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Dear Resident Sexpert...
Topic Started: Feb 22 2004, 03:10 AM (103 Views)
iloveclea	Feb 22 2004, 03:10 AM Post #1
Georgina Tuskin, Girl, Interrupted Posts: 382 Group: Members Member #40 Joined: December 27, 2003	dear resident sexpert, hi there. i need your expert advice! ok, so there's this girl that i'm sleeping with. we've been friends for a while and neither one of us want a relationship right now, so we decided to just sleep together and not get involved in a relationship. ok, so anyway... several months ago, she broke up with her girlfriend of a really long time (more than 2 years). well apparently, my girl did a lot with her ex, so she's fairly well experienced in bed. and i guess i haven't been as experimental and now i feel like i'm lacking and i'm inadequate. when i talk to her about it, she just says that she has issues because she's not used to sleeping with anyone besides her ex and she doesn't want me to be anxious, upset, or nervous about it because it's not going to help anything. but i can't help feeling inadequate. and in my head, feeling inadequate = i suck in bed for her = she's not going to want to sleep with me anymore = big sad face cuz i like her a lot. i mean, i could be thinking totally irrationally because i'm drunk and emotional, but i was just wondering your opinion. am i being ridiculous for being upset about it when she said that she doesn't want me to worry about it at all? thanks in advance! ~ a huge slacker



Riley	Feb 23 2004, 10:43 PM Post #2
Sapientone Posts: 467 Group: Admin Member #1 Joined: November 22, 2003	I'm no expert or anything... but here is my take... If she's telling you to relax and not worry about it, then you MUST be doing something right. But, if you still really feel like you are inadequate, then ask her what she likes. Make it a fun learning experience. No one said learning had to be boring, and well... as they always say: "Practice makes perfect." I'm sure you're just fine, and being honest and open like that in ANY kind of relationship is always a sure bet. She'll learn as much from you as I'm sure you'll learn from her. Cheers!
	~Riley If looks could really kill... Then my profession would be staring. Stokley #83!! Go Colts! Bring back Inuyasha!!! ~ABK~


GrahamEaton	Feb 24 2004, 12:01 AM Post #3
Unregistered	Dear Slacker~ First, I must apologize for my seemingly slacker attitude as well... although I wasn't slacking, I was thinking. So I guess that's okay. Before I get into my advice, let me first say that The Sexpert is not a big fan of friendships with benefits because things always get messed up, even if both people think they can handle the benefits without complicating things. However, The Sexpert is not telling you not to take part in this relationship.... I'm just warning you a bit cuz I don't want to see you get hurt. I have the feeling there might be more involved here, since you are worried about messing things up because you like her. Just be careful. But onto your issues. No, you're not ridiculous for worrying or being upset about it. It's completely human nature. People worry about their performence, if their partner is enjoying themselves, if they're doing things the right way, if other people have done them to your partner better in the past... We can't help it. But... your partner has already told you that you're fine in bed and just to relax and that she's the one with the issues cuz she's not used to a new partner in bed. So what you need to do is relax, for real, and enjoy yourself. And focus on what you can do to increase her pleasure as well. One thing you have going in your favor is the fact that is just a friends with benefits thing and it's not a really in-love kind of relationship. This relationship is a great situation to use for your benefit, a time to experiment in bed and discover what you really like and, more importantly, what you can do to really get your partner going. Make sure to talk things over with your parner before you spring new stuff on her in bed... make sure she's comfortable with things as well. Challenge yourself by trying new things and spicing things up a bit.... bring in some silk scarves, feather ticklers, vibrators, nipple clamps, whatever suits your fancy. Or let her completely take control and teach you a few of her tricks. Or just ask her flat out what gets her going.... and don't let her tell you, make hershow you. There's so many options. But basically, just don't let it get you down. You obviously are good in bed or she wouldn't still be sleeping with you. If you get really hung up on it and obsessed and freaked out, then it is going to hinder your performance and she's not going to want to keep sleeping with you. So relax and enjoy yourself and enjoy her! Encouragingly, The Sexpert
Unregistered


iloveclea	Feb 25 2004, 01:21 AM Post #4
Georgina Tuskin, Girl, Interrupted Posts: 382 Group: Members Member #40 Joined: December 27, 2003	thanks so much graham, aka the best sexpert out there! since my posting, my friend and i have talked about it, and we're doing better now. she's going to show me what she's used to and i'm gonna show her my way. and we talked about the friends with benefits thing again and we both like each other a whole lot, but both our schedules are ridiculously insane and neither of us have time for a relationship right now. we also both got out of relationships relatively recently and we're not ready to be in a relationship again. but we're both really into each other and we're really excited to be together. in a way, it's kinda like we're together but without the girlfriend title because we're both scared to be in a relathionship again. i dunno... it's kinda hard to explain. but anyway, back to my point... thanks! things are great now and i feel much more secure and way less nervous. thanks so much! (ps - i'm gonna nominate you for international sexpert of the year!)



GrahamEaton	Feb 25 2004, 01:25 AM Post #5
Unregistered	Dear Slacker- Wow! I am so happy that things are working out for you and your friend! That's fantastic... Just enjoy yourselves, being together and being in to each others... titles are stupid and useless anyway. I'm really happy to hear that stuff is going so well!!! Thrilled, The Sexpert P.S. Now all the rest of you see that my advice is fantastico and that it really works!! (LOL) So write in and I will solve all your love and dating problems.....
Unregistered


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