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| Tweet Topic Started: Jan 7 2007, 10:05 PM (500 Views) | |
| +Semi™ | Jan 7 2007, 06:49 PM Post #1 |
NoStarvAsianLax
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THE GRAND PRIZE WINNER During a Papal audience, a business man approached the Pope and made this offer: Change the last line of the Lord's prayer from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken." and KFC will donate 10 million dollars to Catholic charities. The Pope declined. 2 weeks later the man approached the Pope again. This time with a 50 million dollar offer. Again the Pope delcined. A month later the man offers 100 million, this time the Pope accepts. At a meeting of the Cardinals, The Pope announces his decision in the good news/bad news format. The good news is... that we have 100 million dollars for charities. The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account! Submitted by: Ron Milos on Thu Dec 14 10:46:54 PST 1995 THE SECOND BEST JOKE Hello, and welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid-delusional... Submitted by: Dirk Haueter on Sun Dec 3 20:36:35 PST 1995 THE THIRD BEST JOKE Why are seagulls called seagulls? Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be called bagels! Submitted by: Sue Ferguson on Fri Dec 15 16:49:56 PST 1995 THE FOURTH BEST JOKE How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? Answer: Only one, but the light bulb has to WANT to change. Submitted by: Josh Leonard on Thu Nov 16 16:49:06 PST 1995 THE FIFTH BEST JOKE There were two guys in the Army. One day one of the guys gets a letter from his mother and after reading it becomes very sad. His friend (the other guy) asked him what was wrong. The first guy responded by handing him the letter. So the second guy reads that his friends mother had written that the first guy's girlfriend was in bed with arthritus. "Well" The friend said to the first guy... "That's not so bad..." The first guy turns to him and says "Yea, That's what you think. I know those Ritous boys and Art is the worst one!" Submitted by: Buddy on Mon Dec 4 16:03:30 PST 1995 |
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| +Semi™ | Jan 7 2007, 06:52 PM Post #2 |
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NoStarvAsianLax
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THE SIXTH BEST JOKE If you pull the wings off of a fly, does it become a walk? Submitted by: David Charriere on Sun Dec 3 16:28:53 PST 1995 (Is someone keeping an eye on this kid?) THE SEVENTH BEST JOKE Three convicts escape from prison. They make it to a nearby town but are confonted by a policeman. "Hey, aren't you those three escaped convicts?", asked the policeman. Thinking on his feet the first convict looked around him and said "no, I'm Mark, Mark Spencer", "The second followed his lead and said "My names is William, W H Smith". The third said "My name is Ken.....TuckyFriedChicken" Submitted by: Laurence Hook funniest one imo THE EIGHTH BEST JOKE What did the zen-master say to the New York City hotdog vendor? Make me one with everything. Submitted by: P.J. Veber on Tue Nov 28 21:54:52 PST 1995 THE NINTH BEST JOKE President Clinton is out jogging, and he encounters a man with some puppies. Clinton asks the man what kind of puppies they are, and the man responds, "They're Democrat puppies, Mr. President." Clinton thinks that is so great that the next day he brings the first lady to see these puppies for herself. He asks the man to tell Hillary what kind of puppies they are, and the man responds, "They're Republican puppies." The president looks puzzled and says, "Yesterday, you told me they were Democrat puppies." The man smiles and says, "Yesterday, they were. But today, they have their eyes open!" Submitted by: Jenny Doman on Wed Nov 22 01:46:25 PST 1995 THE TENTH BEST JOKE Q. If you are an AMERICAN when you go into the bathroom and you are an AMERICAN when you come out of the bathroom....What are you WHILE you are in the bathroom? A. EUROPEAN... of course! Submitted by: Amie Alter |
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| _Elm0_ | Jan 7 2007, 06:53 PM Post #3 |
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Unregistered
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Wow u talk so long
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| +Semi™ | Jan 7 2007, 06:57 PM Post #4 |
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NoStarvAsianLax
