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The Bad Cut; I live. Again.
Topic Started: Aug 1 2012, 03:53 PM (24,793 Views)
axelrajr
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Ozzallos
Aug 15 2012, 01:06 AM
<snip>

...Her friend?

Kodachi turned back. Ranma was gone.
Even with all the issues and problems, this makes me REALLY want some more of this fic. Such a vicious trap you have once again woven...
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ecs05norway
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Yeah, this one's going on my 'keeper' list.
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frice2000
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While I don't think its a good idea for the sake of drama to reveal the curse at this point still it does seem pretty in character for the Ranma of this story so perhaps I'm wrong. Still regardless of that don't think the whole instant cut back moment with Kodachi's regrets is the way to go. Just cut to Ranma running off and the pain she is experiencing and only later reveal that Kodachi regretted her actions. Making your readers think Ranma's nice friendship is over and for likely rather dire depressing thoughts and emotions she has got to be experiencing would maybe work better. If this is what you go with now I'm going to think...Eh nice drama and emotional meltdown but it's all going to work out because our last view of Kodachi was regret. That kind of makes things too transparent and predictable for probably the rest of this chapter.

Other then that this last snippet could've maybe used some more descriptions of this scene. Actually experiencing Kodachi's reactions in real time and the whole emotion of her single friend kind of fundamentally lying to her in a fashion would really make this more powerful. If kept this short though please be a little more explicit on what Ranma told her. Also would be interesting to cut to the other Kuno sibling possibly having heard part of this conversation.

Anyway, overall enjoying this. Still worried about seeming lack of anyway you can end it though but seems like I'm going to enjoy the ride.
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Ozzallos
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Not every plot twist has to be layered in misdirection and secrecy. To point, I've already noted the ffnet main characters as Ranma and Kodachi, so regardless of what I do I'm pretty sure anybody with an IQ over 10 or so will know exactly what I'm planning. how we get there is the frosting on the cake, however.
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Ozzallos
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Oh, and a cookie.

The Bad Cut
Chapter THREE

And so ended another day.

While the day hadn’t quite run its course, it had for Ranma Saotome, currently heiress to Musabetsu Kakutō Ryū. The sun still hung high in the afternoon sky and though the shadows of of the buildings were slowly elongating around her, the long haired redhead was all but ready to file this particular day where many others had been filed: a mental filing cabinet filled with the memories of shitty days past. These recollections didn’t have a specific order per se, but they did share an indefinable hierarchy and this particular day would rank as superior to many of its brethren.

‘Another one bites the dust,’ Ranma thought in an acerbic tone as the rejection replayed through her mind’s eye yet again. Of course she knew the odds going in. Not many reacted well to the curse and it wasn’t hard to blame them. She herself hadn’t reacted well either, especially in being the recipient. It was getting harder and harder to make lemonade with it and here life had handed her yet another lemon. Kodachi’s reaction was... ‘Predictable,’ Ranma mulled over the thought until finding the right word. Predictable and to some degree worse than the fallout with Akane. She hadn’t had time to really form any sort of bond with the Tendo girl. Kodachi on the other hand....

‘Ko-chan,’ Ranma mouthed silently as she wandered an anonymous sidewalk through Nermia’s suburbia. She sighed with the recollection and threw the name in with the day, locking both away under that header of shitty days. Ko-chan didn’t exist. Ma-chan didn’t exist. All that was left was what there had been before. She was still a martial artist. The best damn martial artist. Boy or girl, she didn’t need...

...Friends?

The redhead huffed sourly at the thought and continued walking, ignoring the occasional stares that followed the long unruly red mane. Pulling her attention away from the what if’s of life, Ranma set a definite course for the dojo where the first order of business would be to hack the troublesome growth off and down into something more manageable. The second order of business...

‘...Damned if I know,’ The martial artist chuckled with dead amusement. ‘Maybe light a fire under the old man’s furry panda ass to find another whisker.’

That vague course of action was better than none at all and it allowed Ranma to assume a more purposeful stride that took her to the nearest fence top to intersect with a shortcut across the canal to shave a good five minutes off her transit back to the dojo. The wall was negotiated with ease and a quick hop later she was over and walking across the courtyard’s grass, doorway in sight. She was inside a moment later, kicking her chinese slippers carelessly to the corner with her primary goal in mind: Hair. Even so, her stomach had convinced her to take a side quest to the kitchen in the hopes of finding a quick snack before the hair met its untimely demise. Ranma cleared the hallway, entered the living room and promptly stopped dead in her tracks.

