Jealousy

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Jealousy
Topic Started: Feb 29 2004, 01:23 AM (108 Views)
GrahamEaton	Feb 29 2004, 01:23 AM Post #1
Unregistered	Man! Why do I feel like such a drama queen lately? First it was the gender issues... now this. Grrr. Honestly, though, I have a great relationship with my girlfriend. We're very much in love, very committed to each other and very happy with our relationship. I trust her completely--I know she would never cheat on me. She is so against that and I know she would just never do it. I am not a jealous person, or really possessive of her or a control freak. As close as we are and as much as we love being together, we're cool spending time apart and all of that. But I am being torn apart by something so completely stupid.... the past. Let me back up a little bit. When we first started dating and when I first moved in with her, she was still in the apartment she used to share with her ex, since their lease had not expired. Her ex wasn't staying there anymore but she paid half of the rent and kept some of her possessions there. By the time I entered into my girlfriend's life, the two of them were more friends than anything else. They had been broken up for about six months and, according to my girlfriend, they stopped having sex long before the relationship ended. My girlfriend stressed that they were really just friends and were better as friends... but I had a hard time dealing with that. For the first few months in our relationship, we would occasionally socialize with her ex and they would speak on the phone and the like. This all drove me absolutely insane, because I was jealous of the attention her ex was still receiving and I absolutely despised her on top of it!! Since those first months--maybe two, three, tops--the communication between them has completely ceased. She hasn't spoken to her in over a year and a half. Problem is, I cannot let go of that. We have spoken about it before because I told her I felt like she still had feelings for her ex when we got together and that I hated being forced to continuously socialize with her. My girlfriend admitted that in the beginning, she was maybe still attached but that those feelings died as she fell in love with me for real, which led to her cutting off all communication with her ex. She has also assured me that her past girlfriends are not a threat to me or our relationship at all but it does little to assure me. I think part of the problem is that I never had a serious relationship before her, and she has been involved, seriously, with two other women who she was in love with at the time. I am jealous of the past, of memories, and I just can't let go of it! I picture her having sex with them, being intimate with them, telling them that she loves them... whatever. And I think of the cute things she does and the intimate things that only a lover would know and it drives me crazy to think that they have, well, been there and done that with her. And I obsess about it. Like, I wonder if she wishes she was still with her exes or if she fantasizes about them... even though she tells me she doesn't. So I guess there's obsessive jealousy in addition to a lil bit of hostility left over from the beginning, when I was forced to associate with her ex. So what do I do about this? I mean, like literally... it is driving me crazy... It's like, all I think about. And it's so stupid because she doesn't associate with them anymore or anything like that. Occasionally, she brings them up (or something that even so briefly includes them like, that just mentions that a certain ex was with her during something else......) and like, it just ruins my whole day and I just want to punch something. So I don't know how to handle those feelings...
Unregistered


Crystie	Feb 29 2004, 11:22 AM Post #2
Ginny, Identity Posts: 729 Group: Members Member #50 Joined: January 10, 2004	well its not exactly with a sexual relationship but...when you're out with a friend and all they talk about is their other friends, calling them, having good times, it really pisses me off. i mean its like ok, this is our time so stop talking about your other friends. im supposed to see my best friend from my old school next weekend and i mean i dont want to hear about her other friends i just wanna hear like how she is doin...who cares about the gossip and such? i dont. i mean i dont even know the new people in her school so i could care less. but i was in this one relationship with a guy that wouldnt stop telling me how great i was compared to his ex's and it really pissed me off and he kept giving me stuff cuz he was rich and that didnt matter to me and obviously he thought it did so i dumped him. i cant stand that...like when people tell you how great you are and then talk about their ex's...it just like ruins the moment. like in the middle of dinner....check please?
	"You are who you are, the only trick is not getting caught" -Clea DuVall Men are like parking spaces. All the good ones are taken and all the available ones are handicapped.


p3ngu	Mar 1 2004, 05:24 AM Post #3
TV Guest Star Posts: 76 Group: Members Member #49 Joined: January 10, 2004	Yo Babe, chill out. Do you think about your ex's? well there's your answer. (no I hope)
	[size=1]Penguins rock[/size]


iloveclea	Mar 1 2004, 08:07 AM Post #4
Georgina Tuskin, Girl, Interrupted Posts: 382 Group: Members Member #40 Joined: December 27, 2003	i think about my ex's because i'm still friends with a lot of them and somehow there is always a reference to something from our past when we were together. it's like we shared a connection that we can't ignore, but i don't think about being with them again. and i think my partner is the same way... she thinks about her ex's cuz she's still friends with them or still recovering from a bad relationship, but she doesn't think about getting back with them or being with them again.



GrahamEaton	Mar 2 2004, 12:03 AM Post #5
Unregistered	Quote: it's like we shared a connection that we can't ignore That's what gets me... right there. I just want that to go away. LOL. But I know that it can't.... and I know that there's always going to be something that triggers some sort of memory or there will always be a time when she brings them up because they were there or whatever.... I dunno. It still just gets me.
Unregistered


Crystie	Mar 2 2004, 04:49 PM Post #6
Ginny, Identity Posts: 729 Group: Members Member #50 Joined: January 10, 2004	p3ngu Mar 1 2004, 05:24 AM Yo Babe, chill out. Do you think about your ex's? well there's your answer. (no I hope) yea not particularly...the only ex that i have that i still talk to is my first boyfriend. but now hes got this girlfriend that if i talk to him she wants to kill me so i could probably say i dont talk to my ex's anymore. some of them did really bad things to me and then some of them we just never really talked...and then some of them are mad that i dumped them...oh welll hehe.
	"You are who you are, the only trick is not getting caught" -Clea DuVall Men are like parking spaces. All the good ones are taken and all the available ones are handicapped.


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