| Welcome to Corrupt Pures. We hope you enjoy your visit. You're currently viewing our forum as a guest. This means you are limited to certain areas of the board and there are some features you can't use. If you join our community, you'll be able to access member-only sections, and use many member-only features such as customizing your profile, sending personal messages, and voting in polls. Registration is simple, fast, and completely free. Join our community! If you're already a member please log in to your account to access all of our features: |
| Council Read; No, you read now | |
|---|---|
| Tweet Topic Started: Nov 7 2006, 11:41 PM (1,514 Views) | |
| +Semi™ | Nov 7 2006, 09:16 PM Post #1 |
NoStarvAsianLax
  ![]](http://z1.ifrm.com/static/1/pip_r.png)
|
A ten year old public school boy was finding fifth grade math to be the challenge of his life. Science? A piece of cake. Geography? No big deal. Spelling? Ha! Give me a break...but MATH? It was devastating! To not only him, but his mom and dad, too! And not that they weren't doing everything and anything to help their son...Private tutors, peer assistance, CD-Roms, Textbooks, even HYPNOSIS! Nothing worked. Finally, at the insistence of a family friend, they decided to enroll their son in a private school. Not just ANY private school, but a Catholic school. Nuns. Weekly mass. The whole shootin' match. Well, the first day of school finally arrived, and dressed in his salt-and-pepper cords and white wool dress shirt and blue cardigan sweater, the youngster ventured out into the great unknown. His mother and father were convinced they were doing the right thing. They were both there waiting for their son when he returned home. And when he walked in with a stern, focused and very determined expression on his face, they hoped they had made the right choice. He walked right past them and went straight to his room - and quietly closed the door. For nearly two hours he toiled away in his room - with math books strewn about his desk and the surrounding floor. He only emerged long enough to eat, and after quickly cleaning his plate, he went straight back to his room, closed the door, and worked feverishly at his studies until bedtime. This pattern continued ceaselessly until it was time for the first quarter report card. After school, the boy walked into the home with his report card, unopened, in his hand. Without a word, he dropped the envelope on the family dinner table and went straight to his room. His parents were petrified. What lay inside the envelope? Success? Failure? DOOM?!? Patiently, cautiously the mother opened the letter, and to her amazement, she saw a bright red "A" under the subject, MATH. Overjoyed, she and her husband rushed into their son's room, thrilled at the remarkable progress of their young son! "Was it the nuns that did it?", the father asked. The boy only shook his head and said, "No." "Was it the one-on-one tutoring? The peer-mentoring?", asked the mother. Again, the boy shrugged, "No." "The textbooks? The teacher? The curriculum?", asked the father. "Nope," said the son. "It was all very clear to me from the very first day of Catholic school." "How so?", asked his mom. "When I walked into the lobby, and I saw that guy they'd nailed to the plus sign, I knew they meant business!" (these arent as funny as the others because they are new) |
<centeR>  
| |
 |
 
|
| +Semi™ | Nov 7 2006, 09:19 PM Post #2 |
|
NoStarvAsianLax
|
Dr. Schambaugh, of the University of Oklahoma School of Chemical Engineering, Final Exam question for May of 1997. Dr. Schambaugh is known for asking questions such as, "why do airplanes fly?" on his final exams. His one and only final exam question in May 1997 for his Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer II class was: "Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with proof." Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following: "First, We postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, then you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant. Two options exist: 1. If hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose. 2. If hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the quote given to me by Theresa Manyan during Freshman year, "that it will be a cold night in hell before I sleep with you" and take into account the fact that I still have NOT succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then Option 2 cannot be true...Thus, hell is exothermic." The student, Tim Graham, got the only A. (most of u have probably already read these) |
|
<centeR>
| |
|
|
|
| Gh3tt0_G0d | Nov 7 2006, 09:24 PM Post #3 |
Gh3tt0 G0d
|
wtf??? lol |
 
| |
|
|
|
| +Semi™ | Nov 7 2006, 09:25 PM Post #4 |
|
NoStarvAsianLax
|
lol |
|
<centeR>
| |
|
|
|
| +Semi™ | Nov 7 2006, 09:25 PM Post #5 |
|
NoStarvAsianLax
|
Perhaps difficult enough for adults to define, this question received some interesting responses from those of a younger generation... What Exactly Is Marriage? * Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don't have to give her back to her parents" -Eric, AGE 6 * "When somebody's been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl. He says to her, 'I'll take you for a whole life, or at least until we have kids and get divorced, but you got to do one particular thing for me.' Then she says yes, but she's wondering what the thing is and whether it's naughty or not. She can't wait to find out." -Anita, AGE 9 How Does a Person Decide Whom to marry? * "You flip a nickel, and heads means you stay with him and tails means you try the next one." -Kelly, AGE 9 * "My mother says to look for a man who is kind... That's what I'll do... I'll find somebody who's kinda tall and handsome." -Carolyn, AGE 8 Concerning the Proper Age to Get Married. * "Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife" -Bert, AGE 5 How Did Your Mom and Dad Meet? * "They were at a dance party at a friend's house. Then they went for a drive, but their car broke down...It was a good thing, because it gave them a chance to find out about their values." -Lottie, AGE 9 * "My father was doing some strange chores for my mother. They won't tell me what kind." -Jeremy, AGE 8 What Do Most People Do on a Date? * "On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." -Martin, AGE 10 * "Many daters just eat pork chops and french fries and talk about love." -Craig, AGE 9 When Is It Okay to Kiss Someone? * "You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding." -Allan, AGE 10 * "Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you ..If nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours." -Kally, AGE 9 The Great Debate: Is It Better to Be Single or Married? * "You should ask the people who read Cosmopolitan" -Kirsten, AGE 10 * "It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them" -Anita, AGE 9 * "It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble." -Will, AGE 7 (kinda stupid) |
|
<centeR>
| |
|
|
|
| +Semi™ | Nov 7 2006, 09:31 PM Post #6 |
|
NoStarvAsianLax
|
A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home." :lol: |
|
<centeR>
| |
|
|
|
| +Magerz | Nov 7 2006, 09:34 PM Post #7 |
|
ROFL |
|
|
|
| +Magerz | Nov 7 2006, 09:36 PM Post #8 |
|
HEhe.. but i find it offending because im catholic :angry: |
|
|
|
| +Magerz | Nov 7 2006, 09:36 PM Post #9 |
|
ROFL! |
|
|
|
| +Semi™ | Nov 7 2006, 09:37 PM Post #10 |
|
NoStarvAsianLax
|
im christian .. =P dosent mean ucant laugh about ur own religion |
|
<centeR>
| |
|
|
|
| 1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous) | |
| Go to Next Page | |
| « Previous Topic · Council Board · Next Topic » |
| Track Topic · E-mail Topic |
 12:05 PM Jul 13
|