There was Kasumi, in a plain blue and white dress accompanied by Nabiki in her casual tee and shorts. Even Akane was present in her own yellow tee and slim pants. Off to the right, Mister Tendo stood apart from the group, watching the group curiously, but it wasn’t any single one of them that held her attention. It had been a bad day. That bad day was being aggravated by uncooperative female biology that was still playing the equivalent of baseball in her gut. Her ego had taken a similar beating. And now this. Ranma Saotome’s gaze narrowed on the object of her displeasure.

“What’s she doing here?”

‘She’ was Chinese. ‘She’ had purple hair. ‘She’ had, up until several hours ago, been set to kill her. The icy question announced Ranma’s arrival clearly and the Tendo sisters turned, parting just enough to allow Ranma a better gaze at Shampoo. The Amazon looked like she had been run over by a bus. It caused the redhead to crack the slightest hint of a perverse smile. It not only looked like she had been run over by a bus, but the bus had decided to back up and parallel park on top of her. Her face was a patchwork of black and blue while a literal patch was tapped over one eye. Shampoo’s left arm hung in an expertly prepared sling that told the martial artist she had seen professional treatment, while her lower torso was likewise bandaged.

The splint bound left leg was noted almost as an afterthought as Ranma waited for an answer while Shampoo stared back at her.

All three sisters looked uncertain and not entirely willing to volunteer the information to the irritated martial artist, but Nabiki stepped forward to bare the brunt of the bad news. “She needed help Saotome. We couldn’t just leave her there.”

Ranma tilted her head as if chewing on the statement mentally. After a moment those glacial blue eyes flicked back to Nabiki. “But what’s she doing here?”

“Ah, she, um,” Nabiki hesitated with the redhead’s emotionless tone, looking back down to the stone face Amazon sitting on their couch. The middle Tendo sister motioned in her direction with a nod. “She insisted.”

“Well she can un-insist her way out the--”

Shampoo interrupted Ranma’s caustic remark by shakily rising to her feet. Kasumi ducked in to help, proffering the girl a crutch that had been leaning at the other end of the couch. The girl took it with the slightest deferential nod and stabilized herself, then slowly made her way around the chabudai to confront Ranma directly. Ranma in turn held her ground since the Amazon assassin was no longer a threat in any way to her.

‘But damned if I’ll let her get in another kiss,’ The redhead resolved silently as Shampoo hobbled closer. She closed to within a meter and stopped, favoring Ranma with a penetrating stare and brown eyes. Ranma merely stared back, all but willing the girl to try something.

And she did just that.

The lavender haired Amazon began to lower herself shakily, setting aside the crutch as she found the stability of both knees. Ranma’s first impulse was to help the girl in distress, but that impulse had been effectively curbed by the day’s activities. So she watched. Kasumi, however, was right by her side with the first grunt of pain, but Shampoo waved her away. The chinese teen settled down and then dipped into a low, subservient bow to the floor.

“What... What is she doing?” Akane wondered aloud, directing the question to the closest sister availible. Nabiki simply shook her head without a clue and watched the scene play out. After several seconds of silence, Shampoo spoke in pitched mandarine.

“Wǒ shǔyú nǐ.”

Ranma was just opening her mouth to clarify the statement when Nabiki interrupted with her own translation, furiously flipping through a small red pocket book. A queer look settled on her face as she spoke it aloud. “I belong to... you?”

Ranma blinked. Then blinked again, staring down at the girl who had yet to retrieve from her kneeling posture. Only one thing came to mind and the thought was translated directly into words. “Oh, hell no.”

“That can’t be right,” Nabiki murmured, flipping through the pages to find possible alternate meetings.

Ranma, however, all but knew it was. It somehow fit with the whole defeated Amazon deal: Lose a match, kill the winner. Have your life spared by the winner... She interrupted Nabiki’s progress with her growing consternation. “You brought her here, so you take her back.”

The ice queen blinked, her page turning stalling. “Back where?”