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THE BEST ANIMAL JOKE Your dog's barking at the back door. Your wife's barking at the front. Who do you let in? Well, it's your call... but the dog'll stop barking when you let him in. Submitted by: PJV on Wed Dec 27 19:12:53 PST 1995 HE OLDEST JOKE: Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9 Submitted by: Richard Friedman on Sat Dec 30 19:11:48 PST 1995 THE OLDEST JOKE: Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9 Submitted by: Richard Friedman on Sat Dec 30 19:11:48 PST 1995 The following guy submitted his joke 11 times before he could get to the punch line... THE HARDEST WORKING JOKE: Okay, here goes... (Maybe we'll make it to the punch line this time!) One night, the Potato family sat down to dinner--Mother Potato and her three daughters. Midway through the meal, the eldest daughter spoke up. "Mother Potato?" she said. "I have an announcement to make." "And what might that be?" said Mother, seeing the obvious excitement in her eldest daughter's eyes. "Well," replied the daughter, with a proud but sheepish grin, "I'm getting married!" The other daughters squealed with surprise as Mother Potato exclaimed, "Married! That's wonderful! And who are you marrying, Eldest daughter?" "I'm marrying a Russet!" "A Russet!" replied Mother Potato with pride. "Oh, a Russet is a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!" As the family shared in the eldest daughter's joy, the middle daughter spoke up. "Mother? I, too, have an announcement." "And what might that be?" encouraged Mother Potato. Not knowing quite how to begin, the middle daughter paused, then said with conviction, "I, too, am getting married!" "You, too!" Mother Potato said with joy. "That's wonderful! Twice the good news in one evening! And who are you marrying, Middle Daughter?" "I'm marrying an Idaho!" beamed the middle daughter. "An Idaho!" said Mother Potato with joy. "Oh, an Idaho is a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!" Once again, the room came alive with laughter and excited plan for the future, when the youngest Potato daughter interrupted. "Mother? Mother Potato? Um, I, too, have an announcement to make." "Yes?" said Mother Potato with great anticipation. "Well," began t he youngest Potato daughter with the same sheepish grin as her eldest sister before her, "I hope this doesn't come as a shock to you, but I am getting married, as well!" "Really?" said Mother Potato with sincere excitement. "All of my lovely daughters married! What wonderful news! And who, pray tell, are you marrying, Youngest Daughter?" "I'm marrying Dan Rather!" "DAN RATHER?!" Mother Potato scowled suddenly. "But he's just a common tater!" Submitted by: Mark Salenitne on Sat Jan 13 12:59:07 PST 1996 (He was actually late getting it out for 1995 ... but we figured he was still typing...) THE GROSSEST JOKE: (That we found still respectable) What's the last thing to go through a bug's mind as it hits the windsheild?... His ass! Submitted by: Kelly Britt on Sat Dec 2 18:59:25 PST 1995 (Really Kelly thats not nice... poor bug!) MOST TOPICAL JOKE What did O.J. Simpson say after the trial? Can I have my gloves back now? Submitted by: Keenan L. Gordon on Thu Nov 30 13:10:15 PST 1995 BEST KIDS JOKE Q) Why were the little strawberries upset? A) Because their parents were in a jam! Submitted by: Scott Steeles on Wed Dec 6 07:56:42 PST 1995 THE BEST CHRISTMAS JOKE What's the name of the ninth reindeer? Olive as in "all of" the other reindeer. Submitted by: Sheldon Wawrykow on Wed Dec 27 09:12:17 PST 1995 BEST IDEA FOR A COOK BOOK Did you hear about the new chinese cookbook? 101 ways to WOK your dog! Submitted by: Adam Zeis on Wed Dec 6 16:33:44 PST 1995 THE DUMBEST JOKE What did a 1 year old baby said when he received his first birthday present? "Unco, Unco" (The sound that little baby make) Submitted by: Quincy Ma (Really Quinc does your baby make that sound? Maybe you should get that checked...) THE WORST JOKE A boy went into a chip shop and asked for cod and chips the proprietor asked the lad, "Do you want salt'n'vinegar on that?" to which the boy replied "No thanks I've got me bike outside!" Submitted by: NO NAME GIVEN (But we think they must be related to Quincy) THE WORST AND DUMBEST JOKE What's the difference between an orange? The horse because it doesn't have handle bars! Submitted by: David Matos on Tue Nov 28 21:44:39 PST 1995 (Well David there are places where you can get help... but first how many fingers do I have?) THE BEST ETHNIC JOKE A Jewish man walks into a bar and sits down. He has a few drinks, then he sees a chinese man and punches him in the face. "Owch!" the chinese man says. "What was that for?" "That was for Pearl Harbor," the Jewish man says. "But I'm Chinese!" "Chinese, Japanese, what's the difference?" And the jewish man sits back down. Then, the chinese man walks up to the Jewish man and punches him in the face. "Ouch!" the Jewish man says. "What was that for?" "That was for the Titanic," the chinese man says. "But that was an iceberg!" "Ice berg, Goldberg, what's the difference?" Submitted by: Emily Elizabeth Jones BEST "IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU" JOKE A man sits down at a resturant and looks at the menu. He tells the waiter "I think I will have the turtle soup". The waiter leaves, but the man changes his mind to pea soup. He yells to the waiter "Hold the turtle, make it pea" Submitted by: Laura Napolil THE BEST RIDDLE If "CON" is the opposite of "PRO", what is the oposite of PROGRESS? Submitted by: Mike Morris on Fri Nov 10 18:30:11 PST 1995 (I'm sure the president is close to getting this one figured out!) THE BEST HEADLINE JOKE Hear about the psychic midget who escaped from jail? Yeah the headlines in the newspaper read "SMALL MEDIUM AT LARGE". Submitted by: WILLIAM BISHOP THE SICKEST JOKE THE TOP THREE MOST PSYCHO PICK-UP LIES: 3) WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE FLAVOR OF WOOD; 2) I BET YOU'RE WONDERING WHY I HAVE NO NOSTRILS; 3) BABY, YOU STOLE MY HEART....THAT'S OK, I HAVE TWO IN THE FRIDGE AT HOME Submitted by: CHAZ LANDRY (Chaz, I really hope you live far far away...) THE BEST COMPUTER JOKE How many Windows support staff does it take to change a light bulb? Well, we have an exact copy of your bulb here, and it works fine. Did you check your CONFIG.SYS? Submitted by: (BILL GATES? Just kidding...) NO NAME GIVEN on Mon Nov 27 10:26:43 PST 1995 |
