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| The Bad Cut; I live. Again. | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Aug 1 2012, 03:53 PM (24,790 Views) | |
| Dumbledork | Sep 11 2012, 04:05 PM Post #76 |
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Oho! Very nice. Ranma has his own bodyguard. |
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| stormfury | Sep 11 2012, 07:22 PM Post #77 |
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Superior Member
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I personally dislike the Shampoo interaction in this story. The reason for this is because it always feels like the sole purpose of Shampoo when she's being included in the plot is to ruin the character interaction between Ranma and whatever girl I would like the story to be focused on. Like here. Once Ranma gets cured, he'll have his devoted slave or whatever turn into his devoted slave who's also married to him? The second Ranma accepts Shampoo's status as being his servant, the story will force him to deal seriously with her as a fiancee, with the added weight that he KNOWS if he doesn't accept her, horrible shit will destroy her life. The added forced guilt from that, that no other fiancee quite carries (especially that's actually HIS fault, not Genma's) basically ruins Ranma's interaction with any other female, because now he HAS to include Shampoo in his love-life, or face the rest of his life knowing that he basically killed her. This reminds me so hard of Aeondehafka's "White Rose", where Shampoo basically singlehandidly turned a Great Story into a Meh One that's only enjoyable because of the Kodachi interactions. I hated Shampoo in that story, and I really feel like I'm going to hate her here. I mean, hate her more then I already do in this story, as her presence is derailing the focus from Ranma and Kodachi to Ranma and Shampoo, and she can't be marginalized from the story without Ranma having people accuse him of being a monster condemning her to death, or a fate worse then death. Especially if he rejects her after she finds out he's actually a dude. Basically, Shampoo being introduced as story relevant in this manner means we can't get rid of her without Ranma passing over a Moral Event Horizon, and her presence inhibits Ranma from having a relationship that doesn't include her in some form or other once she finds out he's a dude. He's already presumably accepted her as his servant, meaning that he's allowing her laws to apply to him in one form- Rejecting her after the second set of laws start applying would be even harder then in canon. |
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| Ozzallos | Sep 11 2012, 09:19 PM Post #78 |
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33,589,041 XP to next level
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Well, at least you're honest. All I will say here is Shampoo has a lot more depth than our initial meeting here. You can either wait for it or not, but I'll probably be giving her light years more depth than canon ever did and the intention was never to use her as a barrier. Frankly, White Rose never did anything for me either let alone the desire to model a fic after it. In either case, I gave up on people giving me the benefit of the doubt a few years back.
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| stormfury | Sep 11 2012, 11:10 PM Post #79 |
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Superior Member
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Oh no I believe you. You actually touched on the real issue- its not about the girl i prefer in the story. Or another way to look at it is its not the girl who Ranma first interacts with, its Shampoo. I start liking the story off that initial premise, that Ranma and Kodachi would be friends and she wouldnt be too crazy. And as I start thinking of this fic as a RanmaxKodachi matchup, suddenly Shampoo is thrown in, in a way that mandates she be involved with the whole story. It isn't better or worse writing- Indeed, this isn't the type of setup that lazy kids who love reading about harems write to justify making a hawt 3some, it's one where the story builds up, plots out, and a threesome makes sense. It isn't the quality of the writing here, it's the fact that the premise has shifted from the one I really enjoy. I come looking for Ranma and Kodachi, and now I'm getting Ranma and Kodachi and Shampoo? That doesn't make me happy. Its not that my tastes can change, or that I hate any of the characters, its that the first chapters gave me this amazing Kodachi, and I don't want the story to have to share her with Shampoo. |
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| Ozzallos | Sep 11 2012, 11:30 PM Post #80 |
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33,589,041 XP to next level
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Alright, then, how's this... Without giving too much away, there isn't a threesome, at least not romantically. The primary goal is what you walked in on, Ranma and Kodachi bffs. That has never changed. I can't even guarantee a match at this point. Shampoo will be in there as a friend. Perhaps not as tight as Ma-chan and Ko-chan, but she'll feature fairly prominently and the story won't focus on Ranma/Kodachi 100% of the time. As of this moment, I have no matches set up. Edited by Ozzallos, Sep 11 2012, 11:37 PM.