“Back to the hospital!” Ranma snapped, glancing down at the immobile girl at her feet. “Let them patch her up so she can stumble on back to China or somethin! I went through hell just to get rid of her, dammit!”

“We can’t,” Nabiki said, understanding the frustration of her sister’s maybe-maybe not fiance to a degree. She had been ringside for their fight, after all. Regardless, she sighed her own frustration. “Doctor Tofu helped her up the best he could without needing... substantiation for her. Legal substantiation.”

“And...?” Ranma pressed, unsure where the Tendo was going with her explanation.

“There’s no way she’s in the country legally, Saotome,” Nabiki returned edgily, trying to will her point into the martial artist. “You know it, I know it and if we send her back to a hospital, the authorities will eventually know it. And then they’ll ask how she got so badly injured. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be part of an international incident!”

“And I could give a--”

“Oh, she can stay here until she feels better,” Kasumi volunteered helpfully, prompting both Ranma and Nabiki to boggle at the eldest Tendo sister.

“This day just keeps getting better and better,” The martial artist groused to herself even as Soun finally saw fit to insert himself into the conversation.

“Now Kasumi -chan, we simply don’t have the room for another guest,” The Tendo patriarch tried to insert some manner of reason into her charitable offer.

The eldest sister merely smiled serenely. “She can sleep in the guest room with Ranma.”

Ranma all but choked on her own tongue with the suggestion. If there was a choice between sleeping in the same room with the snoring Panda or sleeping in the same room with her own personal Chinese Amazonian assassin, Ranma clearly knew which evil she would partake in. Ranma thus jabbed her thumb to the room in question. “And where’s my old man gonna sleep?”

“As a martial artist I’m sure he’s slept in a dojo on occasion,” Kasumi continued with that unwavering, and in Ranma’s opinion, increasingly creepy smile. “I’ll ensure he has the proper bedding for a good night’s rest.”

“Ah, Kasumi...” Soun raised his hand to interject but was summarily ignored.

“But... but...” Akane eyed her sister with a measure of concern. “Ranma’s a boy. And Shampoo... She’s... Isn’t that...?”

“...Perverted?” Ranma finished in a bland tone, rolling her eyes.

“Yes!” Akane shot back with a glare.

“Ranma looks like a girl to me, so I’m sure it’ll be fine.” All eyes snapped back to Kasumi with the simplistic rationalization as she departed the livingroom to acquire the requisite linen. They tracked the eldest until she paused, smile brightening. “And then we can see about your hair, Ranma-kun!”

With that she was gone, leaving the room in silence for a solid minute before anyone spoke. Soun finally mobilized, chasing after his eldest daughter but it was Ranma who spoke first, shaking her head while fingering her long hair. “Your sister is super scary.”

“You don’t know the half of it,” Nabiki agreed finally, then turned her attention back to the still kneeling Chinese girl. “We can’t leave her like that, however.”

Much as Ranma hated to admit it, Nabiki was probably right, so she returned her efforts to the subserviant Amazon, crouching down to her level. “Look, get up already. How about we help fix ya up and send you home, sound good?”

“Wǒ méiyǒu jiā,” Mandarin met Ranma’s ear once more, prompting her to cock an eyebrow. Finally Shampoo looked up for the first time since kneeling to stare up at Ranma. Japanese flow haltingly from her mouth. “Must stay.”

“Something about having no home,” Nabiki resumed her translation activities, flipping through the language book’s pages.

The redhead’s thoughts returned to her earlier conclusion concerning the Amazon code and she really didn’t like the hypothesis that was forming with Nabiki’s translation. Something about belonging to her and the part where she could she go home. Ranma put the theory to the test.

“Honor.... honor... Ah, ‘duìxiàn’ I think,” The martial artist picked through her limited chinese vocabulary. The accented mandarin earned Shampoo’s undivided attention as Ranma turned back to Nabiki. “What’s ‘debt’?”

Nabiki flipped through the red book’s pages until she found the entry. “Zhàiwù, I think.”

Ranma nodded and turned back to Shampoo, piecing the phrase together. “Duìxiàn zhàiwù?”

Shampoo blinked as her mind pieced together the mangled wreck of Mandarin, but the the intent was clear enough. She nodded. “Shi.”

