ranma pushed as much of his ki towards reinforcing his skin as possible, in the hopes that he could at the very least reduce the amount of damage he was about to take.

As much as his instincts were telling him to do so, Ranma kept his eyes open so that he could see everything, in the hopes of finding an opening he could capitalize on. And it was this fact that allowed him to see what happened next, as had he not seen it himself, he would have found himself hard pressed to believe that the older man with his hair done up in a samurai's topknot could have killed the two Imagawa soldiers with as much ease as he did, or with as good timing.

Ranma heaved a sigh of relief as the bodies of the two soldiers limply fell to the ground. While Ranma disliked killing, he knew that he was, as Hinako-sensei had drilled into him, 'definitely not in Kansas anymore'. The other, shorter too he noticed, man smiled as he bent down to wipe off his sword on one of the bodies.

"Hey kid, you're one of the Oda shinobi, right?" Ranma blinked in surprise, before wincing. He bit off a curse, there wasn't any reasson to believe that this was his fault, but he'd be damned if this wasn't the definition of be careful what you wish for. Unaware of Ranma's inward bitterness, the other man continued on. "I worked for the Imagawa, but considering how unlikely it is for me to be promoted with the way the current head of the clan dislikes those of low birth, I figure I have a far better chance if I defect sides. So could you introduce me to the Oda lord?"

Ranma blinked as he realized the question was directed at himself. "Sorry, but I'm just a traveler actually. Was just minding my own business when I got caught up in all of this." Ranma waved a hand around to illustrate what he meant. The other man gave an understanding nod.

"I see, I'm sorry about that. But, you do have to admit, they way you fought is simply not normal." The other man gave his neck a twist as he stood up, giving a small sigh at the crack. " Maybe we can find the Oda lord together then, since your already as deep into this as I am, and I highly doubt the Imagawa would like to meet the person who took out so many of their soldiers."

Ranma shrugged, it did make sense, but considering the kind of crazy he had been involved in, he was just wondering when the other shoe would drop, because so far things had been pretty tame. "Ah, why not. It's not like there's anywhere else I can go right now."

Ranma looked around quickly, before gesturing over towards where a large knot of Oda soldiers, judging from their banners, had gathered. The older man gave a nod as he and Ranma began to quickly head to where Ranma pointed. As they did, Ranma spared a moment to give his companion a quick and curious look. "So why are you fighting anyways? I mean, that armour your wearing is pretty decent, and most soldiers don't have a katana, so you definitely aren't a conscript, so why?

The older man blinked in surprise, one hand drifting down to the sheathed blade at his side. "Actually, I'm just a son of a farmer. But with the chaotic world we live in, there are limitless opportunities to prove yourself on the field of battle and rise in the world, my aim is to become a lord of my own domain." He laughed as his eyes drifted off into the distance.

"Finally, I will be able to achieve my dream, as well the dream of my father, and his father before him. Once I become a lord and possess my own castle, I shall become popular with the ladies! It's proven fact that possessing a castle improves your attractiveness, you know." The older man turned to Ranma and added the last part with a wiggle of his brow.

Ranma sighed as he shook his head in amusement. He couldn't necessarily blame the other man, to most guys that would be the ideal dream, but considering his own problems with the opposite sex, he could do without being a more attractive target. Ignoring the other man's fantasies for the time being, Ranma concentrated on the map of the region as it was during the Sengoku period, something he'd have to thank Mizuho-sensei for when he got back.

Now considering that they were in the midst of a battle between the Oda and Imagawa armies, they were most likely on the border of the Owari and Mikawa provinces. And since the lord of Mikawa was Matsudaira Motoyasu, a loyal vassal of the Imagawa, then the pair were best served heading towards the west, towards Owari, the home province of the Oda clan.

It was as the pair were exiting a thicket of tall grass that things began to fall apart. The first sign that things were about to go tragically wrong, was the sound whistling air. Ranma had half-turned to face the source of the sound, when it pierced the shorter man in the back, the bullet exiting out his chest with a spray of blood. The older man tumbled forwards, twisting midair to end up lying on his back. Ranma was by his side in a flash, but even having seen only a modern day bullet wound, thanks to one of his father's ill-conceived schemes, he could tell that wound was most assuredly fatal.