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| stormfury | Sep 12 2012, 12:22 AM Post #81 |
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Superior Member
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and thus I find my c&c duly satisfied. Good day, sir. |
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| Ozzallos | Sep 12 2012, 12:14 PM Post #82 |
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33,589,041 XP to next level
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I should have posted this with the other section, but here's the scene wrapup. ---- “You... you... YOU!” Akane’s fists balled and she stomped over toward Ranma until the lethal hiss of steel being deployed intervened. Silver flashed through the air and the next thing the youngest Tendo knew, the cold length of jian was being held at her throat. Akane’s eyes slid down the length, finding Shampoo’s no nonsense gaze staring back. “No.” She didn’t speak it with nearly the fluency of Akane Tendo, but the Shampoo’s command when paired with the blade at the Tendo’s throat made the meaning crystal clear. The action had even surprise the martial artist as she stared at the purple haired girl holding the sword to his supposed fiancee’s throat with her good arm. Ranma made a mental note in that moment. Crippled or not, the girl was still quite dangerous. Doctor Tofu cleared his throat tepidly, attempting to gain the trio’s attention without provoking further hostilities. “No weapons in the examination room, please?” The request wasn’t aimed at either Shampoo or Akane, but Ranma herself. It took a moment to realize that she was the focus and she blinked as she came to the realization that she was apparently the one expected to talk the former Amazon down. She sized up both girls, noting the grim countenance on Shampoos face and the pale complexion Akane held. ‘She would do it,’ Ranma determined in that moment. The chinese assassin would cut Akane Tendo down just as assuredly as her own self only twenty four hours before. ‘For me?’ The question bubbled up before meeting more cynical opposition. ‘As if. It’s that asinine honor debt thing.’ The redhead shook her head and sighed, diving into the translation book one more, mumbling to herself. “Stop... withdraw... Release? Shěfŕng.” Shampoo eyed the martial artist with silent inquiry but pulled the blade away nonetheless. Akane stood absolutely still for another moment before sucking in a deep, trembling breath as she staggered back away from the chinese girl. It took another sucking breath before she could produce speech once more and she did so by pointing at the lavender haired girl in panic. “She would have killed me!” “Welcome to my world,” Ranma shook her head as mental fatigue weighed down on her... And it was still only just past 10am. “Look, just don’t piss her off. We’ll fix her up and send her back to China where she’ll be out of both of our hair, alright?” Akane’s eyes flicked nervously back to the girl in question, then back to Ranma. It was hardly an offer she could refuse. “Fine. Truce?” Ranma arched a curious eyebrow, but nodded in kind. “Truce.” “That doesn’t make me your fiancee.” The youngest Tendo sibling added quickly and Ranma favored her with a put out look. “Duh?” Akane opened her mouth to produce some form of retort, but her gaze quickly flicked back to Shampoo, who still held the jian in hand and who was still boring into her with an icy stare. It was enough to nudge her thought process onto another track. “I’m... I’ve got things to do.” ‘Like not get skewered with a chinese blade,’ Ranma thought after her with dark amusement as Akane sent a token bow Ono Tofu’s way and exited the room hastily. She watched Shampoo flip her blade around. It abruptly disappeared, causing Ranma to stare for a moment before moving on. ‘Gonna have to learn that one.’ “I guess we’re out then,” Ranma shrugged and gesturing for Shampoo to follow the girl cast a wary glance back at the doctor but followed, leaving him alone with his thoughts. "Things aren’t working out so well between them, huh Betty?” Tofu frowned slightly at the skeleton hanging limply just to the side of his examination table. Of course, the pressure point had seemed like a good idea at the time, but now... Betty, of course, didn’t respond with words. Ono Tofu shrugged and was about ready to prep for his next appointment when he paused. the Doctor adjusted his glasses, noting a hairline fault running diagnoal across the skeleton’s skull. He cocked his head in wonder. “What in the world?” he murmured curiously. It certainly hadn’t been there before the visit. Betty’s answer to the missive was likewise unexpected. The whole top third of her cranium sliding off at a diagonal angle, clattering to the floor. |