“That doesn’t mean what I think it means, does it?” nabiki let the book close as she watched the girl nod yes and Ranma’s shoulders slump as a result.

“I’m thinkin’ it does,” Ranma returned with a hint of depression tinting her voice. “I seriously don’t need this crap.”

With her purpose in life now clearly defined for the redhead, Shampoo struggled to return to an upright stance, shakily re-acquiring her crutch with one hand to prop herself. Once she had stabilized, Shampoo directed a deferential nod toward the redhead.

“Nǐ de mìnglìng, qíngfù.”

The page turning began anew and after a couple minutes, nabiki hesitated, her eyes flicking back between the book and Ranma. After another moment she merely shrugged. “Well that’s convenient, I guess.”

“What?” Ranma eyed the middle Tendo warily.

“She said, ‘Your command, Mistress.’” Nabiki replied with slightest edge of humor. With that, she threw the book to Ranma who caught it on reflex. Nabiki pushed herself off the end of the couch. “All yours. Ask me to translate anything else and I’ll start charging for services rendered... Or bang my head against the wall, whichever comes first.”

Ranma eyes flicked between the Tendo and the book as she departed, finally settling on Shampoo herself. The girl stood, or rather leaned into the crutch with no intention fo going anyway until she so ordered it. the pair stared at one another for a solid minute before Akane stomped over, joining the Amazon’s side with a threatening look.

“Well I don’t care what Kasumi says, She’s not staying in with--” Akane was in the process of tugging on the chinese girl’s lavender silk sleeve to pull her away from the redhead when Shampoo jerked her arm back forcefully, favoring the youngest Tendo with a frosty countenance.

“No touch.” Shampoo menaced in barely comprehensible Japanese. Akane blinked and stepped back, slightly stunned by the rebuke from a fellow member of the same sex.

Akane stood in place before her reactions finally caught up to her thoughts, resulting in the feeling she had been slighted. “Just trying to help!”

“What else is new?” Ranma quipped acerbically as Akane retreated from the room. The Tendo sibling sent a glare back at her and stalked out, leaving Ranma and Shampoo alone in the room. The redhead gave Shampoo a long, searching look and sighed, flicking a particularly annoying strand of long red hair back over her shoulder. “What am I gonna do with you, anyway?”

The Chinese teen remained silent, pushing any hope that Ranma had for successfully removing Shampoo from her life all the more remote. ‘Like everything else in life,’ The martial artist through bitterly as she was forcibly reminded of the dragon whisker. Regardless, the Amazon was still a problem; especially in her current condition. A condition directly attributed to her actions. ‘Dammit,’ Ranma groused as she unwittingly assumed more and more responsibility for her welfare. “Fine, but I can’t just leave you like that.”

The Amazon merely waited expectantly for her to give an order, so Ranma finally broke down and gave her one, beckoning her to follow. “C’mon let’s go already. You’re gonna need rest. This way. Zūnxún.”

The mandarin focused Shampoos attention and she did indeed follow.... Or rather hobble behind Ranma until they encountered the guest room. She slid the door open and pointed inside. “Qíyú.”

Shampoo fixed the redhead with a searching, if not suspicious look but simply nodded. Ranma closed the door behind her and the last of her determination fled her body for the day. She slumped against the sealed guestroom door and let loose a sigh of relief.

Author's Notes so far...
 
Chinese; You’re going to have to give a pass on this one since google is the only Chinese I have access to. I’m quite sure my translations have issues, so unless you’re volunteering to help, complaints in this department will fall on deaf ears :P

Ranma!Mandarin; Ranma knows a little mandarin here and there. Timeframes aside, I can’t see him not learning at least a bit given how badly it blindsided him at jusenkyo. And funny how he is able to converse with the Dragon Whisker guy in the heart of China without need of a translator. I know I know... Simmer down, it’s just another one of these plot license things.

Amazons; Yep, taking license all day long here concerning Amazonian law too. This could break any number of ways, but consider how Cologne punished Shampoo for failing her initial mission in canon? Cologne had to know Shampoo had zero chance of winning when she smacked her down into Jusenkyo under the guise of training. If that’s the punishment for a ‘soft’ failure, what’s the punishment for getting defeated in death match and having your life spared? Could be anything, but I’m taking up the excommunication banner as you can see. I know it seems heavy handed right now but you’ll love it in the end, trust me. Or don't. You'll have a good time regardless.