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| Gh3tt0_G0d | Jan 7 2007, 07:04 PM Post #5 |
Gh3tt0 G0d
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actually on the 10th joke i heard it this way. if your american in the living room and you have to go to the bathroom what are you in the hallway and bathroom a. in the hallway u are russian and in the bathroom european |
 
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| +Semi™ | Jan 7 2007, 07:26 PM Post #6 |
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NoStarvAsianLax
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1. If you and I were squirrels, could I bust a nut in your hole? 2. I'd like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag. 3. If it's true that we are what we eat, I could be you by morning! 4. How do you like your eggs: poached, scrambled, or fertilized? 5. I was about to go masturbate and I needed a name to go with your face. 6. You are so fine that I'd eat your shit just to see where it came from. 7. My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in. 8. Roses are red. Violets are blue. I like spaghetti. Let's go fuck. 9. Is that a keg in your pants? 'Cause I would love to tap that ass! 10. If your right leg was Thanksgiving, and your left leg was Christmas, could I meet you between the holidays? 11. You remind me of a championship bass, I don't know whether to mount you or eat you! 12. Your parents must be retarded, because you are special. 13. Could I touch your belly button . . . from the inside? 14. I'm not too good at algebra, but doesn't U+I = 69? 15. How about we play lion and lion tamer? You hold your mouth open, and I'll give you the meat. 16. Guy: "Would you like to dance?" Girl: "I don't care for this song and surely wouldn't dance with you." Guy: "I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants" 17. I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house. 18. Fuck me if I'm wrong, but is your name Yolanda? 19. I love every bone in your body - especially mine. 20. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away. 21. Hey baby, what's your sign? Caution, slippery when wet, dangerous curves ahead, yield? 22. I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this motel room. 23. Wanna play Pearl Harbor?....Its a game where I lay back while you blow the hell out of me. 24. Your body's name must be Visa, because it's everywhere I want to be. 25. Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money? 26. I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you. 27. That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too. 28. I'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it. 29. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a braille name tag. |
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| Sir Pker Wil | Jan 7 2007, 10:05 PM Post #7 |
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$ CA CHING $
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Chat: #cp_clan.officals Password (key): animeftw Was made by ours truly ibugppl. I want us all to use it whenever your on. If you have a concern of any sort that you don't want the member or other members seeing it tell the officials in this chat. This chat will also be used to discuss clan activities and what we want to do to help the clan become successful. For example; Wars, activity checks, upcomming events, discussing ideas, and if it comes time even promotions. I would like this chat to become a success and it will keep all of us (offcials) in complete sync and organised. /join #cp_clan.officals animeftw |
$Ca Ching$
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| Ibugppl|Xx-Ghjjf-xX | Jan 7 2007, 10:07 PM Post #8 |
Think Before You attack me
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you need to type /join #cp_clan.officals animeftw just like that |
  
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| K-e-n | Jan 7 2007, 10:13 PM Post #9 |
Going For 99 mage atm
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lmfao intense
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 Mitelar Dm's 3|3 -- Your Bound To Win Sooner Or Later 
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| pmp_drew6d9 | Jan 7 2007, 10:48 PM Post #10 |
Hobgoblin
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thanks guys for all the help of me getting there sounds like a really good idea |
  [size=7] R.I.P. Dos the greatest friend in the world~March 25,2007 the worst day in the world[/size] | |
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