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| biigoh | Sep 12 2012, 01:11 PM Post #83 |
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God(dess) of the Post
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Oh no, poor betty. What did she do to Shampoo to warrant that.... |
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| duke | Sep 12 2012, 06:51 PM Post #84 |
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Was that Shampoo's response to attempted pressure point? I rather liked Shampoo's reactions so far and looking forward to that depth, though it's already deeper than what the manga gives her. Honestly I think it will be pretty amusing for Ranma to have a bodyguard - he'll probably end up having to defend his attackers rather than himself. Though I kind of pity Mousse if he ever shows up... |
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| Jans | Sep 13 2012, 01:19 PM Post #85 |
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Insight
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Ugh, I pity Shampoo if Mousse shows up. He'd probably be even less understanding about her current situation than her canon one, and make her miserable in addition to everyone else. |
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| BF110C4 | Sep 13 2012, 02:50 PM Post #86 |
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Superior Member
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I don't know who to pity. Either Mousse is going to try to free her beloved Shampoo and attract the attention of her great grandmother, or she is not going to risk it and fo once use deadly force on him. |
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| Ozzallos | Oct 9 2012, 10:16 PM Post #87 |
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33,589,041 XP to next level
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Few changes in schedule have thrown me off track. Got a little momentum back to write with. --------------- The departure of Ranma Saotome’s male aspect from the student body of Furinkan High School had produced several unforeseen complications in the life of the Anything Goes Martial Artist; complications that were only coming to light as the week wore on. It was somewhat fascinating to watch the social dynamic around her shift even though she hadn’t actually left. The guys were annoyingly upbeat with the absence of her ‘brother’ while the girls had generally gone out of their way to befriend her after the hair incident. While she would normally find the sympathetic girls annoying, her own protected status had unexpectedly offered a subtle barrier between herself and the homocide of half the males in her class seeking to ask the hottest girl in class out on a date. Of course, some of her other female classmates were overtly jealous, but Ranma didn’t mind. A smirk formed along her lips The redhead had learned early on in the martial arts world that envy was its own form of flattery. The smile slipped as the male portion of her ego reminded her of exactly what the other girls were jealous of. ‘Cursed to be a hot chick,’ Ranma thought dully. ‘Yay me.’ Still there were worse things in life if she thought on the matter. After all, she could have been cursed to be a hot chick and inflicted with a hair curse that grew out whenever she attempted to return to her male aspect. Ranma rolled her eyes. ‘Check, check and double check.’ With her ego thoroughly deflated, Ranma looked down from her fence top transit to the other two girls accompanying her, neither which she could really call friends. The first was Akane Tendo, of course, forced into her accompanying her to school by two parents that just couldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer. The youngest sister’s only conversation consisted of suspicious glances at bothe lavender and redhead, to which Ranma would reply with her own patronizing smirks. Other than that, it was complete silence... ‘...Which is fine by me,’ Ranma shook her head mentally, then hopped from the fence to the sidewalk as the her chain link path came to end. Her gaze flicked to the other female in attendance: Xian Pu. What she was even doing following them to school was beyond the comprehension of the martial artist, but she was doing a fair job of keeping pace inspite of the subtle limp in her gait and Ranma’s attempts to have her remain back at the dojo under Kasumi’s supervision. ‘And what the hell am I going to do with her, again?’ Ranma wondered with the subtle glance in the girl’s diection. Tell her to wait outside like a puppy? Bring her into class for show and tell? The redhead snorted sarcastically from within the privacy of her thoughts. ‘Yeah, this has swell day written all over it.’ The trio of girls crossed the street in silence, none speaking to the other or even wanting to speak to the other as they turned onto the final sidewalk that would bring the gates of Furikan High into view. The usual cliches hung outside the gates, riding the clock down to the start of the school day with chatter and gossip... ...That ceased instantly as the trio of girls came into range and passed. Ranma’s study flicked from group to group, noticing the attention now riveted upon their person as they closed upon the entrance. The atmosphere around them hung with expectancy, though why was beyond the martial artist as sidlong glances followed their every step. It smelled like a challenge if she didn’t know any better and she had seen enough of those to know. The who, what, where and why, however, were still-- Ranma, Akane and Shampoo finally reached the gates and the source of the expectation suddenly became quite clear. Just inside the school courtyard stood a mob of students. All male and sporting every manner of improvised weaponry. Cricket bats. Hockey sticks. Badmiton sticks. The male masses instantly locked onto them as they stepped inside the gate and their chatter ceased as well. “You have got to be kidding me!” Akane surprised Ranma with the outburst and for once, the girl’s temper and balled fists weren’t directed at her. “This again?!” “But we love you Akane-chan!” One of the students from the back yelled, raising his baseball bat to the heavens. Another closer to the trio- this one in full baseball umpires pads -dropped to a knee pleading. “And you too, Ranma-chan!” “What?!” The redhead blurted incredulously, disgusted by the passionate pledge. “With your brother gone, it’s our sacred duty!” A bald male student clad in a simple white gi explained excitedly. “I’m right here, you idiots!” Ranma balked, jabbing a thumb at herself while Akane simply dropped her bookbag, twisting her neck to work any kinks out. “Try anything and I’m gonna kick your ass!” “Yes!” Another crowed. “Only the strongest amongst us will be able to claim your hand!” “That’s not what I--!” “Just beat them down already,” Akane snapped back and stepped into her own martial arts stance. Her smoldering gaze narrowed on the mob. “That’s the only language they understand anyway!” “Exactly!” Another cried. Suddenly the crowd surged. “ATTACK!” Ranma Saotome had barely enough time to produce an uncaring shrug before the first ranks surged upon her. Violence was a language she was well versed in as well and she was more than happy to provide a practical demonstration in the light of such stupidity. Where as Akane plowed into the Hentai Horde like an enraged berzerker engine, Ranma stepped in to their charge gracefully, weaving in and out between students, leaning out of their attacks and unleashing focused, measured punishment with near impunity. Bats, fists and other sporting implements were evaded with utter ease; so much it was barely worth the redhead’s time to even be there as both girls tore a swath of pain and unconsciousness through the mob. Two minutes later Ranma and Akane stood alone on the field of battle surrounded by inert male bodies. Those that managed to retain consciousness no longer spoke the language of violence, but that of pain as evidenced by their groans and wheezing. The redhead scanned the fallen with a smirk when a new female voice called from on high. “Ranma-chan, three minutes!” Ranma twisted around and tracked up the side of building 2a to find half her class hanging out her home room window. Amongst them was a mousey looking brunette with large, bouncing curls and wide circular glasses waving frantically down at them. “You’re going to be late!” ‘Nanki, Keiko,’ The redhead recalled the girl’s name reflexively. Two days ago they had been mere acquaintances. The next day she had somehow attatched herself to Ranma during lunch and Ranma just didn’t have the heart to shoo the overly talkative girl off. Keiko’s friend Seko had joined them the following day. The paler black haired girl was almost Keiko’s polar opposite personality wise and watched from the window beside her friend. Regardless of the circumstances concerning their familiarity, Keiko was right and she returned her attenion to the mob with a chuckle. “Let’s do this again sometime, okay?” “You would