The older man grit his teeth as he pressed a hand to his wound. He hissed in pain as he gingerly felt out the size of the wound, before withdrawing his hand as he resigned himself to his fate. He looked up into the sky and spat out a curse. "Damn, done in by a stray bullet. How much more ignoble a death can there be on a battlefield."

His breath hitched in his throat as the pain of the wound spiked. Feeling his life slipping away from him, he turned and grabbed Ranma's arm. "Boy, I can't continue my dreams, but please, as a dying man's wish, complete them for me. My companion shall be yours, so please, become a true feudal lord for me."

Ranma gave the dying man a grim nod. While he wasn't sure if he would be around long enough, while he was still in this time he would do his best. "You got it old man." Ranma was about to turn away, and let the man die in peace, when something struck him. "What's your name, so I can make a grave for you once I can."

The man's eyes were already beginning to drift closed, his voice much quieter than it had been as he answered. "My... name... Kinoshita... Toukichirou." With that, his eyes closed entirely, and his hand fell limply to the ground while Ranma knelt by his side, stunned. Kinoshita Toukichirou, the man who would later go on to become Toyotomi Hideyoshi, one of the three great unifiers in Japanese history, was dead from a stray bullet.

Ranma stood up from the cooling body as he stared blankly at his surroundings. Without Toyotomi, Ranma had no idea whether or not Nobunaga would be nearly as successful. As he took a few dazed and halting steps around, he was snapped out of his reverie as a horse and its rider swept past him. Dropping into a battle stance, he watched as the rider leaped from its horse, a brilliant crimson cloak trailed behind them, towards another horseman, this one bearing the banner of the Imagawa. Ranma was both surprised, that wasn't a move one saw everyday, and considering the fact that the Imagawa rider failed to raise his spear in time to block the Oda's soldier's disemboweling strike, it was obvious that he wasn't the only one impressed.

The Oda rider came to a rolling stop, and as the rider stood, Ranma got his first clear view of them. About as tall as he was and with long golden hair, with a most decidedly female body. Now Ranma was all too familiar with women and their potential as fighters, and if the way she dealt with her first opponent was any measure, then she was most likely in higher skill range of those he was familiar with. He caught sight of movement out of the corner of his eyes, and turned his head only to duck as a blade came swinging towards his head, the Imagawa soldier at the other end focused on the dismounted Oda rider.

The Imagawa soldier made his mount leap towards the sky, before jumping himself, using the height to land a devastating blow against the Oda rider, who only barely managed to block with her own sword. But the Imagawa soldier's strength aided by gravity, could not be denied and the Oda soldier's katana snapped in two, the tip and upper half of the blade flying into the air. The Oda soldier disengaged herself from the Imagawa soldier with a fierce kick to the chest, the two separating to recover, one his breath, the other her thoughts in the hopes of finding a way to victory.

Ranma stood quietly off to the side as he observed the two combatants, he wasn't about to interrupt another's fight, especially considering that the last time he had done so had caused him no end of troubles. His eyes narrowed he noticed another horseman approaching. With a muttered curse, he moved to place himself in front of the Oda girl. "Why don't you two just head back to your boss now."

The dismounted Imagawa horseman snorted in disbelief. "Oh, so the little Oda soldier thinks he can stop us? Where are your weapons then, boy?" The soldier, as well as the other horseman, shared a boisterous laugh at Ranma's expense. Ranma could feel the girl behind him getting angry, and he couldn't resist a smirk, maybe this place wasn't as different from home as he thought it was.

With a casual roll of his shoulders, Ranma dropped into his usual combat stance, one hand extended towards the Imagawan horsemen. Still smirking, he waved them on. " Who said I need a weapon? " He shook his head in derision, though he made sure to keep his eyes on the horsemen. "I mean, its not like your worth it after all. Hell, I won't even need my hands to beat a sucker like you."

The horsemen and the girl stiffened at Ranma's words, before the dismounted soldier let out a roar as he charged towards Ranma, the still mounted horseman following a moment later and quickly overtaking his unmounted ally. And then Ranma moved. One moment, Ranma was standing casually in his stance, the next, or so it seemed to those watching, he appeared midair in front of the charging horseman, who only had time to give a shout of surprise before Ranma's roundhouse kick slammed into his helmet, the blow knocking him backwards off his horse.