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wolfhunter
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Wow. I didn't expect that. It just keeps piling up. Will Cologne come investigating why Shampoo hadn't returned from her husband hunt?

Edit: I think it was assumed that the whisker soup guy spoke Japanese. Anyway, I can see that he would pick up some Chinese while out there.
Edited by wolfhunter, Aug 16 2012, 02:57 PM.
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biigoh
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Shampoo wasn't on a husband hunt. Shampoo was on a Death Kiss seek and destroy quest. Very different.
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frice2000
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Quote:
 
Not every plot twist has to be layered in misdirection and secrecy

No but by the same token I shouldn't be able to easily guess that Kodachi is going to come back and ask for forgiveness very shortly either. It's too easy. At the least she should be more freaked out herself not to instantly go to regret there herself either. Ranma should be more willing to take it from her perspective too a bit since your Ranma is seeming pretty introspective. Maybe it's just how I am as a reader but even though I know what your end goal is sort of going to be I don't want it to be that much of a clear path. You've removed in a thousand words or less the two biggest barriers their friendship would've had. The curse, and Ranma's gender. Now we are left with some more barriers and obstacles yes but the two biggest ones are being settled probably too quickly.

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Oh, and a cookie.

What kind? I only like chocolate chip...Details damn it you're a writer :P!

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mental filing cabinet filled with the memories of shitty days past

Seems like Ranma doesn't let this kind of stuff beat her down...That said this was a nice balance between sadness and moving on and does seem to fit in pretty nicely. Still think he is usually a bit more upbeat then this on average though and would forcefully try to move on to less saddening thoughts quicker.

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stares that followed the long unruly red mane.

Surprised he didn't braid it up. He has enough experience with that I'd take it.

Quote:
 
Ranma to assume a more purposeful stride that took her to the nearest fence top to intersect with a shortcut across the canal to shave a good five minutes off her transit back to the dojo. The wall was negotiated with ease and a quick hop later she was over and walking across the courtyard’s grass, doorway in sight

Just a quick in general thing but maybe the hair should get in her way with rapid movements? Would be why you'd tie it down no?

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Well she can un-insist her way out the--”

Love what you're doing with Shampoo here. Does kind of make me question how their village survives if this kind of behavior is expected and happens this often but overall entertaining. I would slightly question Ranma not being a bit more forgiving considering her canon characterization but works. Do like how you showed snippets of what he would've done in the past. Also was surprised Akane didn't jump in here and be extremely angry at Ranma injuring someone so badly.

Quote:
 
Something about having no home,

You mentioned previously I believe in an authors note about Ranma likely being able to speak some Chinese. Seems like you should add some more evidence of that being the case to this conversation if you're still going with that. Seems a bit off in places if that is the case and then oddly more evident in others. So the flow is weird.

Nice addition. Thanks for sharing it.
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Ozzallos
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This Ranma has been getting piled on and has PMS. We'll save the bounce back for another day, likewise her forgiveness quota :)

The hair represents a massive stone around his neck, there's no love for it and no need to style it when priority number one is to hack it off. That said, no reason I can't have it get in the way of things like rapid movements.


And I still love that gif, Biigoh.
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Dumbledork
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Well, I didn't see that one coming. I don't think I've seen that particular idea being used before.
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biigoh
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Ozzallos
Aug 16 2012, 03:48 PM
And I still love that gif, Biigoh.
Thanks ^_^
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BF110C4
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Aug 15 2012, 03:23 AM
Ohh,
That has certainly throw a spanner in the works.
Makes for good reading. Lets see how much colder and frustrated Ranma can get.
T.L
Not to mention depressed. :(
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Waruiko
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eh lots of things seem to get fixed over canon by Ranma being a girl it would seem. Odd, but I do like where this is going.
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TerraBull
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I wonder how much the Hair might sell for, as a Whig. :p

OT question?

What qualifies as a Dragon's Whisker?

Herb's Hair?
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Drawde
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Look at any older pictures of Asian dragons. They often have a couple long feeler-like whiskers on their face.
Edited by Drawde, Aug 19 2012, 05:10 PM.
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