wish that,” Akane grumped but turned to follow Ranma until a new voice stopped both cold. “How easily the chaff are cut from the wheat,” Both girls eyes instanly locked onto the figure stepping out from behind a tree along their path. He was a figure both recognized instantly. Tatewake Kuno favored both girls with a serene but supremely arrgoant smile. “Their resolve is naught compared to the beauty my eyes behold.” “You put them up to this again, didn’t you?!” Akane accused the upperclassman with a glare. Tatewake merely folded his arms benevolently. “With the sorcerer departed, the opportunity must be seized to purify your bosoms,” The kendoist smiled for the pair and Ranma shook her head for the both of them. “Look, you can either get out of the way or you can be purified by a good ass kickin’,” Ranma explained without fanfare. “Personally, I’m all for the--” “Mistress.” Ranma’s ultimatum was brought to a hault by a light tough on her shoulder. She glanced right and found Shampoo stepping around her person to interpose herself between the Kuno and and the redhead herself. “I take.” It took another pass at the words for Ranma to guess the meaning and when she finally had, found it hard to produce any discent when it came to Kodachi’s idiot brother. “Um, sure.” Shampoo nodded and stepped forward and as she did, Ranma’s thoughts flashed back to the weekend and the blade Shampoo had put to Akane’s neck. She added a condition to their match in a slightly panicked tone. “But don’t kill him!” “Indeed it is quite precipitous of you to retain an arms woman in order to preserve thy chastity,” Tatewake noted grandiosely, studying the new girl as she stepped forward in Ranma’s stead. He pulled the wooden length of his bokken from its sheath on his him and brought it to bare. “I will honor your servant’s service by allowing her the pretext of combat, then spirit thy and the tigress Akane Tendo away on a date!” |
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| Fellgrave | Oct 9 2012, 10:36 PM Post #88 |
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Hidden in the Shadow of Omega
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Not to sound too Kasumi like but... Oh my. This will go badly any way I look at it. Either Kuno will end up with another girl to fixate his delusions upon (Shame tigress is taken by Akane, I could easily see Shampoo getting called a true Chinese Tigress by Kuno) or else he'll beat Shampoo, and well I'm not quite sure what will happen, but it can't be pretty. The only other thing I'm wondering, because it has happened before, at least in fanon, is if Ranma will have an accidental encounter of the hot water kind? Edited by Fellgrave, Oct 9 2012, 10:36 PM.
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| Ozzallos | Oct 11 2012, 07:42 PM Post #89 |
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33,589,041 XP to next level
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Ranma stared at his blatant idiocy for several long seconds before shrugging. “Your funeral.” “THEN I STRIKE!” It was every bit the slaughter the redhead was expecting. Tatewake Kuno blurred forward with respectable speed, giving Shampoo barely enough time to step into a formal stance before forcing more direct action. The upperclassman’s strike was enough to cleave stone through airpressure alone, but like Ranma before, the Amazon had already determined that the overkill inherant in his technique came at the cost of mobility. She was injured, but the graceful sliding pivot barely strained her as she evaded the strike outright. Tatewake flashed by, completely exposing his left flank to counterattack. Xian Pu took complete advantage of it. THWaCK! The ex-Amazon’s hand rose like a scythe and with it, the bulbous mass of a chui that smacked the kendoist upside the head less than a second later. The impact lifted the teen off his feet where he held a meter’s worth of altitude for a moment before falling back to the earth like a bag of rice. Ranma, Akane and the rest of the Furikan student body watched Shampoo hold the massive weapon aloft for another moment before flipping it back into whatever ether it had been summoned. “Stupid male.” Shampoo sniffed, paying a token glance at her fallen opponent before returning to Ranma’s sided. She nodded differentially to her redheaded mistress. “We go.” Akane looked from the Kuno’s crumpled mass, then to the lavender haired girl and back. It was hard to find any fault in her action and she nodded. “Sounds good to me.” “Hey, we agree on something,” Ranma threw her a cheeky smile, causing Akane’s face to