If the other Imagawa soldier cared about his compatriot, he didn't show it as he charged towards Ranma in the hopes of striking him down before he could recover from landing. Unfortunately for him, if there was one thing that could be said about Ranma, it was that he was never caught off guard during combat, at least by non-ki based moves, and even then, after he had seen them once or twice he wasn't likely to off his feet for long.

So as the remaining Imagawa soldier brought down his sword in what should have been, if used on any other target, a devastating vertical slash that would have torn his foe in twain, Ranma did something that defied belief. Twisting his body in midair, he managed to turn into a backwards roll that let the soldiers blade pass, a little closely to something near and dear to Ranma's heart, safely between his legs. That, while still impressive, was not the part that was truly shocking. No it was when Ranma continued his spin and, having carefully maneuvered himself, landed lightly on the rising blade.

The three figures froze for a moment, stuck in that impossible tableau. The Imagawa soldier, wide eyed in shock as his arm was frozen in incredulous awe, the golden haired Oda soldier, equally shocked, though it was mixed with respect and pride, for having one of her fellow soldiers, though she was quite unfamiliar with this one, having come so far and with such skill. And Ranma, perched almost mockingly on the back of the blade, his feet balancing on the back of the blade, seeming as if he was only a mere feather that had landed upon the edge for all the strain that the Imagawa soldier was displaying.

Then Ranma's smirk slipped as the sound of approaching voices broke the stillness of the moment. The Imagawa opened his mouth to express some form of anger or hatred, only to fall silently backwards as Ranma's fist darted out and impacted him right between the eyes. Ranma back-flipped off of the falling soldiers katana, incidentally flying over a group of Oda cavalry who would later go on to get extremely drunk in order to forget about that moment, and landing in front of the still stunned golden-haired Oda soldier.

Ranma cocked his head to side as one of the Oda cavalry broke off from the rest and headed towards him and the other Oda soldier. As the rider got closer, Ranma felt his eye beginning to twitch as he noticed the heavy western-styled plate armour, the armour molded to fit over curves that most knights were not in possession of, and the halberd likewise unusual for a samurai to bear. The halberdier drew her horse up in front of Ranma, giving him a quick look over and appreciative nod before turning to the other woman.

"My lord, are you unharmed?" Ranma gave a surprised blink as he gave the blond another, more calculating look. Unaware of his stare, the blonde shook her head as she observed the battlefield quickly.

"I'm fine. Keep pressing forward and rout the Imagawa. We can't afford to pass up an opportunity like this." The mounted soldier gave a tight nod as she turned her horse and charged forwards, shouting terse commands to soldiers as she passed them. The golden-haired woman stared at the battlefield for several moments before turning and offering a surprised Ranma a bow.

"I, the head of the Oda clan, offer my deepest gratitude for saving my life." Ranma's mouth dropped as he tried to bring up all the knowledge he had of the era he was most likely in, yet could not for the life of him think of a time when the Oda clan possessed a female head.

"The head of the clan? I though the head was Nobunaga?" The woman straightened and gave Ranma a curious look.

"Nobunaga? I have never heard a Nobunaga." She took a pose and flared her cape triumphantly, as well as unconciously pulsing her ki, Ranma noticed. "I am the ruler of Owari and head of the clan of Oda. Oda Nobuna. Come, we should return and I wish to learn more about the man who saved me, and his strange skills." With a royal wave of her hand she turned and passed him, heading towards the main Oda camp.

Ranma stood there, silently staring at her receding figure with incredulous eyes. Then, his eye twitching, he turned his head towards the sky and curse as many gods as he could recall the names of, because he was sure as all hell that someone up there was screwing with him on purpose for their own sick amusement. How else did he end up in these kinds of situations?
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Chikubi2.0
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The action scenes were pretty cool. I'm not really familiar with oda nobuna no yabou, but I would like to know: will you be making any big changes from that series' canon or will you be mostly keeping things the same despite having ranma as the main character.
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Fellgrave
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Probably more than a few changes, because after all, Ranma is Ranma. The original canon featured an average high-schooler who's only boost was the fact that he was a super massive fan of Lord Oda Nobunaga's Ambition. Ranma on the other hand, is a martial artist extraordinaire, as well as cursed, so things will definitely be different. And also, with what's currently posted here, about 4k words, is only three minutes into the first episode or so.
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TerraBull
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I like this I admit.

I am confused.

Who was the companion spoken of?
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Fellgrave
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That would be the little ninja girl who shows up just a little bit later into the episode. I didn't include her in that first scene, which is what they did in the light novel, because I thought it would take away from my attempt to show the differences between Ranma and Sagara. Instead I'm going to introduce her the same way they did in the Anime, with her 'kidnapping' Ranma after they return to Nobuna's home base.
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TerraBull
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What is Ranma going to be in this?

Bodyguard/ Advisor?

I mean, this way he was show to have skill and saved her, but he is still unknown.

He has no Lands or Influence.

Teacher?

Is this going to have elements of "You Defeat me, I Marry you" in this?
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Fellgrave
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Ranma will, as Sagara did in the Oda Nobuna canon, fill in the spot as Hideyoshi Toyotomi, one of Nobunaga's eventual top generals and successors. He will take a bit more of a larger, more physical role, because that's what he excels at. And in history, Toyotomi started off as Nobunaga's sandal keeper. before working his way up to becoming a general. There will be a touch of teacher in this, because I think it is a good way for Ranma to earn Nobuna's trust, and no, I don't think their will be any "You defeat, I marry" at all.
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Ozzallos
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Disclaimer: Don't take any of this personally and I'm hardly offended if you choose to ignore these comments entirely. Author's fiat and all that.

Ranma gets punted back in time, shenanigans ensue. Pretty solid over all, but as others have said it's still pretty early to build any sort of detailed analysis.

Your first part with Akane is too much, too fast. "Reader! Did you know Ranma likes history? He also likes anime! And gets really good grades too!"

It feels like an overly unnatural information dump. Frankly, you could almost dispense with the present day intro entirely and just start the fic with him waking up on the battlefield. The Akane scene just feels that unnecessary; almost throwaway. Obligatory side concerns over divorcing Ranma from his cast and canon, but it's too early to issue any sort of judgment there.

Second part ran much better since it's obviously where a majority of the plot will be pulled from.

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Fellgrave
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Hmm. I see what you mean. I just thought I needed to include something as to how Ranma will be able to know things, considering his general attitude towards school and the like. And to be honest, I wasn't too happy with the first section either, but I thought it just needed to be done.

So, the question is; should I rewrite it, or just scrap it? The scene that is.
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Ozzallos
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Fellgrave
Oct 10 2012, 11:52 AM
Hmm. I see what you mean. I just thought I needed to include something as to how Ranma will be able to know things, considering his general attitude towards school and the like. And to be honest, I wasn't too happy with the first section either, but I thought it just needed to be done.

So, the question is; should I rewrite it, or just scrap it? The scene that is.

Random ideas/suggestions... Stop me if I'm wrong but the first scene has two main points: First, to impart Ranma's resume to the reader. Second, spam Akane with WTF for fun. I have two suggestions, and they're IMFO all day long here, so take it with a grain of salt if you want.

You've got two ways around the information dump setup. First, extend the scene to create a more meaningful plot environment than a simple walk home from school or second, rework Akane's WTF. In fact, does all of this even have to be a surprise to her? At the moment, there's no payoff for the reader to her surprise since you immediately cut scene to the past. Looking back to the first point, the scene is too condensed for anything to happen. So why not have her in the know? Have chit chat on the way home about the test. Something about watching anime lately. Of course you would know all about that martial arts history, wouldn't you, Ranma? Friendly teasing.

That sort of thing.

It doesn't create the expectation of later plot. You have nice dialogue and impart the knowledge as part of the story and less as a fact dump. You could probably keep the scene about the same length without extending it, but you do lose the WTF!Akane aspect. I would personally go this route if I were writing this, but it's all you.

All of that said, it's not going to murder your story to keep it as is :)
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Fellgrave
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I wasn't aiming so much for a WTF!Akane, well except for the "Where in the World is Ranma Saotome?" part at the end, but I wasn't quite sure how I could extend it. But yeah, I wasn't aiming for a WTF!Akane, just one somewhat unaware of the true depth to Ranma.
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