crinkle slightly as the martial artist took the lead to walk past corpse Kuno. She glanced down at upperclassman with the same smile. “Sorry for your lu--” Kuno’s arm suddenly shot upright even though the rest of his body never moved. Ranma blinked, all but certain the rest of him was still bereft of consciousness. His hand bore an envelope, an envelope Akane plucked for herself and examined before handing it to Ranma. “Your best friend.” She sniffed with a hint of contempt as Ranma took possession of the hand delivered correspondence. Tatewake’s own arm withered and died like a plant deprived of water, joining the rest of his unconscious body. Ranma stared at the envolope and its flowing script advising her of the sender and recipient before her expression turned bland. She ripped the coorespondence in half a moment later to Akane’s surprise, letting the peices fall back to Kuno’s. The redhead simply turned away without care and walked toward the building even as the school bell chimed. It didn’t, unfortunately, signify the end of the day’s drama as Shampoo followed her like an obedient puppy. Ranma ignored her, at least until she began following her up the stairwell with Akane to her home room. The martial artist shook her head, glancing back at the lavender haired warrior. “Ya realize you ain’t a student, right?” “You. Mistress.” Shampoo replied curtly, as if the words were likely to solve any difficulties they would encounter through her presence. “You wanna explain it to her?” Ranma sent a pleading look over to Akane, who in turn rolled her eyes. “Your problem, not mine.” The youngest shook her head and continued up the stairs ahead of the pair, leaving Ranma to glare in her wake. After a moment to recover from the sting of her own words being used against her, Ranma turned back to the Chinese teen. “Look, they ain’t gonna let you in, so go home already.” Shampoo simply waited and Ranma sighed, returning back to the waiting stairwell where a few students farvored them with odd looks as they passed and two minutes later the redhead was predictably facing a somewhat perplexed homeroom teacher as the class watched curiously. “And she’s not a student?” Miss Koneka cocked her head, trying to resolve the situation for herself. She stared over the redhead to the taller girl behind her. “Won’t stop following me around.” Ranma shrugged, having exhausted her own options in dealing with the girl. She couldn’t fight her anymore and restraining a girl- an injured girl -just seemed... “I see... I think,” The black haired educator continued to stare, though Ranma could tell she didn’t ‘see’ anything of the sort. Still, she was hoping understanding wouldn’t actually be necessary for the woman to do something about her former assassin. Sure enough, the redhead wasn’t disappointed as Miss Koneka rose from the seat behind her desk to confront Shampoo directly. “Miss, I’m afraid I’ll have to escort you to the principal's office.” “Yeah, go with her.” Ranma nodded hopefully. Shampoo looked unconvinced, but followed the educators lead to the door. The pair exited and the door clicked closed. Ranma finally breathed a sigh of relief even as the class bombarded her with questions. “Who was that?!” “A new student?” “She was cute!” “Are you both related??” The martial artist ignored the inquiries as she walked back to her seat, simply relieved to be rid of her Chinese shadow. ‘One crisis down, four thousand six hundred and twenty one to--’ The door clicked open and Ranma turned as the class diverted their attention back to their returning teacher... Followed by a lavender haired chinese girl. The martial artist blinked as Miss Koneka produced a vacant smile. “Class, I would like to introduce our newest student, Xian Pu.” “WHAT?!” Ranma gaped. Even Akane was wide eyed as Shampoo proceeded to the center of the chalk board and proceeded to write her name in Chinese script. The redhead pointed at her adamantly. “She’s not even--!” “Xian Pu is from China and will be with us for the rest of the semester,” The teacher explained patiently, ignoring Ranma’s outburst entirely. “Please help her with any cultural and language barriers that may arise. Shampoo, please take a seat next to Saotome, Ranma.” |
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| Dumbledork | Oct 12 2012, 10:07 AM Post #90 |
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How did they manage to do that? No idea who the prinicpal is at the moment, but I doubt that Shampoo's Japanese is good enough to be admitted into Ranma's class. |
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2:54 PM Jul 11